so, i am checking in after 3 years or so
uh, i'm doing okay, i guess
been preparing taxes and stuff for work, was living in the city for a while
i don't even think i gave real life updates in like 8 years oops
i went back to school and got a degree in accounting, i went to therapy for a while, got on antidepressants, and my brain mostly works now
like, i actively felt my brain defog when i first took them, i was in a complete gloom state that was super damaging for... years
which explains the selfdestructive decisions i made, primarily socially
so tldr im less stupid and shitty and fatalistic than i was way back when
going back through my old posts and likes really fucking hurt
i was a shithead
if you gave me the time of day back then, i love you
especially if i ever told you so back then
ESPECIALLY if i said it more than once
i honestly didnt come back much at all in all this time because i was ashamed of just disconnecting and throwing people away when i felt unworthy and wanted to just be gone, i didnt know what to say, even when i knew it was more important to just do it, even with the wrong words
so yeah
