littles with eating disorders
eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia and binge eating aren’t always about just food. they’re often about using food to cope with bad feelings such as stress, sadness, pain and anger. feelings no daddy, mummy or caregiver wants their little to feel!
1. when talking about the eating disorder, talk about feelings or relationships instead. link this to why you’re concerned, not on weight, food and appearance.
2. remind them that you want to care for them as much as they should care for themselves.
3. avoid fat prejudices and do not compare them to others. if they claim to ‘be fat,’ instead of saying “you are not fat,” ask them why they fear being fat instead, and what they think they will achieve being thin.
4. do not demand change. do not criticize their eating habits. people with eating disorders want to be in control, and this can be in or out of their littlespaces.
5. avoid placing shame, guilt or blame on them. this will only make your little one feel terrible. no accusatory statements using ‘you.’ “you are acting silly,” or “you just need to eat” is wrong. perhaps you could use ‘i’ statements. “i am worried about you because you are not eating lunch or dinner,” or “it makes me afraid to hear you vomiting.”
in a caregiving role, daddies, mummies and caregivers are often a main place for security and comfort for littles. there are other things to include in this sense:
1. have a think about your own thoughts on food, weight and body image. if you have your own body image pressures, and share these with your little, try not to voice them so openly. it’s good to communicate once in a while, and bottling up isn’t safe, but influencing can be terrible.
2. no threats, scare tactics or outbursts of anger. saying you will abandon them, take away their privileges or more is emotional abuse.
3. attempt to set kind and consistent limits and rules. practice how to respond to them skipping a meal, purging, binging or eating with others.
4. be firm. regardless of pleas and/or promises, stay very focused on what is happening. you may have to force them to go to the doctors or hospital. if possible, join them, or call them when they do.
5. do whatever you can to promote self-esteem. this includes intellectual, athletic and social endeavours. try to avoid praising their appearance, as this further supports the painful behaviours.
i hope this helps! remember, everyone is different, and some techniques will work for some, and not for others. whilst this post is aimed towards littles with eating disorders, one for daddies, mummies and caregivers will be out in the future!
