jeni

because, like, that’s the seldom-portrayed romantic dream in the patriarchal hellscape that is our world, isn’t it?

a dude being willing to say, “i understand if you don’t feel the same way about me, and i’ll leave you alone forever about this if my attention is unwanted.”

The next day, he surprises her on her walk. He hands her a letter, asks that she read it, and then takes off.

When this happened to me after I had turned someone down IN REAL LIFE, the letter contained a passionate argument to the tune of “actually you’re wrong and you do like me and you should go out with me” and it was creepy af.

Darcy’s letter to Elizabeth starts with: “Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so disgusting to you”. He goes on to set the record straight about the stuff he didn’t do (as well as the stuff he did) which is *actually relevant* to Elizabeth. And he, as promised, doesn’t romance her further.

Darcy’s second proposal: “One word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”

His whole arc in the book is about learning to consider other people’s feelings and not just his own, but the fact that it’s expressed via who gets to talk and who is told to shut up is so, so telling. The first time around, he imposes his voice on her whether she wants it or not. The second time, he asks how she feels, and in exchange, offers her the gift of his silence.

“I drugged her drink and raped her as much as a could, and left when she woke up. She got pregnant, and she wanted to do the right thing and settle down with me to raise the kid”

I’m a total noob in GoT, just started marathoning the show from season 1 literally 3 weeks ago. Never even touched the books. Super late to the party I know. This is just a record of my downspiralling into Jaime x Brienne.

Jaime and Brienne first meeting: Jaime mocks Brienne’s size. Brienne simmers. Meh, of course, guy’s a jerk so far.

Brienne tasked with delivering Jaime to KL.Terse banter starts: He’s just trying to get her guard down. Don’t do it girl.

Jaime attacks and duels with Brienne on the bridge: SEE?! Poor girl! But damn, the fight is intense.

Jaime saves Brienne from being raped, Brienne encourages Jaime to stay alive: Honor among knights.  Brienne’s unbendable moral straightforwardness to Jaime’s manipulative wit. I guess now they’re acknowledging each other’s strength and worth.

THE BATH SCENE. Surprise heart eyes from both sides, “My name is Jaime” Wait, WHAT??? What just happened???  What are you two doing???

Jaime grabs Brienne’s hand on the dining table, more heart eyes when Jaime was leaving: Are these two really? It’s suddenly very tender and emotional between them. The peeps playing them has top notch chemistry. It’s impossible to resist now.

Jaime’s “I’ve left something behind” and “get behind me”: It’s a goddamn bear and he jumps in with no hesitation. Is this guy even the same jerk from before? Who are you? AHHHHHHHHH.

AND THEN THE SHIP OFFICIALLY SAILED.

My bills:

anyone who has ever lost it in front of other people knows how it feels to hold everything back. the depressing oppressive breathless feelings that everyone has been holding for weeks, months, ages, and how it explodes in a few seconds. 

during mika’s speech lucas completely crashed, the emotions fell apart and it stuck in the air.

i mean the way his jaw keeps holding back? how the tears are just streaming down? lucas is trying everything to control himself but you know tears, they have their own mind. the delivery, axel, showstopper.

and the way his lips trembled? how he can barely breath because of the crying? that deep gasp between tears? yeah we’ve all been there, the level of being relatable is out of this galaxy. 

and how sad and upset he is when mika said that sometimes it took years for people to accept and some people just won’t accept at all. the tears are all over his face, the goddamn uncontrollably running nose, yeah that’s from real tears. to be fucking honest i was ugly crying with him at this. 

and how he let go of the tears and finally catching a breath??? i’m just saying that this is so brutally real and i felt every second of it.

after mika said its yann, he won’t leave you. lucas shaked his head and man he’s so sad you can even taste the bitter of sadness in your tongue just by watching how bad he felt from yesterday. the precision of his acting skills is so natural, pure talent.

and how he just broke down and starts shooting lines with tears and heartbreaking voices. you know how sometimes you try to explain things while having a breakdown? yeah that squishy sound coming from the throat is what you do when you lost it. and axel?? im already speechless at this point.

and how his head tilted towards the sofa trying to find something to lean on after he poured his heart out?? you know you’ve done it too. by this time i don’t even bother to say how brilliant axel is as an actor, i’m running out of vocabs.  

and all those took less than 1 minute.

during the whole scene of samedi 14h23, i didn’t see even a little bit of axel auriant. this is lucas. this is a afternoon of his life that i get the privilege to take a glimpse of.  i have in front of me a heartbroken teenager boy, so fresh and vivid. this is not merely just his coming of age stories. he is real. i can feel it. lucas lallemant, meat and bones, tears and blood, im feeling it.