Chapter of a project I'm working on
I guess TW for death and a homophobic slur
8:13 AM
Jonathan: alive
The bus is late. But, it doesn’t really matter does it? We kind of have all the time in the world. We sit in the back, shoulder to shoulder with our bags at our feet. Jonathan’s wearing a white shirt and a pair of khakis and I realize this is the first time I’ve seen him out of his uniform. He’s just as handsome.
It’s a thirty minute bus ride but, I’ve been on longer. And I don’t mind all the time to just talk to him, away form the prying eyes of the other students. For the first time in a while I feel calm. I feel okay.
8:49 AM
Jonathan: more than alive, excited
“You said hiking trail, this is barely a game path!” I gesture to the thin dirt path that winds through the forest, “I mean those ferns are practically growing on the path.”
Jonathan waves his hand “Oh, calm down. It’s a trail, a not very well-used trail, but a trail all the same.” He smiles “It just means more privacy for us.”
I roll my eyes “and when we get attacked by bears no one to come and rescue us.” Jonathan laughs.
“Lighten up! Nothings going to happen.”
I grunt out a noise of dicontentment but when he starts walking up the trail I follow all the same.
9:23 AM
Jonathan: content and so so so very alive
“This is nice, you know?” I swipe sweat away from my brow, it seems wrong that I should be sweating when it’s almost december but, here we are.
I nod “Yeah, you were right this forest is really beautiful.”
Jonathan shakes his head “No, I mean, this.” He turns around so he can gesture to the two of us, “us, talking with you.”
I frown “Do we not talk at school?”
The steady rythimn of our feet mixes in with all the other sounds of the forest. Thump, thump, thump.
“Well, yes but not like this. You’re always... looking over your shoulder, making sure no one’s around.” pause “pulling away,” he laughs “sometimes I think you’re more distant than you were before we were dating.”
I stop, “what’s that supposed to mean?”
He turns around to face me, brow furrowed “nothing, I just think your... ashamed of me sometimes.”
We’re in a bit of a clearing, not really but the trail has flattened out and widened into a bit of a circle.
“I’m not.”
“No, it’s fine, I get it. You don’t want to come out, that’s fine.”
“It’s not like your out either.”
he frowns, tilts his head ot the left “yeah, but... you’re different about it. I don’t know. Like I just don’t tell people I’m gay, you try to hide it.”
“Yeah, well, sorry for not wanting to be called a f*ggot for the rest of my life.”
He blinks at me.
Then his face twists, disgust clear in every line and crease.
“What the fuck, Sal? I mean, what the...
“God, Sal. I thought you were better than this. Than that. You don’t want people to know you’re gay? Fine. But... but, you don’t have to be a bigot about it.
“I mean I expect that from everyone else, but you? I mean-”
“Yeah, well maybe you don’t know as well as you thought.”
“Heh, yeah maybe I don’t, maybe your just as bad as Chase! Or Miles! Maybe! We should just turn back becuase, maybe. I don’t want to be anywhere near you-”
Crack!
I didn’t make a concious decision to push him. It just happened.
9:27 AM
Jonathan: dead, dead, dead.
