revolver redemption

his first answer is a smirk, it ain’t like her to ask for what she wants. prefers the game, the hunt of it. 

♡   in honor of v-day!   ♡   ➝   LINK.

your seduction style:   THE NATURAL

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

                                                   laugh , and you are a fractured machine & it comes out just as that : the ink too wet , your typeface distorted. push the cigarette between your lips like a fuck you , and you might mean it , too.    “ yeah , yeah. didn’t see you offerin’ to help , though. ”    watch him , from the corner of your eye , through your lashes , like a wink : you wouldn’t have taken his help. your lighter is a flat and shiny thing , barely dinged , & you’ve got the compulsion to carve it up , the way you used to do. lights like shit , too. you’re half sorry you even took it.

                                                   hold it in , because you like the burn of it , down your throat and in the desperate contractions of your lungs. exhale , in these cute little rings you learned when you were fifteen and offer it between the two of you like a spliff , loose in your fingers. brows arch , unvoiced question , but bucky’s hardly going to be offended if it’s turned down. twists his mouth to show teeth , and tips his head ‘til he’s looking skyward , at nothing much but a dark hull ,    “ i think you probably gave too much for those fuckin’ boots to be anything other than what you are. ”    laughs , again , and this one’s softer , or at least it’s more put together ,    “ goddamn cowboy. ”

               jesse breaks open on a laugh, the vaguely hysterical edges of too much energy and no place to put it, something restless and wild in him twisting around. like he wants a fight or a fuck and ain’t about to get either one. he shrugs and slouches down in his jump-seat, like he’s not ready to jitter right outta his skin. “whatcha about to learn from a lil’shit like me?” jesse asks, catching his eyes like a punchline. grinning at the almost twinkle like wink in them. it’s funny---how bucky outranks him but still acts like a solider, a universality to him that jesse would never have guessed at before he met him. never acts like he’s better than all of them, doesn’t seem to have the desire to command men underneath him. maybe he just likes being down in the action and the muck with the rest of ‘em, jesse’d like to know why but he doesn’t know him well enough to ask.

jesse can feel himself grinning, dumbass expression as barnes blows these puffy little smoke rings into his face. like the kind of trick you learn from a father figure, one of those bad habits you pass down from one generation to another. he darts his eyes around, bottom lip’s smirk caught behind the point of a canine, looking to see if gabe is around and keeping an eye on him. “m’supposed to be quittin’.” he explains as he takes it from bucky, fingers brushing warm. damn him for an addict but he’s trying-- always wants what is probably bad for him. he breathes out like an aggression, like a ‘fuck you’ in return. he kicks his feet up, cross one long leg over another and rotates his foot at the ankle. actual cowboy boots that he didn’t dig out of a second hand thrift store--beaten halfway to hell before he’d gotten his hands on them. these ones black of course and only half broken in so far. 

01. neither jesse nor i even really responded much or connected to religion. though we were certainly both raised in a moral household. we also both have close family members who are both more religious than we are. though both of us do celebrate various holidays with religious associations because who doesn’t love a celebration?  02.  we both have had our moral/value systems that have been heavily influenced by a fictional genre that we enjoy. for jesse it was the westerns he grew up with that informed his formation of who a hero is, how it’s defined and how that person acts and treats people, we both try to mimic those heroic qualities and be more like our heroes from fiction. it’s just that mine has come from trying to be more like my favorite superheroes-- in practical ways-- like how i treat people and my political activism. not by like....trying to beat people up because i’d be bad at fighting.  03.  we both have negative or difficult relationships with our fathers that have left us with a slightly fucked up idea of what men are like/what they should be like. something we’ve both counterattacked by taking cues from other positive male role models in our lives whether that be other relatives or through fictional characters. though we both have a DIFFERENT kind of screwed up relationship with our fathers. jesse’s dad left when his mom was pregnant and mine, while he’s been around for all of my life in some way is an emotionally abusive alcoholic whose made it very difficult to trust male figures in my life.  04.   both jesse and myself try to have a good sense of humor about ourselves. neither of us takes themselves that seriously. jesse will happily crack up at cowboy jokes that use him like a punchline (as long as the joke is actually funny at least) 05.  jesse acts a lot tougher than he is, at least on an emotional level. we both act like we’re much harder to hurt than we actually are, though we do this in slightly different ways. jesse by leaning into that aloof/mysterious/tough guy gunslinger persona/archetype. me by converting my hurt feelings into a thick layer of bitterness and anger and in the future i just use sarcasm to pretend i’m not hurt by things that do, in fact, hurt my feelings. so we’re both big soft (mostly gay) toasted marshmallows. 

FIVE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MUSE &. MUN.

01.  jesse is mixed race POC while i am a white euro-mutt as far as i know. jesse is navajo/mexican on his mother’s side and was raised on a reservation so he’s actually very close to that side of his heritage and he’s proud of it, but also very private about it, (because most native people are raised to be suspicious of sharing their heritage with other people, probably because white people keep taking their culture and turning it into stupid stereotypes.) 02.  jesse has had-- a difficult relationship when it comes to family. he loves them, he always has but he also ran away from home at 14 and never really went back or even really had another significant interaction with most of them since that age. whereas, i’ve always been very close to my mother and tell her pretty much everything.  03.   jesse has seen probably just about every movie that could be labelled as a western, though there are certainly ones he loves and ones that he has.....a problematic relationship with. i in contrast, have seen like....two westerns ever? though i’m trying to watch more if only to include more references to them in my jesse writing.  04.   though jesse is actually slightly more educated than i am (he actually has a college degree while i had to stop when i ran out of money as a junior) the way and times we received our education couldn’t be more different. jesse dropped out of high school when he ran away from home at 14 and later was encouraged by gabriel reyes to get himself an education, or to AT LEAST get his GED later. (*which i imagine is a minimum requirement of to BE an overwatch agent, either high school graduation or at least an equivalency of.) then a couple years into being a Blackwatch agent decided to take advantage of higher education financing programs to get himself a college degree. (BA in History, minor in Journalism, if you’re curious.) whereas my education was very normal, at least for a US definition of normal. I graduated high school at the average age, didn’t skip or repeat any years. And went straight into college right after graduating. 05.   jesse is a FASHION DISASTER! and while i wouldn’t call myself a fashionista by any extent of the word--- i at least don’t dress in a clique hollywood cowboy costume. so....there’s that. 

‘ save it. ’ her voice hisses through the space between them. ‘ just go. everyone leaves anyway, maybe it’s time you followed suit. so just go.’

he started this wrong-- pretty much the same way he’s ever started everything in life. jesse’s ma told him once that he’d been born feet first, even came into the world the wrong way around, or maybe he’d just been born to be a runner. just like his damned father before-- the ghost of failure and dodging responsibilities that haunts him even now.    “ angie-- just, would ya at least hear me out here sugar? “ he’d reach for a hand but he knows too well by the cold look in her eye she’d smack it away or dodge it. 

              he’d deserve it anyway. 

“ truth be told--- i was sort of hoping you’d give me a reason not to. “ metal fingers taptaptap against his hip just where the holster ought to be or used to be. take the arm but he couldn’t seem to shake the nervous habit anyway. 

jesse vc:” ....i don’t think that’s quite how anon works darlin’.”