Wait. Wat.

The ghost in my apartment is obsessed with turning the tv on and playing downtown abbey

Also k want a Bob's burgers Van's line. No questions asked @fox

The Quaker rice crisps are highly underrated

I just said "my feet are exposed to the elephants" Instead of saying elements

I told my boyfriend that if I were a potato I would be a sweet potato. He told me no and then called me a russet potato. Get the pitchforks boys n girls

I went to a gay club and my friend and I were dressed up as fred and daphne... but he looked more like Ellen DeGeneres and we only made that connection after a a drunk lesbian hit on him.

How does so much hair get in my bitt crack after I shower?

The devil face in my head keeps whispering to me to eat chicken nuggets

They call the portable potties in new Orleans poo dat I want to shake the ceo's hand

My egg yolk oozled everywhere. Rude.

The cat I live with yalks to our demon, dennis. It scare me

You know sometimes I think about those floaty boys in my eyeballs and wonder if they having a good time. Like is my eyeball their world and everytime I ink a tsunami just happens. I'm so sorry mr. N mrs. Steve

The snapchat halloween lwtters can make anyything I say creepy and I love rt

Life would have been so much sinpler if I was a horse girl

I can't stop reading in italics