there's a lot of heartbreaking things about this frame. the control heperu exerts over luka strips him of his autonomy and his ability to grow. hyuna develops the maturity to understand that luka didn't have the capacity to make better choices, or to process and "account" for his actions. yet she loves him so fully, so completely, that her first instinct is to protect him from harm. her vulnerable, childish luka.

and isn't that a familiar torture, loving someone who hurts you in ways they can't understand? a betrayal that ruins both your lives. their inexpressible, deep-down remorse. it's a privilege to be seen as childlike—vulnerable, ignorant, inherently deserving of protection, care, and guidance—by someone you love. it is not a privilege afforded to everyone.

something that strikes me so deeply about hyunwoo's relationship with hyuna (particularly in actor au, but i believe it applies universally) is that he wants to protect his older sister because he sees her as a bit naive. she's not just a wise and worldly badass, or a caretaker. she's chaotic, ditzy, and openhearted, possibly to a fault. when jacob meets hyuna, he sees her in a similar way: deserving of protection. care. guidance. faith, in her ability to heal and to aid them. to work toward something better.

it's significant that the two places hyuna is seen as a 'child' or a 'kid,' or someone who deserves nurturing attention and protection, are 1) in her relationship with her brother 2) outside of anakt. the conditions of the garden and the stage are not conducive to this view of her, especially with the lens that they are sites where colorism is practiced and enforced as the norm.

luka is miserable. he is tortured and abused. his fair looks, which are decided and maintained by heperu, win him attention, accolades, and affluence. heperu's abuse and "their" (luka does not have a say) engagement with segyein society mean that luka ends up stunted, and deeply cruel. hyuna recognizes that he is both these things.

killing hyunwoo was brutal, unjust, and traumatizing, no matter luka's intentions or his level of forethought, and hyuna does not forgive him. in spite of their world's bleak conditions and the inherent cruelty of the system that subjugates them both, she acknowledges the discrepancies in their power and assigns responsibility for her brother's death to luka.

consider how important luka is to heperu as a commodity, and the punishment that would come if hyuna or hyunwoo had attacked him instead. consider that phan forgot hyuna and hyunwoo existed at all. from conception, hyunwoo and luka's lives were valued differently. vivimeng may have written that into the series to further their critique of colorism in the k-pop industry. but colorism's insidiousness extends far beyond the stage; it pervades our most private relationships and our thought patterns through unconscious bias. regardless of vivimeng's intent, these are the circumstances of their brown characters.

i just think it hits on something very real. being forced to mature through trauma while your pale, light-eyed friend recedes into a childlike state. recognizing their innocence, their ignorance, and loving them so deeply you hate yourself for it. the love is there, and it is mutual. it always has been. the power relations are there, too, and all the pain. it poisons the love, but the love is there. it was never a question.

my favorite panels from arise and walk are the ones below. i feel they capture the feelings i describe so succinctly. hyuna acknowledges the scars luka's left her with, and we get a sense for the depth of the injustice she faced. it is followed by another line, which contrasts the coldness of the first—at last, action. confrontation. but also, that familiar tenderness.

you, who betrayed me so cruelly

He couldn’t fulfill his promise in the past… but he can fulfill it in the future. God, I’m heartbroken 😭

today's vitamin is the Dream Out ! Inplick Poster (1) !

awww qiao ling and xixi