Marcy / Angel 🐾🧁

I'm gonna call him K, and call his partner R. I was polyamorus for a time (I'm not anymore) and I was dating K and my now fiance. Me and K at one point shared a partner but that turned out poorly (a whole other story that I don't remember a whole lot of. System stuff yknow?) and I decided I was kinda just done dating anyone who wasn't K and my current partner.

K got a new partner named R (I openly encouraged this relationship and encouraged him to go for it) and so they end up together. K tells me R isn't polyamorus which was concerning for me, but I didn't say anything because I didn't/had never(?) talked to R and assumed that K would just keep these relationships seperate. I didn't mind.

The problem was that R was not my biggest fan which I could kind of sense, and didn't care because I genuinely did trust K to have a handle on it. Me and K start talking a bit less, but I assume it's because we're both busy.

Then K approaches me late one night and explains to me that R is upset. I ask him what R is upset about, and he tells me R is upset because me and K are married on a discord family tree bot. Hello?

It's a discord bot. I'm so sorry. If you're getting jealous over a discord bot then you should probably tell your partner that polyamory isn't for you!

R explained to K that they felt like me and K being married on the bot devalued their and K's relationship. Like I was "more important". All because of a discord bot. Which didn't make a whole lot of sense to me? If it devalues YOUR relationship, wouldn't it be the same for me vice versa? Let's use our heads.

Obviously I didn't care. It's a discord bot and unlike other people in that situation, I go outside and bask in the grass and sunshine. We divorce on the bot, everything goes back to normal, whatever.

I have minimal conversations with R every once and awhile, but nothing that lasted beyond maybe 30 minutes, and nothing beyond common interests (of which we had few)

Me and K start talking less and less. I don't know how to say "Hey, your partner is jealous and that's not healthy for anybody!" because it's mean! It's a mean thing to say! I know theres no way for me to approach either of them in a way that will end well, so I decide it's time I take my leave. I had essentially been elbowed out of my relationship by the honeymoon phase, and it made me realize that some people just didn't know how to handle polyamory (like K and R) and I mean that as genuinely nicely as I can.

I break up with K. I don't want to make him choose between me and R (and basically his entire friend group, because he and R share a friend group) and I tell him he did nothing wrong (lie), I just feel like R doesn't like me and I don't want to trap either of us in a relationship I can't put all of myself in because of someone else.

He's understandable and apologetic but. Brief about it? We'd been friends for nearly a decade by that point and he made it a point to say he still wanted to be friends.

And then he said it. This is a direct quote.

"I hope that in the future we still have a chance together/gen"

What! What!!!! I'm breaking up with you and you tell me you hope you get another CHANCE? I feel like I'm overreacting but thats a little crazy to me!! Just a bit!

Eventually we stop talking and I block him and he blocks me. I had gone onto Art Fight a few nights ago to see if he kept our sorta-shared oc (which I would've been fine with, because the oc is a lot different in the way I portray him now) only to discover I had been BLOCKED. On ART FIGHT. Okay? It made me laugh so hard I nearly threw up, and is continuously amusing to me whenever I think about it. That's like blocking someone on Spotify. I had never even participated in Art Fight on that account either.

He did a few other kinda weird ass things that I think R encouraged. R is middle eastern and K would always make jokes about bombing and terrorism and R being a terrorist, despite K NOT being middle eastern and it threw me off.

He continously called me a 'torta' even after I asked him to not. It was an isolated event but man.

I reposted a tiktok video defending a problematic artist (who I no longer support, but empathized with because I had similar trauma.) and he asked me about it. I explained my point of view to him and he sent me a screenshot of our chat, and deleted it seconds later. When I asked him what it was, he explained that he was showing the conversation to R. If it had been any of our mutual friends (of which we had a few) I would've been fine with it, but it felt so violating to have that shown to someone I had talked to for a total of 10 minutes.

When me and K were dating the aforementioned "shared partner" (who I'll call P) he broke up with P and reassured me I was okay to stay in the relationship. He failed to tell me that P had been repeatedly violating the boundaries of him and his best friend until AFTER the fact. Why? Because "you said you still really liked P." I WOULDN'T HAVE IF YOU'D TOLD ME! GESTURING WILDLY!

There's plenty more I can think of, but that's just the major stuff.