Prickle Pear

Marvel

Bucky Barnes

Undisclosed by @pellucid-constellations

Beefy Lumberjack!Bucky with lots of good good angst and wholesome found family ish.

A World of Our Own by @shreddedparchment

Castaway AU. When I tell you I LOVE this fic. I’ve reread it probably over a dozen times. Reader and Bucky stranded on a deserted island just trying to survive.

Delicate Edges by @wkemeup

Biker!Bucky AU pretty short and it’s very cute. A bit angsty but not enough to make me want to punch my pillow. I love a florist x biker moment so this is good for that.

Love, Theoretically by @mypoisonedvine

Actually a Sebastian Stan AU which I don’t normally go for but I love this fic. A woman gets cheated on and moved to the Hungarian countryside and meets Sebastian the handyman (?Sort of?) who doesn’t speak any English. You’ll need a translator handy for this fic but it’s SO worth it.

Guiding Light by @wkemeup

Not an AU (honestly shocking for me) about the Avenger!reader getting kidnapped on a mission. Simple idea with soooo much angst and hurt/comfort to last you a lifetime. Really well written.

Sunrise by @wkemeup

Modern AU. WarVet!Bucky and Librarian!Reader. I love this story it makes my heart hurt in the best kind of way. Hermit Bucky meets his sunshine awwww.

Looped by @softlybarnes

Established relationship with Bucky. One shot (long one shot though). WONDERFULLY written. It’s about the reader getting stuck in a time loop and forgetting that she was ever in a relationship with Bucky. Angsty and fluffy.

Treacherous by @scrumptious-delusion

Outlaw!Bucky AU. I read this one over and over again. It’s soooo good. The perfect balance of spice and plot/fluff. Bucky is a famous outlaw and he shows up on reader’s farm looking for help. Amazing.

Heart and Soul by @all1e23

An ABO and AU fic. Bucky is a detective and meets his true mate (reader) who is going through with pressing charges against her past Alpha Brock who was abusive. Wonderful little story. Lots of detailed physical abuse situations so be wary if that is something that is triggering!

For the Love of the Game by @pellucid-constellations

CollegeAthlete!Bucky AU. Bucky is a baseball star and tbh I’ve been avoiding reading this one because it’s a college AU and normally I try to avoid those but I’m so glad I caved because this was SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOD. It’s everything you want in a short 7 (I think) part series. Angst, hurt, comfort, fluff, pining all that jazz. Love love love.

Steve Rogers

What a World by @onsunnyside

Tarzan!Steve mini series with some big beefy protective cutie energy. A fav.

Pseudo Princess by @shreddedparchment

I-. This is a LONG monster of a series and I LOVED IT. It’s a Royal AU which I also love. The reader is a peasant that is tasked with marrying King Steven of Broklin. Honestly incredible writing and the plot had me shocked in a couple of places. Some smut and dubcon so be aware of that before reading if that triggers you! LOVELY story. I can’t wait to reread it.

Top Gun Maverick

Jake “Hangman” Seresin

I and Love and You by @halfway-happyyy

So ok. This is a one shot and it fucking wrecked me emotionally. I cried three times during it and took multiple breaks. It’s angst pure and simple. Hangman breaks his girlfriend’s heart. I hate it I love it. I’m punching a pillow that’s all bye.

They All Know, He’s in Love with You by @rolycolysficrecs

One shot soo good. Some fluff some angst because of miscommunication (my favorite). He thinks they have been dating for months and she thinks they’re just fuck buddies. Wonderful!

Bad Habits by @seasonsbloom

Holy shit this mini series was so good. It’s three long long chapters and just wonderfully written. One of the best sex scenes I’ve read yet. It’s about Amelia’s tutor who’s pretty shy? Maybe not like shy shy but she just has a lot of anxiety about things which the author did a great job at depicting. Awesome ending. Angsty, miscommunications, fluff, soft hangman, happy ending I love it.

Outer Range

Rhett Abbott

Branded by @3tabbiesandalab

Sooo cute! A bit of smut which is always a good time. Anti-Maria fic. Reader is Maria’s sister that’s always been pushed aside. It’s written very well and has a second part (love)

Published Book Recs

A Court of Thorns and Roses Series by Sarah J. Maas

Honestly I don’t think this one needs and explanation or a summary. Masterpiece. (Also got me back into reading published books!)

Throne of Glass Series by Sarah J. Maas (our lord and savior)

Again, no words need to be spoken. If you’re unfamiliar with these two series just know that TOG is more action focused and ACOTAR is more romance focused, but both are Fantasy Romance Novels!

Icebreaker by Hannah Grace

Hockey Romance book that has some WONDERFULLY explicit smut. It feels pretty long but you really do get invested in the characters. It deals with some mature themes like eating disorders so readers beware.

A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair

It’s a Hades x Persephone book but like an AU not really a retelling. Persephone is a student studying journalism and wants to do an article on the elusive and mysterious club owner, Hades. Has on page smut (helll yeahhh) and honestly surprised me with how much I enjoyed it!

Book Lovers by Emily Henry

Forced proximity who. Not really smutty at all but what was there was pretty well written. An editor and I think a publisher (I honestly don’t remember) end up in the same small town. And they’re rivals! Gotta love a good ole enemies to lovers.

Currently Reading

fics that I love that are in progress

Bucky Barnes

Awake My Soul by @foreverindreamlandd

Zombie apocalypse AU. Only three chapters in so far but honestly sooooo good. I’m really excited to see where this fic goes.

Steve Rogers

Fools Rush In by @ronearoundblindly

It’s a huge series and right now I’m on The Dignity of His Choice which is where Steve fakes his death and doesn’t tell his wife (yikes.) Mega angst and I eat it up.

Bad Habits by @all1e23

A Biker!Steve AU motorcycle club fic that only has a few chapters but I am loving. We all know I’m a slut for a biker moment.

Jake “Hangman” Seresin

Sugar and Spice by @wombtotombx

Oooooooh it’s so good guys. The enemies to lovers slow burn is killing me. Only three chapters in so far but they are long and I am already just so invested. This is post Maverick mission which is cool, first time I’ve read a fic like that so far. Definitely recommend.

Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw

Grounded “Thunk” by @cherryblossom-enthusiast

Her eyes shot over to the wide open window, biting her lip considering the probability that she could sneak out of his arms to close the window. He was completely asleep right? A loud snore ripped through Azriel making a fond smile etch itself onto her face at the obvious answer. Yeah, he’s definitely asleep, she mused to herself. She gently grabbed his hand that was wrapped around her waist and, as slowly as she could, she lifted it and started to scoot away from his grasp.

Subconsciously detecting the movement, Azriel’s hold tightened on Ruby, tucking her even closer to his chest. Ruby froze and waited a few minutes until she heard the snoring start again giving her the confidence to try again. She lifted his arm and wiggled her way out, slipping out of bed to tiptoe her way over to the window. Without the protection of the covers or Azriel’s body heat, Ruby’s shivering increased tenfold. She reached up feeling the freezing top of the window pane pulling down slowly so as not to wake Azriel up. The window started squeaking as she pulled it down and her body tensed so she made the split second decision to pull it down the rest of the way quickly. 

Once it was shut, she let out a breath of relief and turned around to head back into bed, hopefully to fall back asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. When she returned back to bed, her eyes met Azriel’s opened and trained on her. A sheepish smile found its way onto her face “it was cold.” she said simply. Azriel’s lips formed into a thin line on his face, eyes darting back and forth between hers. “I’m sorry, I just-” he cut himself off, obviously hesitating to finish his thought. “What is it?” Ruby asked quietly, brows furrowed on her forehead. 

Azriel took a deep breath before pushing on. “When I was younger, I was kept in a basement. No light. No people. Nothing. Every day I felt like I was being buried alive because the darkness felt like it was pressing in on me.” Azriel’s eyes shuddered close at the feeling of Ruby’s hand finding its way into his hair, lightly scratching his scalp giving him the comfort and courage to keep on. “Before the shadows found me, I was terrified of being kept in the dark, terrified of being contained like that. I can’t believe all of these years it’s still affecting me but because of it I just… I can’t-” “You can’t sleep with the windows closed.” Ruby finished softly understanding dawning in her eyes. “I’m sorry my love.” Ruby could practically see the self loathing take over Azriel making her shake her head vehemently. “Don’t you dare apologize. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I just thought… I don’t know, maybe you liked the sounds of the outside or got warm at night?” Azriel chuckled softly. “I wish. Still it’s not fair on you to make you freeze or keep you up every night just because of my baggage.” Ruby tilted her head in contemplation. “Maybe not, but I think I can take that on. Plus, maybe you’ll just have to hold me extra close to keep me warm.” She lifted her eyebrows up and down suggestively. 

Azriel’s shoulders visibly lowered relieved, a smile drawing on his face before he pulled her in close. “I can do that” He nestles his head into her neck inhaling her scent deep into his lungs. Ruby’s eyes shut in contentment before shooting open in realization, “wait!” She pulled away from his grasp and quickly opened the window before trotting back into bed finding a soft expression on Azriel’s face. “You’re too good for me.” He whispered into her ear, tucking her back into her place in his arms. She shook her head, “You deserve all of the love in the world Az and I’m honored to be able to give it to you.” She kissed his strong jaw before they both fell into a deep sleep for the night.

“I promise whatever you wear, they will love it. And you.” He added raising from his spot resting his hands on the sides of her arms, he nudged her chin up with one crooked finger to look into his eyes. He could see a glimmer of insecurity and internally he laughed in disbelief, what could someone like her have to be insecure about, she was perfect in his eyes. “Come here.” He said gently as he brought her into his arms, she fit like a puzzle piece in his grasp, he tucked her head underneath his chin and he pressed a firm kiss to the top of her hair. “All you have to do is be yourself, my love. They will love you no matter what, because you are an incredible, wonderful, beautiful female.” He nods thoughtfully “Plus they know that I’ll break their knees if they don’t.” Her eyes shot up to his letting out a surprised laugh lightly hitting his arm. “Shut up, no you won’t.” She burrowed deeper into his comforting hold. 

Ruby let herself stay in his arms for another 30 seconds, she counted, before releasing her arms and letting her lips lightly brush along his jawline in a soft kiss. His entire body shuddered at the feeling, “If you keep going, I will cancel dinner and keep you locked away in here.” He ground out his body stiffening, some parts more than others. His dark eyes looked down on her as if to say, ‘your move.’ Her eyes widened considering his words carefully. 

They were in the early stages of their courtship, it felt like her body was a live wire constantly. She could feel his energy as he moved about the world, always aware of him. When he touched her, she could practically feel her brain tearing itself in half; she was anxious to see what he was going to do yet had never felt a comfort quite like being held by him. Everything was new and exciting, but it also felt like they had been together for hundreds of years. 

Ruby had found out quickly that when Azriel said something, he meant it. He wasn’t a male of many words, but he made them count when he did choose to speak. Ruby, on the other hand, was basically a never-ending stream of consciousness. You never had to guess what was on her mind or what she was feeling, she would tell you. Azriel loved that about her. As a male who only knew secrets and hurt, it was extremely refreshing to be with someone who offered themselves so openly. 

“As tempting as that is, I would really like to meet your friends.” Azriel groaned half-teasing half-serious. “They’re important to you,” she pressed nonplussed by his reaction. “I think I should meet the family that I’ll be tied to for all eternity don’t you think?” She nudged her chin at his chest, and he let a smile tug at the corners of his lips. Eternity with his family and his mate sounded like bliss, so wonderful he almost didn’t trust it. “Alright,” he acquiesced begrudgingly, leaning down closer, so his lips were lightly brushing the outer shell of her ear. “I suppose if you insist on going then I can just ravage you later.” He murmured softly letting a shadow trace around her clothed nipples which immediately responded firming to form sharp points. Ruby’s core tightened; they had been taking things slow. So. slow. 

She was the one who wanted to wait until they accepted the bond to go all the way but as she found out, there were plenty of ways that he could “ravage” her without even removing a single layer of clothing. ‘Those shadows were something else’ she thought before shaking her head at the thought. Her face felt hot under his darkened gaze and she had to practically force herself to take a step back from the gravity of Azriel that pulled her in time and time again. 

Ruby swallowed thickly, “I suppose I’ll have to wear something cute, so you have something to tear off later.” Azriel let out a dark chuckle, flexing his hands as if trying to reacquaint himself to the feeling of not having her in his arms. “No darling,” his voice had taken on an edge to it “I don’t intend to tear anything off. I’m a man not a boy, I plan to take my time with you. Unravel you bit by bit.” His voice was laced with dark promise. He could smell her arousal blossoming into the air, and he took a step toward her, half a second away from throwing her on the bed and having his way with her. 

Ruby’s eyes didn’t leave his as she gulped almost comically, nodding slowly. She skirted around him, leaving a wide berth between them. If she got any closer, she would be sucked in and they would never get out on time. She grabbed the first dress her hand touched and practically jogged to the bathroom to change. She normally didn’t have any qualms about changing in front of him, he had seen her in far less in far more compromising positions, but she had a feeling if she were to start taking off her clothes right now with him in the room, they wouldn’t see the light of day for a week or so. She pulled on the black knit sweater dress that she had grabbed and freshened up her makeup. Her body was buzzing from Azriel’s attentions and the anxiety that was becoming more pronounced the closer the dinner drew nearer. She had to redo her lipstick four times because her hand was slightly shaking, she didn’t even attempt to do her eyeliner. She could hardly get it right on an easy day but today was full of nerves, so she figured she’d save herself the agony. 

Azriel flew them to the Townhouse, once he set Ruby down on the terrace, he took her hand and guided it to the inside crook of his elbow. She ducked her head as her face got hot, following his lead through the French doors, her ears perking up at the sound of laughter and shushing. 

“I think that’s them!” a distinctly feminine voice sounded before a stunning blonde female appeared in the doorway wearing a gorgeous red silk gown that left little to the imagination. She looked incredible. Her face had a bright smile on it as she practically strutted up to the couple. “You must be Ruby.” Ruby nodded with a soft smile “Ruby, this is Morrigan.” Azriel says, gesturing to the female in front of them. “Oh please, it’s Mor. We have been so excited to meet you.” Mor grasped her in a tight hug “We’re going to be the best of friends, I can tell.” Ruby’s chest warmed at the welcoming, if all of his friends were like this then she clearly was worried about nothing. “Any friend of Azriel’s is a friend of mine, he speaks so highly of you all.” A scoff sounds from behind Mor and her gaze lands on a tall Illyrian with long hair, half tied up into a bun. 

“Azriel? Speaks? Sounds doubtful to me.” He teases striding forward rustling Azriel’s hair. Ruby’s lips quirk up at the obvious sign of familial teasing. Azriel playfully shoved his hand away and fixed his hair “Ruby, this would be Cassian-““General, teen heartthrob and the star of all of Azriel’s nightmares'' Cassian cut Azriel off shooting him a wink. “Ain’t that the truth” Azriel muttered underneath his breath to Ruby who let out a laugh. Cassian’s grin widened at the sight of Azriel smiling fondly down at her, they truly looked like a vision. “Come, let’s introduce you to everyone else, they’re already sitting down for dinner.” Mor said, grabbing Ruby’s hand dragging her away from Azriel. 

Ruby glanced back at him over her shoulder, eyes wide and he couldn’t help but let out a laugh at her expression, excited and terrified. Two hands clasped down on his shoulders from behind shaking him a bit back and forth. “You found her.” Cassian said gently, Azriel dragged his eyes from the view of Ruby walking away with Mor, absolutely entranced. “Yeah, I did.” He patted Cassian’s hands once before following after her like a puppy. 

Ruby was led into a grand dining room with five people sitting around a table. “Everyone, this is Ruby, Azriel’s mate.” Mor announced Ruby gave an awkward wave “Hi, it’s so nice to finally meet you guys.” A female with light brown hair approached first, giving her a hug. “Welcome! I’m Feyre and this is my mate Rhys.” She gestured to a male with violet eyes standing behind her sporting a well-tailored suit. “High Lady, High Lord it’s an honor to be here, thank you for inviting me into your home.” Ruby said, bowing her hair in respect. “Oh cauldron no,” Feyre started waving her hand and Cassian let out a loud laugh before Azriel hit him in the stomach.

“Please just call me Feyre.” “And I’m just Rhys.” Rhys stuck out his hand to shake, before Ruby could reach out to take it a low snarl sounded from behind Ruby. Rhys’ eyes flicked up and he rose a brow before coolly tucking his hand into his trouser pocket. “Apologies, I should have realized.” He nodded to Azriel and Ruby. Ruby felt a bit mortified, but it quickly faded away when she felt Azriel’s hand on the right of her waist, bringing her back into his front placing a quick kiss on her temple. She unconsciously leaned back into his hold watching as everyone moved around at Feyre’s suggestion to sit, she felt a prickling sensation on her neck and her eyes found a petite female with mousy brown hair staring bullets at her. 

She blinked and when she opened them the female was conversing with the female next to her and passing what looked like a vegetable mix of some sort. She must have imagined it, shaking her head of what she thought she saw. She took the seat that Azriel had pulled out and offered her. He sat next to her placing his hand on her thigh as if to remind himself that she really is there sitting next to him. She placed her hand on top of his rubbing her thumb over the dips of his scarred and calloused knuckles. One shadow snaked around her ankle in response, a comfort that Ruby had gotten used to.

“Oh Ruby, this is Nesta, Elain, and Amren. Nesta and Elain are my sisters and Amren is Rhys’ second.” Feyre said while sitting down in the chair that Rhys had pulled out for her. Ruby sent them a smile, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you guys.” Nesta nodded at her, narrowing her eyes as if she was trying to figure her out. Ruby felt a bit unnerved but didn’t let that sway her, Azriel had warned her on the way that Nesta was a bit cold. Elain’s gaze wasn’t even on Ruby, it was on Azriel, his attention however was squarely on Ruby almost… pointedly. Her eyebrows scrunched as her eyes bopped back and forth between the two. Clearly there was something going on here that she wasn’t made aware of, her eyes narrowed ever so slightly at Azriel, catching the glimmer of unease in his. She didn’t want to make a scene so she softened her expression and plastered an appeasing smile on her face.

The dinner continued quite pleasantly but Ruby couldn’t get rid of this nagging feeling that she was missing something that had to do with Elain. At first, it was subtle. Since Elain was sitting directly across from Ruby she tried to make conversation while Azriel was busy talking to Cassian who sat on the other side of him. “So, Azriel tells me that you’re a painter right?” Elain’s lips pursed in a tense condescending smile “That would be Feyre.” Ruby’s cheeks heat at the slight error, Elain waves it off “Don’t worry, you’re so new it will take you ages to get to know the family and fit in you know?” 

The comment rubs Ruby the wrong way, it felt a bit patronizing but she brushed it off thinking that maybe she was just reading into things. “Thanks, I’m not used to being around such a big family, it can be a bit intimidating.” Elain tilted her head and nodded slightly. “No family?” she asked, taking a sip of her wine. Ruby shook her head patting her lips with the napkin from her lap, “None that I talk to anymore.” Elain raises an eyebrow ever so slightly at the information. “Well Azriel certainly does love a charity case.” She mutters under her breath causing Ruby’s eyebrows to shoot to her forehead in surprise. The sinking feeling in her gut becomes more pronounced as she shoots her gaze to Azriel thinking that he’ll back her up. But he’s still so engrossed in a conversation with Cassian she was certain he didn’t hear a word. When she turned back to Elain she was already in another conversation with Nesta. She wanted to stand up for herself and for her relationship but she didn’t want to cause a scene, so she subtly rolled her shoulders trying to physically not let it bother her. But Elain’s comments didn’t sit right with her. 

Throughout the rest of the dinner, Ruby barely spoke. She responded when asked a question but didn’t try to start any more conversations with anyone but Azriel. She spoke softly to him but he could tell that something was off, a shadow caressed her cheek in concern but she patted his leg silently conveying that they would talk later. She struggled in her mind with what she would say to him later. Should she tell him the comments Elain made or just move past it? She didn’t want to cause a rift, she and Azriel had talked a bit about his past so she knew how much his friends, now family, meant to him. 

As she sat there watching them all interact she couldn’t help but ruminate on Elain’s words. She was very new and she didn’t know them all that well. Most of them, apart from Elain, seemed lovely and very welcoming. But the feeling of being outside of the jokes, outside of the familiarity was hard to ignore. Her insecurities were rearing their ugly heads telling her that she didn’t deserve to be there. 

Why would she?

She wasn’t anyone special. 

She didn’t deserve Azriel.

Did he just like her because he felt like he could save her or fix her?

No that was ridiculous, they were mates for crying out loud although they hadn’t accepted the bond yet.

Her thoughts buzzed around her head like a swarm of insects preparing to sting and cause maximum pain and discomfort. She glanced at Azriel and saw him letting out a small laugh shaking his head at some dumb joke Cassian told. Something about the Day Court being dramatic? She wasn’t mentally present enough to comprehend his story. She kept a smile on her face and nodded along when she thought she should but her mind was somewhere else completely. Everytime her eyes landed on Elain, she thought she caught the smallest smile on her face like she could actually see the insecurities swirling around in her head. She felt irritation, anger, sadness, discomfort, and embarrassment all swirling inside her. 

As the dinner ended and everyone began to stand up to leave for the night, Ruby grabbed a hold of Azriel’s hand allowing him to lead her back toward the balcony from which they entered. “Oh! I forgot my bag at the dining table, let me go grab it,I'll be right back.” she squeezed Azriel’s hand once swiftly maneuvering through everyone back into the dining room where she found herself alone with Elain who was holding her purse. Elain had a sugar sweet smile on her face that made Ruby’s teeth hurt just to look at it. “Thank you for grabbing my bag, I was just coming back for that.” Ruby reached out to grab it and Elain pulled it away at the last moment holding her gaze. 

Ruby’s eyes narrowed at the action and took a deep breath trying to find the patience. “Could I have my bag please?” Elain slowly handed Ruby her bag but didn’t let go, instead pulling Ruby closer so she could see the glimmer of malice she held in her eyes. “He’ll get sick of you, you know. He doesn’t trust the decisions the cauldron makes, he told me himself. He and I were going to run away together until you came along and he felt like he was obligated to make it work. He’ll see you for what you really are and come back to his senses. Come back to me.” Elain released her grip on the purse and her smile snapped back onto her face like it was rehearsed before turning on her heel leaving Ruby shaken, limply holding her bag at her side. Was what she said true? Or was she just fucking with her? That must be it. There was no way Azriel would have said those things or wanted that horrid woman. She would ask him and he would say no and that would be that. 

After her mini pep talk, she bolstered herself up enough to walk back out to the group. Her eyes met Azriel’s unable to keep the distress out of them from the interaction he was immediately alarmed. When she reached him, she held onto his arm seeking comfort and support. She might have leaned on him a bit too much because his body was wound tight and tense sensing her distress. “Thank you for having me, it was really lovely to finally meet you all.” She said to the group but mostly to Feyre and Rhysand. They all bid each other good night with promises to meet again soon. She felt a whoosh as Azriel swept her up into his arms and took off into the sky back toward home. 

She didn’t speak on the flight home, Ruby kept her face hidden in his neck trying to take deep breaths and remind herself that Azriel was her mate and he would never betray her. Once they landed Ruby went inside and walked calmly into the bedroom, Azriel following behind like a sad lost puppy. “Did-” Azriel’s voice cracks and he clears his throat to try again, his eyes tracking Ruby as she makes her way to the dresser to pull out some pajamas. “Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry if it was a bit overwhelming, everyone has been dying to meet you.” With her back turned to Azriel she took a deep breath. She knew it was bothering her a lot so she needed to address it but it didn’t make it any easier. 

“Elain told me that you don’t trust the cauldron’s decisions and that you are only with me because you felt obligated to try. Is that true?” She set down the pajama set that she had picked out on the top of the dresser spinning around to see the taken aback look on his face. “Is it true Azriel?” she pressed again to get an answer. “No! Well, I mean-” He started stuttering causing Ruby’s eyes to widen and her mouth to gape in shock. Azriel feels his heart is going to beat out of his chest with how hard and fast it’s beating in panic. That stupid comment coming back to haunt him. “Ruby, can we-” he clears his throat again “can we sit down for a second and talk about this. It sounds bad I know but please let me explain.” Ruby sees the desperation in his eyes and nods slowly taking a seat on the bed. 

He paces in front of her, his shadows darkening and buzzing around frantically like the physical embodiment of his inner panic. “Listen I did say something like that but that was before I met you.” He paused and knelt in front of her daring to put his hands on her knees, she accepted the comfort and placed her own on his asking the question that had been nagging at her since she met Elain. “Why would Elain say something like that? Obviously there’s something that you’re not telling me.” Azriel nods, hanging his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you because she doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.” 

Ruby nods slowly taking in the information. “I’m not upset that you have a history with someone Azriel, I just think that that was something you should have shared with me before meeting her. I mean I feel like I was totally unprepared and she said some really nasty things and I wish I would have known before going.” Azriel looked up sharply, his eyes darkening. “What did she say to you?” he gritted through clenched teeth. Ruby looked down fidgeting with her hands in her lap, feeling nervous all of a sudden. She didn’t want to get anyone in trouble or cause any sort of rift between Azriel and his family. And for better or worse, Elain was a part of that family. 

“She said that you would get sick of me and eventually go back to her. She said I was a charity case and more or less implied that I wasn’t good enough for you and I wouldn’t fit in with your family.” Ruby said softly, her insecurities present in her voice. Azriel was shaking his head before she had finished speaking. His scarred hands held hers tightly, trying to get her to look in his eyes. “My love, I’m so sorry she said those things to you. You don’t deserve them. Elain and I-'' Azriel took a deep breath “I thought that I loved her. I had this warped view that because there were three sisters and three brothers that we were meant to be together. But that was before I met you. You reset everything. I wasn’t in love with her, I loved the idea of her. I love you. You are everything to me Ruby and there is no way that you are not good enough for me, if anything it’s the other way around.” 

He pulled her closer as he began to wake placing a soft kiss on her head, practically shoving his nose into her hair to drown in the scent of her shampoo. “Mmm what time is it?” Ruby lightly rasped out, voice rough from disuse. “Who cares, I intend to stay right here all day.” Azriel replied as he gave her a small squeeze, running a thumb lightly along the small of her back. Ruby smiled softly letting her brain imagine spending all day in bed.

Shoot. She couldn’t spend all day in bed. Ruby’s eyes shot open and she sat up at breakneck speed. Azriel scrunched his brows and followed her up to a sitting position. “Is everything alright? Hey, wait where are you going?” He calls as Ruby jumps out of bed throwing on her dressing robe running into the bathroom.

“I’m sorry! I totally forgot I promised Cassian that I would meet with him today.” Ruby said her voice muddled from speaking with her toothbrush in her mouth. Azriel felt his stomach drop a bit, he had been looking forward to spending time with her today. Rhys had been piling more and more work on his plate and he promised he wouldn’t intervene today. “But wai-“ he tried to get out “I’m sorry I’m running terribly late I can’t believe I forgot, he’s going to kill me.”

Azriel took a deep breath as he watched her run around their bedroom putting on undergarments then picking up and smelling and pair of pants, making a face and putting it back down before repeating the process until she had found one that suited whatever clearly questionable requirements she had for clean laundry.

“I’ll be back later okay?” Ruby glanced up from pulling her shoes on her feet and saw the slightly lost look on Azriel’s face as he was still sitting upright in bed, mouth slightly ajar. She felt a kernel of guilt tighten in her stomach. “I can cancel if you want. I’m sorry I forgot to mention it, Cassian asked me to help him pick out an anniversary present for Nesta and you know him, he’s useless at that kind of stuff.”

Her eyes softened and she crawled back on the bed placing a soft kiss on Azriel’s sharp jawline that seemed clenched before immediately relaxing after feeling her soft lips on his face. “But if you want, I can absolutely cancel, and we can stay in bed and spend the day together?” He shook his head lightly, “no, it’s fine. You should go. Someone needs to stop him from buying her an engraved horse saddle.” He sighed “I’ll just miss you; will you be back later? Maybe we can make hot cocoa and read together?”

A fond smile came to Ruby’s lips at the idea. “That sounds lovely darling. I think I should be back just after lunch; I’ll see if we can stop by the bakery to get some of those pastries that you love.” She scooted off of the bed before leaning back in for one last kiss. Azriel wanted to make it count, his hand gently caressed her jaw and neck, thumb swiping back and forth along her cheek as he firmly planted a deep kiss that sent Ruby reeling. Azriel’s kisses were always filled with passion and love, they were like a drug to her, she could never get enough. Azriel was the first to pull away, a small smirk on his face seeing her eyes still shut spinning from his kiss. Still got it, he thought to himself smugly. “I love you.” She said softly before practically prancing out of the room, taking Azriel’s heart with her.

That was only the beginning, it seemed. Azriel noticed that Ruby seemed to be spending a lot of time with Cassian. Rationally he knew that nothing would ever happen between them, but his feelings didn’t seem to care much for rationality when Ruby was concerned. His anxiety rose higher and higher as the weeks passed on, holding it all in until one day, after coming home from a long and hard mission, he came to his breaking point.

Muscles aching from a mission, Azriel landed on the balcony of the Townhouse to see Rhys. Meetings with Rhys could take either five minutes or an hour and he had a feeling that this particular meeting was going to be on the longer side. He mentally groaned, his entire body was practically screaming at him to return to his home and wrap his arms around his warm, soft, loving mate. Ignoring the buzz that’s ever present when he thinks about Ruby, he steps off of the balcony and opens the glass door and is met with a rush of warm air and the comforting scent of his home and- is… is that his mate?

His pupils immediately dilated, and his pace picked up tenfold. He swiftly moved through the house following her unmistakable scent, his ears perking up at the sound of her laughter. His ears picked up a low rumble that distinctly did not sound like his mate. His hackles immediately rose as he rounded the corner to see Ruby and Cassian sitting side by side on the couch. He was operating on fumes and all his mind saw at that moment was the love of his life with a man that was not him and all. he. saw. was. red.

“What is this.” His voice cut through the warm atmosphere like his truth teller on a mission. Ruby’s eyes snapped up to meet his and lit up with excitement “Az!” Jumping up off of the couch to greet him. She took in his tight expression and lowered her arms that were barely raised to embrace him.

“What’s wrong?” She said cautiously taking a step toward him “Oh, not much. Just came here to debrief before going home after a very long day to see my faithful, loving mate. Only come to find her here with my brother.” Ruby’s eyebrows scrunched shocked while Cassian’s rose to his forehead “Azriel. You’re out of line.” Cassian said slowly rising from his seat on the couch with a confused expression on his face.

Cassian’s defense only served to anger Azriel even more. Obviously if he was being defensive that meant that something was going on. Ruby had been spending an obscene amount of time with Cassian, something more had to be going on. “Am I? Please, Cassian, tell me why you’re spending your night with my mate when you have your own to attend to? Or is she not enough for you anymore that you had to take what was mine as well.” Azriel practically spat out, his shadows lashing out from his body reacting to his heightened emotions.

Cassian’s eyes darkened at the slight against Nesta. “Don’t speak a word about my mate. She is and will always be enough for me. What is going on with you? This isn’t like you at all.” And he was right, the emotions that were roiling through Azriel didn’t feel like him at all. Usually, he would be ecstatic to see his mate and his brother getting along so well. When they first met, Ruby had some issues with feeling welcome into the inner circle. They were a tight nit group, and she was easily overwhelmed by the depth that each of them knew each other, it often felt like she would never find her place beyond being Azriel’s mate.

“Cass do you mind giving us the room for a minute?” Ruby said gently, not letting her eyes leave Azriel’s. Once the war general gave a tense nod and slipped through the doorway to give the couple some privacy, Ruby took another step toward Azriel. “Az,” Ruby said hesitantly “I promise nothing was going on, Cassian and I were just catching up. Why don’t you take a seat, and we can talk about whatever’s going through your head?” A wave of embarrassment flooded through Azriel, but he shrugged it off, choosing to shut down instead. “Unfortunately, I need to meet with Rhys to debrief. I’ll meet you at home.” Ruby’s eyes sharpened at his harsh tone. “Fine. But don’t come back until you figured out what the hell is going on with you and you’re ready to talk.” Azriel didn’t bother to acknowledge her as he strode out of the room headed for Rhys’ office.

Following the fight, Ruby went home and sat and waited for Azriel to come back. She reflected on their little spat and agonized over every word. What could she had said differently? It pained her that her mate was hurting and that he wouldn’t let her help. When he comes home, she thought, we’ll sit here and talk about whatever is going on with him and then we’ll move forward from there. That’s all we can do.

But minutes turned to hours and Ruby still sat on the couch. A debrief had never gone on this long before and Ruby was sure that he was probably just taking some time to cool off. She didn’t move from her spot on the couch as the day turned to night and somewhere in the late hours of the night, she fell asleep on the couch, still waiting.

A door shutting woke Ruby from her slumber, her neck aching with the pain of being held in the wrong position for too long. Ruby reached up, trying to rub the ache away her eyes locking onto the dark figure standing in the archway that leads to their living area. “Hi.” Azriel said hoarsely “What time is it?” Ruby said her gaze peering out of the window seeing the light peek through the linen curtains they had picked out together “Did you just get home?” Azriel nodded unable to meet her eyes. “W-Where have you been? Why didn’t you come home last night? I waited up all night for you.” Ruby said standing from her place on the couch, leaving the imprint of her body on the couch from hours of use.

“I stayed with Elain for the night.” Ruby’s heart sunk through the floor. It was no secret that there was bad blood between the two. Azriel and Elain had an attachment of sorts until Ruby came into the picture and Elain made it very clear that she was not a fan of Ruby. She was constantly spouting vitriol about Ruby while she was still new to the inner circle, never in ear shot of Azriel of course. Eventually, Ruby made her discomfort known to Azriel and he had put distance between himself and Elain. His interest in her had been waning for some time and when Ruby came into his life, he didn’t give the Archeron sister another thought. His heart and mind set on the kind and strong female that the cauldron had blessed him with.

“Why?” Ruby’s rasped through a tight throat, thick with emotion. “Did you- Azriel did you cheat on me?” Her eyes welled up with tears as she stared at him incredulously, a sharp pain shot through her chest at the idea.

“No, no. I would never do that to you Ruby. I just...” he paused dropping his gaze to the floor. “I wanted you to feel how it felt when I saw you with Cassian.” Now that the words had left his mouth, he wished he could take them back. He wished he could shove them into a box and never let them see the light of day again because the look on Ruby’s face, it was enough to make him want to take truth teller and shove it into his gut until he bled out at her feet.

“You- you went to Elain’s to get back at me?” she said hoping that her ears had been lying to her and she didn’t hear that her mate had done something so… so spiteful. She had been trying to hold them back but once the first tear came it was like opening the floodgates. Azriel took a step forward reaching out to brush them away and to comfort her but she matched his step, taking one backward, flinching away from his hand. “I think I need some space.” She stepped past the couch that she had been sitting at all night waiting for him to come home so they could make up, but he was with her.

Azriel lightly grabbed her wrist as she passed him intending to head quickly toward the stairs that led to their bedroom. “Ruby, please. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” Ruby jerked her arm out of his grasp spinning around on him. “Really? You weren’t thinking for the entire night? I find that incredibly hard to believe Azriel. Leave me alone.” She practically ran up the stairs and slammed the door shut, locking it swiftly. She practically collapses into sobs on their bed, her tears staining the pillows still made and fluffed from yesterday morning.

Azriel’s heart shattered into pieces as he tried the door handle, finding himself locked out of his bedroom, unable to console and comfort his mate who he betrayed. He felt like beyond an idiot. What was he thinking? Going to Elain of all people? After his meeting with Rhys, he felt his emotions pulling himself in a million directions. He ran into her in the kitchen, fully intending on going home to sort things out with his mate, she saw the look in his eyes and offered an ear and some tea. A dark part in Azriel thought well if his mate was going to talk to another male then he could talk to another female. A large part of his heart ached to be with Ruby, but mess of his feelings kept him seated. They sat there all night talking and the next thing he knew it was light outside marking the next day.

If he could turn back time, he would slit his own throat before sitting to tea with Elain. It would probably hurt less than he felt now, hearing his mate’s sobs through the locked door knowing there was nothing he could do to help. “Please, Ruby.” He croaked out after hours of sitting outside of the door. “I’m sorry. I… I was jealous and stupid, and I wanted to make you hurt like I was hurting. It’s felt like you’ve picked Cassian over me for weeks and I didn’t know how to talk to you about it. I’m so sorry my love, you deserve a better mate.” Her cries had softened to a sniffle and he heard a click of the door. It surprised Azriel who had been sitting on the ground, head hung low.

He shot up, the door opening to reveal Ruby with a red nose and puffy eyes, irritated from hours of crying. He didn’t think his heart could break any further, but he found himself wrong once again.

“I don’t deserve a better mate. I have the perfect mate, Azriel.” She said softly, his heart daring to lift an inch off of the ground of the pit that it found itself in at her words. “I deserved to be treated better though, yes.” He hung his head nodding solemnly. Ruby walked back to bed and crawled beneath the sheets. Azriel hesitated to get close to her, his eyes shone with tears unshed. The desperation to be close to her was palpable and Ruby granted him mercy lightly tapping on the bedspread next to her. He wasn’t going to question her as he kicked off his boots practically racing for the bed before she changed her mind. They lay side by side turned so they could see each other. Whenever they were in bed, they were always wrapped in each other’s arms so not being able to touch her was agony for Azriel.

“What happened Az? Why didn’t you talk to me about how you were feeling with me seeing Cassian?” She whispered, wrapping her arms around herself as a way to comfort herself from the conversation they were having. Azriel reached out to tuck a piece of hair that had fallen into her face before thinking better of it halfway and pulling it back away. Ruby gently grabbed his hand and led it back to her cheek. As upset as she was, she craved the comfort that only he could provide. He caressed the side of her face, his thumb gently stroking back and forth. She closed her eyes feeling the familiar sensation, relishing in the warmth and care he provided.

“I was embarrassed, I think. I know you would never cheat on me but whenever you left to see him it felt like you were choosing him over me. And then it felt like you were spending all of your time with him and I felt like I wasn’t enough for you. Like you had to seek happiness elsewhere with someone more worthy.” He whispered back the insecurities that had flooded his brain as of late. Ruby shook her head vehemently, “I’m sorry you were feeling like that Az, I had no idea. Why do you keep saying that you aren’t worthy? You are.” She pressed not breaking eye contact with him as if to hammer home her reassurance. He didn’t deserve his kind mate. He should be reassuring her and here he was blubbering about his insecurities. “I don’t know. You are this ball of light and bring so much warmth into my life and what do I bring you? Baggage and pain.” He held his breath as he dared to whisper his deepest thoughts. As if, if he spoke them too loudly, she would realize his words to be truth and would up and leave. But she didn’t. She just shook her head sadly.

“I wish you saw yourself the way I saw you. You are strong, you’re a loyal friend,” he flinched, he wasn’t being very loyal when he went to Elain, Ruby gave him a knowing look. “We’ll get there. You are the best person I know Az. I wish you gave yourself the benefit of the doubt.” Ruby gave a moment of pause watching Azriel shake his head in disagreement “Do you think that I am a good person?” He nodded, “of course. The absolute best.” “Then why would my mate be someone terrible? Wouldn’t it make sense for the one that my soul is bound to by the cauldron to be just as good?” Azriel pondered, he had never thought about it that way before.

Ruby nodded to herself before taking a deep breath “So. Tell me about Elain.” Azriel shut his eyes. “Gods I’m such an idiot. I’m so sorry my love. I promise that nothing happened, I was fired up after the meeting and she and I just talked. I acted despicably and if I could do it all over again, I would come straight home. Words-“ His voice cracked and he cleared his throat “words cannot express how awful I feel about it. If you want me to never speak to her again I will, just say the word. Please don’t leave me. Please. I’ll do anything.” He had never begged before, but he wasn’t above getting down on his knees for this female that ruled his world.

After she met her mate Azriel who had come in one day to order a cake for Cassian’s birthday, things moved very quickly. Very quickly. Within two weeks of courting, she offered him an entire double chocolate mousse cake with homemade ice cream on the side. Perhaps they should have gotten to know each other a bit more but he was just so perfect, and he was her mate for mother’s sake. How could she not accept?

Unfortunately, this did mean that they were still getting to know each other after the initial mating frenzy had settled down. So, in efforts of becoming better acquainted Aurora would meet Azriel every morning after his morning training with Cassian with some assortment of baked goods. She would be late at this point if she didn’t get this blasted pie in the oven before the morning rush started. After mixing the chopped apples with the cinnamon sugar mixture she carefully poured it into a prepped pie dish. She grabbed the bowl of premade sugar crumbles that goes on top and finished the pie off with a flourish of her wrist resulting in her missing the dish completely. An internal shrug to herself as she popped the pie in the oven setting a timer before quickly cleaning her area and peeking her head out of the back so that she was in ear shot of her teenaged employee, Noah, who was manning the register that morning. “Noah!” Noah’s head lazily tipped over from resting on her hand being the only indicator that she was listening. “I’m going to head out to go get dressed, I’ll be back in a while to get the pie that’s in the oven van you make sure to take it out when the timer goes off?” Noah stuck her hand in the air with a thumb up which made Aurora roll her eyes.

Noah was the niece of a close friend who needed some help with responsibility and Aurora, like always, was more than happy to lend a helping hand. Although she had a less than sunny disposition, she seemed to do well with the structure that Aurora had given her at the bakery. She had been working there for several months so Aurora knew she could trust her to run it by herself until the midday workers came in to relieve her. Aurora whipped off her apron and hung it on the rack next to the door to the kitchen before heading home to get dressed into something nicer than her baking outfit of leggings and a baggy shirt with flour and holes scattered around it. Her nerves were picking up the closer she got to seeing her mate, she knew his hair would be wet from being freshly washed after his training session with Cassian and he would smell like soap. She was practically buzzing with excitement; she hadn’t seen him in a couple of days due to him being off on a mission in the Hewn City and it was killing her being without him even for that short period of time.

Azriel was never a glutton for food but after being mated to a baker for a few months he discovered a hungry he never knew existed. Perhaps it was just a hunger for the beautiful baker who gave him the treats daily, he mused silently while unwrapping his hands from the training session. Cassian was on the mat next to him stretching his arms, both males shirtless and glistening from the hard work out. Cassian glanced up from the ground and his eyes flickered down to Azriel’s stomach and he smirked slightly. “Rory’s got you pretty whipped huh?” “Don’t call her that.” Azriel says instinctively before glancing down in confusion “What makes you say that?” Cassian changed arms with a nonchalant shrug that made Azriel uncomfortable “It’s just… are you sure you’ll be able to keep up with all of the garbage she’s been feeding you? I mean I don’t want to be rude or anything, I’m just concerned that you gaining weight will get you hurt on the battlefield ya know? Just trying to look out for you.” Cassian tossed casually like he wasn’t opening up an insecurity that Azriel had been struggling with lately. “I mean… it’s not like I’ve gained that much weight” Azriel said shifting slightly when Cassian snorted softly. “Hey man it’s none of my business but soon you’ll have as thick of thighs as your mate and I don’t know how much use you’ll be then.”

Fury burned through Azriel like nothing he had ever felt before. His fist connected with Cassian’s cheekbone before he even knew what was happening, operating purely on instinct. “Keep my mate out of your fucking mouth.” He spat as he landed blow after blow on the male. The commotion had roused the attention of Rhys who was doing his own workout across the room. Azriel felt hands and dark magic pulling him off of Cassian, his shadows frantically buzzing around him in a rage. “What the hell is going on here?” Rhys said in between the two looking back and forth between them. “Ask him.” Azriel spat before disappearing into the shadows into his bedchambers.

Gazing at himself in the mirror his washroom, Azriel couldn’t help but gaze at parts of his body. He was still fit but he could feel his stomach wasn’t as tight as it once was, and shame burned through him. How could he be of any use if he wasn’t in perfect fighting shape. Would Rory stop loving him if he gained weight? Would she stop loving him if he lost his position because he couldn’t keep up? Would she find someone more suitable? Someone like Cassian? No, his brain insisted. There was no way she would leave him for Cassian, she didn’t really like Cassian, said he just felt off to her. But someone else, someone more competent, surer of themselves if anything else. A rogue anger burnt through him at himself for accepting all of those treats that Rory made him. He would stop eating them and only eat at mealtimes and even then, only healthy foods. Azriel tore himself away from the mirror unable to continue looking at himself any longer. He still needed to shower before meeting up with Rory underneath their tree that sat on a hill overlooking the Sidra.

When he got there his shadows immediately seeked out Rory, gliding up and down her body as if to reassure themselves that she was there. She was already sitting on a blanket that she had set up before he got there. Feeling the coolness of his shadows breeze over her summer dress she giggled at the ticklish feeling before looking behind where she knew her mate would be standing. Azriel’s eyes took in the dishes that she had set out and the bright smile that shone on her face directed at him. Azriel’s anger settled until he saw what she held in her hands. A freshly baked apple pie with steam still dancing out of it. His favorite. It’s like she knew his decision to stop eating sweets and came with a heavy hitter. Suddenly, his anger had a new target. “Are you kidding me?” He nearly spat out. Aurora’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion and she reared back at his tone of voice. “Wh-what’s wrong?” She glanced down at the pie, “you do like apple pie, right? I could have sworn that it was your favorite.” Azriel’s eyes darkened with her words. “Are you doing this on purpose? Trying to fatten me up so I won’t be able to leave on missions again?” Shock shot through Aurora like a punch to the gut and she froze not understanding what was going on, her mouth opening and closing gaping like a fish. “I- I’m sorr-“ she started before Azriel cut her off “Don’t be sorry just stop trying to constantly shove food in my mouth, I’m your mate not a fucking charity case.” Each word felt wrong coming out of his mouth but it’s like he couldn’t stop even when he felt the overwhelming confusion and hurt being sent down the bond. It was silent for a bit, both processing what Azriel had said.

 A sound cut through the silence cutting Azriel down to two inches tall, Aurora’s soft sob. Pain laced through his bones at the knowledge that he was the one to put the tears on her cheeks and he made to move closer to her. “Rory…” She quickly wiped the tears from her face and stood up leaving the pie by her feet, facing him dead on with a finger to his chest. “I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you, but you will not speak to me that way. I deserve to be treated with more respect than that. I know we don’t know each other that well yet but I really hope this was just a bad day because I will not live with a man who makes me feel this way Azriel. I won’t do it.” Tears still steadily rolled down her cheeks as she spoke shakily, but she ignored them and continued on, “So sit down and tell me what is really going on because I know that it’s not my fucking pie” she threw the expletive back into his face. Guilt rushed through Azriel as he quietly sat down on the blanket, his shadows had covered him in defense to shield him from the vulnerability of having to explain what happened this morning. Aurora sat waiting expectantly for an explanation and Azriel couldn’t help but glance down at the pie which sat far from forgotten between them before beginning to explain what had transpired this morning.

ACOTAR

Azriel

Late For Dinner - ⛈️💕

Baked With Love -⛈️💕

All I Want (request)- ⛈️💕

What Do You Want (request) (prequel to All I Want) - ⛈️💕

She met Azriel months ago while she was on a date with a male at a small coffee shop around the corner from her home. Her date was droning on and on about himself not bothering to notice that he had yet to ask her anything about herself. She knew she would not be going out with him again as she watched the dark sweet liquid in her drink swirl around in her mug. Having rarely gone out with males she was incredibly disappointed with the outcome of the date that her friend had set her up on. After one too many failed relationships this date was the first after a very long break from males. A name cut through the white noise of the coffee shop- her name.

“Louella? Louella? Hello?” Crap. It was her date. Her eyes locked onto his as she zoned back into the present to see his face contorted with his eyebrows scrunched together and a slight frown on his small pale lips. “Have you even been listening to a word I was saying?” No. “Yes of course, sorry I must have zoned out.” Lou lightly laughed to ease some tension “It’s just been one of those days I suppose.” “Well as I was saying…” her date that she couldn’t even be bothered to remember the name of continued to drag on about whatever he had been talking about.

A soft jingle caught Lou’s attention and she glanced to see a tall dark figure enter the coffee shop. Lou briefly analyzed his figure from the shoes up not thinking much of it. Dark laced boots, black form fitting trousers with a dark shirt partially tucked in the front. What really caught her attention were the dark wings that were attached to this male with the impressive figure. Behind broad shoulders were thin, membrane like wings that blocked out all of the sunlight streaming into the café. Her eyes trailed up his figure until they hit his face and she let out a small intake of breath that caught his attention snapping his gaze over to hers.

A feeling of warmth and wholeness extended from her chest reaching out to the male. Mate. She couldn’t draw her eyes away from the male, locked in a staring battle with one of the most dangerous men in all of Prythian. The night court shadowsinger. She couldn’t tell what he was feeling, his face betraying nothing but his eyes on hers felt so intense she knew he felt it too. A hand on her arm had her eyes clipping back to her date. “Are you okay?” A low snarl could be heard from directly behind her and she froze not daring to look behind her.

“Remove your hand or I will remove it for you.” A deep voice graveled out. Her date looked shocked with wide eyes staring up at the shadowsinger. The smell of his fear and faint scent of urine hit her nose as her date shot out of his seat with his hands up practically running for the door stuttering out an apology. Louella couldn’t help but let her mouth gape open as she looked up at the shadowsinger who looked even larger than life standing above her gazing down at her. The coffee shop had gone silent as all eyes were on them. Embarrassment burned through Louella as she stood toe to toe with him.

The magnetism that connected Lou to the shadowsinger was tangible. Her entire body urging her closer to his, eager to be wrapped up in his embrace. Her mind, however, felt differently. Her eyes narrowed at the male and she saw him swallow, the only indicator of his nerves. “Don’t you at least want to know my name before you chase off my date?” She said through clenched teeth. The shadowsinger clenched his hand in a nervous tick unsure of how to proceed. The moment he had been waiting for his entire life was finally here and he was frozen. Stuck in his head as his eyes stayed glued to the most beautiful female he had ever laid eyes on. And she was his. His shadows swarmed around him and one errant one was circling the ankle of his mate. His mate. Who was glaring at him? By cauldron she was beautiful when she was mad. It made a grin tug up the right side of his mouth and he watched her gaze soften a fraction.

“Hi” he ground out the lump in his throat the size of his fist. Lou’s mouth twitched and she felt her entire body clench in anticipation. “Hi.” She said softer than before watching his lips slide into an unsure soft smile. She glanced away with a warm tight feeling in her chest making her jittery.

“Louella.” She stuck out her hand “you can call me Lou though if you’d like.” His eyes softened, his shadows practically singing with joy over the sound of their mate’s voice. He slid his hand into her, engulfing hers completely. She seemed so small compared to him and a small fear shot through him that he would hurt her. No. He pressed mentally; he would never dream of hurting her. “Azriel,” he replied finally. Her heart skipped a beat at the warmth emanating from his hand into hers letting it warm her from her hand to the rest of her body. He glanced down at their hands shaking up and down for much longer than necessary and he couldn’t help his grin, he couldn’t wait for the rest of his life with this beautiful creature.

After their initial introduction, Lou and Azriel took things slow as per Lou’s request. She didn't want to jump into being mated before she was ready or before they got to know each other. They spent countless hours on dates and spending time at each other’s houses. Sleeping over but never going past heavy petting. Wanting to save their first time for when they accept the mating bond. Azriel would have completed the mating bond the moment they met; Lou knew this. But he was gracious enough to not bring it up often so as to not make her feel uncomfortable. But it was always on her mind and she had recently come to the conclusion that she was ready.

She knew that the mating frenzy would take up a lot of their time, so she made sure to prepare things around the home. The dishes were washed, extra food from the market was stored and put away, all of the extra sheets were washed dried and folded nearby just in case things got messy. Lou blushed at the thought, she had been with a few males before but none of them were her mate. She wanted everything to be perfect and was feeling a bit of pressure as time ticked on and it was getting closer to the time that Azriel said he would come home for dinner. Today marked their sixth month since meeting and courting and she hadn’t been able to see her mate all day. He vanished early in the morning murmuring something about Rhys needing him to take care of a camp before he rushed off promising to be back for dinner at 6:00. Time was ticking faster and faster and Lou rushed to set all of Azriel’s favorite foods out on the table making sure everything looked perfect. Another glance at the clock told her he would be back in twenty minutes and she let out a sound of excitement before calming herself. She glanced down at herself and found trails of various powders and the clinging scent of cleaning products. Setting down her oven mitt and taking off her apron she rushed to the washroom to take the worlds’ fastest shower and put on an outfit that she had been saving for this exact occasion. A deep blue that complimented her olive skin wonderfully, wrapped around her bust snugly before flaring out into a knee-length skirt that seemed to flow like reeds in the wind when she walked.

She painted her eyes and lips lightly then strapped her kitten heels on that she knew drove Azriel crazy. Carefully walking downstairs, she looked at the clock and saw that it was nearly 6:00. Azriel should be home any minute. She sat down at the dining table and lit the last candle that she had set out to make the scene even more romantic. Her hands were buzzing with nerves and excitement, her leg bouncing up and down from all of the energy in her body. Her gaze remained trained on the door waiting for her mate to come through the door.

“He’s just running late” She reassured herself after one hour had past and she remained glued to her seat.

“Maybe Rhys held him up with something,” she said after hour two; the food long gone cold.

“Maybe he got hurt,” she worried glancing as the clock struck four hours past. But she dismissed this immediately because she knew Rhys would inform her if anything were to ever happen to him.

“He forgot.” She said softly resigned after six hours. Waves of disappointment and sadness washed over her as she still sat in her chair at the table shrouded in darkness. Tears rolling down her face unperturbed, numbness and exhaustion taken over her body. She heard a jostling of keys and a soft “shit” followed by a thud against the front door. After a few moments, the door swung open and an obviously inebriated Azriel stumbled in. Having yet to notice her, he takes off one shoe at a time nearly falling over after attempting on one foot. He shucked off his jacket and threw it toward the couch but missed by a long shot ending up on the floor next to the fireplace. Lou’s eyes kept trained on him silent as a mouse, she felt as small as one at the moment, so perhaps it was fitting.

Finally, his gaze landed on her and he grinned, his face spreading into a smile that she usually loved so much. Her face remained neutral as he strode over to her placing a kiss on the top of her head in greeting. “Hi beautiful. I missed you tonight, sorry I missed dinner. Cass wanted to celebrate our successful mission today and I must have lost track of time. I’ll make it up to you, promise.” He said much more breezily than usual, not seeing how still Lou was. Not noticing that she hadn’t returned his greeting or even moved since he entered. He kept walking toward the washroom starting to strip his leathers as he went. “You didn’t have to wait up. I’m just gonna take a shower then I’ll meet you in bed.”

Rising slowly from the chair she had been stationary in for many hours, her joints creaked and popped with the movement. She felt like a ghost. What was supposed to be the best and most important night of her life was forgotten and tossed aside for… for drinking with a male that Azriel saw on a weekly basis? Rage started to build deep in her chest, but she shoved it down not letting it surface. She practically glided to the bedroom, not feeling the coldness of the hardwood beneath her feet. She stood in the bedroom hearing the rushing of water and an out of character humming from the male that had tossed her aside this evening. She stepped out of the dress and laid it carefully on the chair in the corner before tugging on pajamas. The water turned off and Azriel stepped out with only a towel wrapped around his chiseled waist. Quickly drying off he slid on boxers before practically throwing himself onto the bed falling asleep almost instantly. Lou stood staring at the now snoring form of Azriel. She had seen him drunk before but nothing like this and he was never so dismissive of her. She started towards the bed before stopping herself, tears burning in her eyes. She couldn’t bear to sleep in the same bed as him, the crushing disappointment of the night hit her like a tsunami and she quickly made a decision grabbing an empty duffle bag filling it with clothes.

Bright light burned through Azriel’s eyes and he groaned instinctively reaching out to the other side of the bed for his mate. Scarred hand brushed over cold sheets and his eyes opened quickly scanning the room for Lou. Azriel shot straight up when his gaze landed on drawers thrown open, various clothes strewn across the room as if left in haste. The alcohol from the previous evening came up to haunt him as a roiling bubbly sensation rumbled through his stomach. He jumped out of bed and threw himself on the toilet to catch the vomit that was currently exiting from his body.

Wiping his mouth with a groan, he slumped over the toilet before his head snapped up remembering the evidence that he saw this morning. With a heave, he brought himself up to standing and rushed into the bedroom seeing clothes all over and one of his bag’s missing. Quick eyes clocked that his clothes were on the ground but most of Lou’s clothes were… missing. Fear shattered through him and he picked up his pace. “Lou?!” he called into the empty air running into the hallway. ‘She’s not here’ his shadows whispered to him which made him even more frantic. All of his insecurities coming to the forefront as he ran down the stairs taking two at a time, practically falling down. His gaze locked onto the dining room, taking in all of the dishes prepared with his favorite foods. He could practically feel his heart drop into the pits of his stomach. Dinner. He fucking forgot dinner. She made him… all of his favorite foods for dinner. The pieces were slowly falling together as Azriel crumpled to his knees, not being able to hold up his body any longer. “Find her,” he choked out to his shadows watching half of them scatter into cracks and crevices leaving him feel even more exposed and vulnerable than he was before.

Lou wasn’t able to sleep last night at all, emotions running through her like a river to an ocean. Anger, sadness, disappointment, anxiety, and guilt for leaving. She absently stirred the untouched tea that she made an hour ago as she gazed out the window that looked out to the forest that surrounded the safehouse cabin Azriel had shown her when they first started courting. He told her to come whenever she needed to get away or was in danger and she definitely needed some space to think… right? A frantic banging on the door caught her by surprise and she carefully walked over to the door peeking out to see Azriel heaving out heavy breaths looking as though he had run there.

Lou took a steady breath taking in the sight of him. Unkempt, hair every which way as if he had been constantly running his fingers through it, his shirt on backwards and two different socks. He was beautiful. “Hello.” She said evenly and Azriel could have cried at the sound of her voice. He swallowed deeply his mind racing wondering where to even begin, “I’m sorry.” He blurted out unable to restrain himself. “I’m so, so sorry Lou.” He panted trying to catch his breath. “For what?” she asked feeling a bit petty for making it lay out his wrongs. His eyes were bouncing back and forth between hers unable to keep still for even a moment. “Missing dinner. Missing the dinner. I’m sorry my love, I should have been there. It was a hard mission and I needed to blow off steam, but I should have talked to you first. I- I made a mistake please don’t leave me. I need you. I need you like I need to breathe please.”

Lou didn’t say anything as her eyes took in his distraught appearance, she merely stepped aside to let him in. Not going to miss an opportunity, Azriel quickly took the invitation and kicked off his boots as Lou shut the door behind him. She started walking to the couch, Azriel following behind her like a kicked puppy. He sat a few feet away from her, trying to respect her space. Lou resented that distance and scooted a bit closer before turning to him. “Az. I know you didn’t know that it was the dinner but… it’s been six months exactly and I put so much effort into the night and when you came home drunk I just… I felt so small and unseen and I’ve never felt like that with you. That’s why I needed some space, I’m not leaving you I just needed some perspective, I guess. I love you and I wanted last night to be special, I was just really disappointed, that’s all.” With every word Azriel’s heart broke more and more. Along with it, his resolve to fix it steeled like the warrior he was. “I will make this up to you I promise. I will never make you feel that way again. You deserve better than that and I’ll give it to you I promise. I love you and I’ll show you.” With that he took her hand and led her to the kitchen. His thumb anxiously trailed over her knuckles before he gently grabbed her waist with both hands, hoisting her up onto the counter. “Az-“ she began before he cut her off “Wait please let me just. Please let me just try to start making it up to you. I don’t care how long it takes, I’m not losing you.”