sympathie mit dem abgrund

i've been thinking idly about looking into botanical illustration (like properly. getting some books from the library and figuring it out) since i read the military orchid (so like. since 2022. my baka life) and now that i'm messing about with a patho fan art featuring The Herbs i really feel like knowing how to draw plants is a skill i could use. Will i do something about it. time will tell

apparently watching / listening to stuff at an increased speed is like a common thing but I find myself wanting to make stuff slower these days. like your normal average youtube video speed is way too overstimulating for me at the moment

i get why it's generally considered offputting to voice one's self-directed negative thoughts and i guess i wouldn't be happy if everyone around me constantly spoke about how they feel stupid and incompetent and never get anything right etc etc etc. but as things stand. 1 i very rarely hear anyone i know express insecurity or disappointment with themselves or lack of confidence or god forbid shame or envy But 2 i'm somehow supposed to know it's actually common for people to feel all of that and i'm not special in my misery. which i still shouldn't talk about because it's still offputting. and what a mindfuck this is

btw i'd Love there to be a mini game that's just all about twyre gathering. would get lost in it for ages

damn i wish i had played pathologic way back in the early 2010s when i first became aware of it + could observe the fandom prior to the release of the remakes. it seems like the current fan visions of the characters are mostly derived from patho 2 or at least strongly influenced by it and i'd be curious to see what a collective imagination could've done with just the earlier material at its disposal