Praying for Donghae

A Short Note About How He (And Suju) Saved My Life

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Hello Donghae, one of your many, dedicated fans here! Of course you don’t know me, even though I’ve gotten to see you several times and even talked to you a few times as well. However, I know you and that’s all that matters.

I’ve shared my story before about how Super Junior saved my life (literally!) and they did! That’s why I stan them so hard and why I will be an ELF until the day I die. It’s even how my mom ended up becoming a fan as well- gratitude mainly. That and a love of Leeteuk.

I never told the whole story though.... I’m sure these feeble words won’t ever reach your ears. But who knows? Maybe one day, I will get the chance to tell you in person and do a full-out, 90 degree bow in front of you to show my sincere gratitude.

What I’ve told about before was that the year I “met” Super Junior and started listening to them was the year I was SO sick and almost died because of some complications. All of that is true. But as luck would have it, before those sicknesses became worse and made my whole life pretty awful to be honest, I was facing a whole different set of problems.

You see, I was quite naive growing up. I didn’t have much experience (well any!) with guys. My first serious boyfriend was when I was 23..... and he started a pattern in my life that ended up almost ruined my life. He was a “preacher’s son” one of the good guys supposedly. But the manipulating and emotional games he played with me did such a number on my mind, that by the end of the relationship, I was convinced I was the sorriest piece of trash ever and deserved every bit of treatment I had received. As a young, vulnerable, naive, inexperienced girl... those beliefs set me up to be hurt in every other relationship since then.

Eventually there came another “good guy.” I thought he was different that time. He was a pastor and a music minister- pretty much the dream guy for me! I wanted it to move past the toxic relationships or before and have somethign truly wonderful and different, so I opened up to him and told him about my baggage and the things from the past, how I had been hurt, etc. I wanted to have a better, solid relationship with Christ as the center. It took all my courage to lay myself open like that and seek the kind of relationship that a child of God deserved, but he was in agreement! Or so I thought.

Over the months, his kindness faded. Any time I questioned his behavior, he would throw my fears, self-doubt and past back into my face as a method to check me and make me obey his every word. It became a game to him.... one of manipulation and how far he could push me. He was a total control-freak, a sick, macho man who thought it was funny that I obeyed him out of love.... and later out of fear. By the time I realized love wasn’t at all present anymore and that I had allowed myself to be treated that way since I listened to those voices telling me how worthless I was, I was too scared to get out. This “preacher boy” that I had finally, fully trusted and opened my heart to and truly fallen in love with for the first time (not to mention being a friend of mine for TEN years first before we ever began dating), had become an abusive, arrogant, hateful, bullying, hurtful, manipulative devil. He was sick and twisted and I think he really did enjoy making me suffer. He said he didn’t, but regardless of his reasons, it affected me all the same. I still remember the night he gave me my engagement ring in front of all his family- they were so happy and acting like it was so wonderful. Meanwhile, I went straight to my room and starting throwing up and crying.

I can never (nor would I want to) detail the whole horrifying experience that I suffered at the hands of this monster. I have spent the last few years trying to forget it and move on. But... it was truly horrible.

The physical abuse hit a very high note one time- 3 major times within a few days and each time worse than before. I was in a fragile state of mind already and an emotional mess, telling myself that i had no escape and no where to turn. For some reason, I think my fragility angered him which is why it only continued to get worse. The last time, I was in a heap crying and bleeding, begging him to stop. While he finally did, he just stood over me and laughed. Then nonchalantly said “sorry!” with a huge smile before turning away and essentially walking out of my life for good. 

Basically what followed was a long, hard fall to the cold bottom. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Severe Social Anxiety, Severe OCD, Manic Depression. I was Suicidal. I did self-harm and tried to kill myself.... more than once. I was under the constant watch and care of my doctors. In therapy. On medication. An emotional trainwreck and on the verge of a total and complete nervous breakdown.

Then....... time passed. And just when I was starting to feel the tiniest bit normal again and like I might survive after all. The minor health problems I had been dealing with before turned into major ones. Like seriously, horrendously major problems. I became deathly ill with a series of rare, bacterial infections and fought for my life on and off for about a year. With those mental things still at the back of my mind, all I could think was “It would just be better if I were gone.” But the only reason I didn’t do that was because of my mother.

She promised me everything that occurred to her.... to take me to see SJ in Tokyo, etc.. Anything to give me a bit of a will to live. See, I’m a Christian. And while I know Christians shouldn’t commit suicide, we aren’t perfect and go through trials and tribulations just like anyone else. And all I could think was “If I died right now, I would finally be at peace and with no pain!” Peace?No Pain? That’s all I wanted in life.... still is.I should probably add that at this time I was living in a foreign country, totally on my own, hiding the truth from my family and friends because I was so ashamed that I had fallen so low and that I had been so stupid to let someone treat me like that. Because of that pride and hiding the truth, it just made thigns even more difficult because I waqs trying to bear it alone.

But through all of this mess, I “met” Super Junior. A friend from a support group told me about this music that had saved her life and given her an outlet and hope.... it was K-pop. That girl went on to become my best friends later and a true gift of God to my life. Although she had more varied interests in Kpop, I soon discovered Super Junior and that was it for me! <3

When I was sick, they made me smile. When I was in hospital, I was watching their variety shows and interviews on my laptop. When I was nauseous and didnt want to open my eyes, I listened to their ballads on my ipod. When I felt like giving up, they reminded me to keep going because life is worth fighting for. When I was tempted to give in to depression, I was singing their songs and laughing and driving with my best friend. When I wanted to throw my hands in the air and say “this is impossible!” I remembered Heechul recovering after his accident and continuing to dance with metal bars in his legs and I thought of Kyuhyun coming back from the brink of death in order to continue his career as a truly blessed singer with a voice from God.They all saved my life, you see. Truly they did. I don’t say it lightly when I tell people they saved my life.... I mean it with every ounce of my being. I know without a shadow of a doubt that they were a gift from God when I needed it most. But there was  one special person that truly ministered to me in an entirely different way.

As I started to observe Donghae, I started realizing that he was kind. He was sincere and compassionate. He was innocent and childlike- so much so that he didnt even like eating by himself. Were there truly guys like that out there? Evidently so, because I saw that kind of guy in Donghae.  I even started seeing a bit of hope once more than all guys weren’t going to hurt me and use me.... there were still some nice ones out there. Then I found out he was a Christian. Was he one of the phony types like in my past experiences? With time though, I realized he was the genuine article. I read about him talking to a drunk man on the street of China and telling him about the Lord. What I saw was sincerity and compassion.... things the people who had hurt me had lacked.As I got to “know” him more, I realized that he had suffered tremendously and though he still hurts and always will, he has found a new sense of purpose in life. He can still get up and smile and move forward towards a new day. He can accept that challenge to keep going without ever thinking of giving up. Because “giving up” just isn’t in his dictionary- no matter how hard it gets sometimes. I saw someone that valued women, respected elders, treated people of all ages, races and social status with respect and equality. I saw a... character and honor in him that made me start believing in humans again. Made me start believing a bit in guys again too.... that maybe they werent all as horrible as the ones in my past.

The more I observed him, the more I respected him, I didnt love and adore him from the beginning.... it was a slow growth of respect, affection and a mixture of feelings somewhere between fascination and love.He wasnt my intial bias and didnt catch my eye at first. But with time, I started to really love his attitude, his character, his morals and standards, his innocence, his pure heart, his kindness, his hard work, his responsibility to family and the child-like innocence with which he fully enjoyed life.

As time progressed, I had made major strides forward with my own past issues. Is it possible to ever heal from something like that? Perhaps the physical wounds heal but the internal wounds where they cut you with their words and beat you with your past and doubts, the viscious attacks where they choose to trample on your offered love and affection, then abuse you with it over and over again..... those wounds never truly heal completely.

I am proud of the strides I had made. I’m no longer a young kid and thought it has taken my years of healing, help and therapy to move past my past, I realize that God still loves me unconditionally and He has forgiven me of every single mistake I’ve ever made. One of the most important things I had to learn though was that it wasn’t my fault. Sure, I put myself in certain situations, didn’t listen to good counsel at times, hid the truth because of pride. Those things are my fault for sure. But the wickedness and sin of others? That wasn’t my fault. I had blamed myself for so many years But when God finally ministered to me and really wrote that truth on my heart, “It wasn’t your fault!” then a true healing process finally set in as I accepted the truth of those words from my Lord. 

Still.... there are days when it is still a struggle. sometimes the wicked enemy will sneak up and attack me with thoughts of the past or even nightmares, reminding me of what happened and how I had been treated. In those days, the only escape I have is music... the only thing that will drown out those voices and fears and doubts is music.

So I turn to the piano and begin to play. And somewhere along the way, I realized the a lot of the songs that helped me so much, the melodies that were drowning out other noises were songs written by none other than Lee Donghae. 

When I realized that, it made me love him even so much more.

See there are still times when a voice tries to tell me it would be easier to just end things now. But that’s when I pray to my Lord and Savior, seek comfort in His Word and then turn to the piano to play and play and district myself from those haunting voices. And the music I often choose to play? The songs I love and adore by Lee Donghae.

So I dont say it lightly, when I say Super Junior saved my life. They truly did in that period of darkness when I was facing those emotional/mental problems and perhaps even more so when I was hit with a tsunami of health problems that brought me pain and sickness every day. They are my life savers and a true gift of God.

But the reason I love Lee Donghae? Well, now I can appreciate his beautiful face, his lovely smile, his adorable laugh. But at first, I loved Donghae just because.... because he first brought a little faith in humanity to me again. And second, he has saved my life more times than I can count when it comes to the songs he has written and the bad memories he has helped hold at bay with the escape he provides me in those melodies.

that’s why, I have such an “odd” attachment to Donghae. That’s why I love him beyond words- because of all he has done for me (all SJ has done for me really). And that’s why I feel such gratitude and thankfulness for who he is, what he stands for, his character, his heart, his compassion and even for expressing his talent and innermost thoughts via his beautiful music.

One day, I hope I can thank him properly. I know there are many like me as well.... who owe so much to SJ. This isn’t a story I’ve ever told to anyone outside my own family. I thought it might shed some light on why I’m so Donghae obsessed, of course. lol But I actually thought it might be able to help someone in my ELF family!! You’re not alone. God is with you and wants to help you and love you as you deserve!!! There is always help available. And help and inspiration can come in the most unlikeliest of places.... a song, a friend, a musician in another country or.... a blog even. ^^

Hugs to you all. And Donghae.... the largest, biggest hug in the world to you! I truly love you and am so grateful for all you have done for me! Stay safe sweet Hae. Don’t be lonely please! I am praying for you EVERY day and I know God will take care of you and reward you greatly. 

I’m truthfully a bit selfishly worried for myself as well. Since I’ve found you (my little life-preserver! lol) I haven’t let go. Now the time has come for you to go away on your own, far from the eyes of ELF. Far away from where we can see you or hear from you. And far away from any new songs or things you have written. And that..... that scares me some! I know you are trying to be strong though, so we promise to try to be strong as well. It’s time I let my little security blanket go.... it’s been too long that I’ve wrapped myself up in it, pretending the outside world doesn’t exist, refusing to face reality and growing up. I’ve held on to you for too long, havent I? I’m so grateful!!!! But I know now that it’s my turn to let go as well. I know you will come back stronger and with a more mature image. I will work on myself and will also promise to become a braver, stronger person over the next few years- one that isn’t afraid to face the world without her security blanket of fantasy and dreams.

God bless you, Donghae.... my little life-saver, my security blanket, the one who let me pretend these past several years and hide in a fantasy with you where no one could hurt me and hearts dont have to be opened up and risk being scorned. I am so thankful for all those wonderful services you have provided for me (and many other ELF) but I will work hard as well and meet you with a better image next time.

So here are some of the pictures of Eunhyuk with his family and friends at different church services and events.  Check them out! ^^

Dear Precious Lord, We know that we can bring our every thought and need before You and that You will listen. Eunhyuk has made it plain that he is one of Your children and followers. Therefore, we come together to ask Your blessings on this next step of his life. You know it will be a very big adjustment for him- leaving behind his family, his friends, and his group members that are truthfully like his brothers. We pray that You bless him in a mighty way, give him strength for the days and time that lies ahead, give him good health and physical strength for the challenged of military life, provide him with good leaders and friends in the military that are also believers in You and that can encourage him in paths of righteousness for Your Name’s sake. Make this parting from the life he knows to come more easy than he is expecting. Help him to make the adjustment quickly and easily. Wherever he goes, people will know him as Super Junior. But we pray that he will use this opportunity to shine brightly as a soldier of Light and to make YOUR name known more than anything. Help him to be the best Christian and witness he can be. Help him to grow in Your Word and knowledge every day. Use this time to separate him from things that may distract him in his life and use this chance to get him fully alone with You and depending on You like he has never done before. Bless him, strengthen him, help him, love him. Remind him that he is NEVER alone and that you are always by his side. Even more than ELF supporting him, he has many brothers and sisters in Christ who pray for him and life him and his needs up daily. We pray that he will feel those voices daily praying for him and that he will be encouraged to know how many people love and support him. Help him today especially as he makes this initial break from his normal life and starts something brand new. I am sure that he is scared since he doesn’t know what to expect. So please just be with him, encourage him as only you can. Calm his fears and anxiety and speak peace and love to his heart. Just wrap him in Your arms of love so tightly that he can almost feel Your physical presence. Help him to grow and mature, not only as a man, but as a Christian in this time over the next two years. Help him to come out of his service as a new person who his stronger and better than ever. Keep him safe in his every day duties and when there are dangers around. We love you, God and thank you that You love Eunhyuk as well. You love him far more than any of us could ever love him, so we know we can safely commit him into your loving and tender care. Thank You, Lord. We ask all these things in the precious name of Jesus, Amen!

If you follow me on twitter, you know I am pretty much obsessed with every member of Eunsihae. So much so that I even wrote an article about them on Soompi called “A Salute to Eunsihae: The Best Pictures of The Super Junior Trio.” Hope you checked that out by the way! ^^

Although Donghae is a very special person to me, my first SJ biases were actually Siwon and Heechul. While I still dearly love Heechul (and pray he will one day get himself in church! lol), my heart was soon stolen completely by Eunhae as well.

I love the fact that Donghae is the one who was friends with Siwon, then friends with Eunhyuk. Thanks to his influence, he melted his two best friends into one, close-knit group of Suju buddies. What a group, huh? Hot, gorgeous, rich, musical, talented, smart, kind and..... Christians! That’s right, thanks to Siwon, Donghae became a dedicated Christian. Thanks to their influence, Eunhyuk returned to his roots in recent years and dedicated his life to the Lord by finally making his relationship with Christ something personal and real. (you can actually read his full testimony on his church’s website- it’s very inspiring!).

Needless to say, over the years I grew to be a huge fan of Eunsihae and love each and every one of them like crazy. So, it’s with a sad heart we finally face the week that will begin our farewell to these three cutie pies. 

First to go, is our sweet and funny Eunhyuk! In just a matter of hours, he will be joining the military as an active-duty soldier. He will be released in July 2017- a time that can’t come quickly enough!! His official enlistement date is October 13th (which has already arrived in Korea). Donghae will be the next to go on Thursday, October 15th.... which happens to be his birthday as well.

Eunhyuk, Eunhyukkie, Lee Hyuk Jae, Hyuk, Myeolchi, Anchovy, Monkey.... all the names ELF calls you lovingly. We hope you know what a huge joy you have been to us the past 10 years with your smiles, dances, songs, laugher and mischievous teasing of your members.

We wish you the greatest of luck as you go to the military and will pray for your safety, encouragement, health and the ability to adapt easily and find new friends in your military ranks. Stay strong and keep smiling and living life to the fullest! Two years can’t pass quickly enough..... Hang in there, sweet Hyukjae! We love you and are waiting for your quick and safe return.

ELF loves you and thanks you for everything you’ve done over the past 10 years. I pray God will bless you greatly in return!

Thoughts and prayers with you always, our little jewel thief! 

#WeWillWaitForLeeHyukJae

ELF.... who is ready to get busy supporting this repackage album? Let’s make it a huge hit this time!! :)

I just posted a short summary of the actual facts and timeline that Donghae can expect in the military. As a conscripted police officer, and not just a normal public service official, he will be facing danger and challenges every day. Why? Read this article from “The Korea Times” for more information.

First though, you should understand that there is a difference in conscripted police officers and other public service officials (of course, active duty soldiers are very different as well.) Public service officials usually serve in an office capacity such as public relations, media, hospital administrations, other administrative jobs, etc. A conscripted police officer is actually a conscripted soldier who is just assigned to a police division and often serves as riot police, etc. As such, their jobs are much different and more difficult than the average public service officer (also known as civil servants).

Want to know why it’s more dangerous? Read below....

“Conscripted policemen: Nothing illustrates Koreans’ seemingly perennial security concerns more than the hordes of riot police deployed around key facilities in major cities around the nation. Actually, they are not police officers but conscripted soldiers, who were recruited or have volunteered to serve as combat police to fight North Korean infiltrators or help the police maintain public security. They are neither soldiers nor policemen. Or, they can be both. The time has long past for the nation to do away with this anomalous and unconstitutional  diversion of young manpower to crack down on popular protests, and allow them to return to their original duty of national defense. In some cases, these conscripted riot squads in olive drab or black combat gear, mostly college students themselves before joining the Army, are forced to confront their friends still on campus in various sites of demonstrations. This is a tragicomedy that should not continue under the pretext of reducing personnel expenses. No less serious are the rampant abuses of human rights occurring in their barracks, which are attributable to their jobs of coping with protestors that inevitably accompany violence as well as to their ambiguous role or status. News reports are far too frequent about seniors’ harsh treatment of their juniors, including physical and verbal abuse, which often leads to unnecessary, avoidable deaths and suicides. Little wonder the National Human Rights Commission recently called for the abolition of the conscripted police, as the first such state agency. And this is why the former Roh Moo-hyun administration decided to phase out the system by 2012 and replace the conscripted riot police with professional officers. That changed under the new government, which will maintain the 25,000-strong riot squad until 2015, meaning the nation’s young soldiers will have to endure the physically and mentally hellish environment for at least three more years. Officials say they can improve the situation through stricter monitoring, education and discipline. Past experiences and experts’ advice tell that the authorities can’t, and the best solution is its immediate dismantlement...”

Now do you see the challenges and danger Donghae will face? It is not certain he will be in the riot police or another similar group, but it is very possible! That is why it is so important to pray for him during his time of service! :) We need to pray for his protection, as well as for him to be assigned to a good group of people with good leaders.

I don’t post this to sound dramatic or make people nervous- I just find it sad to hear the criticisms of people saying that those who enter as police, etc are just lazy and trying to get an easier job than being an active duty soldier. I find it really offensive and just wanted to share this information so people could be more educated about what goes on and that EVERY job these guys do is important- whether it’s as an active duty soldier in the infantry, a soldier working in a military hospital, a guy running an office in some government building or a police officer working as a traffic job or riot police. They are ALL serving their country in honorable ways, just in different types of jobs. 

No one has the right to criticize them for enlisting for 2 years or so and giving a major part of their life (and prime) in service for their country. Whatever job they are doing, it’s important and valuable and is done in the spirit of service towards their country.

Personally, I hope Donghae receives a position as an office worker in some police precinct, working safely and quietly away from danger. But since we don’t know what the future holds or where he will be assigned, etc we need to pray for him! <3

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All people who enlist in the military are considered conscripted soldiers, whether they go on to be active duty or serve as a police officer for example. But what’s the difference between the two? Check it out below....

-Active Duty Soldiers: Active duty usually means 5 weeks of basic training. The total time of service in the Army or Marines is 21 months. Because the Army requires less time and is not as difficult as the Marines, most people decide to join the Army. The Navy requires 23 months or service and the Air Force requires 24 months- more than any other branch of service. After basic training, you can be assigned as a regular soldier in infantry, etc, as a worker in a military hospital, or even as a musician in the military band (Sungmin currently plays saxophone for one of the military bands). Before, there was some special treatment for celebrities in the military, but due to public outcry, the rules have changed and celebrities serve as normal soldiers now (like Leeteuk).

-Public Service Officers: Usually they go through basic training of 4 weeks, sometimes 5. The total time of their service is longer than active duty (21 months) with public service officials usually serving 24 months (sometimes longer in special cases). After training, they can be assigned to a range of jobs such as riot police, public relations officer, a normal police officer, traffic cop or a public service official at a variety of government offices, etc. Many people who are not physically fit for active duty service become conscripted public service workers (like Heechul and his subsequent injuries from his accident or even Kyu Jong of SS501 because he carries the hepatitis virus) and fulfill their service with jobs that are not as physically demanding. Others, like Donghae, become conscripted police officers- technically conscripted soldiers who are just serving in a special service under the police department.

Donghae will enter the military basic training program for 4-5 weeks. After that, he will become a police officer for the Seoul Metropolitan Police. In order to enter this service, you must complete a test/exam. Some celebrities have passed it, while others did not. He will serve for 24 months before being discharged. As a police officer, he will *probably* enter a special squad like the riot police. The Korea times describes conscripted police officers in the following manner, “ combat police to fight North Korean infiltrators or help the police maintain public security.” There are many rumors about bad treatment of these police officers and their safety as they confront rioters or protesters, etc. I will post specific information about this in a separate post.

Eunhyuk, for example, will have basic training for 5 weeks, then become an active duty soldier for 21 months. So although some consider active duty more difficult, they are rewarded with shorter service time. Public service workers may enjoy jobs which are usually easier, but as a result, they are required to serve several more months than active duty soldiers.

Want more info? Check out this article on wikipedia:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conscription_in_South_Korea

Me again! This time with a much shorter version of the concert and the few interactions I was able to have with SJ then. :)

Before I get to SJ, let me tell this too! ehehe I had standing tickets for the floor but was hurting so badly so took a seat that was open on the front row in the aisle. It was still VERY close to the stage due to the way the stage was set up, so I was really happy and got a great view of everything.... it ended up being much better for me actually. Anyways, all of a sudden, we look up and here comes Got7 walking down the aisle where I’m standing to go in front of me and up the stairs to the stage. They were giving everyone high fives and smiling. The camera was right beside me in front so they were pausing a bit and waving to the camera, so I got to see them all SO close and they were adorable!!!! I love Junior and JB (or JR and JB as I prefer to say. hehe) All but one gave me a high five but then i saw JB last in line but looking the other way towards the camera. I couldnt resist though and squealed JB!!!!! hehehe so he stepped towards me and leaned down right in my face (asdfghjkl!!!!) and shook my hand with both his hands  and smiled BEAUTIFULLY and said HI!!! Oh my goodness, I wanted to die. What a nice, unexpected surprise hehehe. (Thank you, Lord for that seat being open and available to me! lol)

Anyways, once SJ came out on stage, they totally rocked it!!!! Everyone around me were mostly Got7 fans or Sistar fans but they were all saying that SJ totally killed the stage. The girl next to me became a total fan by the time it was over hehehe She very nicely agreed to use my camera to take pics so that I could just scream and sing to my hearts content and wave my signs while wearing my “I Bleed Sapphire Blue” shirt. hehehe

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see much of Donghae because he was mostly on the other side of the stage. I had an I <3 Donghae sing but even if he didnt see it, I still waved it and was happy hehe On the other side of my poster,  I had written “10 YEARS <3 THANK YOU!” So ended up waving that msot of the night. Lol

At the end, Teukie saw my sign when he was right in front of us bowing and waving to the crowd so I jumped and yelled until he noticed. When he saw it, he put his hand over his heart and then did a 90 degree bow with his hands on his knees. It made me cry!!! our sweet, beautiful, humble leader!!! God bless him!!!

Siwon saw my sign and gave me a thumbs up with a wink and a big smile.(his wink slays me every time!!!!! gahhhh! hehehe)

Heechul was actually my first huge crush and bias in SJ, so when he came my end of the stage during the finale, I tried getting his attention with this blue and silver pompom I had brought. So he saw me and I waved the sign with one hand and then did a heart with my other hand on my head..... however, in my excitement, I had forgotten about the pompom. Therefore when I did the heart, I hit myself in the face with the pompom and the strings were all over my face and head like seaweed. hehehe SO embarrassing. I quickly jerked it off my head and looked up to see Heechul bent over, looking at me and laughing . OOPS! Lol I smiled anyways and so he straightened up and did a huge exaggerated heart on his head in typical Heechul style.... all with a big smile heheh So Cute!!! Why do I seem to make a fool of myself in front of SJ??? Lol

At one point, Kanging was walking around the stage a bit and ended up directly in front of us. I waved and showed him the sign- which he said. He just kind of waved and smiled. But then suddenyl did this face like “OH!!!!” like he recognized me or something and then he did a big, energetic wave and smile soooooo big at me. the girl beside me freaked out and was like “oh my gosh1!!!! he was totally smiling at you!!!!” hehehe I dont know if he really did recognize me from the weirdo, big, tall girl who had talked to him twice at the airport and was then telling the crowd to move and yelling and making a fool of herself in front of them and their manager. But I’m gonna go with..... probably. Lol All of the other pretty, young fans were well behaved and just taking pics, while this very recognizable person (I’m unfortunately VERY overweight and tall, with bright blonde hair) was making a scene and yelling at the fans to move. lol Oh well... Regardless, Kangin DID see my sign and wave and was so nice! :)

The only other thing was Wookie saw my sign and waved. Oh!! and I went to the red carpet with press and was able to take pictures. Wookie smiled at me then too and I got the cutest picture of him looking right at me and smiling.... he is so precious! The got7 fan beside me had a fit over him and said he was “soooo adorable!!!” :)

After it was all over and they totally brought the house down with a mega long performance by Kcon standards, their typical rambling funny speeches and a huge sapphire blue ocean (despite it not actually being a Super Show), I watched where they had placed their water bottles. hehe So after the show, I asked the staff member at the stage to give me Heechul and Donghae’s water bottle!!! LOL She did and so I immediately took a big long drink of Donghae water hehehe. He had already drank almost the entire bottle and jsut left about 1/4 of the water before putting it back down on the stage corner. Heechul had opened his, drank several big gulps, then replaced the lid and put itback down beside Hae’s.

I was laughing and thinking how ridiculous I was but then all my friends and fellow ELF thought it was so funny and great and took their pictures when the bottles after the concert hehehe

About the taste though....Donghae water was normal and tasted fine. I waited to drink my first taste of “heechul water” lol when I got back to the car and told my friends the story. So I opened it up, tasted it..... and it tasted undeniably like his sweat!!!!!! oh my gosh hehehehehehe I told the girls and they didnt believe me but then I allowed them to all have a small sip too and they couldn’t believe it. It was totally the salty, sweaty flavor of heechul. hehe awesome. makes me still laugh hehe

Now I have the bottles next to my bed andalthough I’m out of Donghae water (only started with a little bit) I open the Heechul bottle every once in a while and take a small sip. It has since lost it’s sweaty flavor but the bottle has a slight smell of cologne or something. I didnt notice it until later. So even though the flavor is gone, the smell of Chuls is still there hehehehehe

So...... from your fellow crazy ELF, that was my concert experience with SJ and Kcon. I’m going to ration out the water and make it last until I see them again onstage.... hopefully all together for SS7!!!

Thank you SJ for a magnificent show and so many great, fun (and funny!) memories. :)

As you guys know, I saw SJ in SS5 when I was living in Latin America and had a little moment with Hae at the end of the concert where I gave him a gift and then he sang briefly to me during their final song of “Marry U.” I thought that was going to be the most exciting story ever about me and SJ, but God blessed me again and I am very grateful!!! hehehe

Because of my pain and health issues, I was almost not able to make it to the concert but I pushed through and went anyways. A friend and I decided to go see SJ arrive at the airport. When we got there fans were lined up along a corridor like thing. We joined them but soon noticed an area further down the airport where you could stand exactly at the door where they would walk out from security- and no other fans were down there! You have to look down a few feet at them but it was still way closer than standing with the other fans at the top of the ramp where they would exit the airport. So we quickly went down there and waited. I love ALL our talented and sweet members but also have a soft spot for Heechul, Kangin and Leeteuk. I was really excited to see Heechul and Teukie since I didnt get to see them in SS5. We waited and waited and laughed that Suju would notice us and then remember us because we would be the very first fans they saw in LA. Lol We had a lot of fun just waiting and talking and looking down the ramp to see if they were coming (which you could only view from the corner where we were standing). Suddenly, I saw Kangin!!!! He made eye contact with me and smiled. I couldn’t speak and just grinned back. As he walked up the ramp and to the door where we were waiting, I finally said, “HI!” and my friend and I both waved and smiled. He stopped and bowed to both of us very politely and said “hi!” I guess he didn’t see any other fans and thought that just me and my friend (and 1 more who had joined us) were the only fans. hehehe When he finished left our area and walked to the exit, then of course he saw all the hundreds of waiting fans but they got them pretty quickly to the exit. So! It worked really well where we were standing because we could see them and they could see and notice us.

Next up came Yesung and Kyuhyun (Ryeowook was also with them but he was hiding and acting very shy. He had his face almost completely covered due to a mask and hat, so we didnt even recognize him at first. lol) Kyuhyun saw us and just bowed his head in recognition but didnt say anything. However, Yesung smiled super brightly and stopped and waved, then did a bow towards me and my friend!

It was really funny because I was so excited to see them SO close (we were only about 5 feet away from them and they were going slowly and then taking the time to stop and bow politely when we greeted them, so they were so extremely polite! but because of that, we could see them so well!!! and they were GORGEOUS! they didnt have makeup on mostly and looked even better and much more masculine without the makeup) Because we were so up close though, I was really flustered and couldn’t really speak. hehe Thankfully my friend had better presence of mine, and with each one, was able to say hello with their names and get their attention. So she would say, “Oh, Yesung! Hi!!” and then together we would both smile and wave energetically. hehehehe It makes me laugh to think of it. Lol Good times!!

Anyways, after that, there came Eunhyuk (flawless as usual!!) who smiled SO brightly I felt like I should have been left blind. Lol Can you tell I love Hyukjae? lol He stopped for just a very split second and gave us a big wave, even though he had his passport and some things in his hands.

Immediately behind him were Heechul and Leeteuk! Heechul was every bit as beautiful as I expected him to be! He is much taller than I expected and just looks amazing in person. He said “Hi!” and did the cutesy, V pose over his eye and winked. So adorable I could have eaten him up. hehe He also did a slight bow with his head.

Leeteuk though stopped right where he was, let go of his luggage and bowed to us so deeply.....twice!!! I guess once to me and once to my friend? I don’t know but he was SO polite and we were so happy to see him!!!! When he straightened up, he smiled and waved (I think he said hi too but I cant remember) and gave another slight bow before taking his luggage by the handle again and moving on.

Siwon had landed the previous day (we didn’t get to see him) so last to come out was Donghae! I had bought him a Christian book (Life Without Limbs) in the Korean language. It’s  about  this amazing guy named Nick Vujicic and I thought it would be a good encouragement to him. I had been praying and asking God to give ne the chance to give it to Donghae, so when I saw him walking towards us, I thought “here’s my chance!!” He approached and I said “hi Donghae!!” he looked over, smiled briefly and waved but was very quiet and didn’t pause but hurried to meet up with the other members since he was the last one. I was a bit disappointed but decided to go outside where they would meet their van and see if I could get a chance out there.

even though we moved fast, by the time we got outside, the fans had followed out there and make a huge crowd around them. Their managere took them to a corner of the building outside, where they could step away from the fans a bit and be in the shade while waiting for their ride. I don’t know why their ride was so late but they stood out there a pretty long time. Kangin was in such a good mood and was smiling at everyone (the fans were all just standing there filming and taking pictures but they were keeping a decent distance away from the members.... like about 14 feet or so. Since I couldn’t see and I saw that the members were at the bottom of the staircase waiting, I decided to go upstairs quickly on the escalator, then walk down the stairs towards them and where they were waiting- not too close to them but just so that it put me in front of all the other fans a bit and I could see better. My friends noticed and did the same, along with some others. Leeteuk started posing for the cameras and he and Kangin even got their cameras out and filmed some videos of the fans- if you saw Kangin’s video, you can see me in it- so embarrassing!!! hehehe) Anyways I was just standing and watching... kind of soaking it in , hehe I suppose since I was the closest to the group and was just standing there, this police officer came over and asked if I was in charge. I said no, so he asked me who was and I motioned to the SJ manager (so cute by the way! hehe)He came over in a hurry and the cop told him (very rudely- it made me embarrassed he acted that way to their manager) that he couldn’t have all these people blocking the stairs and the sidewalk. 

Their manager made me laugh with what he said (his english was really adorable by the way! lol) The cop told him to move everyone and he said “But sir! I can’t do anything. What am I supposed to do?” The cop just said again, “Well they need to move!!! They can’t be blocking this staircase!!” So the manager said, “Sir, I’m not in charge of these girls! I’m only in charge of the boys!” hahahahaha It was so cute!!!! Lol

Anyways, the rude cop just kept telling him to move everyone (why couldn’t he do it  himself, isnt that part of his job? pfffft. grumpy old thing! ) and the manager said “Sir, I really can’t. I don’t want them to get mad at me.” I realized then that he was worried about making fans mad and maybe them thinking it was Super Junior being rude and telling people to move or whatever. So before, I could even think, I said “do you want me to tell them to move?” and he said “oh yes please!!!! if you can do it, that would be great. Thank you!!” so in front of Super Junior (they had been watching the wholel time and observing the conversation) I then stepped to the crowd and said “OK!!!! everybody needs to MOVE back!!!! They said move! So step back please!!!! Move back move back!!!” and started waving my hands at them to move them back. LOL once they got back, the cop yelled too and told them to move (thanks your rudeness, your help was too late! lol) and then he left. But at least he let me stay on the staircase- I guess for helping hehehe. Anyways, I was pretty embarrassed to be yelling at the top of my lungs and kind of making a scene in front of SJ but at the time, I felt like I owed them to help them out. If the fans got made at me or the cop, that would be ok. But I didnt want them to get mad at the manager or SJ and say things online about them being rude or whatever. You know .... as ELF, it’s like our job to protect SJ. even if it means making a fool of ourselves at the time hehehehe Oh well. 

Anyways story is almost oevr! Lol For the rest of the time, we just stood there ad I had the book in my hand. I caught Donghae’s eye and pointed at the book, then at him like I wanted to give it to him. He just looked at me and I kind of did a pouty face like “please!!” hehe Don’t know how to say it. Anyways he took a step forward but then stopped and looked at the rest of the fans who were standing there (SUCH a big crowd and you could tell it would have gotten crazier for little of nothing, although they were misbehaving but it was jsut such a large crowd of excited fans! lol) So when he looked at the fans, he stopped and looked at me and kind of shrugged his shoulders like “i don’t know what I’m supposed to do!” Lol He was so cute. So for the rest of the time, I jsut stood there with my friends smiling at them all and watching them like some sort of adorable animals in a zoo. hehehe But I kept catching Hae’s eye and smiling and making faces like :awwww, I wanted to give this to you,” kind of thing.

Anyways, their ride finally arrived so the manager asked the crowd to make a path for them to walk through. He went first and some of the members followed quickly. But I knew that was my last chance so before they walked away I stepped right beside them (where the path was) and smilked at Teukie (who was just so insanely beautiful that I don’t have words!!!) and then Kangin came by and smiled at me and said bye (I said oppa, saranghaeyo hehe im his noona but i couldnt get anything else out) Anyways last was Donghae (again!) and I thought I would have to try to get the book to him but he remember and stepped over to my direction and held out his hand with the most precious, almost laughing smile like “ok, go ahead and give it me!” so I gave it to him and told him sprry for the bother! hehe but I wanted to give it to him and i hoped he enjoyed it/ he told me thank you (in english) I said “no! thank you!!” and he smiled and gatherd his bag again and said thank you again. Then I couldnt resist, so I reached out and patted him on this shoulder/arm and told him “God bless you, Donghae.” And that was it! He got on their van and left. And let me add one thing- his shoulder/upper arm was so big and masculine. I love all the SJ members but Donghae is so very special to me and I felt like I could have died actually standing there, talking to Hae and then touching his shoulder. Another thing is I’m 5′8 (supposedly his height) and when he stood in front of me to take the book, he was like directly in front of me- truly like face to face, just inches away from each other. That close up, he was still BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! gorgeous skin, gorgeous eyes, gorgeous smile, gorgeous hair. And surprisingly enough, our eyes were dead even.... meaning we were the exact same height. I think perhaps if he had lifts or anything, then he would be jsut a shade shorter than me.... but almost exactly what they say his height is- around 5′7 or 5′7.5. May be 5′8 if he didnt have on any lifts or anything.

About the others, Eunhyuk was a bit taller than me- maybe 5′9.5. i didnt stand close enough to Kyuhyun, Ryeowook or Yesung but Ryeowook is very tiny and petite.... very adorable though and such a pretty face. Yesung seemed about Eunhyuk’s height or so. Obviously Kyuhyun was taller than me and very broad shouldered and masculine.

As far as the others, Kangin was in flip flops but he was several inches taller than me- maybe 5′10.5. And seeing him up close like that (like the same distance as I was with Donghae) and without makeup and just natural and gorgeous, I thought he was the most handsome men I’ve ever seen!!!! I’ve seen Siwon before and he’s gorgeous too, but Kangin is just WOW! SOOOO handsome and this really super sexy quality that makes your eyes drawn to him no matter who he is standing to. Just cant say enough about how handsome he is.

Teukie was also taller than me.... same height as Kangin. I was surprised and I he did have tennis shoes on, not flip flops like Kangin. But standing next to him as he walked right in front of me to their van, he was several inches taller than me. So probably about 5′10, maybe a little bit over.But seriously, I was just shocked at how beautiful he was. I used to think Teukie was jsut strikingly handsome when he was younger. Since he got out of the military, he is still sooooo cute and adorable. But it seems like (dont get mad! lol) that he had really aged and wasn’t looking at good. Seemed like his makeup and all too made him look older. Seeing him in person and without makeup, I was blown away at how BEAUTIFUL he is.I can’t believe how much better he looks without his makeup. His skin is just beautiful and so young looking. His face structure and sharp cheekbones and all are jsut as striking and beautiful as when he was younger- more so in fact. I could have never imagined that he would be SO Gorgeous in person. Just truly truly beautiful!!!! WOW!!!! <3 <3 even my fellow Donghae-obsessed, 6 yr old niece saw the pics and said “whoa!! our teukkie looks so handsome here. even better than donghae!” Lol ( out of the mouth of babes. hehe)

I also have some cute interactions from the concert (Kanging recognized me! lol) and a water bottle story that was the highlite of my concert night hehehe I’ll post that in my next fan account.

I know it was long, but I hope you enjoyed reading about my little interactions with the boys. They were all so polite and kind.... not just to me and my friend when we were greeting them, but to everyone!!! I was so happy to see them in an airport setting and not just onstage, so I could see them with normal hair and clothes and without makeup. They were incredibly handsome! I know I am biased but I have seen TONS of stars up close at both concerts and press events, press conferences, red carpets, etc for my work. And out of everyone I have seen, Super Junior is hands down the most strikingly handsome group out of them all. Not only that, but they are just sexy and charismatic and have something extra which just lights up the room. Much more important than that though, they are kind, humble and so very polite. I was so proud of them after seeing them in a more natural, every day setting like that!

I love my SJ boys even more now... if that’s even possible!!!! hehehe

Hi guys, Sorry it has been such a long time since I signed on and updated everything here. Just because I haven’t been online doesn’t mean I’ve stopped praying for our sweet Donghae though. :) I pray for him every day as always, and I’ve also added his mom and brother to my list. So, I hope you have been praying for him also OR for whoever God laid on your heart.

Again, I apologize for the long delay. I’ve been facing a tremendous amount of personal problems over the last year, especially with physical needs. I’ve had two surgeries over the past year, both with lengthy recoveries. And now, I’m about to face my most difficult one yet. But oh well.... upwards and onwards! <3