Adventure Awaits

https://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=m51TQ2zbJWc&s=&e=#Ragnakamp

I spent a week alone. Utterly alone in the forest I call my own. That I've been coming to since I was born. I am blessed that my family has this place. Our own little spot of the wild world.

I woke every day and meditated next to the creek 20ft from the front door of the cabin.

I would then walk more than a mile down the dirt road that only we use. The silence was beautiful. Peaceful. Calming. When I say silence I don't mean of noise, I mean of voice. The sounds of birds, or the rushing wind through the forest is the most beautiful noise I can imagine. To speak is almost a crime in those moments. I'm reminded of the scene in Jet Li's Fearless when he's living amongst the rice farmers, and as one they hear the wind coming, all cease their work, stand arms outstretched and just for that moment, feel the bliss of the wind, of nature, of life. Every moment I felt the wind I felt the call to do the same...

When I arrived at the end of the road I simply turn around and walk back, but every hill, every slope, every gain in elevation, I sprint as hard as I can upwards until my lungs burned, until I gasped for air. Living at sea level and going to 5,000ft elevation, is a different game, the most basic of tasks make you breathe harder, make you tired faster, take more out of you, and it is in these conditions I trained. Every. Day.

After sprinting every hill the entire way home, I relax and read with a hot cup of green tea until my first meal at noon. Each day, 3 eggs, 2 strips of bacon, and HUGE bowl of steamed broccoli. Vegetables with every meal, 2 meals a day, first at noon, last before 7.

I spent the relaxing periods of the day reading Fiction, Non-fiction, Philosophy, and History. After my meal and some further reading I would then go for a longer walk/hike. I hiked the Pacific Crest Trail, I hiked up mountains, I hiked trails, I just walked, listened, felt the wind, looked at mushrooms, and felt the forest around me.

When I returned to the cabin I would again read until around 3-4pm, at which I performed a small workout, each day I aimed to do 100 pushups in as few sets as possible. No reason other than I haven't done this before. The first day it took me 11 sets. The second to last day it took me 6. The last day also took me 6 but the last set was only 4 more reps. After pushups I did most of my core/pre-hab/re-hab routines. Ab-wheel, compressives, ladder set, titanium ankles, and a lot of foam/PVC rolling.

Cold outside shower with the frigid water from out mountain side spring and return to my current book. Dinner around 6, most of the week it was steak with garlic, rosemary, salt, and pepper cooked in olive oil and butter with various vegetables, sauteed squash and zuchini, or steamed and sauteed brussel sprouts. The meat the size of my fist, the vegetables covering all other available space on the plate.

I would then read into the late hours of the night, with another cup of tea, delving into the various worlds between the pages of my books, and then I would sleep in multiple layers of clothing, under 4 layers of blankets, because it gets cold there even in the middle of summer. Some of the most restorative and restful sleep I've had in a long time.

The bliss of my forest is something I look forward to every year. It is my sanctuary. My sacred grove. The place to feel closest to the gods.

My heart rate dropped as low as 48bpm during this trip and during training as high as 176bpm. I lost more than 3lbs of body weight from this trip.

Every time I come home from these trips I feel reborn.

-------------------------------------------------------------------- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDx8gFJnYLc --------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been listening to a lot of talks from David Goggins lately. Absolute savage, mindset of steel, absolutely insane drive. Goggin's says to try and do something that sucks every single day, to stay 'hard', to keep doing something for the sole reason that it is hard and that it sucks. I was doing this consistently a few years ago and have since lost my edge to my comfortable life. Being 'sharp' is a choice, a conscious, active, and habitually made choice.

Today I did something that sucked. If you know me, you know I hate summer, and the heat with a fiery passion, almost as fiery as the California summer heat. I prefer cool weather, cold water, rain, fog, and lightning storms. Well today I decided to go for a run. Not a 1 mile, more like a 5k. I used to run a 5k every morning before work when I still lived with my mother. But today's 5k was in 97 degree weather. I ran farther today than I have since I started training again. I pushed for distance, and then I did interval sprints on my route jogging for rest all the way home. It sucked. It was HOT. I was drenched in sweat. I weighed myself after I got home, and I had lost 6lbs just during this run. It's the lowest I've weighed in months.

A few weeks again I started doing very short runs and a few interval sprints and I started to get shin splints so I did some of the titanium ankles routine to pre-hab my ankles and today I had more strength in my legs and ankles, better foot form on the forefoot, torso more upright so I didn't feel back pain, thumb and pointer finger lightly touching like holding a potato chip that I cant break, with hand hovering at hip level. The running form that Drake taught me in high school. I've been blessed with many wonderful teachers and friends to help me on my journey.

For a good chunk of time now I've made a new routine for myself that I've miraculously stuck to. It does feel different this time for me. I feel stronger in my mind, and with my will power. Every morning I wake up early and I do mindful breathing meditation to the sounds of a creek. Every break and even my lunch during my telecommute workdays I walk around my neighborhood. Every day after work I train, I train like how I used to train, I'm not babying myself, I'm actually pushing hard again. It feels good to kick yourself in the teeth with your own training. After training I take a cold shower, as cold as it can be. I'm now to the point where I don't even really hesitate to get into that water, I just walk in and its normal. And every meal has vegetables in it, better portion control, and better impulse control with food (my biggest weakness) thanks to the meditation.

I've been treating every new day as another stroke on the whetstone, making myself stronger, leaner, sharper, and more driven to achieve my goals, and regain my wildness.

Re-wilding my life feels so right. To have fire on my own land, to tend and care for the land, grow and care for trees, befriend the landvættir, build my own shanty home, vault boxes, daily training, long distance runs, to get lean, and wiry, and strong again.

It's time to be strong again, and instead return to the mountain to regain the wisdom that was left behind. No matter what i pursue i must not forget what is in my heart, and what is tattooed upon my skin "No matter how much you feed the wolf, he keeps looking at the forest"

Krigsgaldr - Heilung

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3xTe7f6J6Y

Back into the noise of life, and i feel more at peace. The woods are calming, senses sharpened, camaraderie missed, will power and determination restored, discipline renewed, new start to begin, all things in order, good fortune arrives, and it all swirls around and i feel like a monk in full lotus calm and focused on meditation in the eye of a hurricane.

Titled; "Lean"

Lean Adjective 1. (of a person or animal) thin, especially healthily so; having no superfluous fat.

https://youtu.be/tpv261r01Eg?t=366

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlfO4mcwGZw

I'm learning, growing, developing, evolving, gathering, moving forward. Ever onward towards becoming more myself. Maybe it should be time to welcome another pair of footprints on this path, remove all apprehension and tension, and go with the flow of events and energy, this life is a weird subjective experience.

We all have our individual names as all have had in their times, and millions of humans have lived and died, the plethora of events that made up their lives almost wholly unknown to us, what jokes made Roman teenagers laugh, how hard did that Chinese boy's heart pound when he confessed his love for that girl centuries ago, what exhilaration was felt by that Polynesian boy when he caught that fish with a spear for the first time? All these events occur at once yet separate, time is not linear, and matter is capable of thought, and all particles are simply in different stages of motion, being it free, flowing, or vibratory. Quarks, isotopes, radiation, stars, planets, gravity, singularities, consciousness.

its impossible to have a small and petty view of life and people when you consider our mortality, fleeting lives, infinitesimal insignificance and really it comes down to just being kind and doing things that make you happy with people who make your soul smile and sing.

i have been content, perhaps a change is in order, who can say, im always in awe of this existence i have found myself in. i catch myself at random moments be it eating breakfast, out on a run, or just looking at leaves and plants, that i am a living creature capable of subjective perception, thought, feeling, and action, i CHOOSE what to do, i can move, i can jump, i can play, i can do anything, i am made of matter but i can think simply based on the multitude of connections between the neurons of my brain, and this is what makes me, me. Life is weird. living is weird. We are conscious matter experiencing itself for a brief time and then we return to the source. Billions of years of nothing, to a sneeze worth of time in the universe being alive, then back to nothing.

We are fleeting, and i am amazed by it all. Living is such a strange thing....

http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=0xpAqxH2Kzw

I cant imagine life without the pursuit of strength...

I don't have time anymore for people or things that are not positive forces in my life. I'm here to strive and claw and fight for the things i want, and i don't mean possessions or anything modern society deems as important.

I think back to the scenes in the Rocky movies when he's in his shabby apartment, the raw unfettered squalor allowing full focus on the goals and training at hand, and how when he achieves wealth and fame and receives a powerful challenger who is working under the same conditions he becomes soft and has to get back to the basics and trim the fat.

I strive to do EXACTLY the things that make me uncomfortable, i don't give up easy in BJJ, i get smothered, choked, locked, and tapped, but i don't give up at the first sign of trouble, i'll turn off the fan in my room and close the door while i train to heat myself up, ill go run barefoot, i'll take longer routes, i'll do things the hard way, i jump at the chance to run in rain storms, ANYTHING to make me UNCOMFORTABLE.

Friction and grit polish the hardest of metals and stones. I aim for that in my day to day.

I don't really like to keep the company of those that live to party, indulge, and consume. Take pride in their possessions, and feel like their job, their money, their house, their toys make them any more important that the squirrel in the tree outside, or the next walking talking sack of carbon based life that talks and thinks.

I like being around people who work HARD, train, fight, push themselves to new heights, and can do it alone or with others.

I've been training alone for years now, i'm used to not having company on my level anymore, it's nice when i have it but some times and many times the path of a warrior is a solitary one.

I don't want love anymore, no significant other for me, no big house, no piles of possessions and toys, no fancy car, no bloated sense of pride at my role in society via my job or status or wealth, i strive to live small, minimalism, focusing all my energy and focus on my training, Grappling, Parkour, Modes of Movement, Challenges.

These past few years have been good for my development, i finally know who i am and i love every damn day that i become more myself, i finally feel free, i finally feel like i'm coming into my own and i'm finally getting stronger.

Positive people, people who push and strive, i've been frustrated at the lack of warriors around me.

people who don't take care of their business, who don't keep their word, aren't punctual, don't put forth the effort, or any effort at all, who don't seek challenge and opposition, who take the easy way, who indulge, who lack discipline, who flake, who don't show consistency, who don't step up, who don't follow through, who talk more than they do, who don't care.

Show honor, keep your word, be on time, early is on time, on time is late, and late means don't bother. do what you say, give max effort, show discipline and commitment, don't flake without VERY good reason, don't indulge with excess, follow through in all things, talk when what you have to say is more valuable than silence.

The way of the warrior can be a solitary one, but i'd rather walk this path alone, than being surrounded with individuals who make me FEEL alone.

I feel strong and lean, more so than ive felt in years. A vitality that has been lacking. Energy to push the limits. Body keeping up and shedding all excess. Food is fuel, Feeding the engine of my training. Rolling BJJ, Running, PK, swimming, cold water shock, climbing, strength, endurance, go and go and then push and go some more.

I am just so pumped on everything these days, my training, my adventures, trees, mountains, friends, advetures, talks of things far larger than ourselves, fires, music, play, inspiring children with skill that have been sharpened and honed over years of dedicated and disciplined training, and seeing the light in their eyes when you show them they too can have that power.

Every day on this planet is a god damn adventure, not just the vacation, not just the weekends, not just the holidays, EVERY day is an opportunity to get out, put out, and show up.

It pays to be a winner.

Just tried Judo for the first time, tossed, got tossed, got even more mat burns. holy workout, and i thought BJJ was cardio. sheesh.

I think one of the best things that helps me progress and learn quickly even to this day is the day i experienced my ego death, not to say i have no sense of self or self worth, but the pride that makes you think you're better than anyone, i don't really have that anymore.

A kid in the class, looks early teens if that, overweight, movements are not great, flopping on the floor during rolls and cartwheels for warm up, but im not one to judge character on performance, i look at effort and the kid was trying his best, props to him.

I was getting really gassed out (been hitting it hard for a while) and i leaned against the wall trying to catch my breath and this kid comes over and tells me that i shouldn't lean on the wall because it's bad etiquette in Judo.

I didn't think anything like "you can hardly do anything why should i listen to you" or "i'm an adult i don't have to listen to a kid", i don't think like that, the only thing i thought of is "i better get my ass off this wall" and i thanked the kid for his informing me of this faux pas.

When you realize that you can learn something from anyone, be it good or bad, everyone becomes your teacher and often many of them volunteer themselves to help you progress faster because they see that your cup is empty and willing instead of full of pride and arrogance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHDrHRmaQjQ

STRONG AND POWERFUL. FAST AND LIGHT. CAPABLE AND SKILLED. TOUGH AND RESILIENT. CALM AND ENDURING. FIERCE AND DISCIPLINED SHARP AND DEADLY KIND AND FRIENDLY.

WARRIOR.

I feel reborn. I will never tire of this feeling.

feeling so strong and powerful, skilled, and capable. able to end lives with mere gestures and movements, yet kind and wise enough to use such power only to aid others, to defend others, to help others grow, mature, and light their own inner candle so that it can grow into a mighty blaze.

These lessons i forgot, but i remember once more, never forget who you are. Your inner most self, never forget the lessons you've learned, never stop growing. Never stop the process to keep yourself sharp and aware, capable and deadly, dangerous and endlessly kind, patient, and helpful to your fellow man.

https://youtu.be/qupswFhMCxI

(Wadaiko Matsuriza - Kabuki Gomen-Jyo [Japanese drums])

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I feel like once again i am on a precipice ready to jump into the river below, a new stage of life, a period of rapid expansion in strength and skill, in mindset, in limits pushed, in freedom, It draws near but like a coiled serpent i don't know when it will strike, but the anticipation builds.

The window is cracked and the sound of rainfall and wind is the music i am listening to. The room is small, a single lamp illuminates it, but its light is muted as it is directly pointed at a wall only a centimeter away. Sweat beads on the body as it struggles to overcome weight and exertion. Even after pushing hard through the workday, completing all set before me and pursuing overtime and doing another job and excelling at that as well i come home with energy to pursue my passion, to grow in strength and resilience, to improve the physical which is the root of all other pursuits, if you have not health you cannot pursue anything higher than the ground on which you are forced to crawl upon.

The challenge, the initiation, the test, the tribe, the group that trains with an elite intensity, willpower, and discipline. The ends are pursued with a iron clad will, the discipline they subject themselves to is all consuming, it doesn't matter if they are alone or together, it doesn't matter if someone is watching, in fact its better if no one is, a ninja doesn't perform on a stage, a warrior doesn't show his hand until the game is done.

The tribe welcomes all, will you work to keep up? to match pace? to excel and sprint ahead? To scout out the terrain ahead of the group?

Its not always about work, these is always play and joy even in the work, and the work itself doesn't always have to be fun to be fun. There's a realization with the right mindset that you learn to enjoy all the work because you know the fun it will bring to you later when you put those skills, training, and strength to the test.

The challenge, the initiation, the test, the tribe, the group that trains with an elite intensity, willpower, and discipline. The ends are pursued with a iron clad will, the discipline they subject themselves to is all consuming, it doesn't matter if they are alone or together, it doesn't matter if someone is watching, in fact its better if no one is, a ninja doesn't perform on a stage, a warrior doesn't show his hand until the game is done.

This is what i live my life for, its not for wealth, for the shiniest new toy, for prestige or reputation, its not for trappings, or even the material. I live for challenge, and camaraderie, for growth and friendship, for the trees of the forest, for the waters of the lakes and rivers, i live for the simple joys which sing to me, all else is simply the vehicle i operate to achieve these ends, a means no more.

I work hard, i do my best at my job, i earn my good reputation, i listen completely to others, i value the time of others, i do my best to help out for the greater mission, and in the end i care nothing for any of it, but it is the means and in being thus i pursue it with all my being, for it is the honorable thing to do, and to do less than your best is a dishonor to yourself, and a disservice to those who employ you, giving you the means to your ends.

We live in this material and vapid world, and to maneuver within it with skill and purpose leads to fruitful ends as long as the clear vision is kept in mind, and thus the work has purpose and does not lead to dull tedium and agonizing boredom. With purpose comes passion. I work for my dreams.

The tribe, the challenges we face, the training we shall subject ourselves to, the joy in the process, what a dream to work for, every day i move closer while never forgetting to enjoy the process and what i have while i'm on the way.

BJJ and combatives bringing a whole new sense of joy and purpose to my training, i feel more and more like i am coming into my own, like i am becoming more myself, childhood and young adulthood slowly being left behind, but ever with a playful heart in an adult body.

This life is a strange thing and i feel that i think too much and too deeply for my own happiness sometimes, but beyond the melancholy i am always in awe of every moment of every day that we take for granted while we are still above ground. Every breath i take amazes me that i am still able to do so.

This life is a grand thing, to live it with the tribe, the scouts, the warriors, tis the one thing i truly want.

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For More of My Writing: Here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln8OgmWoyCY

i want a friend, a compatriot, a partner, a teammate, a brother, who will train like up and coming fighters, like rocky did with nothing, no money to his name, minimal equipment, minimalist everything, truly reliant of the spirit and the inner fire, to train and live with someone in that environment, combatives, strength, wilderness hikes, bushcraft, survival drills, checking gear and maintaining it, reliance, sheer joy in the experience of adversity and difficulty, running to run, climbing to climb, swimming to swim, to cross, to go over, to reach, to scope out, movement for travel, What i'd give for a brother would would want to share that with me. to live, eat and sleep under one roof, The Dojo, to spar and practice jujitsu, to drill various disarms and fighting tactics, to hone instincts, to be deadly with weapons and bare handed, to be lean, and tanned, and strong, eating wholesome food, and inspiring entertainment to fill the quiet moments.

The greatest gift i could receive now is the company of someone who loves this as much as i do and would spend endless days honing this craft.

i'll build the world as best i can, i'll keep a lantern in its window for you unknown partner.