I never thought I’d get to a place where I felt comfortable enough to share a picture of me completely raw, makeup-less, natural, and unedited to 11k people but here we go. This is me.
My skin has always been one of my biggest insecurities. I remember when I was 8, my friends and I were dressing up and pretending to be models, but they made me pretend to be the photographer instead because models were “pretty and tan.” That was the moment I falsely believed I was ugly. This instance stands out most, but that wasn’t the only time my fair skin was pointed out in a negative way – to this day people feel the need to comment on my skin color, as if I am unaware that I’m pale, and that I’m different for it. For a while, those comments really stung.
Then puberty struck, and along with it came a lot of new changes, the worst of which being a severe case of acne. It was horrifying. As if my skin wasn’t already an insecurity of mine, this just made it so much worse. My self-esteem absolutely plummeted. I felt even uglier, and I avoided looking people in the eye at all costs. I hid behind layers and layers of makeup, but that only did so much. I felt like a monster.
Through a lot of trial and error, literally trying everything short of Accutane, I found a skincare regimen that worked for me. To this day I spend a lot of time and money to make my skin the way it is, so it’s hard to accept the fact that it still isn’t perfect and probably never will be. I still breakout and get blotchy and have hyperpigmentation, and if I slack off on my regimen even a little the acne returns with a vengeance, but it’s still an incredible improvement. For the first time, I feel confident about it.
It’s taken years and years to come to terms with my skin. It took a while to unlearn this idea that pale meant ugly, but now I know that beauty comes in every color, and I love the way my fair complexion contrasts against my dark hair and blue eyes. I love that my freckles get darker in the summer. I love that it’s something that makes me, me.
It’s taken me even longer to feel comfortable exposing my bare face to the world, but here I am. I can finally go places without makeup. I finally don’t feel the need to hide. I finally understand that acne is normal and that it does not make me any less beautiful.
Now, deep-rooted insecurities aren’t quick to fade, and I still struggle at times. I still feel more comfortable wearing makeup. I still find myself wishing that the sun would bronze me rather than burn me. I still silently envy people with effortlessly glowing, pore-less, tan skin who seemed to have won the genetic lottery in that respect. But I’ve come to learn that we all have imperfections. We all have that area in our lives that we have to work harder on to embrace, but it’s worth the fight. We all deserve to love ourselves completely, flaws and all. And let me tell you, the day you wake up and realize you’re getting there is a wonderful day indeed.
