achoo!

there would be a virus spreading around when i’m going to be visiting home for two weeks… and all i want to do is eat affordable produce for once

i feel like i’ve been at the bottom of a pit and knew i was at the bottom of the pit and could see myself sitting there at the bottom of the pit but i had absolutely no way of getting out. and i don’t know if i’m fully out but it finally feels like i’m not just looking from the outside in. i feel like i’m back in control and i can get myself out. but it was really scary knowing i was in there and couldn’t get out for the past few months. day in and day out of being stuck in a fog and seeing the time pass without remembering anything happening at all. weekends where i couldn’t leave my apartment for even a minute. the summer might heal me and i might officially come back to myself.

these 6th graders are giving me so much anxiety that i’m experiencing anxiety-induced stomach cramps that sent me back to the goddamn 4th grade. like i genuinely cannot believe i’m feeling like this again after almost 10 years of no issues

i think i’ve decided to believe in heaven