Who is still in the running to be the next pope?

WE HAVE A WINNER!

Jorge Mario Bergoglio (76)

First Jesuit Pope ever. Anti-capitalist. Argentinian. Woody Allen look-a-like.

Francis Arinze

Pros: saved thousands of refugees and poor in his native Nigeria, may get votes from elderly cardinals mistaking him for Morgan Freeman

Cons: is not in fact Morgan Freeman, didn't make the cut during the last edition of PopeFactor in 2005

Séan Patrick O'Malley (68)

Pros: bears a striking resemblance to Santa, up with the social media

Cons: likes causing an uproar over abortion and sexual abuse issues, may not be taken seriously as he gives sermons in a restaurant in an attempt to stay true to his roots

Luis Tagle (55)

Pros: has the charisma of the late pope John Paul (wait... how is that a pro?), bringing in the Asian Persuasion

Cons: bit of a young'n.

Angelo Scola (71)

Pros: the Italians are betting on him as he's archbishop of Milan, really working that purple

Cons: bit chummy with the Muslims, has been known to actually bore people to death with his speeches*

Audition song: "Why Can't We Be Friends?"

Christoph Schoenborn (67)

Pros: likes to work the "halo"  look

Cons: can't even get his Austrian compatriates to back him, would probably be Benedict 2.0

Odilo Pedro Scherer (63)

Pros: bringing back "talk to the hand" 

Cons: doesn't seem to be able to tame those pesky Protestants

Leonardo Sandri (69)

Pros: has already held the 3rd highest post in the Vatican, is bringing the volume back to hats

Cons: he sure is getting physical with the those ladies

Gianfranco Ravasi (70)

Pros: Italian, knows how to accessorize 

Cons: he's into that " science"  stuff and apparently hangs out with atheists

Marc Ouellet (68)

Pros: Canadian (eh?), already head of staff at the Vatican

Cons: Once said becoming pope "would be a nightmare", big fan of lanyards

Timothy Dolan (62)

Pros: hilarious and looks fabulous in gold

Cons: bit "too-American" for the liking of many cardinals

Joao Braz de Aviz (65)

Pros: big fan of the poor

Cons: Jo-who?