not /their/ hero

People cannot live without ideals, that is what Maltran ardently believed in her youth. It was against her mother’s wishes that she had enlisted as a foot soldier and for the continuation of her position had taken more and more dangerous jobs, encroaching upon the foothills and Volgran Forest. Back then the Rolance Empire had been caught up in power struggles as Dolan rallied for the throne and Maltran, first a knight and then a captain, felt it was a time of change in which Ladylake would finally achieve it’s sacred right of land and kingdom.

It was not, of course. It was a war like any other. She found that out pushing forward into Glaivend Basin and cutting down any Rolance red in her way only to be impaled on the lances of her own platoon.

She survived because she did not look away from the bloody reality she faced. She survived because, as it turned out, that was what she valued more than any ideal. The Blue Valkyrie fought her way out of that bloodbath and returned to Hyland’s camp, suggesting quite calmly to her rattled superiors that they retreat.

She accepted her promotion to general after the war with the same placidity. It did not seem worth it to flaunt her emotions here, for there would be battles again soon enough and she saw her role clearly now. Ideals had clouded her vision but there on the battlefield she saw the truth of her imminent demise and the futility of fighting for a cause other than herself.

She saw too as she entered the Lake Sanctuary the kingdom’s slumbering saint. There was no divine rite here and no revival of a sacred kingdom. Just ashes. Just a slumbering girl draped in the finery of a god who shivered when Maltran drew too close.

(She did try and take the blade once.  The girl shivered harder then, and that sight was worth the pain Maltran felt for months afterward).

She found Alisha there in that church. So maybe there was such a thing as fate, cruel as it was.

-

Alisha woke with the odd sensation she had just forgotten something important. Her usual stretches failed to bring anything to mind, so she decided it must have been a dream. Odd, though. Even as worried as she had been this past month she hardly had bad dreams when Jude was with her.

He had kept his promise and stayed with her throughout the night it seemed. His own determination helped put her at ease and it was simple enough to brush aside the uneasy feeling as a passing fancy and focus on getting Frederick and the others ready to move North.

It hardly seemed fair that the Hyland knights stationed at Merlind longest should  take on this duty as well, however, Alisha did not think she could trust the new recruits with something as important as protecting the citizens. The knights who had been sent ahead of Maltran all had an anxious aura about them and she knew they suspected their reason here as well as she.

She felt she could trust those she worked with in the past months as many had family here in the village, and those who did not were upstanding people who come to care for the brave townspeople. She knew she was asking much of them but that kind of relationship was important if they all really were to evacuate.

She was heartened by the well wishes her contingent who agreed to stay behind gave her as they once again went over their plans. Ian took Alisha (and Jude) aside as the meeting broke up and took Alisha’s hands in her own.

“I’m going to lead mom and Todd to safety, so take care of Sirel for me, okay? I promise to follow you when I can, princess.”

Sirel laughed. “Alisha and I will be glad to have one less thing to worry about knowing they’ll be keeping you busy here.

“Hey,,,”  Ian pouted and snatched her hands back to cross her arms. Alisha looked contrite, ready to apologize for Sirel before the girl in question’s frown turned into a small smile.

“Still, it will be odd not having you at our backs. So hurry up and follow us, okay Master Archer Ian?”

Ian grinned and wacked Ian on the shoulder as she left to fall into line with her platoon. “Yeah, yeah, you lowly foot soldier.”

Alisha laughed behind her hand, smiling happily as she shared this bit of silliness with Jude. It was nice someone else was able to see how the two cared for each other.

Parting with Ian marked the end of that kind of levity for some time, however. The rest of the day was spend gathering horses for her other platoon as while most had come in with them she, Sorel, and a few others still needed rides. Then it was double and triple checking supplies before they could finally be on their way.

The mood was subdued as they rode out of town and while there were some villagers stood to watch them leave with words of thanks Alisha did not have the time to cherish the fact. 

They had already sent a messenger pigeon ahead of them that would hopefully have reached Maltran by now. The plan was to ride until night fell and keep an eye out for any further orders. If the two parties did not meet up in the morning they would both rendezvous at the army base in Glaivend Basin.

Thankfully, just as dusk broke over the foothills Alisha and the others riding in front with her spotted a small fire in the distance and silhouetted in its light a familiar rider.

The seraphim turned to face Alisha when she explained more on the certain individual who was coming here. It definitely invoked a strange reaction from Alisha, but he was sure to find out more to it very soon– if not right at this very moment. All he had heard was mentions of the name within the time he had spent with Alisha and… by Alisha herself. He had not forgotten. After all… he treasured each moment he spent with her, words were not missed.

“Your… mentor. I remember you telling me this when we first spoke, but other than your positive feelings, I can’t say I know much else.” so Alisha thought highly of this individual? They could help? Truly? “Do you really think they will be capable of aiding in this? They have that much influence? And are on your side?” much of Hyland seemed… corrupted. Was this Maltran also one who was like the rest? Or was she the kind of person that he wanted to believe in? 

He quickly got the indication that Alisha’s companions felt the same way. So this Maltran was from Merlind? A… Blue Valkyrie? As amazing as she sounded, that title wasn’t a good one. “I read that valkyries choose people that die and turn them into warriors that fight the end of the world… or so the story went.” with the wind seraph being more reserved on fighting unless it had to be done, he wasn’t so keen on such tales, aside from the lore aspect of it. “But… I guess I will find out, won’t I?” there was no way he could form an opinion from others, especially when a strong bias was here from the girls.

Of course, Ian went and poked Alisha into telling something rather personal and probably a little embarrassing to the princess. The price to pay for that was being kicked out of the room immediately which brought a small smile to Jude’s face. The relationship Alisha had with them was a good one. Seeing moments like this… reassured him that she would be fine. She still had those close to her, friends that had her back, that kept her upright during all of this, and… for everything after it.

Jude felt he had to say something upon hearing her say it wasn’t glamorous. Alisha might have been dazzled by this individual, but one thing was clear– “And yet you wield your spear so gracefully. How can you say it isn’t glamorous? Perhaps… it just takes a lot of skill to wield it in such a way and… those that can’t, appear how you describe.” though he had learned much of Alisha’s tale by this point and hearing about Maltran did explain a few things, though he had never questioned deeply her desire to use a spear and he already knew why she became a knight, despite being a princess.

It all came back to her ties in society and it often went back to her mother. “I understand your resolve, Alisha. Using the spear because of that? I think it’s a wonderful reason.” and Jude secretly hoped that she’d end up being the best wielder of the spear that ever lived. For both her mother and… for promoting the side of society that was often forgotten or cast aside. 

His eyes did widen however when she mentioned she was like a mother to her. Even if he had no family as a seraphim, he knew what they meant to humans and he knew how much Alisha’s mother meant to her– or at least a good deal of it. To say that about Maltran was… a big deal. “You really feel that way about her..? I… really hope she is as you say.” someone they could trust, who could help… They needed more on their side if they were to end this catastrophic mistake before it got to the breaking point.

Alisha found herself leaning forward as Jude tapped the side of his forehead and wondered aloud how helpful Maltran would be. “Yes,” she assured him brightly. “I have no doubt. This is not the first campaign she has been and she has always helped me with my peace efforts before. I am sure there is much she can tell us.” She found herself very powerfully wanting to convince Jude of Maltran’s worth in that moment although between his keen mind and Ian’s own efforts she felt she was hardly to get any word in.

When Jude mentioned the mythology behind the valkyrie title Alisha paused. She had looked the subject up herself once in the palace libraries; after all, it was reading about Hyland’s long history of knights and historical romance that was a key part of her decision to become one. Still, rather than their role as harbingers of the dead the idea of a powerful woman warrior was what had stuck in Alisha’s mind. The realization of its less flattering aspect only gave her pause for a moment, however, it was just a coincidence after all.

Alisha was relieved when Ian had left because despite her affection for the other woman she did need a bit more space to breathe. She was particularly glad of it when Jude complimented her fighting style for it brought the red back to her face and she wasn’t sure if she could stay collected with that in tandem with either Ian’s teasing or further compliments.

“I, well.... It is heartening to hear you say that. I have practiced since I was a child so that I might have grace like that I first saw in Lady Maltran. I am sure you will see it too, Jude. You have such a discerning mind I am sure you will see everything Ian and I have said, and more!”

Having been so bolstered by the news of Matran’s arrival Alisha took to the next week with vigor she had not displayed since Lailah had spoken with her. It was enough that she knew Jude woulds tay with her and having his support as well as the certainty of her teacher’s presence was a balm to the current situation.

Neither Ian nor the rest of her squad had seen any additional letters but when the Sparrowfeathers guild of merchants came through town they brough news of the Hyland army as well as the nearby border.

Alisha recognized the dark haired man who oftend rove at the front of the caravan speaking to Frederick now. She waited, not wanting to interrupt, but was waved over by the red-headed woman beside him.

“Hey, you,” the merchant sing-songed. “You were with the Shepherd at the Ladylake festival right?

“I, yes, I was,” Alisha said, surprised at the question as well as this person’s attitude. The other woman merely took her answer in turn, nodded, and crouched down on top of the caravan to whisper: “Well, just between you and me: I saw him follow that general guy into the border camp. Seems kinda fishy to me. You guys aren’t employing him are you?”

“No!”

Alisha shocked herself and evidently Frederick as well as the other merchant with her outburst. She bit her look, eyes flicking back to Jude and then the scene at present before putting her hands at the front of her tabard.

Frederick cut in then telling her that he had gathered from the caravan that the Hyland army’s newest reinforcement (Maltran and others surely) were a day’s ride behind them. The Sparrowfeathers man and woman confirmed this as well as their own plans to head north away from any fighting that might break out.

cont from x

Ever since becoming closer friends with Rose the Hyland princess had been made to deal with more and more of the new shepherd’s odd proclivities. She was well known among the Ladylake priests for her friendly irreverence in comparison to her predecessor and Alisha had no shortage of apologies to give them acting as both squire and Hyland representative.

Today she did not even bother to stop Rose from rushing past her to the palace library. She instead paused to make sure the rest of their party did not lose their way and found that Mikleo had been wandering behind in a methodical manner. It reminded her of when she first showed him around the city and they discussed its architecture together.

“Of course, Seraph Mikleo,” Alisha said in return to his thanks. “Please feel free to take your time. I think Lady Lailah might have a true task getting those other three to do any work so I would not worry about missing out quite yet.”

Alisha laughed lightly. Her time with Edna, Lailah, and even Zaveid though it had been brief had taught her how truly human this band of seraphim were in some ways.

When the princess leaned further into him, he held her tighter in response. This might have been the first time for Jude, but he was only following his heart in this situation. Even sad… this moment was special. It was all he could do to comfort her while she was crying into his coat and in a way it brought some comfort to himself. If she lost her power to interact with him entirely..? This would be one of the last times, if not the last time they would ever do this again. 

There was something strange about the action, perhaps more, but… There was a large part of him that wished it would never end. That he could be here in this way for Alisha always. That maybe… just maybe… like a chapter of one of those human stories… and yet it quickly fell apart. It sounded nice in theory and with how he had tried so hard to please her, to be with her… He wasn’t entirely ignorant, but it was just a feeling, a moment. Surely not…

If he could truly recognise those feelings for what they were? It would only make this parting even harder. In theory… It would destroy them both, in this moment. So he remained silent on that matter.

But when she pulled away and put a hand to his cheek, telling him that he was determined to a fault as she attempted to wipe his own tears away, his hand reached up to her own that was on his face and held it there. “Everyone has their faults Alisha.” he managed a smile, though a few tears still continued to fall as he spoke, even after she had gone so far as to wipe them away.

In turn, he used his spare hand to try and catch her own tears. By making her cry this much? Alisha cared about him a great deal, so much so that it was as if she was losing something vital to her life and that indeed may be true. Jude felt no different… In giving the princess something special, it made it even harder when it no longer remained. At the very least? She was not entirely alone. Alisha was strong, she would be fine without him. While he kept his word true, there were others she could still confide in, friends.

While he still had the princess, one that would likely still try and speak with him. One that he… would still speak back too even if she couldn’t hear it. 

Alisha… was all he had.

“I know you do.” there was a different look on his face when he spoke these words, a fonder look, despite his eyes being red from his own tears. “When you were younger you spent a lot of time in that library at the palace… Whenever you lost the book you were reading and it turned up not long after exclaiming it, or when you fell asleep and woke up with a blanket on your shoulders…” if the maids found her they would have put her back to bed after all.

“Asking the seraphim for their thoughts on a certain page? Reading the Celestial Record and asking the air how you can see them like others can in the book? Whenever you lost your footing and strangely enough? Despite thinking you might fall, it turned out to only be a stumble?” Jude had perhaps made it clear that their first meeting? It was not their first. He had known the princess for a long time, years even, but she had never seen him before. That even for her, he was not entirely a stranger, because he wasn’t. He had always been there.

“I… am not entirely sure of my own age, but I found that library a few years from my first memory and remained there ever since. In human years I think I would be around fifteen, maybe a little older, from watching you.” so he was a very young seraphim. “In a way… without even meaning to… I have always been by your side.” only back then, he was not always with her, Jude really never left the grounds of the library.

Alisha’s wish and his own wish… They were one in the same. Jude’s desire was for someone, just one person to see him. Really see him.

There was a sigh upon hearing that Ian would never cease. Her excitement was admirable, but there were times it was a little overbearing and yet… the fact he could even feel that way? He’d never want to lose that. Even Sirel’s own presence was something special. They were still something to treasure.

“They’ll never let me hear the end of it if they catch us like this. I might be put to the sword.” for making the princess cry so much. So he moved her hand away from his face, but held it still. “…think you’ll be okay?” with that war on the horizon, as painful as it was to lose their valued connection… The state of the world was more important and far bigger than the two of them.

In a way, he had told her, even without meaning to I have always been by your side.

She did not, could not, respond to that in the moment but she had gripped his hand tightly and laughed through the last of her tears as he commented on being put to the sword by Ian and Sirel.

 Are you alright, he had asked, and she had paused to take in the kindness in his eyes. Selfishly, she wanted it to be a memory that could last forever. She had nodded and tried to connect her current feeling of warmth to that memory forming.

“I am.” 

She was; because she had to be, as always, but now there was something new too – the knowledge that Jude was with her. She trusted him.

 *

 They needn’t have worried about being walked in on for the guard was on high alert. The few nobles who had been sent to Merlind were irritated at the order to remain and Alisha made sure to pay them specific heed. It was they who she had to keep safe from Ian’s temper and Sirel’s cold fury.

The others in the brigade seemed to pick up on the tensions and stood their ground as if war had already started.

No one said that word, of course – certainly not Alisha outside of the company of her two friends or seraph companion. Still, she and Jude had discussed the political situation at length and it was the likeliest explanation.

When Lady Maltran sent word she was headed to Merlind with more troops Alisha felt the strangest mix of emotions. Part of her was delighted to see her teacher again but so much was on the line. Still, as she told Jude,

“Lady Maltran is a well respected member of Hyland’s top knights. I know she must have more information and as noble and beneificent a woman as she is she surely will be a great ally in averting this disaster.”

Sirel had smiled at that and offered to go see what the merchants who had just come in to town had to say. Ian watched her go surreptitiously and when she had closed the door turned to Jude with a wide grin.

“Our teacher is just the coolest! Did you know this is her hometown? The Blue Valkyrie they call her – not only did she make a name for Merlind she proved that peasantry and women on top of that could fight as well as any nobleborn male!”

Ian in her excitement went through a few practice drills and tapped Alisha theatrically on the shoulder after one of her flashier punches. “Hey, princess, tell him – she’s the reason you chose the spear as your main weapon, right?”

Alisha kept the red from rising to her face just barely as she stepped away from Ian and out of range of her theatrics. “That’s quite enough. Go find Sirel and report back to the barracks.”

Ian twirled out of their room in the inn with a “roger that” and Alisha shared a small smile with Jude. Yes, she did feel better after all.

“Spearmen are known as the least glamorous of the king’s army,” Alisha admitted to him in a slightly hushed voice. “Though they bear the brunt of the fighting the majority are commoners so their praises are seldom song. Lady Maltran was the exception. I knew she was brilliant from the moment I first saw her… and I, I mean we all, wanted to be just like her.”

Alisha gestured to where Sirel and Ian had just left. Her eyes roamed the room from Jude’s curious face to her sword and spear currently laying in the corner.

“She chose it as her weapon precisely to prove that point and I… I was inspired. I was taught in swordsmanship too of course but when I thought of it as the weapon of the commoners I wanted to use it too. Both to remind myself of the most vulnerable and, well, so that I could always carry the pride of my mother.”

Jude had surely noticed that alongside her Hyland regalia she also wore the Diphdan crest – something no other knight did. She knew it painted, quite literally, a big target on her back but it reminded her to be steadfast in her morals.

Content wasn’t quite right. Jude had no choice but to accept the situation, even if he didn’t want to. What good would it do to ruin these moments? All he could do was make best of the time left and continue to keep his promise. That… binding promise. He was more than happy to carry it out, even if it could eventually become more painful than enjoyable.

Being by Alisha’s side? It was better to do that, than to abandon her like the Shepherd had done. If Jude left her? He would regret it for the rest of his existence. He knew that.

Jude knew the princess would remember his pledge, he had said it back then and brought so much emotion from her and from himself… But he had meant those words literally. It was not something in the heat of the moment, it was something he had asked seriously and then acted upon. The wind seraphim really intended to spend the rest of his existence with her.

“…why?” he returned the question back, but he could easily see just how upset she was becoming from what he had said. Bringing up that moment only sparked similar emotions from before, only… not it was far worse under these circumstances.

Now she was crying… Those were not tears of joy either and it took every bit of him not to succumb to a similar fate. Jude did not wish to ever make her cry in such a way.

“Because…” was it not obvious? Had he not made so much of his feelings clear? He treasured her, she gave him everything to keep moving forward. “…you’re my reason for existing in this very moment. I don’t think I can leave you anymore, and I made a promise so–” he was cut off when she suddenly closed the distance and instead hid her face in his coat. Jude could only stand there frozen for a moment, until he bought his hands around behind her and held her a little closer. 

Without her being able to see his face and the pause in his own mask, his own tears quickly fell down his face. He was trying so hard not to cry too, dammit! When he had finally found a light in his life, when he had managed to bring a light to another’s… Why did it have to be stolen away like this? Was he truly cursed? Was Alisha not allowed to have such a companion? It hurt, it hurt so damn much. But he had promised he would stay, it was what he wished for and he was going to see it through to the very end.

Melphis Amekia… Smiling Alisha…

“The Shepherd knew then.” he said quietly, unable to hide the wavering in his own voice as he looked away for a second when she pulled back, but he knew he had to keep facing her for this so he fought it. “That when you smile, there is nothing more radiant than that when it comes from you.” Jude had said so before, that her smile was priceless.

“A true name goes beyond seeing it in every moment. It describes your essence– what lies in your heart. I can’t always be determined either, that’s just how true names are, Alisha.”

Shaking his head, he chose not to wipe his own continued tears as he spoke, putting the subject back into place. “I meant every word Alisha. I’ll stay with you, even if you cant see me anymore, or hear me anymore… I’ll always be here by your side.” as he pointed down to the sheathed dagger on her belt. The dagger was his vessel, and she always carried it. Even when it came to pass, she could still interact with that.

“So I’m not going to say goodbye.”

This was not the first time that Jude had made her realize her own hypocrisy. He knew her far too well for the small amount of time they had been together, and maybe that was why she had expected him to have left by now.

(Because maybe she wasn’t allowed to have people like that beside her. Maybe she wouldn’t let herself be allowed that.)

As a princess of the realm the knights of the kingdom were sworn to her too, but none would ever choose her if it meant going up against Bartlow and the council.

She knew logically even back then that Jude's oath had been different. He was the most honest person she had ever met so when he had said he wanted to stay with her - that it was the first thing he had ever decided on like that - he meant it, truly.

But her own internal dissonance was so strong, especially knowing she did not deserve such devotion that even hearing him admit he didn't think he could leave only made the tears fall faster.

Her hands shook on the front of his coat as she leaned further into him. She opened her eyes and stared for a moment at the trails her tears had left on his coat. His chest felt so solid against her cheek right now, and she cherished the slight weight of his arms around her. Even if he were this close again she wouldn’t be able to feel it as she did in this moment.

She let herself grieve then, as she hadn’t let herself before – insisting it would be mere wallowing. She did not doubt Jude’s word but she felt it still. Something was coming to an end.

Her own tears had slowed so when she felt something trickle down the back of her neck she started. Her own face stung from the feel of her gauntlets so as she murmured her true name she released the clasp on her right hand.

 “Jude...”

She knew she wasn’t radiant, right now - on the contrary her eyes were puffy and cheeks red but his words brought warmth to the cold that had seemed to seep into her skin these last few minutes.

“I think you’re quite determined,” she murmured, putting her gloved hand to his cheek, “perhaps to a fault.”

Wiping the remnants of tears from his eyes was as different as could be from the frosting he had smeared across his mouth a week ago, but it brought that memory back even so. She gave him a watery smile. 

She was sad, yes. But also thankful – for all the moments they had experienced together.

“I believe you. I always used to speak to the seraphim as a child, you know? Speaking to you won’t be so different from back then. It will certainly be less strange, especially when I know you’re listening.”

Yes. She would grieve, but she would not mourn. After her prayers from all those years ago were answered -

(”please, if you’re listening dear seraphim” the girl had said, “just give me someone. Just one person to be my friend”)

- how could she possibly say goodbye now?

Even with being fairly new to much that was around him, he was lacking experience in a lot of areas, he held strengths elsewhere. His ability to adapt and take in as well as seek out knowledge. His way of seeing through matters and being able to make snap decisions, as well as give insight or other opinions– apparently all these things were useful to the princess. In turn her own strengths added to his. There was much he had managed to learn in his travels with Alisha. This truly was the best place to be.

While Jude was perfectly aware that Alisha had been troubled by something she was not letting him in on, he also knew what she was like. Asking her about it would yield no answer, it might even make things worse. He knew that whatever it was, she would tell him when the time was right and he was okay with that. All he could do was keep at it and comfort her in her tough journey as best as he could. She was doing the same for him after all…

“I thought as much.” as he placed his gloved hand on his chest. “If you need to use me, I don’t mind. I could infiltrate the palace and use my ability to delay those people as much as I can.” she only needed to give the word, he would do it gladly.

But she had said ‘one thing’, he caught that.

Was Alisha just easy to read? Was it because of their time spent together? Was it because they were alike in many ways? Either way, he had summarised correctly on her plan of action. “…with how things have been going, as much as I hate to say this… words might not be enough anymore.” Jude preferred finding a way without leading to violence. If an option could be found through negotiation, he would take it in a heartbeat. At this stage it was unlikely…

To his surprise, his usual devotion was met with… a more negative response. Alisha who was glad to have him by her side, so much so that he had sworn to be with her until the very end. That no matter what would happen, he would be there for her– at her own acceptance, her own choice. As if the two of them were always meant to be by each other’s side. 

It was as if he had remained in that library until that very day, for that very moment to happen.

Jude quietly watched as she struggled to put words together, but upon their reveal she had said something that… while not clear cut, it was easy to summarise where this was going to go. Despite how special Alisha was… she was not special enough for the Shepherd and his own seraphim? Of course, someone as kind as Alisha would not blame such people, she would blame herself for not being more powerful. The princess held plenty of power! It was unfair for her to be compared to someone of greater power! She’s not up to their standards so they cast her aside!?

No… He was letting his emotions get the better of him. The Shepherd needs to save the world from calamity. If Alisha is a hindrance to such a goal then it makes sense to do what was being suggested. It was cruel… To think Alisha finally was able to make a difference with such help, and she was now being denied it. Not only that, but… it would mean…

Lowering his own hand from his chest, he fell silent. He had been the entire time while listening to her… But now only silence hung in the air.

If Alisha lost her power as a squire then surely… He would become a ghost to her once more. Speaking with her like this..? Interacting with her like this..? It would go back to being a dream, a past memory. Of course he didn’t want this, but if that was how things had to be… He could only accept it, even if his own heart was screaming otherwise.

Was this what Alisha was keeping to herself? What was eating at her this past week or so? Had she known the whole time and said nothing? Was it to save him the pain of having it on his mind? A kindness in ignorance? While she suffered? That upset him more than anything if she kept back such a secret, but now was not the time to be upset with her. No… If she was going to lose sight of him for good, he had to stay strong and make every moment count as if it were their last.

“Remember what I said to you after the Lord of the Land was restored here?” he started out with. “That as long as you are a part of this world Alisha, I will stay with you for as long as you live.” Jude would never forget those words. “This is something I never intend on breaking… I said.” those words still hold, even under changed and unforeseen circumstances just like this. While he never expected this to happen… His promise remains.

Walking closer to the princess, he stopped as he brought his hand out to her. 

“Yusurev Coyu. It means, Determined Jude.”

“I’ll always be with you.”

She had let out a shaky breath at Jude’s offer for her to use him in the coming conflict. All she could do was shake her head and as his voice stilled so too did her actions.

Words might not be enough anymore, he had said and perhaps that was true for them as well. She forced herself to look him in the face once more. For now, it was the one paltry apology she could manage for her friend who deserved so much more.

She saw much there, not every emotion recognizable to her but all clearly Jude. His trust and hurt stood out most to her and Alisha almost wished he would yell at her, chide her for keeping this a secret, anything to break the uncomfortable silence she brought upon them.

But perhaps this was the most fitting punishment.

When Jude’s words returned they were soft in both tone and content at first. She forced herself to response. “I remember,” she managed, but the answer was of course she remembered.  It was the first time anyone had thanked her, had acknowledged her in such a way she felt truly saved. He had promised to stay with her then and-

No, he couldn’t be? Not now?

“..why?”

She could not pretend the affect to her voice was merely from disuse. It was as if somehow by mentioning that time and place Jude had brought with him all the emotions of that moment and she felt her eyes well up with tears just as they had then.

The scene was even more unimaginable now then it had been before. She had lied to him! She was going to lose all contact with him in mere days if not hours. He would do well to leave her - leave this continent - and yet he stayed, he offered her his hand, he -

“Why would you do this for me? When I have nothing to give you in return?”

Alisha’s own hands shook as he presented her with the most precious treasure of all, his true name. Instead of taking his, however, she walked into the circle of his arms and buried her face in the lapels of his coat.

Always. How dare he promise such a thing. 

How dare she want it so much.

“...Melphis Amekia,” she murmured against the well cared for fabric of his coat. “That was my name as Sorey’s squire,” she said, louder, as she pulled away a bit.

Jude wanted to follow her request as he too felt the same way. If he desired to be called by his name and name alone, then he could at least do the same for her when asked. Though it was fairly difficult to snap out of doing so when he had been using an honorific the entire time, it was almost automatic at this point.

But as always, as expected… Alisha’s suggestion was so kind. Whether she had included herself to make him feel better or for the fact she may make a similar error, he didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. “It can’t be that hard. I’ll adjust in no time, Alisha-san– ah… um…” he trailed off as she let go. His own embarrassment only increasing at making the mistake after that bout of confidence.

Thank the Empyreans he had so carelessly switched topics to save himself from further embarrassment.

The mention of catching up to her friends… Jude thought that would be what Alisha would have wanted, but she was thinking about them too of course. “I’m happy to go wherever you go. I always learn more about the town when I see it with you too.” with the malevolence no longer being an issue, he could move more freely outside of the vessel when he was with her in Merlind.

For a brief while, they had their peace.

–

It was hard not to be concerned when the capital remained silent after the passing weeks. Alisha had told Jude her thoughts on why she was really sent here… that was definitely no lie. The princess had made it through this deathtrap alive and he couldn’t help but have a sinking feeling that at some point it was going to finally come back to bite them.

Being around the princess so much, he could pick up on some of the more subtle emotions she kept to herself, though largely because they were shared. Despite the worries he held himself, he tried his best to keep Alisha in high spirits. As hypocritical as it was… there was no sense in worrying about what was to come. They could only focus on moving forward in the present.

When he wasn’t spending time with Alisha, he was in the library that Merlind held. While it had nothing on the one in Ladylake, it still held a fair amount of new and exciting information. There was a lot that could be learned in these many pages and tomes. It was hard not to be fascinated by such things. If only everyone could understand the value of gaining knowledge from books like a certain princess did.

There was one night however that when Alisha returned to the inn, she was incredibly troubled. Jude wished he could have asked her what was wrong… He had only caught the tail end of it and by then she was already asleep. All the seraphim could do was return to the vessel she held in hopes that the added company could ease her somewhat. Alisha wasn’t alone after all, she had her close friends, but… he would always be there for her too.

He could only hope that whatever it was… she would recover from it soon.

–

Upon sighting Ian, Jude mentally sighed. It really was a drastic switch to go from someone that could put a whole room on ice, to someone that could blow it all up in an instant. The wind seraph certainly didn’t mind Alisha’s friends, if anything he did care for their safety and they were fairly entertaining, he just wasn’t used to dealing with such… unique humans. However his thoughts were cut short with the mention of the capital.

Ian was serious… for once, and considering what was said? It was to be expected.

It was a little worrying that Sirel went out to inquire… Jude hoped nothing would happen to her. With how Hyland has been treating Alisha lately and the people closest to her he had every right to be concerned, especially at this stage.

With the letter being a primary concern of this whole conversation, there was only one thought that came to the seraph’s mind upon reading it. If they were trying to take Alisha out the picture… they wouldn’t issue out an order for the whole guard to remain.

Jude did not wish to give Alisha even more to fret over, but this… His knowledge of the lands of Glenwood were limited, but it was easy to pick up from not only being here, but from books that this town was the closest to the Rolance border. This all pointed to the possibility that things could lead to a war with the other country. Were things really that bad..? If a war really did break out… it would tip the world over the edge.

“…about this letter? I think you know just as well as I do what this means. This world is slowly falling apart, Alisha. If a war really does break out? The damage it would do would be irreversible.” but moving a hand away from his mouth, his turned his eyes away from the words he had read over and over again to meet with hers.

As for how to progress past this..? How do you stop a potential war in the midst? “You’re going to do everything you can to stop it, right? You know I’ll be right there with you.”

The analytical ability Jude displayed as he leapt into a new fight of thought now that they were alone would normally have been of great comfort to Alisha, but the news from the capital was only the start of it. She had been able to keep her cool with the other knights because it had been a conference, and she had been in a position of leadership but speaking with Jude now meant digging up all that she had hidden this past week.

He must have caught on something was not right with her by now. He was to smart a man and too good a friend not to have. Selfishly, perhaps, she had wanted him to break the silence first and ask her what was the matter but a deeper part of her knew that even if he had she would have tried to change the subject.

She had noted before that being with Jude brought back feelings from her childhood that she had long since thought she had mastered. Now was just another instance of that. She wanted to cling to their time together and hope against hope – against all logic – that it would not be taken from them.

But the clock was ticking and she could no longer ignore it.

“The possibility of war, yes. That is one thing we need to discuss.”

Alisha held his gaze, grounded despite herself by the sound of her name coming from his lips. His take on what this could mean for Hyland nay, the whole of Glenwood, was not incorrect and it only made this all the more difficult.

“That’s correct,” she admitted when Jude surmised where her efforts would now lie, “as a citizen of Hyland and a Diphdan royal I plan on doing everything within my power to urge the council and clergy to reconsider.”

When Jude so confidently assured here he would be there with her Alisha almost surrendered to those childish feelings once more. She couldn't though – not when she had already burdened him so.

“I... do not know how possible that is. The Shepherd Sorey, no, his Prime Lord, she-”

Alisha paused in her stilted speech and took a breath. The way she was explaining it now made it seem like it was their fault. He couldn’t think that! Not when -

“It’s my resonance,” she blurted out finally. “My... lack of it. Even if i can sense presences having to support me in seeing and hearing the seraphim is hurting Sorey. Lady Lailah said that I need to cut off my ties with him.”

Her hand curled against her chest and she broke eye contact with Jude.

It seemed like she was out of options at this moment it seemed. For a moment, Estellise was about to forget the whole thing when she had an idea. “May you wait a moment?” She seemed happier as she ran off to do what she seemed to do. She didn’t mean to take too long when coming back but she finally did.

When she did, she seemed to find a dress that would fit in with the commoners and even had a hood on to cover herself. “Now I can come with you without being seen.” Hopefully, the knight would be okay with this.

Alisha blinked, confused, when the Lady Estellise asked her to wait but gave her a nod of acceptance. As soon as she did so the royal had exited in a hurry but with a decided skip in her step. Alisha was baffled.

When the princess did return she had to do a double take.

“I suppose... that’s true.”

Estellise’s disguise was well thought out. The hood that matched her peasant skirts was an especially nice touch. If it wasn’t for the princess’s innocent joy and general disposition the knight might have thought she had planned this all along.

“Make sure to stay by me at all time, alright?”

Having said that, they carefully made their way out of the palace. Upon succeeding Alisha took her to an office not far where the doctor there, Smith, was waiting for her.

Aisha gestured for Estellise to stand behind her with her hood up as she went to the counter.

“Ah, Sir Diphda. The usual supplies, yes? I’ve heard there’s been another outbreak at that orphanage in the Lower Quarter. Best be careful around there if you plan on continuing your patronage here.”

His smile was tight and Alisha completed the transaction as quickly as possible.

“I deliver the medicine and supplies myself, usually,” Alisha whispered as she and Estellise left the establishment and made their way along some of the shoddier paths to the Lower Quarter. “I do hope Doctor Smith was exaggerating. I cannot very well take you somewhere where you could catch a cold.”

There seemed to be some silent understanding into his own feelings. Alisha may have said nothing, but he felt that kind of a connection with her. That silence spoke volumes… There was a kindness there, an acknowledgement and some respectfulness. The princess didn’t want to push it too hard, despite the previous outburst, and he respected that decision.

Alisha’s insistence however that while he did agree that their combined efforts made things possible, the fact it was because it was him in particular, that focus on him… that belief in him. Jude made no further comments though the embarrassment on his face was clear. He did not know how to take it… and he did not want to keep denying Alisha’s far too kind words.

With the princess comparison being made, she was more surprised that ever. Did she not realise that? Or perhaps she did not think that he had been paying such close attention to even use such a example? Treating the seraphim as something higher when she wished all her own friends treated her with a lesser title than her given one… If he was a friend or something close to that? Would that also not apply?

Was she not doing exactly what she told everyone else not to do to her? It was… hypocritical, wasn’t it?

As he pulled away from his final statement he paused when she took his hand before he had a chance to completely move away. Jude only nodded when Alisha brought up that fact that she also wanted them to be seen as equals, agreeing with that view almost instantly.

But as she spoke of no longer using her own title in return, even though he had never went as far as to start using ‘princess’, he quickly got flustered. Jude respected Alisha a great deal, that was why he used the honorific… He had read long ago that it was the proper way to address others, especially humans. To not use it… It was Alisha’s wishes… It was his own wishes…

He had said that formalities were not necessary. Who was the hypocrite now?

“A-Alisha-sa–” cutting himself off before he could finish, he could only look away as he tried once more. “A…Alisha…” doing it consciously? It was a lot harder to do than it sounded.

“I-If… If that makes you happy. I will do the same.” she had requested it. Though it would likely take some time to get used to calling her in such an informal manner.

“Should we now… meet up with the others?” attempting to get some distance from her because he was finding it increasingly more difficult to compose himself. Jude was seconds away from returning to the vessel for his own solace. “Sirel and Ian will only get worried if you disappear for too long.” Alisha had said that they would be joining up with them after all. 

Perhaps it was time to move further forward.

The tension in the air seemed to all coalesce around Jude as he took in a deep breath and with an admirable determination attempted once, then twice to drop the honorific he used for Alisha entirely. The princess, for her part, had not expected it to be so difficult for him and patted him on the hand a bit absentmindedly.

“Let’s not push ourselves too much,” she said, freeing him from her touch as she hid a growing smile behind her hand – “we can… work up to it perhaps?”

It seems they both had a few preconceptions they needed to see throough first, but Alisha had every confidence that they would continue to grow together.

She nodded serenly in response to Jude’s not so subtle topic change.

“I would like to check in on the town square first if you do not mind. News should be coming soon from the capital, and I am sure Sirel and Ian’s family could use a little peace and quiet.”

Yes. It was indeed time to move forward.

          mikleo really did hope that alisha would take a step back sometimes & allow herself to get some rest. he wholeheartedly believed that she deserved some. she had done so much & been through quite a lot since the day he met her. since she was his friend, he cared for her a lot, & he never wanted her to push herself too hard. everyone needed to pace themselves sometimes, & even he had sort of managed to take that advice, since he had come here, after all.

          standing in front of the sanctuary, mikleo had forgotten how lovely it was. all of ladylake was beautiful to him. it almost made him want to revisit all the other places they had been just to look. but for now, he would have to stay close by because the malevolence in the world was still too high for it to go unchecked at camlann. it was important that he stayed focused.

           mikleo followed alisha to the other entrance of the sanctuary, still looking around the area until they finally made it inside. the sight of the worshipers was definitely nice, & he nodded toward alisha after he read her note. then they were walking toward uno, & mikleo grinned as he was addressed by the other water seraph.

          “ hello uno, ” he said, coming to a halt in front of him. “ i’m not staying too long because i have somewhere i need to get back to, but i am staying for a little while, yes. i was in need of a break, ” mikleo told him, laughing quietly. “ how have things been around here for you ? they seem to be a lot better than the last time i was here ! ” mikleo sent a smile toward alisha at that, giving her a bit of gratitude because he did believe that a lot of this was because of her. 

“We have been quite well here as you can see,” Uno answered after exchanging greetings with Mikleo. He nodded in the direction of Father Breunar who was speaking with those still gathered around the altar. Alisha had joined them so as not to attract any unneeded attention toward the two seraphim.

“It is due to the good people here of course, but I have noticed Ladylake’s purity becoming stronger lately. I cannot help but think that is your doing, Master Mikleo. We owe you much so please feel free to stay with us as long as you like”.

Alisha joined them then, just catching the last few words of Uno’s as she went to refill his vessel with new, pure water. She smiled at Mikleo.

“I told Lord Uno what I knew of your dealings in Camlann. I hope you do not mind.” She turned to Uno then and filled him in on where Mikleo would be staying.

“I will be here if you ever want to catch up. Please enjoy the coming festival,” Uno said and waved them off soon after.

“What next?” Alisha gestured to the market area that had cleared out a bit as they made their way out the front entrance of the Sanctuary. Although peak shopping hours were done with, there was still much to do before supper time.

At the very least, Alisha had managed to remember how this all happened in the first place. He couldn’t help but sigh a little when she confirmed that physical touch was likely all that was required. The princess had become so absorbed in the act of doing this she had forgot something so simple. 

Well… it was a good thing that he was around to keep her on track.

When Alisha smiled… Seeing any human happy could be pleasing, but it was different for the princess. For her to be happy? It added a whole new layer of meaning… and if he was the one who was responsible for it? He couldn’t have been happier in turn. He wished there was a way to make that smile always present, but in a way her smiles became even more powerful because of how infrequent they could be in these times.

Jude’s eyes only widened with the sudden outburst from the princess. Was he… devaluating himself..? Yes… he was, he knew he was. His eyes could only lower as Alisha had managed to hit the nail on the head. In his eyes he viewed her actions higher than his own, because that was the way he felt. But… despite Alisha’s growing importance, he always felt that way about himself. 

She was the first for so many things… That she valued him and needed him– wanted him. Part of that was still so hard to accept.

“Alisha-san… I…” he didn’t know how to properly voice those thoughts, so he gave her this instead. “I’m sorry… Right now I can’t view myself any other way, but… I appreciate that you feel that way about me.” it would take him a lot of time to get used to the fact his actions can create a positive effect on others. 

“Even so… I still believe we did much of this together.” that held true, only that he would always feel she did more.

Humans could be terrifying… Alisha was so gentle in comparison. Talking to Sirel in that moment was far from easy. “W-Was I really fine?” he didn’t fall off a table, or into shock this time around so it was an improvement. But he had a feeling some misunderstandings might have been made… and Sirel didn’t think the highest of him at present. Understandable when the one you are sworn to protect has an invisible ‘deity’ around them at all times. 

That still didn’t make it any easier for him though.

As their eyes connected, he was quickly hit by confusion when Alisha asked if she should speak differently around him. Why would she..? Wait… Was it to do with what Sirel said moments prior? Thinking back, she did stop herself before using his name just now… His words must have really affected her. With it being brought up now, he might as well see this through to the end. 

Hopefully the princess wouldn’t feel bad for everything before.

“You can speak to me in any way you like, Alisha-san.” that was the truth, he didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable after all. “But I will say that it is similar to how you ask Sirel and Ian to not call you ‘princess’. You ask them because you want to be equals– they’re your friends. I may be a seraphim, but I don’t want to be put on a pedestal. I want to be the same as you.”

With the princesses reassurance that she was fine, hand on his, he pulled it away from her forehead slowly and took it into his own. “If anything changes, please let me know.”

They were both still recovering from her outburst when Jude quietly tried to explain his feelings to her. Even as Alisha focused on his words – hesitant like his voice at first but growing stronger and coming together more and more as he continued, she couldn’t help but remember their first meeting in the palace library.

Back then, Jude’s loneliness and seclusion had pricked at her heart like so many needles. It had brought her back to a time when she felt much the same, from long before she had met Ian or Sirel. Her memories then had bothered her but now she thought back on them with the distance needed to understand where Jude was coming from.

He said that as he was now he could not see his opinion of himself changing and as sad as it made her it also renewed her determination to continue to be in his life and perhaps, one day, convince him of all he was worth.

“Yes, together,” she could concede that at least. “Still – as I’ve said, it is precisely because it is you I am together with that we could accomplish this. I believe that as strongly as anything.”

She held his gaze then, despite her own worries over what his reaction would be to her previous question. She hoped she had not been unduly troubling him by referring to him with such a high station. Uno had seemed to appreciate it, and he had never said anything before. She sighed. It felt disingenuous to call Jude by anything else, but if it really bothered him then perhaps it was only her selfishness.

When his response this time she was startled by how strong his voice came out, but even more so by the comparison he made. It was true – she had spent months trying to convince Sirel and Ian that she wanted them to treat her as just another village girl, for they were equals, and even now (Ian especially) tended to refer to her by her station more often than not.

But life as a seraph was more than a station, was it not? Alisha felt her head rejecting the comparison even as her heart told her to listen.

”I want to be the same as you”

His words echoed in her mind as with a final smile he told her to let him know the next time she felt ill, before he could pull completely away however she took his hand once more.