pocket full of poesies

dearest dylan,

.

while your quote

is quite famous,

the point

was perhaps

a bit mistaken...

.

as a metaphor,

where the night is our death

and the dying of the light

is the dying of our bodies

and minds...

.

this fighting against

something inevitable

seems a touch

out of touch

.

and perhaps

you were just making

a general point

with strong

poetic language,

but many have taken

your language

as truth

.

running away

from something

easily prepared for,

and not intended

to be a distraction

from everyday living,

is kind of like

screaming at the sun

for rising

and setting

.

rage decays the body

and mind prematurely

.

sincerely,

.

~ @pocketfullofpoesies

i have met people

in the skilled trades

wanting their children

"to have a better life

than they did"

.

call it cliché if you will

but it's out there, for sure...

.

skilled tradesman

wanting their children

to pursue higher education

that might help them

with any number of things...

.

"see the world"

"get out of the small town",

"feed their family",

"make more money",

"take care of retirement",

"put a roof over their heads"

.

and not totally destroy

their body in the process

.

my grandfather

wasn't a skilled tradesman

but far, far below...

.

a tastykake salesman

who took over the route

the very next day

from his pop

who dropped dead

in his mid-fifties

of a massive heart attack

at the bowling lanes

.

and my grandfather

he wanted this...

he wanted more...

more than his children

locked into his footsteps,

forever following a life

that wasn't theirs

.

when he died

in his early sixties

of undetected cancer,

his son, my father,

didn't have to abandon

his own future

to cover pop's burial

to cover pop's route

to support pop's wife

to cover pop's debts

.

just because

you didn't go to college

or pursue higher education

doesn't mean

you are uneducated...

.

and...

.

people with degrees

don't sit around

making fun

of people

in the skilled trades...

.

quite the opposite

.

my father

who passed quickly

in his early seventies

was a man

driven internally

by the bullshit teachings

of toxic masculinity...

.

always embarrassed

that some teacher of his

pulled him in like a father

and said, look, kid -

going to college

is your best chance

to use the skills you have

and helped him through

the entire process

because no one in his family

had gone before

.

always embarrassed

that a college teacher

pulled him in and told him

he has recommended him

for naval officer school

because he was told

this was his best chance

to stay alive during the war

.

he didn't do it

to be better than

the enlisted man

and he certainly

didn't do it

because he thought

his life was more valuable

than others

and so he lived

the rest of his life

in silence, in shame

that his comrades

and acquaintances

gave their lives

and he didn't

.

he. just. had. help.

from. experienced. men.

who. valued. his. life.

.

but he paid for it everyday

for the rest of his own

with the shame and blame

toxic masculinity offers,

dividing men

with bullshit slogans like...

.

*same goals, different roles*

.

on top of that,

he had no natural penchant

for fixing things

or building things

and was embarrassed

to call someone for help -

who knew better

who had more education

background and tools

than he did...

.

to not be able to fix things

the world had taught him

were "man" things

was crippling for him

his self image, self esteem,

and overall confidence

.

and he paid mighty

for the skilled tradesmen

who saved the day

on so many occasions...

.

never once complaining

of their high costs,

never once accusing them

of taking a man

with a degree

for a ride

.

.

raising

a child right

doesn't take money

or a degree or a skilled trade

it takes teaching them

solid morals, values

and character

through right speech

and action...

.

the greatest gift

my father

passed on to me

was an open mind...

.

everyone knows things,

different things,

and money

has become

the preferred way to say

i see you,

i thank you,

i appreciate you,

for the things you know

that i don't...

for the things you do

that i can't...

for the intelligence

you carry in this world

that i do not have...

.

~ @pocketfullofpoesies

i came out of the woods

hundreds of miles later

head broke-in

as much as my shoes...

.

once you eat "trail food",

lightweight, repetitive,

and not so yummy...

.

you lose your affinity

for having an affinity

for food

.

(or the exact opposite)

(an affinity for everything...)

(my son, not me)

.

any old combo

of whatever slop

is slopped together

to feed this pie hole...

.

but by god,

i need the right shoes

so i can wander off

milesandmilesandmiles

from home...

.

an "adventure",

to apparently help me

find where i belong

.

when i need to go

when I need to get away

when i'm scared

when i'm afraid

when my communication

didn't fix things

but break things

when i have nothing

and no one

and nowhere to go

i go on an *adventure*

into the woods.

alone.

.

this is not digress

this is not egress

but just gress

i guess...

.

the opportunity

to look like

i'm doing something

when really

i'm just falling apart

.

the adventure

wasn't an adventure

but a few thousand steps

closer to death

.

sorry to ruin the ending...

.

you don't need

to go somewhere

to discover

you don't belong

anywhere

.

~ @pocketfullofpoesies