TRANSLATA SPLENDIDA

I was at work the other day when I sensed a very unpleasant aroma (probably the result of someone's trip to the toilet or an unwashed armpit). I told my coworker who immediately asked if it was the smell of weed, although using another of the countless words to describe it that I didn't know. He asked me if I smoked - I don't, and I told him so - but what he asked me next made me really dislike him.

"Why"

I didn't feel like getting into my disdain in any regard for the idea of smoking so I ended up saying "It's never interested me." And even then with the knowledge that I am not interested this person asks me again:

"Why"

If I could have punched him there, I would not have, but as I am doing now I would have thought about it. I don't understand how smokers (in their youth at least) can be so annoying about proving to people that they are normal and I am the outlier in not considering their life choices proper. If someone didn't bathe I probably could understand asking why multiple times, but smoking should be less normal than bathing. I cannot ever have any respect for people who decide to ruin their heads for the rest of their life or poison their body in the search to alter their consciousness. He finally asks me

"What are you doing after you clock out"

Recently I realized I have been using the wrong name for Luke Skywalker in Latin. The name Luke was never inherited from Lucius, rather from the name Lucas. I think I'm gonna change everything now so it says Lucas Scivalcer.

But should I change any of the other names? Here are some ideas that I will ponder:

Hannes -> Ioannes (the more classical version, predates Johannes)

Lea -> Leia (to preserve the y-ish sound between e and a)

I now have a lot more respect for latin poets. Although it would be much easier given it was a native language, writing latin poetry is really hard.

I probably made a lot of mistakes, and maybe used too many spondees because dactyls are hard to find, and also maybe elided more than acceptable in the final two feet, but I made 15 whole lines of dactylic hexameter that sum up the exposition of Star Wars A New Hope in a poetic and heroic fashion (I didn't invoke the Muse however, which might have been cool, could've talked abt the Whills or something).

Anyways, here it is. I will include a translation of what I'm trying to say and a key to my assumed scansion, which could be wrong.

iamdudum in terra caeli multo procul alba | SSSS

tempus iurgi intestini est et navibus arci | DSSS

tecta animose rebellibus aeris sordidi adortis | DDDS

turmas imperio a primo regni astripotentis | SDSS

iustis prima reportata est victoria laete | SDSS

arcanas formas furtim reperere rebelles | SSSD

in spumante duello ante immensem aethera stellae | SDSS

aquosae scarifae quae tablas resque tenebant | SDSS

teli nomine Mortis Stella viribus ultris | SDSS

ut polus orbis terrarum plane ureret igni | DSSS

iam furiose secuti sunt Leam imperiales | DDSS

Reginam quae maturat in nave volatu | SSSS

veloci furtivorum custos adulescens | SSSS

ad patriam qua publicus imperio superari | DSDD

consilio ut paces timida inter sidera dentur | DSDS

Long ago, in a quite far off part of the bright sky

it is a time of internal strife and with rebel ships

from a hidden citadel having attacked troops by

the command from the first of the star-ruling

kingdom, a first victory has happily been won by

just men

Rebels stealthily came upon secret patterns

during the frothing battle before the vast ether

of the watery star Scarif which held maps and

information of a weapon called the DEATH STAR

with further power such that the sky of a planet

would be entirely burned in fire.

Now imperials furiously pursue Princess Lea,

the young guardian of the stolen things who hurries

in her ship in speedy flight to her fatherland, where

the public was conquered by the Empire, with the

English car evolved from its Middle-English borrowing of the Anglo-Norman carre, which descends from the Latin carrus and describes a Gallic wagon, like what is shown below:

So this could be used as the latin word for car, given its descendants and the idea that a latin speaker upon seeing a car would say "oh, some kind of carrus without oxen." This can work, but it looks like sometimes there are only two wheels.

So what is the best word for the modern car in latin?

There's currus, which means a chariot. Its use in racing could make it a good word for a race-car.

Then raeda, a carriage with four wheels.

After that I found plaustrum, but it seems like that was purely an agricultural wagon. And, it's storage capabilities remind of semi-trucks

Then there's the territory of Neo-Latin words, which were never spoken by classical or late latin speakers. They can still work, since a lot of people make loanwords for latin in the modern day (like maizium/mays or aspirinum) that could never have been thought up in the previous centuries.

Examples that I found are: autoraeda, autocinetum (like kinetic), autovehiculum, and autocurrus

Bad: ille celer fuscus vulpes saltus super ille ignavus canes

That fast brown man having been covered as a fox, that lazy man above dogs.

Better: Vulpes fusca celer trans canes segnes salit

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dogs.

The script is finished!!!!!!

This is so exciting because I've been working on this for the past 7 or 8 months and dedicated a lot of time to just translating and translating. I am quite surprised not to have found anything similar to what I've created on the internet before, so it's really cool to perhaps be the first on to translate star wars into latin!

My translations are definitely not perfect since I'm not that skilled, but I think I tried my best and was able to transfer the movie into a form somewhat identifiable to a latin-reader.

I decided to go back on my decision to vulgarize the speech because I just didn't have the right resources or knowledge to define when in linguistic history the movie takes place and the actual lexicon to use.

I'm vulgarizing Bella Siderea!!

Since Lucius (Luke) is just a farm-boy from Tatuina, he should not be expected to have the same speech as someone of the eloquence of Rector Tarcinus or Obivannus Cenobius (as they talk in a more 'refined' variant of English, so to speak). I'm in the process of vulgarizing Luke, Han, and Leia's speech in the script, however I'm running into an issue.

Against what some may say: real Romans probably didn't talk exactly how they wrote, at least, I can't buy it. A high class roman would, as I assume, use words like hoc and the genitive case endings, but still likely drop their final /m/ and maybe slip up by saying volere for velle. So should I further de-refine the speech of commanders, Vader, ambassador Leia, and the governors? Or should they stay as refined as they are?

Actually, there's two issues. The second of which is that I don't know how to deal with C-3PO's speech. The point of the character is that he's an interpreter, and knows a multitude of languages and dialects, but to what extent does he code-switch?? When talking to everyone he maintains his posh accent and speaking-style, but should I assume that when he and Luke converse in the garage that Luke would understand C-3PO's speech? Should I translate C-3PO as posh and saying ut and omnibus and sed?

you can find the star wars translation here (so you don't have to read it on ao3) and also the rest of the my immortal translation soon...

I tried my best to render the infamously incredible fanfiction "My Immortal" into the latin language

Notes:

I'm not quite sure what fangz means but I assumed it meant fangirls so I translated it admiratrices or as our writer makes it: admiratrikez

This is going to be a long venting post about my stance on Latin literature and the AP latin course.

As the title says, i really couldn't care less about whatever the fuck julius caesar did 2000 years ago. I couldn't. I don't care that he was being super witty with his writing and that he "masterfully manipulated the roman people into believing the Gallic Wars were justified." Julius Caesar was a dictator and I don't care about him. Translating his works feels like we're discussing how great Hitler was at public speaking in awe. No one thinks that Hitler was great unless you're a fuckass unempathetic piece of shit incel nazi sympathizer.

I'm not saying that latinist are akin to nazis, but I just don't see the point in getting so worked up over some guy's writing style that, when translating into english, doesn't make a lick of sense. Most translations I find online are written like some posh fucking oxford graduate from 1780. No sensible person today would ever fucking think about writing the words "excel in valor" or "To this he the more easily persuaded them." I understand that this style is literally ancient and is going to seem foreign, and that Caesar probably didn't write this for some schmo walking out of a pompeian brothel at 2pm, so it should probably read as pretentious, but if we are supposed to recall what is happening in this book for what college board requires, then we should at least translate it like we're normal fucking human beings.

On that note, fuck college board. and Advanced Placement. All I see in it is people looking at colleges like large all-knowing entities that must see you as the top student in every aspect so that they can try to get a better seat in college. The reason ap is so rigorous is because then the people in it seem better on ap exams, which causes the schools to be seen as more prestigious, which in turn brings more money to schools and college board. not that schools don't need funding, that's a whole other discussion about the absolute morons trying to "run" the country right now (or even for a long time; before this administration most public schools were still overlooked).

I would much rather discuss what roman life may have been like for the average person. how did the helvetians and the gauls actually feel about all this? would a belgian teenager listen to emo music if placed in modern day? what was it like to grow up in these places? and on top of all that, we only talk about the classical european world! Why don't american schools read sanskrit or vedic texts??? or why don't people talk about someplace other than europe???

It all just reminds me of the annoying fucking white people who long to live in europe for the history and the instagram photos they'll take to show how 'cultured' they are. BITCH GO TO MOMBASA OR SOMETHING. why not visit places to actually get to know the people. we're one world and if that world is gonna get any better we have to understand each other on a deeper level our countries' landmarks.

I use to love latin because it was a way to connect with the people who had lives a long time ago just like i have a life. they were real people who ate, drank, laughed, and wept. people who died and were forgotten. not julius caesar or vergil or pliny. So fuck AP latin, and fuck college board.