Hey, lovelies.  I know I’ve been sorta blasting you guys about that kickstarter pretty much without posting anything much else and, I’m sorry about that.  A lot of things were happening at once, like getting this picture done and moving across the country from LA to Lexington, KY, and some fun with having to be a real adult for the first time in my life.  But I wanted to show you what I made and make a sort of final plea to you guys to help get this funded.
@joncairns wrote this really lovely thing about our mutual friend who passed away last year. You should read it, it’s amazing.  It is genuinely the nicest thing I think anyone has ever said about our friend.  Probably better than any eulogy that he got at his funeral, if there was one at all.  The thing is, I don’t actually know what happened at the end.  I know that he killed himself.  I know that it’s a tragedy.  I know that the comic Jon made for the book and his write up about the comic are the best closure I’m probably ever going to get on the subject, because honestly, it sums up a lot of the feelings I had for our late friend, Josh.  It’s deeply personal and amazingly direct and concise.  Even if you didn’t know Josh, I think this comic is worth a read.  I think a lot of us have a Josh in our life, or maybe are a Josh, someone we care about that is struggling, who has so much potential and isn’t living up to it for a lot of reasons, some that are their own fault, and some that are beyond their control.  The frustration comes from the things they could change, that they fix if they had the will.  And not to make light of it, because it is hard, so very, very hard, but it’s also not an excuse.Â
There was a lot of times where Josh and I were in the same boat and I think that’s why this comic means so much to me, because it could be me or both of us.  I think I kind of owe it to myself, and a little to his memory, to be better about the things I can control and to work harder and live up to the potential I have and a few others see in me.  I’m not as inspired as Josh but that isn’t going to stop me from trying.  Jon talks about art rivals, people who motivate you to keep going and do better.  I don’t see a reason why Josh can’t be mine, at least for now.  I don’t get to win by default, he’s still leagues ahead of me in the ideas department, so I’ll do my best to catch up.  Getting this printed in the book is the first step for me.  The first real tangible thing for that feeling of catching up and being successful.  It’s a baby step in some ways, but for me it’s huge since it’ll be the first time I’ll be published.  Maybe I’ll write a short story for Aubrey, Linette and Vivian featured above, maybe a comic if I can find someone who’s willing to go in full collab partner with me, but it all starts with this picture that I’m so proud of right now.  I think it’s one of the few times where I executed my vision well enough to be like, yes, that’s what it was supposed to look like, and I’m really excited to show people and do it again.  If I can do that, I think I can make a living with this whole art thing, even if it’s a relatively modest one.  That’s all I really need.
In discussing moving forward and the notion of success, it’d be nice if you read this too by @lauramakesart.  It sums up some vague things that have been sitting in the back of my head a bit and it’s interesting to hear someone else’s perspective who hasn’t “made it” by some standards and didn’t go to school for art.  It’s been a thing that’s always kinda vexed me as a self taught artist, how that feels like a huge handicap.  And generally speaking, I haven’t figured out what being successful exactly means to me yet.  I’d like to set the bar at being able to pay my rent and bills and eat with money made from the things I create.  And those are definitely worthy goals, don’t get me wrong, I do what that very badly.  But, should that be the benchmark for success?  I think if I really threw myself out there and did commissions full time, I could probably get close to that.  I pretty casually can make about half of that without really advertising that I’m open for commissions.  And honestly, I don’t think that’s enough for me to feel successful or satisfied.  The money is essential to living, but not really the goal.  Success for me, I think will have a lot more to do with whether or not people like the stories I have to tell, if they like the characters I create and if I can connect with them in some way that makes them better, happier, more confident.  A lot of that lies in the realm of my writing, more than my drawing.  Success is weird, and maybe there’s no one goal that’ll make me feel successful.  But I wanna get there, wherever there is.
This has been a bit long, and I’m usually pretty quiet on here, but I thought it was important to kinda put myself out there a little more.  Hopefully you have a better sense of who I am and why this kickstarter is so important to me.  I hope it’ll give you a reason to pledge if you haven’t already and are a fan of what I’m doing.  I also hope that what I and others wrote was interesting to read, impactful even.  Signal boosts would be nice, since we’re in the last 3 days of the kickstarter and really, it’s worth it to grab this book.  It’s going mean so much to the people involved.
germansingergirl
andulkaphoto
theartofmadeline
dededos
areudirty
vaporwave
