I must never acquiesce

He had wanted to be strategic with it-- wait until the moment of most impact so that he could do everything in his power to make sure that wretched Vance did not stick around. He was less thna impressed, and if Lily was going to venture into something with someone, he at least hoped for someone of higher quality. So the moment, this quiet afternoon with not more to offer than a smidge of relaxation, was more than ideal to Severus. 

He opened his door slowly peeking his head out to catch sight of the back of Lily’s. 

“Lil, do you have a moment?” @liliumss​

If this guy is Lily’s roommate, she’s ruined chances of being with Lily…probably forever. He’d tell her everything that had transpired. He’d ruin Em for her. He’d ruin everything.

Emmeline dashes towards the flowers, pulling them from the glass so quickly she shatters it. Sighing, she pulls her wand back out again and repairs the glass on the floor.

“You. Don’t. Know. Anything. About. Me.” She tastes the words on her lips. What do they mean anymore? “You’re pathetic and sad. And you’ve ruined a perfectly good bouquet.”

She shuffles towards the door, heart pounding through her chest. “Go fuck yourself, Snivellus.”

“Pretty sure you’re the one who’s ruined it.”

 Now that she’s making her way out he tucks him wand away, crossing his arms as his face settles into its habitual scowl. 

He lets her leave, not putting up any sense of a fight. Emmeline’s thoughts are confusing, layered and complex and Severus finds in the moment he simply can’t bring himself to muster up the energy to sift through them. 

What he can bring himself to do is walk to the open door as she exits the apartment, bringing up a hand to wave. 

“Lovely chatting with you, Vance”

“Your name?” And then she remembers. “Snivellus. You’re that kid who…Lily roomed with you?”

Em begins to recall the list of things she remembered about this kid. “Lonely, pathetic, greasy, emo kid who sat at the end of the table by himself and muttered dark curses and swear words for nobody at all. Wondered if it was you or everyone else you were talking about.” She pauses, relishes her thinking, and continues. “You’re lucky Lils had the generosity to room with you. I’d leave you out on the street, myself.”

Snivellus. 

The name ignites something, a fury deep, low, searing and hot within him. Lily chose this woman? A specimen of glaring inferiority, who was trying to duel him by the looks of it. The urge to spit fire bubble in his throat and it takes alll shreds of preservation and love for Lily to swallow it. 

“Well then I consider myself lucky that you didn’t have the ability to look down from your high horse and see me-- how does it feel now? Skulking around the hallways in the middle of the afternoon, like a fucking rat who doesn’t want to be seen or exposed for who they truly are while most people are away at work. My oh my, Lily truly is a lucky one to find someone like you. Does your courtship come with a closet for her to step into?” He sneers at her, hating her arrogance and the fact that he fell for what was clearly intended as anger inducing bait. 

“The fact that you’re positioned to duel is pathetic, Vance. Drop your wand and scurry along.”

She pulls out her wand and aims, but has no other plan besides making him look like the asshole he is. Why can’t he just stay in his hidey hole and leave well enough alone? And why did Lily - pure, sweet Lily - have to room with someone as egotistical and repulsive as this guy?

“You don’t know the first fucking thing about me. Don’t pretend like you do.”

The gift and curse of his ability is to be able to see the wave building and cresting, though without knowing her as well he is suprised to see himself on the end of her wand. He draws his wand out lazily, more out of sensible precaution than any real fear of what she might do to him. 

After all, her position was far more precarious. 

“Emmeline Vance, Slytherin, a year above me in school-- clearly not a complete imbecile given the company you keep, Holyhead Harpies Seeker, though perhaps your peception is only incredibly adept on the pitch. Probaly thinking that I’m--  what? Egotistical and repulsive?” He uses his wand to send his tea back over to the table. 

“You’re not wrong. But then again you don’t know the first thing about me either.” He pauses, the corner of his lips turning into a sneer. 

“Do you even know my name?” 

Em waits for him to move, but he doesn’t focus on the flowers; his eyes remain on hers, as if his gaze halts her in her tracks. She could move; no curse bound her to her place, but she froze in response. 

Watching as he fingers the daisy petals, she wonders if he’ll find something there that isn’t there. She imagines him ruining what hasn’t begun. Her thoughts unmercifully migrate towards friendship destruction, towards the shame she worked so hard to swallow. The world she’d made coming undone.

“Well?”

He sighes, barely avoiding the rolling of his own eyes. 

“It’s not the item, it’s the action.” He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “And I don’t see how you would be able to poision Lily thorugh flowers unless you put a poisonous salve on the petals, and most of them have recognizable scents. Ingestable toxins have a far harder time making it through skin into the bloodstream, so if you did go that route you’d give her a headache and a sore throat at best.” 

Severus relishes in the staring game, her litany of thoughts proving to be a colorful commentary-- he always equated it to the sensation of watching someone through a two way mirror. 

“Well, what? Would you like to me say that I expected a more extravangent arrangement from someone of your fame and success?” 

“None of your business,” she says plainly, biting her lip. “She’ll know.”

She reaches for something else to say, something that would assure her that he heard what she’d said: it’s none of his business. But maybe his days of being a hermit in their tiny apartment make the man hungry for drama, and Em desperately doesn’t want to provide it.

Anything but that.

“Look, just leave them here, and she’ll find them and…it’s fine.” She begins to walk back towards the door when the sound of the creaky floor startles her. Embarrassed, she tries to pretend it was all part of the plan. “What does it matter to you anyways?”

He bites back the grin that threatens to overtake his entire face. Oh this is fun. The spikes of anxiety in her mind are direct results of his probing and he couldn’t be more delighted in the fae of discomfort. 

“It’s...fine?” He lets the word fall as flatly as she did, acknowledging the clumsiness of the exchange. 

Severus turns the mug once, twice, takes a sip and refuses to let himself wince at the ice cold black tea that fills his mouth and he swallows, loudly. 

“Well, Lily is my best friend and roommate, and an old Hogwarts chum comes knowcking once day to bring her flowers. If the roles were reversed would it matter to you?” He asks, eyebrows raising. Even if he wasn’t a bastard, the point is valid and he knows it. 

Em swallows the breath caught in her throat, pretending that “this is all fine, why should you be worried,” as she steps through the front door. She passes the roommate - whose name she cannot remember - and walks into their kitchen. She’s hit with the memory of soup, the last time she and Lily saw one another, and hides the grin that creeps up her cheeks.

“Should I just put these anywhere?” She hates that she didn’t bring a vase, forcing Lily to use one of her own cups, but this was so impromptu and out of character for Em that she hadn’t come prepared. Searching through the menagerie of kitchen supplies, used recently and dearly, she finds a tall water glass and fills it.

Em eyes Sev, leaning against the wall. She feels analyzed, undressed in some weird way, and her skin crawls with the thought of him thinking anything about her, watching her steps. She puts the flowers on the center of the dining table, rearranges them so they look the best from the front door, and steps away.

“Great. That’s…well, that’s all I came here to do, so…”

It’s mostly a game to Severus, watching Em move around their house as he remains stationary. His eyes follow her, noting the confidence in her hands as she finds a glass amid their managerie of things in their kitchen-- neat and tidy they would never be. 

Her body and her mind, like most people, move concurrently. Severus tracks the way in which she flips through emotions with intense scrutiny. Given their unfamiliarity with one another it comes in waves of mixed specificity. Stress, Fondness, Soup, Discomfort. The fourth is a familiar feeling, though the third very specific thought leaves him completely perplexed. 

He likes the idea that she’s squiriming in his presence-- it’s been so long since he’s been able to be around someone that wasn’t Regulus or Lily, and he missed being a bastard. 

Walking over to the couch he swoops down to pick up his mug, idly turning it in his hands. 

“So why does one bring daisies in the middle of the afternoon to an apartment she knows the recipient won’t be at?” He asks, biting his tongue before he could offer an implication. 

The unpleasant and certainly unintentional reminder that Regulus didn’t have a real plan for his life was there right in front of him. He knew he was lucky. Knew that he was lucky that the Ministry hadn’t chucked him into jail. There was the matter of the agreement. Five years, they had told him. Maybe they’d allow him to leave after a year or two if he was good, had no incidents whether it be within the department or not. Told him he was lucky that it wasn’t longer. He was focused enough to keep Severus from hearing exactly what he was thinking, but he supposed it was clear on his face what was going through his mind. 

“You and me both.” He finally said, finishing off his tea. It was probably the most honest thing he had said to other so far. He doesn’t tell him everything, being pitied by Severus Snape of all people was something he never wished to happen. “For now, I wait it out. Play nice with others, keep my nose clean so to speak. Still have a few things of theirs to clean out of my system, so that will be taking up some of my time.”

“Well then, there’s not too much more to it then, is there?” Severus placed his mug on the counter and hopped off, taking a couple of uncomfortable steps through his apartment. He fought the urge to feel sheepish about his initial outburst into the space, knowing that it was needed for his own piece of mind. But having gotten what he was looking for, Severus felt himself grow more awkward in the other man’s presence. “I suppose... since you’re alright and all of that that I should probably be going then. Don’t want to complicate what already seems quite sticky for you.” 

Lily laughs softly and nudges her shoulder against Sev’s. “You’re not that difficult to like. Just a little prickly. He recognizes a kindred spirit,” she teases. She watches in amazement as Oscar leans into the pets, a slow rumble coming from his throat. “He’s so precious…” Lily watches the exchange with a fond smile, heart already aching for the cat. 

Someone behind them clears their throat. Lily turns, seeing a plump man with a kind smile and a t-shirt that reads ‘STAFF’ in bold lettering. “Would you like to meet Oscar in one of the greeting rooms?” He offers. 

She turns her head back to her best friend. “That’s up to you.” Her answer is obvious enough, given her excited grin and eager demeanor. 

Severus raises his eyebrows knowingly in Lily’s direction but says nothing, 

He likes this cat. 

He looks back at the large gentleman and nods quickly, trying to not let his excitment leech into his expression. One moment with a cat did not a lifelong bond make.  Severus followed the man dutifully as he picked up the cat and led Lily and him to a small greeting room, a handful of toys scattered on the ground. 

“Here you both go-- I’ll give you a little bit to get more acqainted.” 

Severus stares at the cat, who stares back at him. 

“Lily, what do I do now?”

“Something like that, they say.”

Benjy wants to tell Severus about how he used to wank off to the thought of him, but that probably goes against the whole apologizing for being a tosser thing he’d just said. He groans and stretches his back, arching up so he leaves the mattress.

“God I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.” He mumbles sleepily. 

“But the way you’re beautiful is better…you can tell there’s something under the surface with you just by looking…you’re interesting…I dunno. Sleepy.”

He smiles at Sev lazily.

“Mind if I crash? You don’t even have to cuddle me.”

He used to wank to the thought of me?

Severus is.... oddly flattered, if not deeply confused. There is so much about Fenwick that he’s learning, and each new facet seems to reveal something more tangled and messy beneath it-- a bit of a head by Severus’s standards. 

There’s not a small amount of pity for the man, where Severus can see the pain that he’s gone through mirrored in him, though clearly different in how they’ve developed into adults. 

He leans back, taking the arm that’s not next to Benjy and propping it behind his head. 

Severus frowned into his teacup, draining it quickly. “Regulus,” He paused. As much as that might bring him short term amusement, the fact that Regulus stood before him completely unharmed was nothing short of dazzling luck. He couldn’t imagine a scenario in which Regulus got lucky twice. “Embarassing you is one thing, but I do actually hope to see you have a future on the other side of this agreement, and I don’t believe airing your dirty laundry will get you there.” 

1. WHAT HE FEARS

The moments ache within him, quiet until the least convenient moments-- a roar of a man’s voice, the shattering of glass, a small quiet corner of a dusty attic. The culmination of Severus’s childhood is pain and no agency, and even though he has clawed his way out of there, every so often he catches a glimpse of Tobias in his jawline, or the slope of his eyebrow and he remembers-- the fear of becoming is quite overwhelming when you’re genetically predisposed. 

2. WHAT HE WANTS

It is difficult to accept material comforts-- fabrics that are too soft are left by the wayside, drinks that are too sweet are abandoned on the counter. But Severus wants to want; there is a sweetness in life that he knows he is missing. 

3. WHAT HE’S WILLING TO DO TO GET IT.

Logically, the key to receiving is being open to get it in the first place. Severus understands this, and yet finds that he is unable to undo what he needs to in order to obtain what he desires. Despite his ability to understand thoughts and processes on a level beyond his peers, he cannot truly understand how to unravel himself. 

Benjy: 😳

Benjy: knew i'd wear you down. my charms are undegeatable.

Severus: you're ridiculous, you know that?

Severus: more like your charms are indigestible.

Narcissa nods and gives a contemplative hum as she swallows down another bite of the delicious breakfast. “I could see where that would get complicated. I hope it’s enjoyable while it lasts then. I still think that you should play for me sometime.” She gives Severus a sly smile. 

“Right?” She laughs and shakes her head. “I’m fond of him, but not fond enough to risk the entire trajectory of my career. Plus – I’d never be able to land another client if I gave up on Lucid. Rumors spread fast in this field and everyone who’s worth their two cents would know I dropped my clients as soon as a bigger opportunity seemed to come along. No, I don’t think so.” Narcissa shakes her head. “It was nice to see him though. It’s irritating but I find that I miss his stupid face when he goes too long without messaging me.” Her feelings for Lucius are endlessly complicated, somehow more complicated than what she feels for Severus. 

Narcissa raises a brow as Severus seems to be battling with the burrito. She nods as he holds his finger up, simply watching as he struggles then seems to defeat the burrito attempting to suffocate him. “Ah, I gathered as much from our meeting. I appreciate the words of advice though.” 

“This burrito is amazing, by the way. Best breakfast date I’ve had in awhile.” She gives him a teasing smile. 

Severus suddenly becomes enthralled with his food, unable to meet her eyes in a moment of unexpected shyness-- the idea of playing for Narcissa has his fingers cramping unexpectedly; he knows for certain that he’d flub every note if he tried. “Uh-er, perhaps someday.” 

He is glad though that she feels open enough with him to talk about her business candidly. It’s not something that Severus imagines he’d ever be able to stand, and yet Narcissa moves the chess pieces so elegantly, as if it’s no trouble at all. There’s an internal struggle of not sneering at the mere mention of Malfoy’s name, though that has as much to do with the man himself as it does with his unconventionalrelationship wish Narcissa; he tries to convince himelf that this much is true. “I never could understand the appeal, but then again you’re far more knowledgable about that world than I ever could be. Seems to me that you’ve gotten yourself to a good spot as far as clientele go. Better to work with the gossip rather than be it, I suppose anyway.” 

Date. Date. Date. Date.