EMS

I love my job. Every day, I love my job. I love my students. I care about their lives and their dreams. Unexpectedly, they have really taught me to love myself. Everyday, they tell me I look great. Which is pretty inappropriate from all the 19/20 year old guys I teach. And I always tell them that it is inappropriate. The girls are sweet and usually like my outfits. I realized that no matter what is happening to my body,  if I’m on my period and I’m bloating; if I ate a donut; if I ate a salad; if I had coffee or if i didn’t have coffee (most frightening); if I slept late or ANYTHING, my students would tell me I am beautiful. There were days when I wore make up or didn’t and they would say it. Most of these coffee-had days, I would tell them how smart they are, and that they are interesting, and I hope that they are having a great day. My students hear me say these things often. And they feel my actual love and care for them.

I have realized that not all teachers are this way. Not all people are this way either. That many people never discuss how proud they are with others, or that they are doing a great job and have made tremendous progress in their everyday activities. I see that teaching is my most perfect outlet for total, complete and honest praise. I Leslie Knope all of my students everyday. They are true geniuses and love the attention. Me being a teacher makes total sense now.

So these two things together, my confessed love of nearly all humans (mostly recently immigrated, speaks little English humans) + my profession, = my students and coworkers see my best self. They see a happy, in love with her day, confident human. It isn’t my body necessarily, it isn’t my clothes, it is just me. They see me and my love and see beauty. They are not able to see the insecurities I cling to. My happiness and love are my absolute attractiveness. Not my actual size and weight (which are two things that I only really see, and which are the sources of my insecurities/sadness). My love for my students has allowed me to see the person they see. To see the happy, confident, attractive person that I am. I am beautiful in many ways. I see it now guysssss.