me

I've had this blog for over a year now and figured I should probably make an intro post, so hi! You can call me lurker, (cause i don't wanna post my real name) I'm a minor, canadien, still in highschool, I'm also bilingual, french and english, and have been into g/t since I was like two years old. I mostly shitpost about g/t and my life. I'm also posting the first draft of my novel, inhuman here. But it's currently not updating because I had to restart. I occasionally post short stories or art, but yeah!

My current interests are:

G/t (duh)

Yealokre

Cinderella boy

School bus grave yard

Epic the musical

Others but I can't remember.

Ive been so productive

The worst part about my mom kicking me out isn't that in the end my mother deiceded her new life, after she left my father and got clean from hard drugs was better without me in it, even after years of choosing drugs over her me over and over again. Abandoning me over and over again. Or giving me no reason or warning before I was kicked out.

It's that I'll never see my little brother again. The person I was closes too in the whole world. I was his older sister, 11 years older then him. we spent every night playing, watching movies, doing puzzles, i was his favorite person in the whole world.

he was all I had.

And all of a sudden I was ripped away from him. He got no explanation to why I wasn't around anymore and my mother villianzed me too him. He's only six he wont know any better.

It's been three months and I cant go a day without missing and thinking of him.

Yes it's hard to breath.

I have two extremely severe depressive disorders. Pdd and mdd. They devopled in my childhood due to having a traumatic upbringing.

I am seventeen and I am on a high dose of sertraline and do weekly therapy to mange my depression. I will be on sertraline until I die. Because of the severity of my depression im going to have to keep taking it for the rest of my life.

However. I was able to get on medications and work with the right therapists when I was younger, and when i was first recognized with my mental disorders, when I was first sent to the emergency room for what I was doing, and when doctors first started recommending i start antidepressants. I wouldve only had to been on them temporarily. I was around 11.

But my mother did not want me on them. She thought I was too young and didnt want me relying on pills. Instead I was put into the children's hospitals "choice program." Where I received horrible therapy from the ages of 12-13 when they declared i was "too sick too help."

At the age of thirteen I asked about anti depressants again and an appointment was made with my dr, that was completely hijacked by my mother and I didn't get the help I needed.

I did not start therapy again until I was 15 when I sent to a youth program in my city in there "high risk" patient center. It was the first time where I felt genuinely heard and was truly helped by a doctor. They helped my get my diagnosis and helped me stand up for myself.

Here in canada you can legally make all of your own medical descions at the age of sixteen. And the very first thing I did when I turned sixteen was get on antidepressants. It was the first thing I did for myself and after months of increasing my doses and struggling to get where I needed to be, with a mix of my meds and therapy. I am doing much better. Im currently three months clean from self harm. Soon it will have been a year since I last attempted. And im currently in the process of quitting weed and alcohol which I became dependent on.

Imagine if I had started meds and proper therapy sooner.

The point i am trying to make here is that children and young teens should not have to wait until they are legally able to say "i need to be on these meds or i will kill myself." In order to be helped. If at eleven years old the doctors could've told my mother that I needed to be on these meds, because i would suffer tremendously without. They could have been temporary instead of permanent.

If you are under the age where you cant make your own medical decisions and you can't get the help you need. I HIGHLY encourage you too keep fighting for it, and dont give up. Your life matters. This goes for physical, mental, and emotional health. And there are 100% resources in your area you can reach out too to get the help you need if you are in need.