posh spicy

Piece of Kate

ALRIGHT LISTEN HERE, TUMBLR.

I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR FUCKERY WITH JOHNNY DEPP NONSENSE.

SO HERE IS LANI TO DROP SOME TRUTH BOMBS AND CLEAR UP PHOTOS/QUOTES/EVENTS THAT ARE ATTRIBUTED TO MR. DEPP BUT DO NOT, IN POINT OF FACT, HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH TRUTH.

1. THIS. IS. NOT. JOHNNY. DEPP.

2. DITTO TO NUMBER ONE. NEED REMINDING? THIS. IS. NOT. JOHNNY. DEPP.

3. THESE WORDS HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN UTTERED BY CAPTAIN JACK. NOT IN COTBP, DMC, AWE, OST, NOR TPOF. STAHP. 

4. MUTHAFUCKA, Johnny Depp was coked out as fuck when he was 16, ain’t no way he’s looking this polished. He is 22 years old in these photos, which are screen shots from the film Private Resort (1985). 

You can check out that scene here. And don’t let the clip fool you okay. The actual film is much much much much worse.

5. THIS IS A FAKE PHOTO. I mean, John’s said and done some weird shit and YES he used to play barbies with his daughter but he doesn’t need to BE COMMITTED YET.

THIS. Is the photo where his head in the above photo came from:

6. NO. NO NO NO. Granted, this is one of the better impersonations I’ve seen, but NO THIS IS NOT JOHNNY DEPP, VANESSA PARADIS AND/OR THEIR CHILDREN. 

7. This… this is just COMPLETE AND UTTER FICTION OKAY. This was at the Golden Globes in 1991, when they were very much still engaged. 

FEAST YOUR DAMN EYES. AIN’T BROKEN UP:

The original post was posted by Amy ( @becauseitisjohnnydepp​ ), whose caption got deleted. It has almost one million notes BASED ON LIES. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS, TUMBLR.

8. This was a quote that came from Johnny Depp’s mouth BUT NOT FROM JOHNNY DEPP. This is a quote from the film Don Juan DeMarco. Johnny’s a romantic but he’s not Don Juan for shit sakes.

9. THIS. IS. NOT. LILY-ROSE DEPP. This photoshoot was done in 1992, 7 years before Lily-Rose was even born. The girl in the photos is Johnny’s niece Megan, the daughter of his half-sister Debbie. She’s now about 29 years old.