Maybe it’s because I’m feeling super sentimental and nostalgic as I enter a new decade, or maybe it’s the eternal existential dread that I feel whenever I use other social media, or maybe it’s the desire to go back to the safe and honest space I occupied as a teenager

I’ve been visiting this app more and more of the past month and I’m kinda missing this earnest, and honest extension of my brain without having to intentionally “ brand” myself

Here’s life so far:

- I know myself so well and obviously there’s more to learn, but I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin and my eyes feel so much wider and open, wiser, and a part of the world

- I’m still struggling with this creative energy and me and what I can do with it in this capitalist world… especially when my life is strained out of me after full-time hours doing big capitalist work that really is not my passion

HEY! soz I haven’t been that active on this blog recently. I just came back (meaning 1.5 months ago) from a massive road trip around the US. my bf and I spent 9 weeks on the road starting from LA and basically did a loop around the whole country. and parts of Canada and Mexico too! and I must say, disregard all the political and social shit that’s going on in the land of the free; the US is an incredibly beautiful, diverse landscape and at times I had to pinch myself at how stupefied I was with what was in front of my eyes.

besides incredibly beautiful natural and urban landscapes, my bf and I managed to catch some shows by chance. my god shows are cheap there! we got tix to ty segall for 20 bucks like how.

but most importantly we (by coincidence and luck) managed to catch sunflower bean’s album release show at the bowery in NYC. pure chance! although I'm not a super fan of their new album it was fucking sick seeing them live after following them online for around ~5 years

mitski

melvins

liam gallagher

primal scream

SLOW FUCKING DIVE

war on drugs

SLEEP (!!!!!!!!)

Ariel pink

are coming to goddamn australia of all places. AND beck is playing a show in sydney which means high chance that I will be seeing him too

the trigger was something completely petty but the past few weeks we’ve been on rough territory, and currently I'm not in the hands to control anything anymore.  

I've made some decisions (travelling by myself for 9 days) and let my emotions rule me for a little bit, and I think my bf feels disappointed. 

I've gone thru a lot of shit the past few months (my dad died) and haven’t really opened up to him yet about how I really feel about my emotions (mostly because I don’t know how I felt, but now it’s all kind of unravelling) and for the most part I don’t want to use this as an excuse to why this relationship might be going downhill but at the same time my dad dying is a huge part of it. he needs to know this but I'm afraid I might not get a chance.