Pray For Daisy

The site will stay as her special space, and I hope you can visit from time to time, remembering Daisy and being reminded of the extravagant gift of life. Because of you, my family has been prayed through the deepest valley, Daisy was given the best shot at medical care, and now many others are receiving that same gift. Mostly, thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving my Daisy girl. She loves you too.

Remember how I told you I was doing a little writing? Actually, I wrote a whole entire book, one you can hold in your hand, with a pretty cover and everything. A healing and helpful process, I collected my rambling thoughts and put them carefully in their designated spaces; a full three years of mourning and enlightenment, all together in the same place. The book is called And Still She Laughs: Defiant Joy in the Depths of Suffering, beginning with the chafing hours after Daisy’s home-going and ending with today’s tender hope and freedom of happiness.

You can find me now at KMerrick.com; a new space, a new season. The time has come for writing once more. Meet you there?

Since Daisy left us, I’ve chosen to stay silent, to process privately.  Thinking, writing, praying, all the things I had shared so openly before, I’ve kept sacred for three years.  This time of silence has been right for me while the waves of grief beg to be experienced fully, demanding all my attention.  The suffering that blows in after the loss of my Daisy is so very different from the suffering we all felt during her years of sickness.  Nonetheless, I have felt your prayers, in fact, I consider myself blessed to have had the support you all gave.  The kindness you have shown my family is beyond.  You have been the hands and feet of Jesus, you have lived a life of faith and love.  I hope I can be as kind as you one day.  

Needless to say, this has been a radical time.  For many of us.  Last you heard from me, I was anticipating the goodness to come, soaking in the reminders that bring life and light.  That still hasn’t changed.  Those little things—Daisy’s artwork, her notes, her tiny clothes—have brought me joy, have reminded me of truth.  And during the darkest days of my life they served as a tangible reminder of her presence, and of her absence.  She is both.  I continue to focus on the little familiar surprises, and have chosen joy.  Though a significant piece of me is gone, I choose not to dishonor the fullness of the life God has given me.  It’s an exercise in faith that brings great spiritual reward.  It gives breath to tired lungs.

It’s strange to be on the other side of a prayer to which the answer was no.  Perhaps I’ll share a bit on that in the coming weeks, as well as thoughts on suffering from a different point of view, but for now, I can say with all honesty, I am well.  It is well with my soul.  The scars remain, but the bigger picture is so grand that I am able to keep moving forward, fixing my eyes on the One who is unseen.  Daisy is a gift to us, one we were blessed to enjoy for 8 incredible years.  And so I have been pressing in to the deeper things in life, the enduring things.  I have been finding reasons to laugh without fear of the future.  I look forward to sharing that with you.

On a fun note, just when I was deep in the heaviest of the sadness, God saw fit to fill my empty arms.  He gave me a baby girl we call Pheodora Sunshine.  Her name is Greek and means ‘supreme gift.’  She reminds us all the time of her big sister—she shares Daisy’s adventuresome spirit and spritely personality.  She’s a gift to the whole family, both of blood and spirit.  It’s a strange thing, simultaneously grieving one daughter and feeling the freedom to love another.  God has taught me so much…

Bye for now, and please do me a favor—kiss and hug each member of your family, take a deep breath of ocean, mountain, or prairie air, and enjoy life in Jesus’ name.

Love,

I have a funny habit. While on vacation or just a pretty day at the beach I have collected shells for years. When our lives changed and Daisy got sick those days were few and far between, becoming a sprinkling of beauty in a life that had become one filled with hospitals, pain, fear. I decided to put those tiny tokens of natural beauty in places that would both give me pleasure to look at them and remind me the future won't always be flavored bitterly. I leave them in purses, pockets, drawers, my car; always waiting for me to discover them, waiting to whisper of beauty to come.

A couple of days ago I came across one of my secret treasure chests in a bag containing chapstick and sunscreen. I had spent a sunny day with great friends, hiking, swimming, holding a precious newborn.  With my  handful of shells such a display of simple pleasure, I was so thankful to have spent an entire day full of simple pleasure. Life is so different now,the days flavored with a different type of bitter, yet peppered with a different type of beauty. The beauty of anticipation.

My daughter lives, not here with me but in a different country. One containing loveliness unimaginable. Like my shells whisper of sweet days spent in the sun, my home whispers of sweet days spent with my sunshine. Her drawings are everywhere, hilarious ones all over her schoolwork, adding mustaches and buzzing flies to the characters teaching her phonics. Some have anchor tattoos, others clever sayings in bubbles extended from their little cartoon heads.  Her secret placement of plastic mice in nooks, waiting to frighten someone. Her tiny leopard print leggings folded on the dryer, her toothbrush in the cup.  Her artful arrangement of painted pinecones, the barn she made out of a cardboard box with happy ponies sticking fuzzy heads through the window, and her Teddy bear tucked safely into my bed.  I leave these tokens of sweet times to remind me it won't always be this way. I won't always be without her, and my days won't always be shrouded with a sense of sorrow and longing.   There is more joy and laughter with her to come. So I continue to keep tangible reminders, little sneak peeks into our glorious future and reunion. They remind me of truth, and encourage me to live and love.

The webcast will be live in about 20 minutes at 3pm PST. Watch at prayfordaisy.com

Date: Saturday, February 23

Time: 3 pm PST

Webcast: If you can’t make it tomorrow, we’d like to invite you to watch the webcast. Daisy had many friends and supporters around the world for which we are so thankful. In order to honor these relationships we will be streaming her memorial live.

Daisy's Memorial Info

  Date: Saturday, February 23

Place: Reality Santa Barbara (At the Santa Barbara City College Sports Pavilion)

Time: 3 pm PST

Attire: See words below from Kate

Webcast: Daisy had many friends and supporters around the world for which we are so thankful. In order to honor these relationships we will be streaming her memorial live. Tune in at prayfordaisy.com to watch it.  

   A few words from Kate:

  Dear Friends...

Early Saturday morning we had the privilege of witnessing Daisy's departure from earth to a place outside of time and space where her joy is complete; heaven.

Our darling girl gave us kisses at midnight, with lips dry from thirst and hot with fever.  Tiny and sweet, the words "that's awesome" came from her tired body after letting us know she was having good dreams. She is safely home... Finally well.

I have refrained from giving details of her suffering over the last few weeks, as it was immense.  Out of respect for her dignity and loveliness we have been keeping these painful moments sacred.

Thank you for your partnership in loving our girl. Please know we are broken hearted for ourselves but so happy for Daisy, who is with Jesus in paradise able to run and eat and play with abandon. We believe that wholeheartedly, and as they say in Narnia, she is going further up! And further in!  She left the Shadowlands for a place more real in every sense.

Please join us as we celebrate the strong, kind, brave, goofy, thoughtful, amazing girl we call Daisy Love. Please wear what you feel best in; sandy feet and boardshorts, tutu and snorkel mask, or the prettiest dress in your closet. Wear black only if you must, but I'm wearing what Daisy would like most.  On her last night on earth, she requested we watch “The Hobbit” (70’s version) and dress like hobbits.  If ever there was a girl confident in her own skin, it was her.  Among her favorite ensembles are animal ears of all kinds, astronaut, flightsuit, monster, pirate, dinosaur, Indian, mermaid, bear, cowgirl, fireman and explorer.

Feel free to laugh and cry and hug. There is no single way to grieve. And while we miss her on earth, we will pick up where we left off when I have the privilege of going to where she is, in the presence of God where there is fullness of joy.

My final request to all who read this blog: love. Love your babies, your husbands, mothers, sisters. Love each day like it's your last. All you mamas out there, you have been entrusted with the precious gift of a human life who depends on you. Enjoy your gift. Breathe in the scent of your child's hair, breath. Let them cook with you and make a mess of the kitchen. Play hide and seek with them, build sand castles with them, take them on picnics, read to them!  Listen to them, value and respect them, never shame them.  Your words they will carry with them their whole life and you have the power to give them wings or stunt their growth. Motherhood can be tough but it's worth it. It can be exhausting, boring, tedious, but never for long. You blink and they're grown. It has been my honor and privilege to love Daisy these last 8 years. I’m thankful for every minute; the joyful and the terrible alike.

When Sparrows Fall 

Matthew 10:28-31

10 months ago, 3 days before Easter, my 8-year-old daughter Daisy Love was diagnosed with cancer for the 3rd time.

6 weeks ago she was diagnosed for a 4th time... now with 2 inoperable tumors. Since then we have spent 35 days in the hospital and she has had another round of chemo

In total it has been 3 years and 4 months that we have been fighting cancer with Daisy (almost 30 rounds of chemo—6 major surgeries).

January 13th marked one month in the hospital.  She received two weeks of chemo within a couple of days of going in with abdominal pain and finding two new tumors. She came home for three nights after that and went back in with severe dehydration. The chemo had a much more radical effect on her showing how fragile she really is. We are awaiting her guts to heal and her body to retain nourishment. Needless to say we are devastated. We had hoped our journey across the world would have cured our baby but it is not so.

We are discussing a few options with our doctor, none of which we can make a decision on until we peek inside Daisy's belly again to see how it responded. Until then we wait and pray and hope. And as our hearts are ripped out and our very insides sear with pain, the principles of life haven't changed. Parenthood, no, being human, is still an opportunity to love. Every time I rub Daisy's swollen feet, cool her burning once again bald head, every time I listen to her speak tiny words in the dark of the night or wash more soiled bedclothes, my opportunity remains. To love. This month is not a month I expected, not a month I wish upon any mama... Yet my opportunities to love her abound, and it's my pleasure to serve her in all the deep pain. I don't know what the future brings. Today we were able to leave the hospital and continue her care at home, but we need a miracle, more than ever before. While we yet remain, we choose to enjoy our girl because she is incredibly enjoyable. 

Please pray for us as we make agonizing decisions never intended for parents to make. Pray for a miracle. Pray for relief of our girl's physical pain.  And pray for stamina for the rest of us to go forward in strength and courage. 

Daisy is as courageous as ever, full of grace and maturity as she voices her needs without ever whining or being rude. She once again is saving her downy hair for the birds by our house, hoping as they have spring babies they can enjoy her softness. 

One last thought, as a parent and as a human being; opportunities to love surround us. When we take those opportunities time seems to stop, and in that timelessness is where memories are made and beauty is beheld.  We will never regret rising to the occasion.  I believe it has something to do with the fact that God is love and we are made in His image. Suffering isn't what we are made for, but it can be fruitful in ways we could never imagine. 

We love because He first loved us. 

I appreciate the ways so many of you have loved and served us through the shadows, prayer, dinner, financial help for treatments, letters, teddy bears. You have helped ease our suffering in many ways. 

Today is a difficult day for Daisy... with large tumors in her abdomen and trying to recover from two weeks of chemotherapy, her body is struggling. She is extremely fragile and weak.

We need to seek God on her behalf today. Some of Daisy's prayer warriors are fasting and praying for 24 hours starting anytime today. As the Lord leads you, we'd love for you to join.

Love,

Tyler Morgan Executive Director The Daisy Merrick Trust

Daisy starts chemo at 2pm PST today. Pray the chemo works really well and really quickly. Also, Daisy is in quite a bit of pain. Please pray for immediate and continual relief.

Daisy was admitted to Cottage Hospital on Thursday, December 13, where her doctors discovered 2 new cancerous tumors in her abdominal region. One is at least the size of a large grapefruit and is connected to major arteries and organs. The other is smaller and on her liver. Both are considered inoperable.

The tumors are so large they are impacting blood flow to major organs. The doctors feel they must begin chemotherapy immediately (tomorrow) to reduce their size.

The options for additional treatment at this time are very limited and not promising. The Merrick family is currently evaluating all of them and pursuing every viable possibility. They desperately need your prayers for wisdom, strength, peace and God’s leading and nearness.

Most importantly, Daisy needs your prayers for healing. Apart from merciful, supernatural intervention from God, Daisy’s prognosis is bleak. 

In all these things, God’s grace is abundant and sufficient. 

Britt wants you to know that he is experiencing God’s grace in a profound way and feeling an incredible amount of peace and strength and even joy. Additionally, he reports that God seems very present and is discernibly with him. Please pray that the whole Merrick family would experience these things continually and in abundance. 

Dear friends...

Well, here we are.  The end of our trip.  There is so much to be grateful for, so much to still chew on and think about.  We are coming home at the end of the week, and it's not a moment too soon.  We miss home so much and are in need of the comfort and company it brings.  Cancer treatment brings so many unknowns, sometimes familiarity can be therapeutical as well.  

Here's the scoop on where we are at with Daisy and her health; we are now in a waiting phase.  Daisy's treatment has gone according to plan, and so we wait.  Our doctor in Israel has recommended that we wait 1-2 months to scan, as if you scan too early you could miss something.  Most likely we will scan in early January.  After spending 3-5 days a week in the clinic, this break from treatment is extremely exciting to us.  Britt and I have decided to use this time to be peaceful, enjoying "normalcy", the holidays, and seeing Daisy grow stronger.  We will choose to relax our minds and souls and move ahead when it is time.  Her doctors are unsure as to whether she will need more treatment or not, as there are still options for her.  So for now, we wait.

Daisy is cheerful, and a total trooper as usual.  She had been doing so well with her little workouts until, unfortunately, she had a little camel accident.  We had the luxury of seeing our dear friends from the Mission (a church on the North Shore of Oahu) and were at a really cool place near Jerusalem riding camels and eating lunch.  The camel behind Daisy's came loping up to her and bumped into her camel, pinning her leg between a metal bar on the saddle and said camel.  Poor Daisy got really hurt and couldn't walk for two days.  We took her in for x-rays but thankfully she just has bruised muscles, no broken legs.  She had a setback in  her strength building which is a disappointment, as I watched her little legs shrink even further.  Right now she has "gotten back on the camel", so to speak, (using her hurt leg) although I don't think she ever wants to get back on a real one.  

Please join us in prayer as we get back home and find a balance between continuing some of her treatments from home, waiting with peace, and being okay with yet more unknowns.  We continue to hold tightly to each day we get with her, enjoying her wit and creativity, continuing to care for her body as well as her mind and spirit, enjoying the gift of all she is to us and remembering that today is all any of us have.  

We count each of you as a blessing to us, and highly value your prayers.  God has reminded us of that in funny ways.  A couple of weeks ago we were on a hiking trail near the Dead Sea when a girl on the trail stopped us.  "Is that Daisy?" she says with a German accent.  It turns out she had been praying along with her church in Germany, and we were so happy to meet more from her church on the trail.  We laughed and hugged and thanked God that even in a tiny country in the Middle East on a hiking trail with Ibex and Hyrax and date palms He sees us and uses other to encourage us.  So thank you, friends.  In a rugged and intense time in our life you have been an agent of a sort of healing to us.  Thank you to all of you who pray and love and encourage.

We are grateful to the doctors, and the incredible minds they have chosen to use for the good of people.  We are grateful to be able to get a chance at healing with new methods that show promising results.  We are grateful to have met amazing caregivers we consider our friends.  We are grateful that as a family of four still we have grown as tightly connected as possible.  We are grateful also, to be coming home.

Thanksgiving is coming.  There is much pain in all our lives, much to lament over.  But this time is set aside for thanksgiving.  What perfect timing.  Now is the time to give thanks.  Now is the time to name and walk in the blessings we have, from your favorite sweats, to the sound of your favorite song; from freshly made salsa and chips to the love of family and the fact that we are all living free.  Not all will be perfect in this earthly life, ever, but much is to be enjoyed; and all that is to be enjoyed is a gift from God.

Love,

Kate

Psalm 94:17-19

Hello friends!  The donkey in this picture followed Daisy all around a living museum in Nazareth.  He was so cute and friendly, he even followed us into the little synagogue.  They couldn't resist each other...

We continue to be overwhelmingly grateful for all the help and support we have received to get us here, to allow our girl another chance.  We are daily humbled by your generosity, by your love.  Please know that not a day goes by that we don't think of how blessed and thankful we are for you.  We look forward to the day we will get to turn around and do the same for others, to share the love you have shared with us to help kids like Daisy fight for their lives.  Let's pray it is soon.

Daisy is holding up well.  She has received the Lymphocytes and it was a long week with fevers and some chills as an immune response to the foreign cells.  The doctor said she handled it well, so we were pleased with that.  I'm dumbfounded by all the treatments Daisy has endured.  Such strength.  She continues to receive her usual treatments as well.  We are planning on leaving Israel soon, provided that all is well, and are praying for a clear scan.  Her doctors have given her their safer options, hoping they will provide Daisy with a cure, but can be less efficacious than the riskier options.  They say that cancer is a moving target so you need to fight "dirty", a.k.a. "sneaky".  We have provided Daisy's body with several "weapons" to get rid of it's enemy, spies that will hopefully get those cancer cells while they least expect it.  So let's keep praying that these immunotherapies do the trick.  We want to come home!

Daisy now has hair long enough for a little bedhead!  (And mini faux-hawk).  Her spirits are high, and she continues to be easy going, sweet, hilarious, and excited for all the things she wants to do in the future.  (Today she asked if she could ride a flying lion or at least just be floated by balloons.  "I'll hold a rock or something so I don't float away.  Please mom?")  She continues to loathe her frequent shots, understandably, but bravely puts one foot in front of the other.  She is having a hard time with her weight lately, losing a few pounds that she barely had in the first place.  She's a wisp.  We have spent the past week stuffing her with as much high calorie foods as we can and so it seems to be coming back up again.  Also, her little muscles continue to be extremely weak.  Those of you who know her may have noticed how the simplest of movements take great effort for her.  It's impossible to gain muscle if you can't gain weight, which is most likely due to her damaged sole kidney.  These things have been an issue for her for a long time, but we need to see improvement soon or recovery will be really really lengthy.  The body is so interconnected; I know helping one area can help another, yet sometimes it seems like it's all just falling apart.  Daisy's doctor has prescribed jumping on the bed twice daily for ten minutes!  So we have been faithful with our "workouts", but even something that should be easy can be extremely frustrating when you cannot jump without assistance and discomfort.  I have seen some progress though, as Daisy puts forth all her effort, so, snaps for Daisy!

Please pray for us as we wind down our journey.  I'll give you a nice little list...

1.  First and foremost, I will say it again as I have said ten thousand times, HEALING!

2.  Weight gain

3.  Kidney function, restoration of the damage (she spills needed nutrients)

4.  Strength!  I want to see my daughter skip, jump, dance without fear and pain

5.  That we can finish well.  We are homesick, pooped, and ready to come home, but know we must cowboy up.  We want to go out strong, confident, and peaceful.  

Peace, love, and blessings to all of you from us...

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:20-21 (NLT)

We are in awe of the love of Jesus toward Daisy and the Merrick family through the overwhelming generosity and support of so many of you. At the end of September 2012, we not only met but exceeded our fundraising goal for Daisy's care and medical treatment. Praise God! We appreciate each one of you and every gift both big and small.

The Merricks are still in Israel getting the best care possible for Daisy so their final expenses are still not confirmed. So what happens with funds raised beyond what is needed to care for Daisy over the next few years? The trust was founded to honor the Merrick's desire that they go towards helping others with cancer (especially children) or towards cancer research.

We want to say again how deeply thankful we are for your constant and consistent support through prayer and giving. Please continue watching this blog for updates to better inform your prayers for Daisy and the Merricks.

God bless you!