PatPran stan through and through

I think a lot of it was that Kazuaki held onto a huge guilt about killing Sei's parents because they stopped to talk to him and so when he tried to approach the relationship with Sei he couldn't handle that feeling alongside his love for him and so it turned into this dance of thinking that Sei only loved him because of his parent's death and the grief involved while also holding a whole pile of unresolved and knotted grief about that death and a whole lotta repression issues.

Now, I do wonder if some of this is lost in translation and cultural issues but Sei literally says how easily they could have just been boyfriends and been in love and not worried about it and how he never would have blamed Kazuaki for his parent's death because that's just not how Sei thinks.

So... yes and no, basically.

Kazuaki was, and might still be, in love with Sei. But due to the circumstances between them and the circumstances of Sei's confession to him... he wrapped up grief and love and guilt and control into this one horrible thing that he was lost in and so trapped Sei in as well.

Kazuaki was so certain that Sei only loved him because of his grief that he withheld his own love in the fear that expressing his love would somehow free Sei from the 'relationship' they had and would leave him alone instead of having him at his side.

The show doesn't feel like a romance, it feels like a commentary on self-denial and learned helplessness because of a partner who isn't actually being a partner. I wish I knew enough about Japanese culture to pick up on some of the subtleties; it may be that there's social commentary that I'm missing.

When It Rain's, It Pours

The kiss in the sunshower, the light in the rain, the brilliance of being together and feeling the rain, hearing the rain, taking everything in together and setting aside the umbrella that shielded them from the elements and instead embrace them with a smile.

ALL MOUTH TO MOUTH KISSES — THIRD TIME TRULY IS THE CHARM

Ah, almost forgot. Good morning!

Zen isn't immediately going - wait, doesn't what you're saying mean you are in love with me? he's just failing to process the entire thing.

And Zen is trying to seduce Ryo and Ryo is like, sure that's fine, but what I really want is a hug.

What I find most interesting about this story is that they have set it up so that these two clearly trust each other more than anyone else, and yet cannot believe a word the other person says at this moment.

these two are so dumb.

To be fair Zen has never been with a man before so it’s understandable that it comes as a complete surprise to him. I’m not sure if it was in the drama but Ryo remarked that they’ve been friends since high school but he still doesn’t really know what Zen likes and wants to know more about him.

Zen and Ryo have a relationship of solid mutual trust and respect that they have built through their years of rivalry, not friendship.

A rivalry so solid that Zen says he wouldn’t sleep with just any man if it wasn’t Ryo, with a straight face, but still thinks it’s only because he lost the bet and the winner can demand anything.

Dumb, really, but so adorable. Also very Pran circa Bad Buddy’s bet era, except Pran was already in over his head for so long his disbelief comes fear and Zen’s basically just confused.

Ryo, on the other hand is a classic yearner, hopeful but afraid to read into Zen’s words because he just /wants/ them to be real so much but he never expected to meet Zen again after high school, much less a chance to sleep with him because he wasn’t even into guys, right? He also feels a bit responsible, I think, being Zen’s first man and all that.

Anyway, in the manga you get to go into Zen’s head a lot more and you see how he just basically arguing with himself the whole time. I feel like in the drama the actor does a really good job at portraying that conflict wordlessly.

Hah…I didn’t expect to fall so hard for drama version Zen and Ryo…but dare ai say I think their portrayals of the characters are just chefs kiss at this point. The squeals and the twirls I make while watching these two idiots dancing around each other are just embarrassing at this point.