Friends... I have learned to identify between the real friends and the others. Trust is something I give out very easily, and I realized that it's aΒ vital flaw I have. Well, whatever. You learn from your mistakes; now I've taken back that trust and tested every one. I can honestly say that it's not that hard to just take a step back, and see everything for what it is. For years I have been trying to cut down my number of friends to the few real one. Of the few true friends I have left, I do not trust them entirely anymore, and I just can't. The only people you can reallyΒ trust: your family.Β
Family... will annoy you, will frustrate you, will tease you. But, their intentions are pure. They are always there for you,Β because they care.Β
And everyday when someone [a friend] disappoints me, he/she is simply digging their own hole, showing me what type of person/friend they really are. I don't have the heart to de-friend someone, I am more cruel than that. I will simply stop talking to you, ignore you, forever. It'll leave you with no closure, and you will always be wondering. Unless you don't even wonder, you't dont even care, that clearly tells me that we were never friends at all, that I made the correct choice.Β
This bitch I call my friend, makes plans with me, and a few hours before meeting up, she texts to cancel. Do not make plans with me if you have no intention of carrying through with it. She makes plans that benefit her, to fill in her timeline, to go places she wishes, to places that are convenient for her. She invites herself [to my house], without ever consulting me. "So tuesday, I come to your house at 1?" BITCH, who the fuck invited you? What the fuck?! I understand that people do have reasons to back out of plans, but her reasons are notΒ legitimate, and she has done it way too often.Β It's not even surprising...Β Why do I even bother with her anymore?
I realized that this was me, a few years back, ditching people, and not following through with plans. But, I have changed because I took a look from the other's POV. Nobody wants to be ditched and left hanging. I guess karma caught up to me.Β
RIght... back to talking about real friends --- I can say I only have one untainted friend left. He hasn't done anything to betray me, or done anything for me to question our friendship. Speaking to him for the first time after a 6 month hiatus, we picked up where we left off, and that speaks wonders to me.Β I am not one to really start a conversation, which I understand helped put distance in a lot of my friendships. Everybody needs to try in order for something to work. But, I believe if someone wants to talk to me, they will. Unless of course, they are waiting for me, but I try not to think that way. I don't think I am a difficult person [to talk to]. And I definitely love talking to my friends.Β
Life is hard, and it will reveal things about your friends. But, I genuinely did care about each one of my friends. I don't like to be to fake, if I don't like you, I won't talk to you. I won't pretend to your friend. Things happen and reveal the true essence of people. And you ask yourself are they worth it? So your picture of them shifts, but what of your family? Day after day, I have only grown stronger and more fond of my family. I would do anything for my family, which is why I believe family does not need to thank family, does not need to worry about hassling each other; we do everything from the heart. I've never told them that I love them, and haven't hugged them for a very long time. It's just not how we are, we're not very affectionate. I just hope they know I love them very much. I miss my brother.Β
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