Professor Jiggly is Loose in the Pokemon Room

For the record we were voted down.

Collective man-hours we have lost to the team leaders and staff collapsed in a chair crying about dog pokémon being So Good:

Snubble: 3, mostly Spark

Granbull: 3, mostly Candela

Houndour: 5. One of them was mine. In my defense it was super small.

Houndoom: 3

Growlithe: 7

Suicune: 24 and counting

AV Blake, law student but otherwise normal person: I can't believe Professor Willow spent three hours yesterday explaining his theories about the big surge of water pokemon and somehow forgot to add 'so I flooded the basement to make a temporary holding pond for all the magikarp'.

Vera J, kind human and decent colleague but deranged in that special pokemon researcher way: Oh, I didn't think it needed saying. Didn't you sort of assume he would?

AVB, despite having worked with this man for nearly a year now: No. Despite having worked with that man for nearly a year, I somehow didn't see this coming.

VJ, a competent but worrying person: It was the reasonable thing to do. Any pokemon researcher would have done it.

AVB, unsurprised but still sort of horrified: Would they now.

VJ, who is saying this all completely conversationally: Sure, a friend of my mother's works with Professor Juniper. When I was an undergrad she told me all about the kind of things that can happen in a pokemon lab.

AVB, edging away slowly: Oh, really. Sounds fascinating.

VJ: Sure! One time Professor Juniper's lab turned into a prehistoric jungle while they were cloning a fossil specimen.

AVB: Uh.

VJ: Unfortunately, then it burned down. But what they learned about prehistoric pokemon behavior was amazing!

AVB, whose parents still haven't forgiven her for not going into pokemon research because apparently this is the kind of life they want her to lead, which is a major reason she doesn't come home for holidays: That's. Amazing all right.

AV Blake, law student but otherwise normal person: I can't believe Professor Willow spent three hours yesterday explaining his theories about the big surge of water pokemon and somehow forgot to add 'so I flooded the basement to make a temporary holding pond for all the magikarp'.

Vera J, kind human and decent colleague but deranged in that special pokemon researcher way: Oh, I didn't think it needed saying. Didn't you sort of assume he would?

AVB, despite having worked with this man for nearly a year now: No. Despite having worked with that man for nearly a year, I somehow didn't see this coming.

VJ, a competent but worrying person: It was the reasonable thing to do. Any pokemon researcher would have done it.

AVB, unsurprised but still sort of horrified: Would they now.

VJ, who is saying this all completely conversationally: Sure, a friend of my mother's works with Professor Juniper. When I was an undergrad she told me all about the kind of things that can happen in a pokemon lab.

AVB, edging away slowly: Oh, really. Sounds fascinating.

VJ: Sure! One time Professor Juniper's lab turned into a prehistoric jungle while they were cloning a fossil specimen.

AVB: Uh.

VJ: Unfortunately, then it burned down. But what they learned about prehistoric pokemon behavior was amazing!

AVB, whose parents still haven't forgiven her for not going into pokemon research because apparently this is the kind of life they want her to lead, which is a major reason she doesn't come home for holidays: That's. Amazing all right.

That can’t be it. That can’t be all he has up his constantly rolled up white sleeves. 

We all like the Professor, but when he gets a ‘great idea’ to boost study performance we wind up with black lung from loading up double stardust or something. 

The hats are annoying, they’re dumb, I’m going to scream if I see one more person wearing them, but they’re not bad. 

He’s lulling us into a false sense of security before he runs a ‘double stardust for your most-intern-traumatizing-pokemon’ event. 

Hey! Dave here!

Yeah AV tried to destroy every copy of these but u know what she can’t destroy? professor willow’s pokegram account. the internet is 4ever, AV. 

we had dis great photographer @raposabranca come thru 2 take pictures for the uni & we got copies of the pictures today! i hear she’s available sometimes for team portraits of u & ur pokemon , u should check her out! 

accessible stuff under here

I’ve been going through the server update. The new procedures are written in a flavor of PSQL I don’t recognize, and the patch doesn’t work. 

I mean, it works. But it doesn’t work. There are six identical but separate variables named ‘porygon’. Of type ‘porygon’. From hidden reference library porygon.orb. 

Don’t bother me about the eggs being off or half the regional pokemon not showing up. I’m not touching this thing. I’m not even going to breathe too close to the servers. You get another update when they give me time to write one from scratch.