𝗟𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗟 𝟭

we do 𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 for the people we ˡᵒᵛᵉ . ©

@   𝗦𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗪𝗢𝗢𝗖𝗛𝗢𝗦      •      a   highly   -   selective,   highly   -   private   exploration   of   the   frustration   of   failure,   the   pressure   of   what's   expected,   what   lies   beneath   the   surface,   anything   for   the   sake   of   winning,   experiencing   trauma   &   the   bleeding   wound   of   it,   betrayal   &   broken   trust,   seeing   what   you've   become   far   too   late,   not   knowing   how   to   stop   the   anger,   fear   of   unconditional   love   lost,   &   bloody   water   not   running   clean.   𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦   𝗢𝗡   𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦   𝗕𝗟𝗢𝗚   𝗜𝗡𝗖𝗟𝗨𝗗𝗘:   murder,   mass   murder,   death,   classism,   suicide   &   suicidal   ideation,   intrusive   thoughts,   betrayal,   smoking,   alcohol,   &   ptsd.   𝗙𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗢𝗪   𝗔𝗧   𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗥   𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗥𝗘𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡.   dissected   and   presented   by   𝗘𝗭𝗘𝗞𝗜𝗘𝗟   (   30s,   transmasc,   he   /   they,   gay,   pst   •   gmt-8   timezone   ).   𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦   𝗕𝗟𝗢𝗚   𝗗𝗢𝗘𝗦   𝗡𝗢𝗧   𝗙𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗢𝗪   𝗙𝗜𝗥𝗦𝗧.   𝟮𝟭+   𝗢𝗡𝗟𝗬.   do   not   follow   me   without   the   intention   of   writing   or   engaging   with   me.   𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗥𝗗.      

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐘   𝐈𝐒   𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐎𝐔𝐒.   subjects   are   hardly   simple,   even   if   they   seem   so   on   the   surface.   mental   health   isn't   the   same   for   everyone,   so   it's   tailored   from   person   to   person.   diagnoses   are   mass   -   approved,   but   there   are   hardwired   bits   and   pieces   of   ourselves   that   only   we   can   understand   entwined   in   the   lack   of   one   chemical   to   another.   people   like   me   exist   to   help   that   understanding   with   gentle   guidance.   that's   the   official   word,   anyway.   i   do   so,   so   much   more   for   people   than   i   could   say.   the   constant   painful   pressure   points   that   i   relieve,   the   fear   from   their   minds   that   i   rip   out   screaming.   i   free   them.   i   save   them.   i   give   them   joy   and   absolute   renewal.   they   rise   from   the   ashes,   but   to   make   them   perfect,   i   had   to   light   the   match.   birth   is   always   painful.   crying   and   gasping   for   that   first   breath,   tears   of   rectification   and   misery,   all   released   through   never   feeling   alone   again.   

i'm   getting   ahead   of   myself.   let   me   start   over.

❛❛      seeing   as   this   is   our   first   session   ...      ❜❜   my   smile   is   benign   enough.   i   mean   no   harm,   and   i   won't.   my   ink   pen   is   between   my   fingers,   the   tail   -   end   tapping   silently   against   the   file   in   my   lap.   my   glasses   are   crystal   clear,   my   eyes   focused   but   not   uncomfortably   so.   i   want   them   to   feel   seen   and   heard,   but   not   picked   apart   under   a   myopic   microscope.   ❛❛   ...   tell   me   about   yourself.      ❜❜   hearing   it   from   their   mouths   is   far   more   interesting   than   black   ink   on   paper.   patient   suffers   this   or   that,   patient   has   been   prescribed   that   and   this.   useless   medical   fodder.   i   want   to   have   a   pain   transfusion,   blood   pumping   through   me   so   i   can   see   the   suffering   they   harbor.   as   i   wait,   the   record   i've   chosen   spins   at   a   low   volume.