Predatory curiosity

Is on yours now

And he immediately gave up giving a fuck about, kingdom, people, the world. Turned his whole being into one damn brain cell.

““…psychoanalysts in particular define man as a human being and woman as a female: every time she acts like a human being, she is said to be imitating the male.””

This kind of bullshit lead us here.

I’m like yeah, she has a point and that just means half of humanity was discarded from the thinking and doing.

Thats why just lately science started to re examine the sex biases in canon. And it coincides with women actually participating in science.

And that’s why most readers are what now? Best selling categories in literature are what?

Dear diary,

Today my dinner was Caju Nuts and pickles.

What’s with this Abyss thingy? There is no such thing. Use whatever gaze to judge yourself. It is still you judging.

You can say it be God, Abyss, or whatever else shaming entity you can conjure up.

It is still just you saying it.

Call it the philosophy of the self that is just you. There is nothing else but you. Or whatever.

And she is attacked. Often.

I will not discuss why, or whether critiques about her any merit. Maybe they do. Maybe they do not.

The important part is she takes it and weaves it into a symphony of self. And at the end there she is.

She says ‘This is who I am, and I do not bend, I live through it.’

She is a foundational example of how femininity can be lived out loud.

Or in her words:

“There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen.”

And she did have a marvellous ruining everything. Because that’s her freedom.

I was still with my ex. It was before April. I was not a fan of Swift.

And then I heard the rhetoric online.

I heard about the eras tour and I saw her shining. I saw her crying.

And the rumours. Joe Alwyn not wanting to give Taylor a ring. Matty Healy pretending to give her just that and then abandoning her in a fortnight.

I saw Swift at an awards show with her black and white dress. The clock on her neck.

And I scented something. I knew april 19th was going to change me.

So I went on walks with my dog every night. Because I wanted exercise. I wanted to lose weight. I wanted my dog happy. I wanted two hours of freedom daily. Even though I knew every time I left the house my ex would go to his online affair to talk. The girl who was in love with him and he kept her around with ambiguity. But I went on those walks. And listened to podcasts about the planets so I would be smart in astronomy and my bf wouldn’t think I am dumb. Because he thought I am. Incurious. But I would also listened to music.

Djo the End of Beginning was looping in my ear and I felt the wind in my hair and the smell of cold spring.

And I waited for April 19th. Although I never listened to Taylor Swift. Although a decade ago I did think she is a narcissist building an empire on poor men’s heartbreak. I thought it unfair. I thought she was gauche awkward and mean.

And yet the rhetoric of her life reached me.

And I knew when I heard the name of her album, ‘Tortured Poets Department’… I knew. This one is for me.

Because I went on walks and came home to a poor Tortured Poet who couldn’t love me because he was too distraught. And because I wasn’t inspiring.

So April 19th came.

It will never not be fucking funny that Tyler Galpin, Hyde in disguise, murderer by enforcement, monster extraordinaire…

Made Wednesday watch Legally Blonde