yes, i be that bitch

robin-oliver​:

Robin’s jaw tensed slightly at Jane’s chiding, because she refused to believe her little sister was right and that this wasn’t the last time, because of everyone - Jane knew Robin’s relationship with Jack the best, she’d lived it alongside her. As she opened her mouth to defend herself, she noticed Jane’s eyes dip to her necklace and Robin rolled her eyes then narrowed them slightly. “Oh fuck off, it’s just a necklace. It doesn’t mean anything. Besides,” She started, moving her hand to fidget with the small gold moon around her neck. “He’s Hazel’s Dad, so that still means something. But that’s all it means.” Robin groaned and gently kicked Jane from the opposite end of the sofa. “I thought you’d be happy to hear I was with Leo anyway, wasn’t it always you who said he’d be a better boyfriend than Jack?” 

She shrugged dismissively and shook her head, knowing Jane was right. “I guess, but Matt was a brother to me, it’s gross to think anyone would think differently. And I wouldn’t ruin someone else’s relationship like that, even if I can’t stand Evie… I’m not heartless.” Robin put a biscuit in her mouth to punctuate her thought, rolling her eyes at Jane. She paused though, and ultimately shrugged. “That might be a good idea, J… It would probably help Evie a bit to at least know whose it was, so she could settle this for good. I don’t know how easy it would be though, it already looked like Evie used it as her ashtray before she brought it here… I can’t imagine what she’s done to it now.” 

Robin closed her eyes as she felt Jane’s arm wrap around her. She nodded silently and rested her head on her sister’s shoulder with a sigh. “I thought so, but now I don’t know anymore.” She sat up once more and shook her head, rubbing at her eyes. “Matt was always so good at hiding things, but I always knew the secrets, like I had my own backstage pass to his life or something. But now I don’t know if I really did or not.” Robin’s voice quivered slightly and she closed her eyes once more to keep her composure. “Evie said I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did, and maybe she’s right.” She opened her eyes and glanced at the stack of photos that Evie left, now curling at the ends from the water she’d poured on them. Robin reached forward to pick the stack up, flipping through them. “All of these memories happened because of Matt, and now that he’s gone it feels like everything is falling apart.” She tossed the photos back onto the table and sat back with a shaky sigh, “I just wish I had answers for what happened… I wish things could be like they used to be.” 

Jane let out a small laugh at how easy she was able to wind Robin up. It was what always got her into trouble though - and why she was having to make amends today - because she had a life’s experience of seeing what made Robin snap. It was unfair really for her to take advantage of that, but sometimes it felt like she wasn’t even trying - it just happened. “I don’t know, I ripped off my BFF necklace with Paige when she kissed the boy I liked and haven’t put it on since that day. It always means something.” She wiggled her eyebrows to make light of the situation, so Robin wouldn’t have a reason to kick off, but then her face completely softened when she spoke next. It felt important to. “Who cares what I said? As long as you’re happy then that’s what matters.” 

Everyone always knew Evie and Robin hated each other. It was what made family parties so much fun, but Robin had to know the reason why Evie hated her so much, right? “You’re the girl best friend and it’s not like you ever tried to be, but... you know you’re super involved in all their lives, right? I mean, Sofia and Evie probably had to hear about you all the time and you were always there. Imagine if Jack ever got a girlfriend, like... that just couldn’t happen?” Jane wondered if Robin ever imagined that, if she could ever imagine a world where she wasn’t the only girl in Jack’s life. “Well, I’ll try to offer up my services at some point. It’ll be enter-,” She cut herself off, as although it was obvious she lived for drama, she maybe shouldn’t parade that information around right now. “I’m happy to help.” 

Jane squeezed Robin a little tighter and knew what she wanted to say, but didn’t think she should say it right now - you never really know a person, especially someone like Matt, who gave you what you needed. She needed to give Robin what she needed now. “Matt was so special, because he was an enigma. He knew everyone, he was Spenningdale, but not many people knew him. You knew him though. You’re his best friend, you just need to remember that. Someone like Matt could never give himself fully to anyone, you and Evie and Jack and his family,” She was careful not to speak Alice’s name, “you all have huge parts of him. Maybe they’re people you can speak to, to feel a bit closer to him again.” 

forget about it | jane + keira

Keira wordlessly slid out of her seat as her last class of the day ended, her hand immediately reaching into her bag for her phone and earbuds as she walked across college green in the direction of the petrol station. Her steps were heavy yet quick and she shoved her hands further into her pockets as she walked, not really paying any attention to the people or things around her - it was the same old shit she saw everyday, anyway. However, now as she walked along the dead grass, her eyes fell on someone she’d seen several times after school, but had never really had reason to pay attention to until today.

Jane. She was holding her phone out in front of her, no doubt posting on her instagram story or something. She’d see what it was eventually anyway, as before she left the party Friday night, Jane had insisted they follow one another.

For a moment, Keira rolled her eyes at herself for evening paying any attention to what Jane was doing. Sure, they’d had a nice talk on Friday night - something Keira would even go so far as to say was fun, if caught at the right time. Now though, she reminded herself that a forty-five minute conversation didn’t really mean anything. They definitely weren’t friends now, anyway. Just as Keira was going to walk past Jane unseen, she looked up from her phone and their eyes locked. Keira didn’t know what to do for a moment - she didn’t want to be an asshole and just keep walking, so she slowed a bit and smirked. “Busy at work, I see.” She teased, motioning to Jane’s phone. She could have left it at that and continued walking, but dismissing Jane somehow felt wrong now. Now that Keira knew more about her and what she was really like, she couldn’t blow her off as just another popular girl. “So how was the rest of the party Friday night?” 

Click, click, click. 

Jane’s head was empty apart from her mirror image staring back at her in her phone. It was easier than having to deal with everything else. Just when she thought things couldn’t get worse, they did and they did. Everything was getting worse for JJ, she knew that, but she also felt completely in the dark from him. She hadn’t really seen him these past few days and when she did, he wasn’t really there. She wanted to help, she wanted to show her love, but she didn’t know how. Nothing she did would ever be enough to show him, to make him stay in the bubble of no fear with her, and she knew that. 

She didn’t know if she was taking photos and staying incredibly active on Instagram for herself or for other people, but it kept her head empty. It felt normal. Looking away for merely a second, she locked eyes with Keira and her heartbeat kicked up a notch. Of course she would look into the real world for just a second and immediately latch onto the only thing in reality she actually liked the look of these days. Jane couldn’t even reply straightaway, because she was so surprised that she even spoke to her. She thought it would be harder than this to get Keira to pick things up where they left off. 

“Unfortunately my work is never done,” She smiled with her teeth, wide like the happiness Keira had no idea she was bringing to Jane right now. She also would have no idea just how loaded her question was and the fact that Jane now had to grapple with how much she could - she should - share. “Well clearly you don’t listen to the village gossip? I had a fucking ambulance at my house. It’s pretty much evidence that you’re never allowed to leave a party early again.” 

itskeiralee​:

Keira flashed Jane a doubtful look and scoffed. “I’m not against saying sorry, it just requires me either being wrong or empathetic, so we’ll see, but don’t hold your breath.” Despite herself, she laughed slightly at Jane’s teasing over vibes. “Oh come on, there must be another word to describe it that doesn’t make me sound like a pothead at a music festival.” She searched for a word and finally shrugged. “Fine. Vibing. Anyway, it just seems like the most natural way to find people that you mesh the best with. Especially when the dating pool is already borderline claustrophobic.” 

She nodded slowly at Jane’s words, still looking at her. Keira finally broke her gaze and glanced to the side with a small shrug. “Well, I meant it. And it wasn’t because I was wrong.” She smirked slightly and looked away. 

Keira nodded and followed Jane through the crowd of people and to the door. Once they were outside, she began carefully rolling her cigarette as Jane spoke. With a roll of her eyes, Keira glanced up from her hands to look at Jane. “No, not terrible. It turns out you’re quite the hostess, who knew?” Once the cigarette was rolled, Keira placed it to her lips and lit it, watching the smoke leave in a puff around them as they stood side by side. “You’re really nothing like I assumed you were when you came into the petrol station the other day.” She took another drag of her cigarette and looked ahead rather than at Jane. “And despite my brother being an absolute idiot, this hasn’t been all that horrible of a night. Then again, that could just be the alcohol…” She smirked to herself and held the cigarette to her lips again. 

There was no point trying to stop herself from smiling now. She wondered if Keira was making a joke about actually never being empathetic, but Jane was sure underneath this exterior that she was empathetic and loving. Of course, that was probably also her just hoping and she had no reason to hope. She had someone already, why was she imagining only positive traits about someone else? “Okay, I’ll breathe freely until maybe that day happens.” Keira was laughing and it felt like a victory in Jane’s eyes that this wasn’t even the first time she had succeeded in making her laugh. “You find a better word for it and then I’ll compromise.” 

There was nothing Jane wanted more in that moment than to reach out and touch Keira. Just touch her. Just have some small form of intimacy with her. Her fingers itched. Her eyes burned from staring at her for so long, but she wanted to stare and stare until she had found everything there was to find on her face. Her own work of art. 

Jane began to smoke as she waited for Keira to give her an answer. “Being a hostess is one of my saving graces as an individual.” She laughed, happy Keira was actually admitting that she had a good time, even if it wasn’t entirely explicit. Her head turned quickly to Keira’s face with her cigarette lodged between her lips as she spoke next. She knew her cheeks were turning red and that she should be embarrassed, but she couldn’t turn away. Smiling, she removed the cigarette and blew out satisfying smoke. She would always remember this moment as the solidifying start of things, but right now it was just a moment that stunned her into silence. They smoked their cigarettes in a silence that she didn’t feel the need to rush to fill. And nobody had made her feel that way before. 

robin-oliver​:

Robin rolled her eyes slightly, more at herself than at her sister’s question. “No. Well - yeah. It is normally Jack, but not anymore.” She sat up straighter. “Things with Jack are done for good.” Robin spoke the words confidently, but they still felt odd leaving her mouth - and not just because she’d spoken those same words several times before with no real meaning to them. It felt like a lie leaving her mouth now, but then she would think of Leo and how stable he was, how important he was to her, and the voice in her head still clinging onto Jack would quieten. She took a sip of her tea and shrugged. “Um, yeah, so Leo and I are dating now. As of like, Saturday. So that’s been a bit of a change, I guess.” Why was she underplaying this? It so clearly made sense that they were together now, even Jack had said that… So why was she overthinking it? Why was her brain fighting it?

Robin nodded eagerly at Jane’s reaction to Evie’s bullshit. “I know, it’s fucking insane. She’s said a lot of shit to me throughout the years, but to think I’d ever cheat with Matt? He was a brother to me.” She thought about Jane’s question, it had been one she’d asked herself countless times since Sunday. “Well clearly it wasn’t me. But I don’t know… She had the cardigan, and swore it wasn’t Alice’s. And it definitely wasn’t Evie’s. I don’t know, J. Matt obviously wasn’t perfect, but cheating? He was in love with Evie. Even if I never really understood why, he was.” She rolled her eyes at Jane’s fixation on the cardigan, trying to remember what it looked like. “It was like a pastel blue I think? But by the time Evie had gotten to it, it was covered in cigarette burns and tears, so it was hard to tell anyway. Either way, it was definitely not something I’d wear, even if Evie so badly wanted to put that blame on me.” Robin took a sip of her tea and looked down. “If Matt was cheating, I hope for Evie’s sake that she can find out who it was. Could you imagine finding out a bombshell like that and then just never knowing what actually happened?” She grew quiet as she thought about Matt. This was the third time she’d retold this story, and each time it became more and more difficult to ignore the biggest truth in this - regardless of what actually happened, she just didn’t know Matt the way she thought she had. Robin sighed and traced her finger around her cup, before quietly adding, “I wish he was here… Then maybe he could fucking explain himself.”

Jane playfully rolled her eyes when Robin suggested things with Jack were done for good. She had heard that one before. Jack was Robin’s broken record, screeching through the house constantly since Jane could remember. “Is it really ever over though?” Jane said airily, suggesting that she knew this was bullshit. Her eyes gently fell below Robin’s neck where she still wore that stupid necklace Jack gave her. When she was younger and her and Jack were always ‘on-again, off-again’ that was the way Robin wanted people to silently pick up on her relationship status. What did it mean now? She sniggered, returning her eyes to Robin’s and played on the fact that it had only been since Saturday. “So less than a week? I’ll start looking around for a bridesmaid dress soon then.” 

Jane shrugged, clearly able to see why Evie would have such an issue with Robin, because didn’t girls always hate Robin for similar reasons? Was she just that oblivious? “Evie’s always hated you though because you’re close to Matt so obviously she would think it’s you.” Jane really wasn’t surprised by the cheating news, like this was Matt? He had managed to keep his squeaky clean reputation despite all the drugs and other shit he did, he could keep all that shit hidden. She took a mouthful of biscuits, continuing to talk through the crumbs. “Maybe I should ask Evie to show me the cardigan. I swear it’ll take me two seconds to figure out what’s taken her weeks.” She was speaking with a light air, but she was actually positive blowing up the cheating scandal would keep the police busy thinking Evie is a suspect and weren’t partners always the first suspects in these sort of cases rather than drug dealers? JJ might be safe for a little while longer and it meant Jane could stay safe too. 

But Jane brought herself out of The Fear to see how affected by this Robin was. God, she wanted to kick herself for trying to think of ways to escape being embroiled in Matt’s murder, when what Robin was already going through it with something much worse - grief. She put her tea down and moved to sit next to Robin, wrapping an arm around her. “She’ll find out what the cardigan means and maybe the answer will tell us everything Matt would have been able to say anyway... But if you know nothing about it, then how big of a deal can this fucking cardigan be anyway. You wer- you’re his best friend. He would’ve told you, right?” 

itskeiralee​:

Keira’s eyebrows shot up and she scoffed. “Well, it wasn’t really an apology, but I’m glad you can see I’m not a complete asshole.” She smirked slightly and glanced away, taking another sip of her beer. It was disconcerting to Keira how easily this conversation had seemed to unfold with Jane. She almost, almost, forgot about her brother at all. She was quite relieved at Jane’s underplayed reaction to Keira’s response to having a type, but still she was scrunching up her nose in slight disgust at the thought of “vibing” with someone. “If that’s what you want to call it, then sure.” She shrugged, taking the final sip of her beer. “Though the idea of vibes sounds equally like bullshit to me. But yeah… I guess it just depends on the person, how I enjoy talking to them and everything. So yeah… I guess vibes, but that word is so lame.” 

Keira watched Jane curiously after asking her about Matt. It seemed like her boyfriend was her biggest priority in this entire situation, so Jane’s reply about Matt surprised Keira a little bit. Her mouth opened slightly, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Matt’s death, something that seemed like such a distant, albeit sad, occurance to Keira over the past few weeks, but Jane was basically directly impacted by it. It made Keira’s curiosity over Jane’s persistence in defending JJ even stronger. She closed her mouth and nodded. “I’m sorry.” It felt lame, she wished there was more she could say, but she hadn’t really experienced the death of someone close to her, though she’d been in love with someone who had, and knew how straining it was. 

The moment passed and Jane was walking into the living room, so Keira followed. It seemed she had read Keira’s mind about her brother being in any of the bedrooms, and she nodded slightly, searching the room. It was then that she felt her phone vibrate and looked down. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” sorry i missed your call, left to go to Noah’s. x “That prick…” She groaned and looked up at Jane with an eyeroll. “My dickhead of a brother left like twenty minutes ago and didn’t say anything until now.” She shook her head and looked around, thinking for a moment. After the vulnerable moment Jane had just shared with her, it felt like an absolute asshole move to just leave. “Do you smoke?” She asked, pulling out her box of rolling papers. 

“One day I’m sure I’ll hear the word, ‘sorry’ from your mouth... But yes, not a complete asshole,” Jane agreed, fighting a smirk in Keira’s direction. When she saw Keira was doing the same, it caused Jane to actually feel her heartbeat quicken. God, this was too much for her taken, bisexually inexperienced self to handle. She rolled her eyes overdramatically, letting out a louder than needed laugh as Keira showed her distaste at her word choice. “Oh, come on, what you’re describing is literally what vibing with someone is. You can’t have that much of a problem with a word.” She continued to laugh, genuinely finding great amusement in all the things Keira had issues with. 

Even though she probably shouldn’t have opened up the way she did and this was definitely not part of the agreement with JJ about how she would help him cover this all up, she didn’t have time to regret it, because Keira was actually studying her, like she was a piece of art. She liked that. She stared back for as long as she could hold onto it, breaking into a sad smile. “Told you I’d get the word ‘sorry’ from your mouth,” She looked away still smiling slightly. 

Although Keira obviously saw it as a bad thing for obvious reasons, Jane was very grateful to her brother for causing Keira to have to stay here for as long as she had, because now it felt like progress had been made for this connection. This was sealed with Keira’s question. “Uh... yeah, mainly when I drink or I’m stressed and I’m definitely drinking right now, so...” She finished her excited speech in the lamest of fashions, even holding her drink up as if Keira might not believe her? She sighed at herself and then pointed toward the front door. “Most people will be around the back anyway.” She went out first and grimaced at the cold air, but she was right in not many people being out here. There was a drunken couple arguing further down the drive, but they stayed near her front door. “So,” She started as Keira rolled her own cigarette and Jane took out her emergency cigarette from the inside of her bra. “You didn’t actually have a terrible time talking to me, right?”

itskeiralee​:

Keira gave Jane a questioning look as she laughed, unable to resist a small smile herself at how funny Jane had found the joke. Ultimately though, she rolled her eyes with an amused scoff. “Yeah, the tourist bit may have been overkill, but either way, I stand by my phone photography abilities, and general photography abilities as well, so I still say it qualifies me to at least judge my instagram feed.” She smirked, taking another sip of her beer. Jane grew quieter, and her next words actually made Keira feel slightly guilty. She hesitated, before finally looking away with a shrug. “I didn’t call you a prick, just… The entire institution of it, I guess. A generalization. It’s not like my opinion on it changes anything, anyway. I didn’t mean it directly at you, though.” It was the closest she had come to apologizing for something she felt very strongly about. Why the fuck was she suddenly feeling so inclined to explain away a statement she’d made with complete confidence only a minute before? Obviously she meant this too - Jane wasn’t a prick, or ingenuine, and that was only becoming clearer to Keira the longer they spoke. 

The thought of her brother in Jane’s bedroom was laughable to Keira, as he’d recently started dating a girl in the same course as him at Uni and he was blatantly obsessed with her - she was all he really spoke about at home. It was disgustingly unbearable. The chances of him doing anything other than getting drunk off of someone else’s alcohol or just getting super high were quite slim at this point in the night. Still, she followed Jane into the house, instantly relieved that Jane was positioning slightly ahead of her as she posed her question, because it completely caught Keira off guard. She nearly stopped fully in the doorway of the house just at the shock of how brazen it was. She didn’t though, instead furrowing her eyebrows in a slightly critical manner and shrugging dismissively. “I don’t have one. I don’t believe in that bullshit… It’s just a way for people to justify their questionable taste.” Keira took a sip of her drink, quite pleased with this response because it was true, and it perfectly avoided any prying from Jane about her dating history. Besides, Keira hardly even felt like she had reason to have a type. She had only ever dated one person before, so how could she say? She rolled her eyes at the realization that this now meant she needed to ask a question. 

It felt quite bold, and extremely out of place compared to their previous questions, but it had been one that Keira had wondered since the night Jane had stopped into the petrol station. It also felt justified after the series of personal questions Jane had asked her.

“Did you know Matt?” 

“I know you weren’t calling me a prick,” She smirked, enjoying the fact that she had managed to wind her up a little bit. “But it was fun to hear you defending yourself on it though. It almost, almost, sounded like an apology.” She didn’t want Keira to backtrack on it, so she didn’t say any more than that, but she also didn’t mind winding her up. Maybe it was a little too close to actually flirting, but then... she was also asking her what her type was. Fuck, was she maybe flirting too much? If she told JJ about it what would he say? Well, she just wouldn’t tell JJ. Okay, that seemed just as bad, if not worse. 

And she couldn’t not smile at the response she received anyway. If the gay side of TikTok had taught her anything, it was that even if you decided you liked girls and you found someone else who liked girls, it was still a task to make sure you were each other’s type. If Keira said she hated femmes then it was over for them... Not that she was pursuing anything with Keira, but it was nice to know that she would still be her type. “So you work off vibes more, I respect that.” What were these vibes to Keira? Was she getting anything from this, she wanted to know. 

The next question stumped her for the moment, because of The Fear and also she hadn’t even thought about the grieving or anything like that since she found out that JJ was potentially involved. She stayed in the kitchen as she knew Keira wouldn’t be able to hear her answer if they went into the living room. “Uh yeah, of course I did. He was best friends with my sister, so I’ve known him my whole life. Well, since I can remember. Everyone kind of acted like he was a golden boy,” She let out a light laugh, taking a further sip of her drink. “But I heard too many things about him, but he was a one-of-a-kind person, like you just wanted to know him, I guess. Yeah,” She hadn’t thought about him in this way since he had gone, because all she saw him as now was the reason why she couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t live her life, but it was true. 

She blinked quickly and shrugged, leading the way through the living room again. It was suddenly packed in the small space and even though she didn’t need to, she reached back for Keira’s hand as if she didn’t want to lose her in the crowd, but she also longed for some sort of physical connection after what she had just talked about. She didn’t want to slip into The Fear right now. When she turned the corner to the stairs, she was met with people doing balloons or just sat drinking, staggered all the way up to the floor above. “Uhhhh... we might not even need to go upstairs, is your brother here?” 

rory-fitz​:

Rory shook his head in mild disgust, it seemed so typical that Owen would try to use someone else for his benefit, why should this situation be any different? He shrugged. “Yeah, I’d owed him for some things I’d picked up for New Year’s, so when he came round mine it was mainly to get paid, or at least that’s what I thought until he brought up Charlie…” Rory scratched at the back of his head uncomfortably. “It was fucking scary, I hope for her sake that he wasn’t using her, and that the fight with Nate was only over drugs.” His voice grew softer, as if frightened that Owen might somehow hear, “Either way, I definitely wouldn’t put it past Owen to send someone to hospital.” Rory sighed, looking back down that his lap. “That mob mentality stuff is all so messed up, ya know? Don’t all of those movies end in everyone dead or miserable? What kind of life is that?”

The flush on Rory’s cheeks grew deeper at Jane’s teasing, and he looked down bashfully with an awkward shake of his head. “Well, I mean… I dunno, you know how I’ve felt about her. But, we’re friends for now, yeah?” He shrugged before adding, “It’s nice.” Jane shook her head at him and Rory immediately knew that she’d speak some reality into his daydreams. “Well yeah, maybe not in the way you know her, but who knows, maybe this friendship is different. I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt.” He and Charlie hadn’t spoken since he’d helped with the paper, but the longer he spoke to Jane, the more he was itching to reach out to her. Rory shook his head, once again changing the subject. “Anyway, did anything else happen at the party? Before everything went to shit at least.” 

Jane was practically eating popcorn as she heard about Rory’s situation with Owen. Of course she was in the power group with Owen (although now that she thought about it, that was probably over now that Charlie had left) but even she was scared to ever get into an actual argument with Owen. “Rory, that’s so wild that you’re here to tell the story, like you could be in hospital right now. What did he even say about Charlie?” She wondered if JJ would ever do that for her if she even spoke to another guy, but then she quickly repelled that thought. The only person she was speaking to that could be perceived any sort of way was Keira and she didn’t really want them interacting. “So usually either the main character who is trying to save the girl from a life of misery survives with his girl, or one of them dies. So your chances are... okay, but look at you serving main character energy.” 

Jane kept her eyes narrowed on Rory, hoping he was being serious about being fine with the whole friends thing and she hoped Charlie did actually see how nice it was to be friends with Rory. He was the best friend any girl could ask for. “Okay, fine, I hope she is taking full advantage of having you as a friend and maybe being away from Owen will actually do her some good.” 

At the question of the night before, Jane avoided his eyes for a little while and made a loud humming noise. Having to keep so much secret in her life right now was hard and she knew she really shouldn’t be telling anyone about the good butterflies she felt, but she wasn’t one for secrets and she already had more than enough of those. “Well, I spoke to that girl, Keira, who works at the petrol station, and she was pretty cool. Really cool. I’m going to try make her my friend, but... uh, seeing as your friends with someone you’re attracted to,” She paused, her hand mid-motion. “That person obviously being me... Is it okay to be friends with someone you’re attracted to if you’re in a commited relationship?” And then she remembered some of the other drama that Rory would actually be interested in, so in an attempt to make her question seem less important, she blurted out, “And I saw Millie and she was such a cunt.”

robin-oliver​:

Robin smiled to herself, slightly exasperated and slightly amused at how idealistic Jane sounded - not even 18 and already dreaming about a romantic life with her deadbeat boyfriend. She could have laughed at the thought, because it felt so foreign to Robin. At 18 all she’d ever wanted to do was move away to school and travel and live freely in ways that she couldn’t in Spenningdale, yet here was her sister, wishing for a lot of what Robin now had and in a lot of ways still felt constricted by. She simply nodded, knowing better than to voice any of this to Jane, or to poke fun at her fantasies. “Alright.” 

She wanted to roll her eyes right back at Jane for the comment about instagram, because of course everything wasn’t as it seemed on social media, which was why Robin was asking Jane about things in the first place. Robin let out a breath instead, mentally praising herself for the patience and restraint she was using with her little sister. She thought for a moment that Jane wouldn’t answer her prodding at all, or maybe she was about to admit something big that was bothering her. When she finally responded with typical period woes, Robin felt relieved, but not entirely convinced that everything was actually okay. But she knew that if it was something serious enough, Jane would come to her, so she let it go. She smiled sympathetically, holding up the box of biscuits. “Oh yeah, that’s shit, but it’s nothing a few biscuits and tea can’t solve.” 

Robin did roll her eyes when Jane asked what was new with her, not even knowing where to start. She’d been so concerned about Jane that she’d forgotten at some point she’d have to actually face everything that had been happening with her. To admit that she really felt like she was barely keeping her head above water at the moment. “Um,” She started, furrowing her eyebrows and sitting back into the sofa as she searched for the easiest answer. “A lot of the same shit, new day… Like sorting things for Hazel, work, things with Leo and then I guess just working through everything over Matt.” Robin hesitated, before ultimately deciding to open up about the more scandalous development of the week. “Oh and Evie came round on Sunday, accusing me of sleeping with Matt because she found a sweater in their flat that wasn’t hers and thinks he was cheating. So that was really fun.” She scoffed and shook her head, massaging her forehead. “Basically everything’s a bit of a shitshow at the moment.” 

It was an instant comfort for the conversation’s focus to switch to Robin, because she didn’t quite know how longer she could deal with questions being asked of her without her spilling some sort of thing that would ruin everything with the plans to save JJ. And so she leaned into the news that Robin was providing, Jane naturally loved to gossip, but now she was showing a far keener interest in her sister’s life than she normally would. She pulled her tea from her mouth as she heard with word ‘Leo’ and she just hoped Robin didn’t notice the slight shake of her hand as she set the cup on the table. 

“Leo? What things could you have with Leo? Isn’t it normally Jack?” His name had always caused great confusion between the two of them over what he actually wanted when it came to things with Robin, but Leo was always drama-free apart from being in love with Robin. She was excited to hear about anything that was non-murder case related. Anything to make her think the whole world wasn’t focused in on JJ, and therefore her. Her eyes widened further at the mention of Evie. Less so at how awful an experience that might have been for Robin, more for the fact that Evie thinking Matt was cheating on her could be helpful to ease suspicion on JJ. “What the fuck?” She gleefully asked, picking up her tea again. “Do you think it’s true? Not that you were banging Matt, because I’d like to think you have a little more taste than that... but someone else was? Too bad I didn’t see the sweater, because I have a brain for remembering what everyone has worn. I know all the fashion repeaters - fuck, she really should have asked me.” 

rory-fitz​:

Rory nodded slowly, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to place Nate. “I think I remember him? Glad he’s okay either way, that sucks that he got hurt.” He let out a soft laugh and swallowed hard, having a difficult time shaking the thought that another party could have ended like his own had. Jane patted his lap and Rory smiled at her, scratching his head and looking down. “I’m glad it wasn’t worse than it was.” 

His eyebrows shot up in curiosity as Jane sat up, knowing he was about to get the entire run down of the situation. Rory’s body leaned forward just enough, the anticipation obvious. It was a lot to unpack, but only one part of the gossip stuck out to him and he felt his jaw tense slightly at the mere thought of anyone hurting Charlie, let alone cheating on her. If the rumours were correct, and Owen had done that to Charlie, it frustrated Rory even more that he threatened him to stop seeing her. He shook his head. “Shit. That’s… A lot.” He shrugged and rubbed the back of his head, flashing Jane a questioning look. “How much of it do you think is true? I mean… I just don’t understand why Owen would do that to Charlie, why anyone would do that to her.” Rory sighed. “I mean, Owen came to my house Sunday because I guess he figured out I was helping Charlie with the article for the paper, and threatened me to leave her alone. Why would he do that if he had been cheating on her with someone else?” 

Rory smiled bashfully, looking down at his lap as his face flushed. “We’ve talked about other things… like music. Did you know that band Oasis, ya know, the one that sang Wonderwall, is one of her favorites? She’s sent me a few songs.” He shrugged. “Besides, I just wanted to help out with her article, we’re friends. It’s cool.” What wasn’t cool was Rory at the moment, internally freaking out over Charlie now being available. 

“Well, there’s not much worth remembering about him. I hope the ordeal lowers his cockiness levels moving forward.” She smiled softly with a slow nod of her head, both of them knowing how much worse it could have gotten, but Rory more than most. The Fear crept back into her head in a dark voice saying, ‘what if JJ caused that?’ JJ could be the reason Rory is going to be scarred for life and what involvement did that mean Jane had in this whole thing. She focused on her hangover pains instead as they were easier to stomach than unanswerable questions. 

Jane pursed her lips making a pondering noise as she considered the truthfulness of the situation. “Well, JJ thinks Owen was just using that girl to help with the whole case thing, so it’s probably not true, but I am a confident 75 - no, 85% sure that he did beat Nate up. Either about drugs or that girl.” Jane’s hand tensed on Rory’s knee as he spilled more out. “Ugh, I would have totally shit my pants if Owen came to my house - what the fuck? But Rory, that is so mob movie of all of you. In the mob movies, even though the big mob guy doesn’t give two shits about his girlfriend, he still owns her and if anyone else is fucking around with his property, he’s going to care. You were basically belittling him by being nicer to Charlie than he ever could be.”

As the conversation moved from mindless gossip to Rory resuming his schoolgirl crush on Charlie, Jane had to use all her facial muscles to wince at him. This behaviour over Charlie of all people was not good for poor Rory. She, of course, was ignoring the fact that she was feeling a similar sort of way over a girl. Ignore, ignore, ignore. “You say friends, but your face is saying something else, Rory.” She tutted once, shaking her head at him like he was a cute puppy who kept peeing on her floor. “It’s cute that she’s sending you songs, but that also feels wildly unlike Charlie... Just be careful.” 

rory-fitz​:

Rory moved to join Jane on her bed as she made room for him, laughing with a shrug. “Alright fine, another alcohol that shall not be named. If this keeps on though, we’ll run out of drinks to even talk about at all.” He shook his head with another chuckle at the thought, then looked back at Jane. Rory’s eyebrows raised and he felt a familiar churning in his stomach at the idea of someone else being hurt at a party. He was suddenly very confident in his decision to stay home last night. He sighed, rubbing the back of his head uncomfortably. “Shit, Jane. That’s… Rough. I’m sorry things got out of hand.” Rory sighed. “Who was it? Are they okay now?” 

The last part of her sentence nearly bypassed him, his concern over the violence nearly blocking out the other words she was saying. He shook his head, then paused and looked up at Jane questioningly. “Wait… What?” He cleared his throat in an attempt to not look so damn keen, and shook his head again slightly, feigning casualty. “Really… Do you know what happened?” Rory paused, finally putting her entire sentence into context. “Wait… Those two things aren’t related, right? Charlie’s okay? And Owen?” His pretense of indifference faded at the mere thought of anyone he knew getting hurt, especially someone he had feelings for, like Charlie. 

“We can talk about all drinks while drunk, but during delicate sober situations, let’s just steer well clear of the A-word.” She pretended to gag over his lap as she referred to alcohol. Giving a pathetic laugh, she stared at the ceiling, recounting the college group chats she was in that were going off about the situation. “That tosser Nate? He apparently got released this morning and it was all minor injuries, but it’s probably his fucking fault and he ruined a decent party. My party.” She swallowed back any further choice words she could have said about him, as really if things had gotten any worse then it would have been another Matt situation and that was probably hitting too close to home for Rory. She reached a hand out to pat his lap with consideration to his feelings. 

Playfully rolling her eyes, she was glad that at least Rory could take some good out of this situation. Despite herself and her currently bleak situation, Jane did love to speculate on situations. Speculate sounded like a much better word rather than gossip. She was an excellent speculator. “Okay, honey, so,” She sat up slightly to lean back on her elbows, suddenly feeling a little rejuvenated to discuss such matters. “I heard them arguing and I went to check on them and it was just Owen there. He said they were over for good. I don’t know who broke up with who, but...” She thought back to the group chat and all the gif reactions that she had shared herself about the rumours that were flying around. “Lots of people think Owen got Nate fucked up, because he’s been fucking his girlfriend. The daughter of the MP? Ally or Amelia or something, so yeah... it’s probably all related.” She didn’t think she had missed anything out, but she paused, before saying with a little smirk, “It looks like the love of your life is single now though. She might actually talk to you about things other than Matt fucking Banks now.” 

itskeiralee​:

Keira tried not to let her surprise show as Jane mentioned being bi, because it really didn’t matter, and the fact that she was surprised only fed into the bullshit idea that “straight-passing” was even a thing to begin with. It wasn’t even that she was surprised as much as it was simply a scenario Keira had never really considered. The only other queer girls she knew of in Spenningdale were Rosie and Cleo, but of course that didn’t mean they were the only ones. “Yeah, straight-passing is total bullshit. Such an antiquated way of looking at sexuality.” She smiled slightly at Jane, feeling herself open up ever so slightly more to her without giving herself full permission at this new knowledge. “In that case, I’m sure you really do get how difficult dating can be here.” Keira shrugged it off, taking a sip of her beer. “It’s not all bad, though.” She could have expanded on that comment, but she didn’t, treating it as a punctuation to the topic, instead.

She rolled her eyes, letting out a scoff at her own blatant misconceptions about influencers. “Yeah well I have taken a handful of iPhone photos for tourists, so that definitely qualifies me to judge.” Keira shrugged, taking another sip of the beer. Choosing not to directly acknowledge that she was beginning to make jokes with Jane now. “Besides, even though social media is bullshit most of the time, you can just tell that some influencers are absolute pricks, right?” The longer she spoke with Jane, the more obvious it was that she wasn’t the way Keira had assumed she would be. She was genuine, or seemed to be anyway. 

Keira pushed the thought away.

Once in the garden, she was quiet as Jane spoke about relying on others, her eyes glued to the dark expanse of the small garden. She remained silent, searching for a brother who was clearly not outside, so she could avoid searching within herself for a rebuttal to Jane’s comment. An extended moment passed before Keira finally shrugged. “Like I said, I have my family. That’s all I need now.” It was true, her parents and Andrew were enough. She could trust them - they needed her as much as she needed them. It was symbiotic, unlike most of her other relationships had eventually ended up. Keira was relieved when Jane turned the topic back to her, as it was a bit easier for her to zone out that way. To not think about the memories that hurt her, that made her view things so apparently differently than Jane. She nodded, looking from Jane to the spot in the garden that her gaze had previously locked onto, shaking her head at the question about her brother. “No, he’s being such an idiot,” She groaned, pulling out her phone once more to see no new messages. “Is there anywhere else in the house you think people might be?” Keira began to follow Jane, adding against her better judgment. “You never asked me another question, by the way.” 

It was the first time Jane had really been included in LGBTQ+ community with the simple comment from Keira. She nodded with enthusiasm, wanting to be included all the time. She had never really ventured into trying to be a part of the community, as she hadn’t really told many people about it before, because it was just easier to have people assume she was straight. Speaking about it with Keira and being included in the community with just the simple comment on ‘understanding’ dating made her realise it was something she had wanted to be involved with. Maybe that was why she really wanted to tell Keira, for a sense of community. She said it wasn’t all bad though and the flutter in her chest told her this wasn’t just for community, she wanted to know that it wasn’t all that bad. Her eyes remained fixated on Keira’s eyes and then her mouth as she drank her beer, smiling ever so slightly. “Yeah, I guess so.” 

Jane let out a hearty laugh, shaking her head, losing herself in the moment and not knowing how she was coming across at all. “Well, now I know you’re lying, because we don’t get any fucking tourists here.” With a shrug, she agreed that some influencers did come across as completely fake, but Jane always felt that she tried to be an authentic version of herself that could be well received by an audience. Barely containing a smile, she muttered, “Good to know you think I come across like an absolute prick then.”

It would have been evident to any outsider that Keira didn’t want to open up or have her mind changed on the matter of needing people, so Jane didn’t push it further. She could drop it and simply smile and ignore the fact that Keira definitely didn’t really agree with what she had just said. “We could try upstairs? He might be in one of the bedrooms... Even though I make it clear I’m uncomfortable with people in my bedroom, you always find someone having sex in there.” She shook her head violently when she realised what she had said. “Not that I’m saying your brother would be getting off with anyone, but... Anyway, follow me.” She turned on her heel and rushed to go back inside. It, therefore, took Jane by surprise when Keira prompted her to ask another question. She had fully expected Keira to call it game over after the last round. It was a delightful position to be in and she decided to blame this on the drinks when she would surely regret it in the morning. “Okay, well, what’s your type then?” 

somewhere | jane + rory

Rory slipped out the back door through the kitchen, earbuds in and a small bag of homemade cookies under his arm as he walked in the direction of town. It should have felt like every other time he’d gone to Jane’s the morning after a party, but it didn’t. Too much had changed, now. For starters, he wasn’t at the party she’d thrown the night before. He’d been invited, of course, but between residual anger from his parents over New Year’s Eve and the guilt of finding Matt that he just couldn’t shake, Rory had decided to stay home. But just because he couldn’t stomach a party at the moment, didn’t mean that he was uninterested in living vicariously through Jane, who had the same level of appreciation as he did for a fun night. 

This had been a tradition since the early days of school parties. Rory would come round Jane’s, or vice versa, the morning after a party to debrief on the night before. The two of them had an unlikely friendship - one born organically over the years through proximity and their Mums’ close friendship. He walked up the drive and to the door, opening it slowly and closing it quietly behind him before walking up to Jane’s room. He knocked on her door, cracking it slightly and giving a teasing shake of his head at the sight of Jane in bed, clearly hungover. “Oh, it’s just as I’d feared… You had too much fun without me last night. Good news is though,” Rory started, stepping further into the room as he held out the cookies. “I’ve brought just the cure. I worked on them all night… Ya know, instead of drinking my weight in tequila.” He shrugged, taking a bite of one. “They’re quite good.” Rory sat in the chair at Jane’s desk, looking at her expectantly. “So how’d it go last night?”  

God, if Jane’s hangovers were this intense at the mere age of seventeen, then she really dreaded to think about what would be happening to her as she hit her twenties, or,she shuddered to think, mid-twenties. She groaned as she removed her cooling eye patch that was not cooling her enough and went through the night to try and remember where everything went downhill. Well, she remembered Keira was there... Fuck, how drunk had she been in front of Keira? And then there was Millie. She was definitely feeling feisty from a few drinks then and oh... oh shit, she had been stealing people’s drinks again, hadn’t she? That was always a tell-tale sign that Jane was a bit too drunk. Thankfully a knock on her bedroom door stopped her from having to relive the night. 

She threw her pillow at Rory, the sight of him being sober seeming too much of a terrible joke for her right now, and when she missed him, she pathetically groaned. “Yes, I am selling fun right now,” She moved over in her bed to give Rory room to sit down, because even though the cookies were a delightful present, she still didn’t have the energy to sit up herself. “You really are a lovely friend, but please, please, please, don’t mention the T word around here. Ever again.” She shuddered with minimal energy as he spoke of Tequila. 

It took her longer than it should have to answer Rory’s question, because was it good or bad overall? Things were definitely going to be very shit in her life for the foreseeable future with the mention of Charlie, but for some people... that might not have been too bad a thing. Seeing as Rory would be the only one getting pleasure from that, she decided to share it, so she could feel any joy at all over upcoming events. “Well... there was some pretty big, dramatic news last night. I mean, someone was tragically beaten to a pulp and went off in an ambulance and we had to shut down the party after that, but... Charlie and Owen are now over. For good.” 

robin-oliver​:

Robin rolled her eyes, fighting back the intense urge to continue to justify what she’d said to Jane in the cafe. After countless arguments over many years, however, she had learned that no matter how hard she fought something, if Jane wasn’t willing to see it that way, she’d never win. “That’s irrelevant to my point, but whatever.” And with that the apologies would be over, along with any hard feelings over their last conversation. Robin scoffed, humoring Jane for a brief moment with a smirk and nod. “None taken, as my daughter is very much already here and already the cutest and sweetest, so there’s no competition really.” She’d wanted to bring Jane back down to Earth and explain that the odds she’d end up staying with JJ long enough to even remotely consider having babies were not in her favor, but Robin had no solid ground to stand on with that one being as Jane had once described - the poster child for teen pregnancy. And, they’d only just made up after their last argument, she didn’t need to start a new one.

She scoffed as Jane dismissed school. “Yeah well there’s only so much I have to ask you about, I don’t need to look far on insta to see how everything else is going.” Just as Robin thought Jane might shrink back into a shell at the mention of Owen or anything else related to the case, she actually spoke up. She nodded along with what Jane was saying, it all sounded very safe. Robin knew Jane well enough to sense that things weren’t as pretty behind the scenes as she made them appear on her instagram feed. She bit her lip and nodded solemnly, instantly regretting bringing up anything to do with Matt. She was worried about Jane, but she was also still recovering from her own shock of losing her best friend. “Yeah… It’s insane.” She was quiet for a moment then, suddenly thinking about Matt, then Alice, and even Evie, hoping that they would all have answers soon. Robin shook her head, taking a sip of tea. “Well since school’s so shitty and boring, how is everything else? You seem off, J. You know you can talk to me about anything. This is a nearly judgment-free zone, after all.” She smiled softly.

With raised eyebrows, Jane exhaled slowly to make a satisfying annoyed whistle. “I think that’s everything to do with the point, but sure, we’ve forgotten all about it now.” She remarked, continuing to smile. If Robin was trying to wind her up further, then Jane would have to not rise to it in order to keep Robin on her good side. “Yeah, I suppose when JJ and I have babies anyway, Hazel will be much older and we would’ve forgotten how cute she is now anyway, so yeah, there won’t be a competition anymore.” She always fantasised about having a family with JJ. It was strange to her, because without JJ she didn’t really see her immediate future with children or marriage or anything like that, it was actually winding roads in foreign countries, adventures by herself or with someone else, but it felt like with JJ, she needed them to be married soon and with a baby and in a cute house. It felt like maybe because he yearned for stability in his life, she sensed it and wanted to provide him with that so badly, because he deserved it. 

She rolled her eyes lightly at the comment about insta. “Insta’s insta, you know, everything is a little bit different to real life on there.” It occured to Jane that she needed to lead the conversation and talk about children or Robin’s love life or anything at all a little too late, as Robin was asking her more questions again and sensing that something was off. Everything was off for Jane. The Fear was here as Robin continued to prod and Jane could’ve told her everything then. It would be so easy to tell the most adult person she knew about everything she was trying to protect and about JJ and about her eventually having to give a completely false alibi and about Keira and about Charlie and maybe Charlie would tell her everything heself? She could’ve let it all spill out right there. Robin would tell her what to do, but she also knew what Robin would tell her to do would be to get the fuck out of this situation and she just couldn’t do that. “Uh...” She started, wondering if there was any part truth she could give. “Well, my period’s just started and it’s fucking heavy as a bastard.” She reached a hand out to rest on Robin’s hand. “But thank you, I know I can talk to you.” And she did. “What’s new with you anyway?” 

itskeiralee​:

Keira rolled her eyes, fighting back amusement at Jane’s excitement. “Yes. Congratulations, you’ve single handedly proven that I have actual feelings.” She looked at Jane curiously, feigning an intent expression as she nodded along to her explanation. “Right…” Keira understood what Jane was saying, or at least what she thought she was trying to say, completely. Finding someone that you liked enough to date was hard enough in a village as small as Spenningdale, but it decreased even more when you were a girl who only liked girls. She felt the smallest tinge at Jane’s comment about feeling sparks and how hard it was to find that. She’d had that once, but was robbed of the sparks without even the slightest warning. Now, she doubted they’d ever existed in the first place, or ever would again. Keira shook herself out of it, offering Jane a shrug. “I guess so, if that’s the way you look at it.” From what Keira had gathered from rumors about JJ and the way Jane acted about him, it sounded less like luck and more like settling. 

She laughed slightly, taking another sip of her beer and noticing herself relax ever-so-slightly. “Yeah, but is it really that surprising? Doesn’t everyone want to leave at one point or another? Like you said, the pool of people is miniscule. It’s suffocating.” The relaxation Keira felt a minute earlier came to a halt when Jane stopped her from walking into the garden, replaced by frustration once again. She rolled her eyes, but then stopped immediately, looking back at Jane as she defended herself. Another bold move that impressed Keira. She nodded thoughtfully with her eyebrows raised, as if to show that Jane had made a good point, then took another sip of beer. “That’s fair. I guess I just assumed from your instagram persona that you’d be like every other influencer. But I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong.” She moved to open the door once again, pausing to look at Jane before she stepped outside. “And for the record, not terrible, just… Arrogant.” 

With that, Keira finally walked outside, her eyes scanning the garden as Jane spoke. She thought about the question in silence. Keira had always been a loner, content with being self-sufficient, like her parents had raised her to be. Of course she’d been close with people - Amelia, Cleo. But the people closest to her, aside from her family, had always left her or hurt her, or both. So it was easier to just be alone. After a long pause, she simply shrugged, intent on keeping her eyes searching the garden, rather than on Jane, despite the fact that there was no sign of her brother. “I have had friends and I have people that I’m friendly with. But ultimately the only person you know you can always rely on is yourself. I’m close with my family, too.” She didn’t know why she was sharing this much with Jane, she could have lied, she could have refused to answer, but here she was actually opening up to someone that she barely knew. In an attempt to cover up any vulnerabilities, she added. “I’m not sure how long that will last though, if my dumbass brother doesn’t turn up soon.” Keira realized this meant she had to ask a question, so she decided to turn things back to Jane. “Why do you have so many friends? Isn’t it exhausting to have so many people expecting things from you?” 

With a shrug, Jane smiled to herself more than Keira that she had managed to have an impact. “I don’t care that you’re saying that with sarcasm, it’s a win for me.” She raised her eyes to Keira’s level again with a smile that could not be suppressed. As Keira didn’t say much to her huge, unnecessary speech, she started wondering if this was the perfect opportunity to expand more on it, let Keira know that she was in fact a bisexual. That wasn’t crossing the line too much with JJ, was it? That technically wasn’t flirting to just inform a girl (you kind of like... maybe... definitely attracted to anyway) that you are a bisexual, right? Scared that it might be the only chance for it to come up, she let the words tumble out of her, “Well, you know, I’m bi and with a small village it would be hard to actually find a girl, but I guess being in a relationship, I don’t really need to think about that for now... I just thought I would say as people usually say I come across ‘straight-passing’, which is bullshit,” She laughed slightly at herself, as if obvious why that was stupid. “but uhm... anyway, I get that it would be hard in a village...” She trailed off, smiling uncomfortably at Keira now as she waited for a response to that. 

Rolling her eyes, she laughed at her argument. “You’re really trying to rain on my parade today, aren’t you? Let me have my win.” It was kind of terrifying to stand up to Keira, even if it was over a silly game. It might have been a silly game, but she was basically saying Keira had her down all wrong and that was a bold statement to make regardless of it being a game or not. “And you say that like you’ve met so many influencers,” Jane laughed, thankful that her challenge hadn’t caused chaos to this hopefully budding friendship. When Keira said she had thought she was arrogant, not terrible, it caused a blush to rise to her cheeks. She knew it had. It was ridiculous, but this was the biggest step they had taken in the right direction and it felt like a turning point. It was also a point, however, that made her realise that she had challenged Keira without a thought for JJ. If this connection was supposed to be all for him, then she really shouldn’t be taking stupid risks like that. She put JJ to the back of her mind for a moment longer. He wasn’t really needed here right now. 

Jane followed Keira out into the garden, silently, partly waiting for Keira’s answer and partly unable to speak even if she wanted to. It was because thinking of JJ had encompassed her with the fear again. The Fear. It seemed better in capitals. It followed her around like an unwanted shadow nowadays and it couldn’t be shaken off. Spending this time with Keira, even though it was all to stop The Fear and so was entirely about The Fear, actually seemed to distract the shadow of darkness. It had taken her by surprise that The Fear had left her at all for a few minutes of talking to Keira. 

The only person you can rely on is yourself. 

Nobody else in Jane’s life thought this way. She was being relied on for JJ, her mum relied on her, Robin relied on her, people relied on each other. She needed that to be true. She needed the truth to be that nothing was one-way. She could rely on everyone who relied on her. JJ was someone she could rely on. “I think,” She started, ignoring the tickle in her throat as she was consumed by The Fear and JJ. Two separate scary things. “I think it’s sad that you don’t think you can rely on anyone else. I do, but I understand why people might think that.” She nodded her head firmly at Keira in an attempt to show that she really did understand and that it was a concept she was struggling with herself. Softening her face into a smile again, she answered Keira’s question for her. 

“They’re people I know and I’ve come to learn I have quite a charming personality,” She joked with a momentarily smug smile. “So naturally, yeah, I have a lot of people I know and it’s nice they all just see this version of me I want them to see and they don’t expect a lot from me. I’ve got a small group of actual proper friends to actually be me and... to rely upon.” She shrugged with a squint of her face, before finally turning away from Keira’s intense, yet magnetic stare. “Can you see your brother then or...?” 

itskeiralee​:

Keira looked up at Jane, caught off guard by how blatant her statement was. She just looked at Jane for a moment, dumbfounded by how bold it was. She was almost impressed. Keira finally rolled her eyes, letting out an amused scoff. “Of course I smile, just not when it isn’t earned.” She raised her eyebrows pointedly, as if proving her point completely and punctuating the sentence. Jane went on to mention how small the friendship and… dating… pools were in Spenningdale, and Keira took a sip of beer, giving her a confused look. “I mean, I suppose so. But I don’t see why that would affect you, seeing as you have a boyfriend and know - what, all of these people?” She mused rhetorically, motioning her beer bottle to the packed house once again. 

Keira thought for a moment about where Andrew might be, thinking through Jane’s suggestion of the garden. “He does have quite shit taste in cigarettes, so it’s worth a try,” she conceded with only a slightly uninvested shrug. She followed Jane towards the door, impressed by her own self-control as she held back a groan at Jane’s pause and subsequent game suggestion. Keira could have turned and stomped out of the party in that moment, absolutely frustrated with Andrew for not answering his phone and Jane for being incapable of doing anything simply. But she remained where she was, letting a small burst of air leave her nose, the only sign of her underlying frustration. “Yeah, okay. Fine.” Keira looked down at her shoes impatiently, waiting for Jane’s assumption. She snorted slightly at it, looking back up at Jane as if she’d just stated the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, yeah, obviously. Like I said, cramped, small, filled with frustrating people. I’d rather be in a city, or travel around.” Keira looked up at Jane, forgetting that it was her turn and then quickly looked up at the ceiling to think of something. “Um, let me guess - you think you’re too good for it here. Like you deserve more.” Keira looked back to Jane, her eyebrows raised, then gave a slight nod towards the door. “Well, that’s round one. Shall we then?” 

The comment should have been enough to stop Jane smiling, but she took a sip of her drink, grinning uncontrollably. “So I did something to earn a smile?” It was a nice thought and she didn’t really want Keira to reply to ruin it. As she most likely would. “Uh...” She began, at the question of her boyfriend. Why did she talk about small dating pools if she didn’t want to bring attention to the fact that she was bi? Or maybe she wanted Keira to talk about not being able to find a girl here? Or maybe she just shouldn’t have said anything at all, because, like Keira said, she had a boyfriend. Her eyes followed Keira’s gesture and she stared at the packed room of people, unable to see JJ in it. “Well, I was talking more generally... generally it would be hard to find someone to date. You have to be lucky to find someone in a such a small village that you have a connection with and it’s not just like you’re dating, because they’re the only one there. You actually feel sparks with them.” Realising she was rambling on far too much, she quickly concluded. Ignoring the actual sparks that she could feel somewhere in her chest. “So, yeah, I guess I’m lucky.” 

She was surprised Keira agreed so quickly to the game, but she was definitely going to force her to play regardless of the initial reaction anyway. A giddy noise left her mouth and as soon as she was aware the noise was coming from her mouth, she put a stop to it. “So I’m right then,” It was a happy announcement from Jane, noting that she wanted to travel as well. In another world, it would be so nice to travel the world with someone. She had never really spoken to JJ about that, because, well, their whole relationship, their world was right here, and that wasn’t really something they had thought about expanding. At Keira’s assumption of her, she simply smiled as if to say, ‘you really don’t know me at all’ and that was her expectation when playing this game, right? She lightly pressed her hand on Keira’s shoulder to let her know it wasn’t time to go outside yet. 

“God, you really think I’m a terrible person, don’t you?” She shook her head, laughing in genuine amusement. “Well, I don’t think I deserve more, I want to travel too or move to a city, but not out of entitlement. Why does me wanting to do that have to have different intentions to you?” Internally, she didn’t know why she had just stepped over that line with Keira, but she had and she couldn’t go back, so she had another quick sip of her drink. “Anyway, I won that round, so I want to ask you a question... Why don’t you seem to have friends? Like is that a personal choice to be alone or not?” 

babydollmills​:

Millie just stared at Jane for a moment after she snapped, letting out a soft albeit nervous laugh. Had she completely misread the situation? She offered a polite smile and naive shrug. “Oh, you mean you weren’t kicking her out?” The comment was interrupted by Jane turning from her momentarily to steal a drink - a move Millie quickly catalogued for the future. The small yet extremely bitchy action slightly endeared her to Jane in that moment - it seemed like something Millie would have done to Rory at parties past. That thought only lingered a moment though as Jane quickly turned her attention back to Millie and confirmed her suspicions - she’d completely misread the room. Ok, easy fix. Millie took another sip of her drink, feeling a bit too drunk to really focus on impressions or what to say to please Jane. So, she simply tilted her head slightly and stated how she saw things. “Well, she just doesn’t belong here, does she? She’s… Different. Not like the rest us,” She said, carelessly motioning around the room and nearly hitting a girl behind her in the process. Millie shrugged it off. “She’s a bit of a bitch anyway, always acting like she’s better than everyone else. The party’s better off,” She said, taking another sip of her drink, before sweetly adding on, “Everything is lovely, by the way. Your outfit is super cute.” 

There was only genuine confusion etched on Jane’s face. Had she somehow given off vibes that she didn’t like Keira? Was this why Keira was so hard to speak to, because at some point Jane had been rude to her? She did have a resting bitch face. Oh God, that would actually explain a lot. Should she apologise? Should she re-evaluate the vibe she gave off to her? “Did it look like I was kicking her out?” She asked, not really looking for an answer, just wondering out loud how she was coming across. She only really tuned into the conversation properly after Millie called Keira different. Yes, Keira was different, but not in a negative way at all. She was the most different and fascinating person Jane had come across in a long time. 

“What does different mean? In this context? We’re different from each other in lots of ways,” She motioned between Millie and herself as she poised the question. “but what makes Keira different from everybody in here?” Jane snorted ever so slightly. 

“I think anyone can come off as a bitch in certain situations. Maybe she just doesn’t like you.” She tried not to associate that with herself and Keira, as she was pretty sure Keira didn’t like her either, but she was making progress. Jane smiled, but it was forced at best. “Thanks, yours is nice too.” She then went for a sip of her drink to avoid having to say anything else right now.