Yoongi's letter about Kobe. I cried so much because of that letter. I finally felt like maybe my feelings were validated because someone else was feeling the exact same way. I still cry when I read it. But it pushes me to deal with my mental health and get the help I need when I get really bad.
THE TIME BTS CANCELLED A CONCERT BECAUSE:
First, I will begin by giving you the facts of what exactly happened at the BTS concert in Kobe…
In December of 2015, BTS were scheduled to perform their HYYH concert in Kobe, Japan. The first concert on the 26th went smoothly as any other concert. However, the next day, the concert was cancelled suddenly.
Fans had moved into the venue as normal. Most of them had bought merch and waited in line for hours to be the first ones in. However, a few noticed that the concert didn’t start on time. It was delayed by about 20 minutes. Only 5 of the members made their way on stage. There was no intro VCR, music, or great lights- only the members, excluding Taehyung and Yoongi. A japanese translator informed the ARMYs that the concert would be suspended. The lights dimmed and the remaining members began to perform Hold Me Tight- one of the only songs that V assisted in writing. The members barely moved on the stage. Both the audience and their performers were frozen.
After Hold Me Tight ended, Let Me Know began to play- one of Suga’s first produced songs. They performed the song just as solemnly as they had Hold Me Tight before Namjoon then addressed the ARMYs, telling them that V and Suga didn’t feel well during practice and were rushed to the hospital. In fancams of this moment, you can hear the audience crying out
Because they were two members short, BTS had decided to cancel the concert, as it wouldn’t be fair to ARMY to see a performance without all the members. He told them that they would perform only the last song and he hoped they would enjoy it for Taehyung and Yoongi.
Staff informed the audience that they would be refunded for the ticket and many fans left crying.
Taehyung was indeed sick. He had pushed himself too hard and began feeling faint during the practice of the 151227 concert. BigHit always takes extreme precaution when it comes to the care of their boys and Tae was immediately rushed to the hospital for a check up. He wasn’t terribly sick, but he certainly was not fit enough to perform their track list for the concert.
Suga was also said to be feeling ill.
Though as time passed, Suga was feeling “much better” for performances way before Taehyung was fully recovered.
However, it seemed that there was something awry. While having a sick and missing member is quite sad, many ARMYs at the concert noticed an especially heavy aura of sadness from the five men that stood before them. Some ARMYs say that Jin and Jungkook actually cried on the stage while performing Hold Me Tight and Let Me Know and others say that J-Hope looked sadder than they had ever seen him before.
Yoongi knew that he had let ARMYs down and he addressed his feelings through a series of statuses on Twitter only a few weeks after the concert…
“Hello, this is Suga. Many people were curious as to what I was doing on my break, and to simply put it, I walked a lot, slept a lot, and thought a lot. I wanted to go on a trip to organize my thoughts before working on my mixtape. I also had a place I must go to. And I wanted to do things I was able to do not as a 24 year old BTS’ Suga, but as a 24 year old Min Yoongi. It was a time where I looked back at myself. The things I will say now are things I wanted to share not as a Singer and Fan, or as Bangtan and ARMY, but to talk to you as human to human.
The most upsetting time for me when I face a large number of people, is when I face myself who isn’t able to be fair to everyone. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, but there are times I couldn’t do that. I think I’m still a person that lacks in many things.
The second day of the concert in Kobe.. I don’t think I’ve ever slept deeply after that day. Could it be because of the fact that I gave a wound to many people? Whenever I fell asleep, I would wake up with cold sweat.
Because I already once have not been able to go on stage before and have hurt many people, I said that I’ll go up (to perform) no matter what situation arises. Everyone tried to stop me. I really cried a ton at the situation of not being able to go up on stage. And I know crying is losing.
It’s really easy for me to cope with my own sorrow, but witnessing those who love me in sadness is very hard. I made them sad, once again. If I could go back to that day, I would go on stage no matter what.
So there was just one place to go. I went to Kobe during my break. Many people tried to stop me from going, but I didn’t want to be ashamed of myself any longer. So I just went to Kobe.
It was my second time visiting the concert venue after a concert. The first was Ax Hall at late night after finishing the first Red Bullet concert. The second time was the Kobe World Memorial Hall, at where I failed to perform.
I hate becoming a numb person. I didn’t want to take the love and these glorious days for granted. I didn’t want to be a numb person. That’s why I visited the venues again on my own.
But after the second day of the Kobe concert when I was unable to stand on stage, I didn’t have the courage to confidently confront the large number of people. So that’s why I visited Kobe, the concert hall again. I kept wandering around the area by the concert hall from the time I arrived there until the time our performance was due to begin that day.
From the ticketing booth to the entrance and the concert hall - I wanted to feel the same emotions as you all from every nook and corner. I felt many emotions. Happiness, the excited nervousness felt while waiting for the performance, sadness, resentment, anger, regret, etc. , I wanted to understand you all, and I do understand. So I’m sorry and apologetic, for I am not a perfect human being.
I’m a person who is weak, but acts strong. Once again I realized that I was a person who’s lacking. Although I’m not religious, I prayed at that place. After all at the end, it was a fated day. Even if it’s ended, let’s not let this heart become numb.
To me, who wanted to spend every moment alone, you all were taking up quite a large part (of my mind). Age and gender, nationality and religion, what language you use - all of that isn’t important to me. The day that we unexpectedly caught a Music Bank broadcast and boarded a plane and returned a day before planned I returned after organizing my many thoughts.
Once again, while feeling that I’m a blessed person, I felt that I need to be a person who lives every moment feeling thankful.
Thank you for making me a blessed person, ARMY,
Although I’m never able to say this because I’m bad at expressing myself.
Here I am conveying my feelings and thoughts once more through a piece of less-than-satisfactory writing.
I will live while being thankful of every moment as I am such a lacking human being.
YOU CAN FIND THE LETTER ON TUMBLR HERE
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