Polyam Tf2 Headcanons

Soldier/Demo/Spy is like the full spectrum of the 3-in-1 body wash/shampoo/conditioner discourse. Spy comes over and nearly breaks down weeping when he has to use Solly's shower. Complains to Demo: has second breakdown when his other boyfriend can't even fathom the problem with this. Spy gets his first W when he convinces Demo to use some fancy salon grade shampoo "just to try it" and Demo realizes hey this is actually pretty good stuff. A war is one by inches. Eventually it's Soldier who's the one screaming because of his two Really Good smelling boyfriends and the fact that he's lost Demo to the cause. The cause of just try this watermelon body wash love, you'll like it

Zhanna: he told me his love language was physical touch so i swung at him

It is my personal headcanon that when Heavy and Medic announce that they're dating, Heavy and Zhanna immediately get into a fight about whose boyfriend(s) is worse. At first, Heavy's saying "I'm not going to fight with you" repeatedly but Zhanna keeps provoking him and soon they're shouting at each other in Russian. Demo is concerned, Medic gets the popcorn and Soldier is looking on in awe at his beautiful war goddess