placingglaciers

And the answer is, we don't.

The unhoused people who come here seeking refuge 99% of the time understand that they will be kicked out if they misbehave.

The people you have to watch out for are Jessica, who only came because the kid she didn't want had to visit for a homework assignment and she just *needs* to yell at her child for asking to borrow two books or stay an extra five minutes, or Michael, who came in to look at porn on our computers for whatever fucking reason, or Karen who just wanted to come by to throw a fit that the particular book she wanted was checked out and harrass our staff about our collection being too limited.

And we did what we could to help. He was incredibly kind and patient despite his obvious anxiety and stress, more than most able bodied, housed patrons are to us under much less dire conditions. I liked knowing that we were the first place he came.

We have so many people like this who come in everyday. Many are quiet and keep to themselves, but sometimes they talk to us.

They tell us about how they're taking a few courses on a scholarship they applied for from our library's computer at the local community college to get their diploma. Or ask about a manga or dvd or book we might have to help them pass the time.

One woman, who comes in daily with her tattered walker always says hello to me and likes to work on the new jigsaw puzzle with me when we set one out.

So like, treat unhoused people like people. Treat disabled people like people. I don't want my library to feel like the only safe space in the world, but I'm glad it can be one of them.

#ryland grace is not graceful

grace having rocky review his math to ensure he's got his rations measured out right, that he's correctly calculated the rate of taumoeba growth, that the human food to synthetic food ratio is proportional in relationship to both. grace explains the symptoms of starvation and vitamin deficiency so rocky doesn't get scared and think something's gone wrong. lets him know there's nothing he can do, nothing he can fix. that the rations will keep him alive but only keep him alive, and that's the plan. keeps it clinical, textbook, for both their sake.

grace teaching rocky about cabin fever and touch starvation and the effects of human isolation. lets him know what to expect, what behavioral and personality changes might happen, that it won't just be his body that rots from the inside out, and that's the plan too.

grace showing rocky the gun and the lethal injection kits, tells him humans try to kill themselves when they get like this, that grace doesn't want to kill himself now but in the future he may want to, and that rocky has to keep him from doing so. put out airlock question? the lethal injections kits can be reverse engineered by eridian doctors to make human medicine, grace will need it in the future. and the gun can be reverse engineered by eridian scientists to keep erid safe, earth might not want to be friends. passing them through the flexible barrier, telling rocky to hide them and don't reveal them until they get to erid, no matter what he says or does. better take the ropes for good measure, don't give these to him unless he has to do a space walk.

rocky helpless but to watch as grace can do less and less and less, until he spends all his time curled up in the holochamber wearing layers of his dead crewmate's clothes. rocky building walls up around the platform so grace can make a nest of pillows and blankets and clothing, keeping himself warm, watching videos of other humans, crying at random for reasons he either doesn't know or can't explain or refuses to say.

rocky desperately trying to be enough companionship for him. their language barrier makes it difficult, even with their mutual study during the years when grace was sharp. like the taumoeba, it's only just enough to keep grace alive. the xenon barrier allowing only enough touch, enough warmth, to keep grace grounded and no more.

rocky plagued with thoughts of what grace would have done if he'd not come back for him. how would the return trip to earth have been? would he have stayed awake, allowing himself to go crazy and risking suicide, or would he have put himself back under, completely alone with not even a corpse to give the impression of safety, and still risked death from a malfunctioning life support system? grace has the worst of both worlds now. companionship so close but not close enough, a barely satisfied need for conversation, a barely satisfied need for touch, and rocky's needs making it so grace can't go into a coma for the trip. disgust disgust disgust.

rocky building the first version of the form-fitting suit while grace is asleep, which is often. he doesn't want to get his hopes up in case it doesn't work, but rocky will do everything he can to make it work. and when it finally does work and he hugs grace for the first time, grace doesn't let go for a long, long time. rocky isn't used to being so still, so immobilized. he could pick grace up and move him but grace seems better, more like himself, being held and warm and looking at pictures of people.

cloth mother in the form of a basking rock.

grace doesn't want to ask rocky for anymore than he's given, always laughs off his tears and tells him he doesn't have to do this, doesn't have to stay, can do his own thing, do whatever he wants, don't worry about it. but rocky can't. what else is he supposed to want to do but lay there in the nest next to him, limbs draped over him so grace is weighed down but not crushed, reaching up to pet through his hair, wipe his tears, listen to his breathing and his heart beat, and whatever nonsensical meandering conversation his brain tries to drum up. his stomach doesn't growl anymore.

rocky's in hell. this trip has been hell. what did he do to deserve to be tortured in this way? first his crew and now grace - there will be 23 corpses after all if rocky fails this. he can't fail this. and even if he does fail this he can't even kill himself, he has to get the taumoeba back to erid, teach them how to use it, get home to adrian.

i love rocky having no natural desire or drive for touch, and i love the thought of him developing one during the trip to erid. humans need touch and rocky will move heaven and earth to give grace whatever he needs.

i can see rocky coming to resent the xenonite barrier because the lack of direct contact hurts grace. getting frustrated with himself because he knows it's not rational and that grace is being stupid stupid whenever he bumps the panels and sighs that he wishes they weren't there. want grace rocky to die painful, question?! but even after he waves grace off he sits and ponders how to make the panels thinner, more flexible, pushing the limits of eridian technology.

i can see him starting to yearn for closeness so he can cure grace's "touch starvation." the form-fitting suit was built so nothing like what happened on adrian will ever happen again and so when the hail mary starts to complain about her old age he can patch her up. but of course the moment the suit's passed rocky's stress tests grace is throwing his arms around him and rocky has a long long long long long to-do list but he'd rather rip his carapace in half than end the hug a second before grace is full.

he doesn't care about touch. it does nothing for him and means nothing to him. touch is also the single most important problem he has to solve. eridians can make food, eridians can replicate earth, but eridians can never press their carapace against human flesh.

listening to grace waste away, listening to him curl up against the xenonite, listening to him trying to hide his tears as he warbles about how he wishes things were different makes him want to break through the airlock again.

touch has no significance to eridians, but rocky still scoots closer.

Hello Grace. Hello Grace friend.