CURE YOUR DISEASE,

Buffy  was  sick  and  tired  of  arguing,  going  over  their  options  as  if  there  wasn’t  an  obvious  choice.  She’d  heard  her friends'  protests  - she’s  insane,  she  doesn’t  have  a  soul,  she’s  too  dangerous,  how  could  you  even  consider  going  to  her  for  help  after  what  she  did  to  Kendra?  That  one  hurt  the  most,  having  the  fate  of  another  Slayer  thrown  back  in  her  face  as  if  she’d  forgotten,  as  if  she  hadn’t  been  the  one  to  find  her,  as  if  she  didn’t  know  what  it  felt  like  to  die. 

Fight  me  all  you  want,  she’s  our  only  chance  of  figuring  out  how  to  beat  this  guy.  I’m  going,  by  myself  if  I  have  to. Nobody  stopped  her  from  leaving  but  nobody  followed. Buffy  couldn’t  find  the  energy  to  stay  angry  at  their  hypocrisy,  how  they’d  bend  their  beliefs  to  near  breaking  point  if  it  meant  supporting  an  idea  they  were  set  on.  Too many lives  were  on  the  line  and Buffy  couldn't  afford  to  take  the  moral  high  ground. 

Tracking  down  Drusilla  wasn’t  as  difficult  as  she  thought.  Interrogating  some  of  Spike’s  old  pals  led  Buffy  through  a quiet  cemetery to  an  ancient  crypt  that  appeared  undisturbed.  It  was  hard  to  tell  if  this  was  a  temporary  haven  or  something  more  permanent  since  Drusilla's  return  to  Sunnydale.  It  didn’t  matter  to  the  Slayer  as  she  forcibly gained  entry,  descending  the  spiral  stone  stairs  for  what  felt  like  an  eternity,  further  and  further  into  darkness. 

“Hey,  love  what  you’ve  done  with  the  place,”  Buffy  casually  addressed  the  emptiness.  Out  of  all  the  crypts  she’d  visited  it  was  up  there,  definitely in the  top  five.  “Sure, it's a  little  old-fashioned  but  it’s  nice, cosy.  I  have  to  hand  it  to  you,  Drusilla,  you  have good taste, not counting Spike.”  She’d  have  to  play  her  cards  just right  if  Buffy had  any  hope  of  convincing  Drusilla  to  work  together.  Despite  her   record  of  evidence  suggesting  otherwise,  vampires  weren’t  supposed  to  join  forces  with  the  Slayer,  that  was  kind  of  the  whole  point.

“Shhh-” she coos, voice soft as a whisper on the wind, quieter than her own graveside. Down, she ganders over the young woman neatly arranged at her feet, unmoving limbs perfectly displayed. She speaks to the corpse before altering her attention, “I will return soon, my pet. We have a very special guest &. now is no time to be rude with your pesky wailing! It is time to hush, for miss Buffy has something caught in her teeth &. would like us to pick it out.” Finger on her lips, she casts a furrowed pout to the bloodless girl, no older than seventeen, then steps over her body to focus on these unexpected circumstances. She croons a lowly sound [ her beautiful lullaby has ended ] at the mention of her new dwelling. “I wished to go to daddy's mansion, the one with the stars above &. rats below ... though it was too sad. Reminds me that daddy is with the angels now, &. poor Spike's brain has been played with by big baaaaaad soldiers.”

Closer, closer she moves inside Buffy's space, floating amongst the floor, more ghost than woman. She watches her with all the keenness of a wolf observing a rabbit / bared fangs &. curious eyes. She licks her lips as the pumping rush of veins grows deafening in her ears. The remaining beads of crimson, graciously provided by the decaying brunette behind her, are cleaned off as her tongue reaches her bottom lip. “Hmm. You did not come to talk about nice things. About homes or decorations or my lost boys. No … There is something in your head. SOMETHING UGLY. IT SLITHERS DOWN.” Fingertips flutter down Buffy's throat, stopping when they reach her beating heart. Palm holds there for a long moment, eyes locked, frozen. Suddenly, Drusilla pulls back with a quiet yelp, yanking her hand as if it'd been burnt ⸻ the thrum of life, her heart, 'neath cold flesh rather unsettling. “I feel it. Oh my, your ailments are quite the noisy ones, so talkative ...”

Hands raise to either side of her face, index fingers rubbing tiny, soothing circles into her temples, like she's the one plagued with Buffy's problems; a headache rises from the loud troubles of this prophetic child. “He wants to gobble you up for dinner with his heavy jaws. But, oh dear … tsk tsk, you will give him the most terrible indigestion. He nags away at you, doesn't he? Always nag-nag-nagging. You can't let him go &. he will swallow you whole for your efforts.”

Go away, go away! You are under my skin now ⸻ I don't want it, I DON'T WANT YOU! Leave me be in my patch I've created underneath the earth, allow me to rot as I should have centuries ago! I don't want your problems at my doorstep, I don't want this life!

( this is basically just a very self indulgent list of various fluff, angst, and suggestive themed dialogue sentence starters. )

❛ i could keep you safe. they’re all afraid of me. ❜

❛ i’m trying to fix your hair, so hold still. ❜

❛ your heart is beating so fast right now. ❜

❛ promise me you’ll still be here when i wake up. ❜

❛ you’re not as bad as everyone says you are. ❜

❛ i thought you’d like some company. ❜ 

❛ clean yourself up. you're getting blood all over the place. ❜

❛ here, give this a try and tell me what you think. ❜

❛ you can kiss me, you know. ❜

❛ come back to bed. ❜

❛ you look good like this. ❜

❛ working together again, it’s just like old times. ❜

❛ how is it you always know what i need, huh? ❜

❛ you’re lucky you got away with only a scratch. ❜ 

❛ i can’t imagine losing someone like that. i’m sorry. ❜

❛ you know you can always talk to me. ❜

❛ the only one who gets to kill you, is me. ❜

❛ so, what do i owe this pleasure? ❜

❛ ah, so you aren’t heartless after all. ❜

❛ may i have this dance? ❜ 

❛ it’s okay, you can touch me. i won't break. ❜

❛ enemies make the best lovers, you know. ❜

❛ hold still. this might sting a little. ❜

❛ we can't keep doing this. ❜ 

❛ you look like you've got something to say. ❜

❛ just relax and let me take care of you. ❜

❛ thought you’d be lighter without all that blood. ❜

❛ i had it under control. you didn’t need to do that. ❜

❛ everything looks so beautiful from up here. ❜

❛ you treat all your ladies like this? ❜

❛ well? how do i look? ❜

❛ can’t sleep? ❜

❛ do you mind if i smoke? ❜

❛ i’m scared of ending up alone. ❜

❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜

❛ how long has it been since you've slept? ❜

❛ you are losing my interest, and that’s very dangerous. ❜

❛ i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me what you’d do to me tonight. ❜

❛ you look really pretty right now. ❜

❛ i’ve never cared for anyone the way i care for you. ❜

❛ i’m not wearing any underwear. thought you’d like to know. ❜

❛ just a few more stitches and you’ll be as good as new. ❜

❛ i’d say we make a pretty good team. ❜

❛ i want you to forget this ever happened. ❜

❛ i'm here for business — not pleasure. ❜

❛ if i didn't know any better, i'd say you were jealous. ❜

❛ you'd look better down on your knees. ❜

❛ fine, keep acting like you hate me. ❜

❛ kiss me again. ❜

❛ are you asking me out on a date? ❜

❛ just sit there and look pretty and let me handle this. ❜

❛ you okay? caught you staring off into space again. ❜

❛ well, i do feel better now that you're here. ❜

❛ i'm not drunk enough for this. ❜ 

❛ why is it whenever we see each other, you’re covered in blood? ❜

❛ i was wrong about you. ❜ 

❛ the first time i met you, i had no idea you'd mean this much. ❜

❛ you gonna be a good girl / boy for me? ❜

❛ i’m not afraid of you. ❜

❛ books mean more to me than people anyway. ❜

❛ i just wanted to say thank you for protecting me. ❜

❛ how about a kiss goodnight? ❜

❛ i don’t have time for distractions right now. ❜

❛ you shouldn’t be out here by yourself. ❜ 

‘  you’re  are  depraving  some  village  of  their  idiot .  ’

‘  i  miss you .  i  miss  you  every  day  that  i’m  not  with  you .  ’

‘  i  didn’t  think  it  was  possible  to  miss  a  person  this  much .  ’

‘  if  you  love  music  then  you’re  in  the  right  place .  ’

‘  the  ties  that  bind  you  together  make  you  stronger  than  you  are  alone .  ’

‘  i  can’t  just  call  him  in  the  afterlife  and  be  like ,  ‘ can  you  please  stop  playing  tennis  with  hitler  for  a  moment  and  take  a  quick  call ? ’  ’

‘  get  up .  we’re  going  to  save  the  world .  ’

‘  it’s  not  spandex ,  it’s  leather .  and  you  used  to  like  it .  a  lot ,  if  i  recall .  ’

‘  we  can  accomplish  anything  when  we  accept  responsibility  together .  this  is  what  creates  trust .  ’

‘  you  never  know  when  to  stop ,  do  you ?  ’

‘  you  got  enough  material  for  your  sequel  yet ?  ’

‘  i  bet  you’re  loving  this ,  hm ?  the  team  at  it’s  best .  it’s  just  like  old  times .  ’

‘  he  hated  children  too  and  he  had  plenty  of  us .  ’

‘  if  you  believe  in  yourself ,  just  once ,  great  things  are  gonna  happen  for  you .  ’

‘  i  know  that  i  let  you  down ,  but  i  could  do  anything  for  you .  ’

‘  you  know ,  i  liked  you  a  lot  better  before  you  got  laid .  ’

‘  oh  yeah ,  it  is  your  skirt .  i  found  it  in  your  room .  it’s  a  little  dated ,  but  it’s  very  breathy  on  the …  bits .  ’

‘  you’re  the  most  important  person  in  the  world  to  me .  ’

‘  best .  funeral .  ever !  ’

‘  sometimes  men  are  unredeemable  shits .  ’

‘  we  were …  we  were  just  kids .  little  kids .  ’

‘  we  all  came  home .  since  we’re  here ,  we  might  as  well  save  the  world .  ’

‘  i’ve  decided  you’re  the  only  one  i  can  trust .  ’

‘  if  you’re  raised  to  believe  that  nothing  about  you  is  special ,  if  the  benchmark  is  extraordinary ,  what  do  you  do  if  you’re  not ?  ’

‘  eternal  peace  is  probably  overrated .  ’

‘  we  all  wanted  to  be  loved  by  a  man  incapable  of  giving  love .  ’

‘  one  grows  used  to  things ,  even  if ,  sometimes  one  shouldn’t .  ’

‘  look ,  you  wanna  pay  your  respects ?  go  ahead .  but  at  least  be  honest  about  the  kind  of  man  he  was .  ’

‘  you  of  all  people  should  be  on  my  side .  he  had  to  send  you  a  million  miles  away .  that’s  how  much  he  couldn’t  stand  the  sight  of  you .  ’

‘  i  feel  like  we  should  stop  him ,  but  then  again  i  also  just  kinda  wanna  see  what  happens .  ’

‘  you  make  me  want  to  wake  up  each  day  and  you’re  in  my  dreams  every  night .  ’

‘  you  also  told  me  that  licking  a  nine  volt  battery  would  give  me  pubes .  ’

‘  i’m  just  gonna  go  murder  mom ,  i’ll  be  right  back .  ’

‘  last  time  we  tried  to  stop  it ,  we  all  died .  what  makes  this  time  any  different ?  ’

‘  we  actually  have  the  chance  of  saving  the  lives  of  billions  of  people .  ’

‘  it  wasn’t  his  fault  ‘cause  he  was  ridiculously  high ,  right ?  and  the  girl ,  she  thought  he  was  a  furry …  ’

‘  i  think  maybe  you’re  the  only  person  who  really  knows  who  i  am  and  still  likes  me  anyway .  ’

‘  you  don’t  get  to  blame  your  problems  on  anyone  but  yourself .  ’

‘  we  didn’t  choose  this  life .  we’re  just  living it .  ’

‘  than  christ  he’s  not  our  real  father ,  so  we  couldn’t  inherit  those  cold ,  dead  eyes .  ’

‘  you  don’t  have  to  apologize  just  for  existing .  ’

‘  when  something  seems  to  perfect ,  it’s  usually  anything  but .  ’

‘  all  the  what - if’s  start  to  haunt  you .  ’

‘  i’m  done  playing  their  games .  i’m  ready  for  a  change .  ’

‘  i  would  love  to  play  cops  and  robbers ,  wear  a  mask ,  and  feel  important ,  but  guess  what ?  recess  is  over .  it’s  grown - up  time .  ’

‘  we  have  a  great  job .  the  best  job .  we  got  it  made ,  asshole .  ’

‘  people  still  don’t  take  me  seriously .  i  wanna  be  numb  again .  ’

‘  i  stayed  because  the  world  needed  me .  ’

‘  at  least  i  make  my  own  decisions .  ’

‘  i  have  been  left  out  of  everything  for  as  long  as  i  can  remember .  ’

‘  nowhere  to  go .  no  way  to  change .  ’

‘  but  now ,  i  know  nothing  in  my  life  was  real .  so  i’m  starting  over .  ’

‘  you  do  whatever  it  takes  to  survive .  or  you  die .  ’

‘  i  don’t  belong  anywhere ,  thanks  to  you !  you  made  me  a  killer !  ’

‘  i’ve  done  unimaginable  things ,  things  you  couldn’t  even  comprehend ,  just  to  get  back  here  and  save  you .  ’

‘  she  needs  our  help  and  we  can’t  do  that  if  she’s  locked  in  a  cage .  ’

‘  i  mean ,  it  must  be  scary .  terrifying ,  really .  to  discover  that  you  can  do  something  that  you  never  thought  you  could  do .  ’

‘  it’s  not  difficult  to  accept ,  it’s  impossible  to  accept !  ’

‘  what  are  you  still  doing  here ?  we’re  trying  to  have  a  serious  conversation .  ’

‘  what’s  going  on  with  you ?  and  don’t  tell  me  everything  is  alright  because  i  saw  you  in  there .  you  were  crying  like  a  baby .  ’

‘  you  saved  my  life !  ’

‘  i  don’t  want  them  to  see  me  like  this .  besides ,  you  know ,  i’d  just  hold  them  back .  ’

‘  how  about  we  ask  him  after  we  kill  him ?  ’

‘  maybe  they’ll  brood  each  other  to  death .   ’

‘  you’re  a  real  sick  bastard .  ’

‘  would  you  stop  it ?  why  are  you  putting  this  shit  in  your  body ?  ’

‘  he  must  have  been  a  very  special  person  to  put  up  with  your  weird - ass  shit .  ’

‘  you  were  my  greatest  disappointment .  you  only  scratched  the  surface  of  what  you  were  capable  of .  ’

‘  i  lost  someone .  the  only …  the  only  person  i’ve  ever  truly  loved  more  than  myself .  ’

‘  you  know ,  before  you  kill  him ,  you  might  want  to  hear  what  he  has  to  say .  ’

" do the stars sing to you too ? " drusilla sways gently, her face turned towards the sky that's blocked by the thick cement ceiling. her skin tingles like the stars are coming down from the sky itself to lay kisses against her face, chest and arms, lights dancing before her eyes. a slow spin to face conor, slow smile spreading across her face. oh, how she sees darla and her daddy angelus in @poemsaid !

it's not like the time when she didn't recognize him as angelus, the demon wearing his face taking pleasure in the pain he inflicted. it's not even the stoic face that he watched her with before turning and walking away from her that fateful graduation night, but something else entirely. he says it like man seeking solace, a pleading deep in his tone. not to try and get her to sympathize, buffy knows angel better than that, but to hope she understands. to say that he understands if she can't, even if he wants her to.

they've always been like two magnets, both sides of the metal, both repelling each other as much as they draw each other close. a blessing and a curse to be as tragically in love as they've been since the first moment, as though their lives were always meant to intertwine and it's only been a matter of time.

has it always been meant to be this hard? buffy can't bring herself to believe it to be. things in this life aren't meant to be so complicated, and if love was as easy as everything makes it out to seem, surely it's not supposed to hurt like this. even though there's beauty in it as it breaks.

"...but you made that choice without me." her tone clips with hurt sliding between her words as she tries to hold her emotions in check. because that's what it is, isn't it? she can accept having to give up her happiness for the greater good, god knows it's definitely not the first time and probably not even the last time it'll happen. but it's him going behind her back and making the decision for both of them having a say that hurts.

her body turns towards him like a flower seeking the sun, his energy filling every part of her even though she tries to hold herself strong. ha, as though she's ever been that around him. even at sixteen, even as a girl who wanted to have nothing but her whole life ahead of her, buffy has always known that wherever he goes, she'll follow. even when he doesn't let her, holding her at arms length and trying to put a whole city between them.

"you didn't think i was strong enough to make the choice for me, for us, and you took matters into your own hands. you decided that we weren't capable enough to figure out a way around this together." just like graduation. she leaves those words unsaid, because even though the wound is sore and the pain still real, it's a line she's not willing to cross again. "angel, you decided that we were better off — that i was better off — never knowing that this day existed.

Angel regrets when the bitterness, the vexation tears from his insides, [ did she think it so simple? ] &. doesn't initially realise when hands ball into fists at his sides. He relaxes after his gaze returns; when he sees the sadness painting her features, the betrayal schooled there. He caused it. A frustrated palm runs down his face, silently contemplating how to continue, lest unwarranted emotions surface again. He glances at the window, the very one the Mohra arrived through just a few short months prior; Buffy departed that day believing a lone argument occurred. Now they're back here &. nothing will ever be the same.

He, an ancient, ruthless being, at last assembles enough courage to speak to the girl, attempting to defend himself. It's fruitless.

“I did it because you're strong. You would have fought it with everything you are. Tried to find another way, a way to be together, when there wasn't one. Not one where we both lived long lives, where we grew old side-by-side.” We aren't the sort of people who get happy endings, it's not in our nature. “You don't give up on what matters to you, &. I ... how was I supposed to live with that? Knowing the only ending was one of us at a graveside. I was trying to protect you from it.” She's here, made of flesh not memory. He wants to drown in her, fall to his knees &. beg for forgiveness; lash himself for daring to hurt her, keeping something so important concealed. A cold breath releases, “I'm sorry.” He finally says, like he should have the moment she walked through his door. “I'm sorry you found out like this. It was foolish to think anything, even the Powers That Be, were stronger than you. Could control you.”

He can only imagine the process it took for her inevitable arrival: the uncertainty of stolen bliss, then forced to travel miles to confirm the ugly, beautiful truth. “I thought if I took the day, remembered it alone, you might get the chance to move on. I wanted that for you. I still do.” I don't. I REALLY, REALLY DON'T.