kismet

I came home from war last night.

Put down my battle axe and picked up my piccolo.

It was a long time away.

Even longer since you didn’t know when I’d be back.

The years condense from this point,

folded accordion style in the courtyard.

The things we say in jest keep coming up,

deep from the base of your throat,

a stirring, a backup vocal.

The last place you’d think to check.

The last place you’d want to be.

The last time we saw each other, I was rancid on the inside. I completely intoxicated the place.

Left them gagging behind the venue, spewing guts that no one would see, for years.

For years, the tissue grew on that spot in North East, creating life.

A better biome for the masses.

For years, I ate off that ground.

Dropped food, crumbs, leftovers from a party no one came to.

Every bit fell straight to the floor. Fuck,

I forgot to put my stomach in again.

Left the light on for nobody- my only regular- every night, for years.

When they kicked me from the infantry, I nearly lost all my fight. Down to

two breaths a minute.

I can’t imagine looking at someone like that and not wanting to be with them.

I guess there’s something hidden within the lyrics. The crowd reaches out to hold our mystery.

Shimmering, they know who it’s for.

For Years.

For Weeks.

For Minutes.

Fortune takes its place amongst the bold,

there is no time left to waste.

Let the water run clear of blood.

Get comfortable, there is a long ride ahead.

All I’ve ever wanted is you by my side.

Someday the yellow flowers will stay in bloom.

Do you hear me calling for you?

How can I make it clearer?

Shout it from the roof, post it in the square?

There must be a way to figure this out.

We are a patchwork quilt of memory tossed on the couch in the green room,

Why does the overgrowth lie down with me and ask for your hand, yet you are not here to take it?

And how did I get so far without you near anyway?

Even now, I jump at every opportunity to do something you’d love me for, yet you’re not here to witness it.

I refill no one’s coffee. I buy gifts for no one’s birthday. I take out the trash before no one gets home.

And there are things time just won’t tell me.

I ask it why every tennis court, 21st avenue, and corner venue has your scent and why you don’t dare speak of me anymore.

I ask it why you can’t confirm but won’t deny what’s said of you, although I know you know the truth.

I ask it if you compare me to every shade of pink you see and decide whether or not you like it still.

And I ask if you like it still.

And for every city I go to, someone says they’ve seen you there.

I guess I always arrive a little too late.

So tell me, where do we live when you think of us?

It can’t be where we met or where we’re from, the ground could never hold us there.

And I can’t imagine it’s where I am now either.

I scream at my walls every day that I live in you more than anywhere else, though I know it won’t take a penny off my rent.

Doesn’t just the thought of it stick to your bones?

Doesn’t it weigh you down still? When I pushed your joints to the side to make room for my unholy mass?

I hope I’m not lying when I say I couldn’t help it.

It’s just how my blood ran the last time we were we were enclosed.

It was thick, tar like, making it impossible to lift much more than myself.

Still, I got around to you.

I went out to dinner with Nobody again.

We split two salads and a dessert, then shared a cigarette outside the restaurant.

Sometimes it was hard to hear Nobody over the music but I smiled and nodded along, trying to remember everything they said.

I paid the bill then Nobody walked me home.

Once inside, I rushed to my window to blow them a kiss.

there are a lot of things i didn’t know about myself before this year

i didn’t know how much pain you could accidentally cause someone

and that good intentions don’t always lead to good results

i learned there was much more to my world than I was initially told

i learned the truth will surprise you

but it kinda feels like you’ve known all along

it’s strange turning and facing.

you can’t tell which direction everyone else is looking

and if i part the curtain to reveal a world retold,

will those who don’t know see it too?

before all of this i had no reason to believe in my fantasy

it was how often i saw that girl on Lake Street

and how you blushed when i was near that finally got me there

they seem like a lost art now

what if I can’t see you on the other side!?

what if you can’t see me!?

what if you are facing the wrong way!?

and then there’s the chance we are looking at the exact same thing

at the exact same time

and we are too in awe to move.

maybe my mouth will hang open in horror

and yours in despair

and our breath will fog up the mirror.

maybe I outline your hand with mine

and the glass fades out of it

and i can pull you through.

maybe the other side is prettier,

maybe there is something over there that we’ve both been searching for,

maybe we should take a look.

i bet the flowers are in bloom.

weeks ago

duluth, mn

those i met along the way

details from a piece i did recently

alcohol ink on watercolor paper