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my dad just tried to describe the size of a large dog to me by saying โhe could like stand up and make his own fucking dinner on the stoveโ
*cries tears of rose water*
someone else: *makes a mistake*
me: don't worry buddy! it is not a big deal! we can fix this! we'll figure it out!!
me: *makes a mistake*
me: i am irredeemable worthless garbage and i want to die
Me: *makes a small irrelevant mistake*
My Brain, banging pots and pans together: YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUC
Me: *makes huge mistake that will directly affect my future horribly*
My Brain, lounging on a lawn chair with shades on: ....acknowledged

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A guide to making herb and edible flower Pasta
โจ๐ธMC's Ostara Lavender Honey Glaze Bread๐ธโจ
Today 03/20/2019 is Ostara for many people(Mabon for the other Hemisphere). This means me and several other witches are celebrating the Spring Equinox and most do this by baking! I combined two recipes and made my own adjustments based on my knowledge of how strong lavender can be. ย Most of the time Lavender Bread has a Lemon Zest Icing, but I didnโt have the proper items to make that soโฆ a Honey Glaze! It makes a lot of sense since Lavender is a plant you can plant for Bees! Letโs Get Started!
Bread
ยพ ย ย ย cup milk
1 ย ย ย tablespoons of dried lavender
6 ย ย ย tablespoons butter, softened
1 ย ย ย cup white sugar
2 ย ย ย eggs
2 ย ย ย cups all-purpose flour
1 ย ย ย 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
ยผ ย ย ย teaspoon salt
2 ย ย ย drops of Vanilla
Instructions
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9x5 inch loaf pan.
Combine the milk and lavender in a small saucepan over medium heat. Heat to a simmer, then remove from heat, and allow to cool slightly.
In a medium bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until smooth.
Beat in the egg until the mixture is light and fluffy.
Slowly Combine the flour, baking powder, and salt.
Stir the dry ingredients into the sugar, butter egg mixture slowly. After adding a little of the dry add in a bit of the milk. Do this until all of it is gone from both(dry and milk/lavender). Blend evenly.
Pour into the prepared oiled/floured pan. Spread it out evenly in the pan
Bake for 50 minutes in the preheated oven, or until a wooden pick inserted into the crown of the loaf comes out clean.
Cool in the Fridge or on a cooling rack if you have the time :)
Glaze
1/3 ย ย ย cup honey
ยผ ย ย ย cup light-brown sugar
1/3 cup unsalted butter
1 ย ย ย teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Instructions
Bring honey, brown sugar, and butter to a boil in a small saucepan, stirring until sugar dissolves.
Add vanilla, and remove from heat. Let cool for 1 minute.
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MINI CARAMEL-CHAI SPICED APPLE PIES
Strawberries & Cream Cobbler
Mmm. Strawberries and cream. Thereโs nothing better. Hence the cake. And now the cobbler.ย
Yes, I realize that many of you are currently living in a season where it is difficult to buy good strawberries. In that case, just salivate over this amazing dessert for the next two or three months. Itโs worth it.
Strawberries & Cream Cobbler (printable) serves 4-6
Ingredients
For the Strawberries and Cream Filling 6 cups (1200 g) strawberries 6 tablespoons sugar, divided 2 tablespoons flour 2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 4 oz (115 g) cream cheese, cut into small cubes 3 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
For the Biscuit Topping ยพ cup (90 g) all-purpose flour ยพ teaspoon baking powder ยผ teaspoon baking soda ยผ teaspoon salt 5 teaspoons sugar, divided 2 tablespoons cold butter, cut into small pieces ยฝ cup (120 mL) buttermilk
Directions
Wash and cut the strawberries into halves and combine with 4 tablespoons of the sugar, flour, lemon juice, and vanilla in a 9- or 10-inch cast iron skillet. Stir to coat, then let sit until the strawberries have started to release their juices, about 30 minutes.
Preheat the oven to 400 F/ 205 C.
In a bowl, beat together the cream cheese and the remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar until smooth. Beat in the cream, 1 tablespoon at a time. Drop the cream cheese mixture over the strawberry mixture by tablespoons. Use a spoon or spatula to try to spread the cream cheese mixture into a thin layer over the top of the strawberries.
In a bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and 3 teaspoons of the sugar. Cut in the butter with a pastry cutter or a fork until it resembles coarse crumbs. Add in the buttermilk and stir just until moistened - do not overmix. Add more buttermilk if the mixture is too dry. Drop rounded tablespoons of the topping over the strawberries and cream mixture. Sprinkle the remaining 2 teaspoons of sugar over the top.
Bake until the fruit is tender and bubbling, about 25 minutes. Serve warm or cold.
BUY MY BOOK!ย (pls)
Blackberry Pie Recipe From Scratchย

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Bread Recipes! ๐ฅ๐
(recipe 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Summer solstice honey cakes โ๏ธ๐ป
Happy summer solstice! Hereโs a recipe to honour the day:
(Makes about 30 cupcakes or 2 big cakes)
Ingredients:
Cake:
450g plain flour
225g butter
4 tbsp honey
150g sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
4 eggs
250 ml milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
Icing:
150g icing sugar
20 ml water
1 tsp cinnamon
As much honey as you want
Lavender (optional)
1. Lay out cake cases or grease your tray if you are making one big cake and preheat your oven to 180C/350F
2. Mix the flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon and salt together
3. Add the eggs, honey, butter, milk and vanilla extract and mix until smooth
4. Put the mixture into whatever you are baking it in
5. Bake for 20mins (cupcakes) or 40mins (big cake)
6. Whilst cakes are baking prepare your icing. Mix together the icing sugar, water, cinnamon and honey until smooth. Add more water if you need to.
7. Once the cakes are done, take them out and leave to cool
8. When the cakes are cool, drizzle the icing onto them. Add lavender if you wish
9. Eat!
John Brosio, State of the Union, 2011, oil on canvas
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why donโt you go dip a hunk of bread into a bowl of hot homemade soup and maybe youโll calm down buddy

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start practicing self care by acting on your needs the moment you feel them. if youโre hungry, eat something. if youโre tired, take a nap. if youโre unfocused, take a break. one of the most consistent and respectful ways to take proper care of yourself is by listening to your body.
It kind of breaks my heart when people are surprised by kindness. Puts into perspective how often theyโre treated poorly by others.ย