maison de shua

WARNINGS: MDNI explicit content: fingering, oral (f receiving), slight handjob, p in v sex, cum eating (don't look at me), multiple orgasms, kissing, mention of pills and weed, alcohol, alcohol as a coping mechanism, food and eating, slight fighting (verbal)

WC: 21.4k (i'm so sorry)

NOTES: okay so here it is! my first seungcheol fic! i got kinda carried away if you can't tell from the word count, but im really proud of this fic so i hope you enjoy it. it is also my first time writing smut so kinda embarrassed but you know. i hope the fic does the word count justice lol. anyways! hope you enjoy it and as always all and any feedback is appreciated! (also slight warning as i am european i have absolutely zero idea how the american college system works so please look away from any mistakes regarding that lol)

also the title and lyric underneath is taken from crush by ethel cain! a while ago here on tumblr i read something about how this song is coups coded and immediately i started associating that song with him. so it only felt right to have my first coups fic inspired by that incredible song!

“OKAY, I NEED TO KNOW WHY YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE CHEATING ON SOMEONE LAST NIGHT.”

Jeonghan burst out laughing at Seungkwan’s sudden statement, the two of them looking at you, waiting for an answer. You, however, almost choked on your cereal. Jeonghan reached an arm over to you, hitting your back to prevent you from dying thanks to your fruit loops.

“I’m sorry?” Your voice was slightly hoarse, having just recovered from your near-death experience. Seungkwan rolled his eyes at your dramatics. 

Your youngest roommate wasn’t exactly known for being understanding. Sure, he was kind and one of the most caring people you knew, but he also said exactly what he was thinking. All of the time.

Jeonghan, your other roommate, looked toward the shorter man. The two exchanged a look which to you meant only one word: mischief. 

The three of you had decided to go out last night, seeing as it was a Saturday and Jeonghan had exclaimed something about celebrating a chemistry test he had gotten a C on. Way to go.

You and Seungkwan had not needed a lot of convincing.

Not far away from campus there was a night club, and a lot of college kids went there to let out steam, be it after exams, tests or just the general stress that came with getting a proper education. You and the two boys had ended up there after deciding that the parties on campus weren’t much to brag about. 

The frat where a lot of your friends were members, including your closest friend, had decided to take an off-day from their extravagant parties. 

Shockingly enough.

The night club was packed with students, and you immediately found a few familiar faces. Chaewon and Saerom had excitedly waved you over to them as soon as they spotted you walking in. You had excused yourself away from Seungkwan and Jeonghan, who didn’t seem to mind as they had spotted some of their own friends sitting in a booth with a tray of shots.

As soon as you walked over to the two girls they bought you drinks, already tipsy, and you did not complain. The three of you decided to dance after a while, and ended up on the crowded dance floor. 

Sweaty bodies surrounded you, and the loud bass coming from the speakers were sure to make your ears ring the next day. But you didn’t mind, in fact you loved the feeling of letting go of all your stress and pressure, and just letting loose with your friends after a long week. 

Just as the chorus for some old Rihanna song had started you felt a pair of larger hands gently grab your hips. Your first instinct was to push them away, and you turned around quickly. 

Oh. He was not bad looking at all. 

You decided to dance with him, admiring his height and short black hair. Having no idea who this man was didn’t worry you, as he did look your age and you were having fun. 

After dancing, he leaned down to speak and you caught a whiff of his cologne. The smell of mint and cedarwood hit your nostrils like a spell, and you agreed to his suggestion of getting you a drink.

Who are you to turn down a free drink, after all?

Standing at the bar with the mystery man, who you learned was called Yeonjun, the two of you fell into a comfortable conversation. Yeonjun went to the same college as you, and was at the club for the same reasons as you. Letting go of all the stress from the previous week. 

During your conversation you noticed he had moved closer to you. The proximity made the smell of his cologne hit you again, and just as you gathered the courage to lean into that little urge that told you to kiss the smirk off his face, your phone vibrated.

The quiet ringing noise was almost muted under the club music playing throughout the club, and you coughed awkwardly. Your hand found its way inside your purse, declining the call without checking to see who was calling. 

Yeonjun smirked back at you when you leaned into him once again, only to be interrupted. Once again.

You murmured an apology and he shook his head politely at you, gesturing for you to check who was ruining your much-needed fun. An awkward cough left you again, and you pulled your buzzing phone out of your purse, checking the caller ID.

Seungcheol.

The contact picture of your best friend smiling lit up your face, his dimples on full display and his family dog Kkuma on his lap. A small smile began to appear on your face.

Yeonjun raised his brows at you, asking if everything was alright, to which you nodded and muttered a quick apology before rushing out of the nightclub to a quieter place so you could answer the call.

The cold air hit your bare arms, making you hiss and wrap your arms around yourself, as you pressed the answer button, and your best friend's voice hit your ears.

“Yah, are you ignoring me?” The question ended with a big sigh coming from the man, which made you snort. 

“And now you’re laughing at me, what a great friend you are.” Seungcheol’s voice held that joking tone you had gotten so used to.

“Unlike you, Cheol, I’m out. Socializing. Like a real person, you know?” You said, imagining the fake frown on his face, his dark brown eyes rolling at your antics. 

“Yeah, yeah. But you answered, so it can’t have been that fun, can it?” He said, taking your silence as an affirmative answer. 

“Great, so come over? That movie you wanted to watch is out on streaming now, and Mingyu made pizza.” 

“Not for her!” You heard Mingyu’s voice in the background, yelling at Seungcheol from across what you assumed was the living room of the frat house. You rolled your eyes, laughing again.

You cast a quick glance at your surroundings, seeing none of your friends around. Thinking nobody had noticed you slipping out of the night club, you agreed, and Seungcheol cheered through the phone. You held the device away from your ear until he was done, you told him to order you an uber and gave him your address.

A few minutes later an uber pulled up, and you were out of there.

The memory of the night before made you smile to yourself, even though the movie sucked and you were back home before 1 A.M. 

You were never as happy as when you were with your best friend.

“And now she’s even smiling. You sly, sly woman.” Jeonghan said, shoving your shoulder, bringing you back to the present. Seungkwan snorted and you put up your  middle finger in his direction.

“I need to know why you’re accusing me of cheating, when I am a single, independent woman.” You sighed, swallowing the last of your cereal and setting off to the sink with the dirty dishes. The bowl was thrown into the sink with a loud “clank!”

“Don’t think we didn’t see you leave just because Seungcheol called.” Seungkwan said, crossing his arms, looking like a detective doing an interrogation. 

“All that had to happen for you to leave the guy you were talking to, super hot by the way, was one call from that idiot and you’re out?”

You shrugged, having totally forgotten all about Yeonjun. He was super hot though. 

“I didn’t leave because Cheol called, also, how did you even know it was him calling anyway? I left because I got bored and you guys were off doing god-knows-what with god-knows-who.” Jeonghan laughed before catching Seungkwan’s eyes looking directly at him.

“I’m sorry that I was off taking some pills in the bathroom with, uh,” Jeonghan hesitated, stuttering a few times. “Minho? Minsu? I don’t remember, but he was hot, so.” 

He smirked, his shoulder-length black hair bouncing around when he laughed at your wide eyes. You supposed you hadn’t totally gotten used to Jeonghan doing whatever Jeonghan did.

Seungkwan cleared his throat before answering your previous question.

“I knew Seungcheol called you because who else would you escape a room for, especially when the hottest man on earth is standing in front of you, giving you fuck-me-eyes!” 

Seungkwan paused, suddenly looking guilty.

“And also.. because I told Chan to keep an eye on you so he peeked at your phone and saw Seungcheol calling.”

“Oh, so now you’ve hired little spies to keep an eye on who calls me?” You exclaimed, running a hand through your hair. The fact that you hadn’t gone bald from stress due to your friend’s antics throughout these years shocked you.

“No! I just thought the guy you were talking to looked suspicious!”

“You just called him the hottest man on earth!” You laughed in disbelief, not bothering to even attempt to understand Seungkwan’s ideas. 

At this point, whatever went on inside his head was a storm you did not want to get caught in. 

Jeonghan, who had been doubled over in laughter at your back-and-forth, finally attempted to calm down and looked between the two of you.

“Alright kids, let’s stop this fighting. Y/N, Seungkwannie is just looking out for you, right, Kwan?” He said, looking towards the raven-haired man, who nodded.

You rolled your eyes for what felt like the hundredth time during this ridiculous conversation.

“Seungkwannie, if Y/N wants to leave to go hang out with Cheol she’s allowed to. She’s a grown woman and she can take care of herself.” The youngest man nodded again, as did you.

Jeonghan being the mediator between the two of you was not rare. It was probably a weekly occurrence at this point, 3 years into being roommates. 

When the three of you had moved in together you barely knew each other, you had posted an ad looking for two roommates, seeing as Seungcheol was living at the frat house and couldn’t live with you.

When Jeonghan first showed up for a viewing of the apartment, you had assumed he was a girl. His hair was longer back then, blonde strands pulled into a ponytail and the prettiest face you had ever seen. It took a few exchanging of words and one look at his Adam's apple to realize he was, in fact, not a girl.

The two of you had quickly gotten along, and although you had wanted to live with two girls originally, Jeonghan and Seungkwan were the perfect choice. 

The three of you were like siamese triplets at this point, and lazy nights in your shared apartment consisted of drinking games, movie nights and Jeonghan absolutely beating your asses at Monopoly. 

You could not have found better roommates. 

At least you felt that way every other time than right now, and you stuck your tongue out at Seungkwan who gasped, immediately turning to Jeonghan to tell on you.

A loud sigh left the man next to you for the sixth time this hour. You, for the sixth time, ignored him. Seungcheol sighed again, adding a tiny groan this time, making you glare at him.

The two of you had been sitting at the library for a few hours now, working on your respective assignments. 

Usually, you enjoyed doing your homework alone, feeling like you could focus better. But something about Cheol’s eyes when he’s begging you to come to the library with him to study, because he “can’t focus when he’s alone,” makes you fold immediately. 

You looked back down to your computer, the words on the screen turning into a jumbled mess at this point. Your psychology class was your favorite, but this specific assignment had been tough. As much as you tried, you couldn’t seem to make your points connect and make sense, and you were getting sick of it. 

A whine of your name pulled you out of your thoughts.

Turning towards the culprit, whose head was now face-down on the table, you raised your eyebrows. 

“Yes, Cheol?” you asked, trying to decipher the muffled reply coming from him. Rolling your eyes, you reached a hand out towards his black mop of hair and ran your nails on his scalp. 

His hair had gotten longer now. He claimed he couldn’t afford getting his hair cut, which you knew was bullshit because if Seungcheol was anything, he was a bad liar. 

You had told him you liked his hair longer, especially at the length it was now. His bangs curled over his thick brows, and his hair was longer on his neck, forming his jawline just right. 

You also liked running your hand through his hair now, but you didn’t tell him that.

He groaned again, lifting his head, fixing his tired eyes on yours. 

“We’ve been here for hours, there’s no one here. Can’t we just go?” Seungcheol took one of your hands in between both of his, holding it up like he was praying. 

“We can go to the frat house and order food, or anything! I just want to leave this place, I’m losing my hair out of stress!” He let go of your hand to point to his head, hair fully in place. 

You snorted at his antics, taking a look around. The tables that had been filled with other students when you showed up were in fact empty, and looking out the large windows you could see the sky growing darker.

You reluctantly agreed with him, acting as if you weren’t stressed out of your mind as well, and the two of you packed up your things and started the walk towards the frat house.

Seungcheol was the captain of the frat. When he first told you that, you had made fun of him, before actually considering it and realizing it was perfect for him. He was reliable and protective, a leader type. It only made sense for him to be captain. 

He could also be intimidating when he wanted, which was a plus for when people were disrespectful towards his brothers or anyone else.

You personally had never found Seungcheol intimidating. Though this could be due to the fact that when you first met him he had a bowl cut and chubby cheeks. You never really find someone intimidating after you see them like that. 

Your families were friends, and since you and Seungcheol were so close in age it had only made sense for you to become friends too.

The two of you did everything together. You walked together to school when you were kids, helped each other with homework and went out to play during the day. 

Cheol had been there for your first break up, comforting you as you cried into his shoulder. You had been there for his first break up, once again with you crying into his shoulder, because somehow you were more hurt at the fact that he was sad than he was. 

That always made Seungcheol laugh and you annoyed when he reminded you.

The first time you snuck out was with him, your first party you had gone with him, and when it was time to go to college the two of you had applied to the same one. It was like the world wanted you two to stick together, and you had. You never fought, and everyone knew that the two of you came as a package deal.

Seungcheol the big, scary, frat captain. And you were his person. 

The only person he never got mad at, the only person he let call him cute and pinch his cheeks, the only person he could be vulnerable in front of. 

It had always been the two of you.

Naturally, a lot of people thought you two were together. You could understand it, but you were getting a bit tired of having to tell people you were just best friends every time someone asked you about it. It felt weird to talk about, weird to the two of you that people could even think that.

You and Seungcheol were best friends. Always had been, always will be.

Eventually you reached the frat house, thanking god for the fact that you didn’t freeze your ass off on the way. Seungcheol had to give you his hoodie halfway through your walk, with you claiming you would lose feeling in your arms if he didn’t. 

He was cold after that, but didn’t dare say anything when he saw the warmth re-enter your body.

The pair of you opened the front door, only to be greeted by the sight of Chan, Mingyu and Junhui having a loud discussion. You thought you could hear the words “weed,” “spandex,” and “nightclub” somewhere in the jumbled mess that was the conversation, and that was enough for you to tune out.

You swiftly walked past them and into the living room, where Wonwoo and Minghao were watching some animated movie. You greeted Wonwoo with a back hug and Minghao with a pat on the head before sitting down on the other couch, Seungcheol following after. 

The frat guys, Seungcheol’s friends, were some of your best friends too. They had always treated you like one of their own, never complaining at the fact that you definitely overstayed your welcome at the house.

Seungcheol sat down next to you, his thigh directly next to yours even though the couch could fit 5 people, 6, if Mingyu wasn’t sitting there. You leaned your head on his shoulder and he put his arm around you. 

Your nose fell into the collar of his hoodie which you were still wearing, taking in the smell of vanilla, sage and something so inherently Seungcheol. It was familiar and comforting. It smelled like home.

His thumb moved back and forth on your shoulder while he was talking quietly to the two men sitting on the other couch. The conversation turned muffled as you let your eyes close, and promptly fell asleep on his shoulder.

When you eventually woke up, your neck aching from being bent to the side for so long, it was completely dark in the room. 

Minghao and Wonwoo are long gone, the TV off, and the house completely quiet. You raise your head from the hard surface it was resting on, only to see Seungcheol still sitting completely straight, small snores escaping him.

You stifle a laugh at his expression, only to stop once you realize he actually didn’t move an inch because you fell asleep on him. And on top of all that you drooled on his shoulder too. 

Stretching, you lift your arms above your head and attempt to get rid of the ache in your neck.

The movement from his left wakes Seungcheol up, and he opens his eyes to see you stretching and has the same realization you did. 

It is way too late. 

He remembers Minghao and Wonwoo going to bed, and him assuring them he would wake you soon, before taking you home. He remembered looking down at you sleeping so peacefully on his shoulder, in his hoodie, drooling on the shoulder of his t-shirt.

That’s the last thing he remembered before he fell asleep.

“Yah, you drooled on me,” Seungcheol says, his voice groggy with sleep, and you jump at the noise, obviously not having realized that your movement had woke him up. 

“I’m so sorry, Cheol, really,” you start, but he interrupts you before you can finish.

“Don’t worry, I was just joking, it was cute.” He reaches out a hand to ruffle your hair.

You laugh at him, shoving him away from you and making him fall sideways onto the couch. He mumbles something about you being mean before checking his phone for the time. Almost 2 A.M. 

Seeing this as well, you start to get up and walk toward the front door. 

“I’ll walk you home,” he says, hurrying after you. You don’t even attempt to deny him, knowing it would be a never-ending discussion, and you liked the fact that walking with him made you feel safe. 

He throws on another hoodie of his, not trying to take away the one you’re wearing, and the two of you walk out into the quiet streets.

Your apartment is not far away from the frat, and when you arrive you bid him goodbye with a hug, telling him to get home safe. He nods and then walks off the same way you came from.

Taking the elevator up to your apartment you realize how cold and tired you actually are, looking forward to laying down in your own bed. The front door to your apartment is locked, seeing as your roommates are most likely fast asleep.

Unlocking the door, you walk into the dark apartment, taking off your shoes and replacing them with your slippers. You lock the door after yourself and attempt to fumble your way to the bedroom in the dark. 

A cough makes you jump. A lamp turns on next to the couch. You roll your eyes at the culprit, or should you say culprits, sitting there.

Seungkwan, clad in pajamas, is sitting next to his boyfriend, Hansol, wearing sweatpants and a black hoodie. You immediately let out a groan of disbelief.

“What kind of horror movie is this, guys?” You ask, throwing your keys on a table, looking at the two men sitting on the couch. “Why are you sitting in the dark, you freaks?”

“It was his idea, I swear,” Hansol points to Seungkwan who hits him on the arm. The pair had been together for a while now, and although they seemed like complete opposites they were perfect together. 

You really liked Hansol, and he had become one of your closest friends.

“I believe you, Hansol, come here,” you say, reaching out a hand. The man in question immediately stands and walks over to you, holding your hand and standing next to you. 

Seungkwan gasps and clutches his chest like he’s in a k-drama and he just found out his mother died.

“You are not stealing my boyfriend, no way. You are evil!” Seungkwan points at you, standing up from the couch, and you have to stifle a laugh at how his pajama pants are way too short for him. You push Hansol behind you, using yourself as a shield.

“Seungkwan, you have to stop dragging Sol into your evil masterplans,” you say, and Hansol laughs behind you, clearly used to your bickering. 

He had thought the two of you were siblings when he first met you, but quickly realized you were just very good friends who were also very dramatic. “And you’re the evil one, sitting here in the dark like you’re a James Bond villain here to kill me for coming home late!”

“I’m sorry I worry for my friend! I’m sorry I’m such a good friend and roommate, I’m so-” Seungkwan stops, looking at you, more specifically what you’re wearing. 

“That a new sweater?” He asks, raising his eyebrows at your way too big hoodie, smelling like Seungcheol. You hesitate a bit.

A meek voice comes from behind you, “That’s Seungcheol hyung’s sweater.”

You turn around staring daggers at Hansol, who throws his arms up in defense. He couldn’t help the fact that he was in the same frat as the owner of the hoodie.

“That’s what I thought,” Seungkwan says, smirking like he’s a detective and just solved a murder case. You turn back towards him, pointing a finger at the black-haired man.

“Yes, it’s Seungcheol’s hoodie, he’s my literal best friend,” you say, throwing your hands up in exasperation. “I don’t understand what the problem is, what your problem is!”

Seungkwan smirks at you, crossing his arms and shrugging.

“Oh, nothing. Come on, babe, let’s go to bed,” he gestures to Hansol, who looks at you apologetically before following his boyfriend to his bedroom. You give him a smile, mostly out of pity for the fact that he has to put up with Seungkwan’s crazy ideas.

You’re left standing in the living room wondering what the hell just happened, and why your friend is acting like he’s some sort of cop.

Later you’re tucked up in your bed, trying to shrug away Seungkwan’s antics, and only thinking happy thoughts. Puppies, kittens, rainbows. Seungcheol. Not Seungkwan. Not long after, you fall asleep.

Still wearing Seungcheol’s hoodie.

The Pitbull song playing over the frat house speakers hit your ears from down the street. You and Jeonghan were on your way to their party, stumbling a bit from the pre-drinks. 

The skirt you were wearing was way too short for you, but you felt good in it, and Jeonghan had agreed with you that you looked hot. Flirt.

Once you neared the house he took your hand, dragging you through the front door and straight toward where he knew your friends were. You spotted a few of them sitting on the couch you had fallen asleep on earlier this week.

Wonwoo and Mingyu were chatting, each having a beer. Minghao was looking for songs to play, probably some EDM stuff that would give you headaches for days. Soonyoung, Junhui and Chan were having what looked like an attempted dance-off next to the couch. 

And lastly, Seungcheol was sitting on the couch chatting with Hansol.

Jeonghan made your appearance known by yelling out a greeting to all of them, earning a few hugs and handshakes. Seungcheol immediately excused himself from Hansol, walking over to you with a smile on his face and handing you his red solo cup.

“And, what is this, if I may ask?” You say, taking the cup from him and raising it to your nose. The strong smell of vodka hit your nose, and you hummed. 

“Don’t ask if you know what’s good for you,” he joked, throwing an arm around your shoulders, guiding you back to where he sat. On the way he gave Jeonghan a handshake, not without letting go of you. 

You took a sip of the drink, letting the liquid burn your throat, relishing in the feeling.

Seungcheol sat you down next to him, with Hansol on his other side. You greeted Hansol with a hug, leaning over the man in the middle to do so. Seungcheol’s eyes went down to your legs when you pulled back, noticing the length of your skirt. 

You followed his line of sight, growing shy at the look he gave you.

“What’s wrong, Cheollie?” You asked, moving uncomfortably next to the man who suddenly grew very quiet. 

“Isn’t that a bit short?” He asked, clearing his throat and looking down at your exposed thighs and then back up to your eyes. You frowned at him, looking down at yourself.

“I don’t know, I like it. Hannie said it looks good so,” you said, shrugging, but pulling the fabric further down your thighs.

“Oh, well if Hannie likes it, then,” Seungcheol grumbled, taking a sip of your shared drink, a pout on his face. Hansol stifled a laugh next to him, which earned him a glare from the man. 

You put your hand up to Seungcheol’s brows, trying to remove the frown which had formed there. Next you pinched his cheek, and finally a little smile formed on his face. You smiled at the sight of his dimples showing up.

“Don’t be like that, Cheol, doesn’t suit you,” you said and he sighed, handing back the drink and you took another sip. “This suits you better,” you giggled, poking his dimples. He shoved your hand away making you laugh, and he attempted to hide his smile at the sound.

“Can’t believe only she gets to do that, hyung, what if I want to pinch your cheeks?” Mingyu piped up from a few feet away, earning laughs from some of the others and a middle finger from Seungcheol. 

His arm moved to your waist, pulling you closer to him. For some reason you grew warm at his movements, but it was most likely the alcohol hitting you.

You struck up a conversation with Hansol, asking where Seungkwan was, as he had left the apartment earlier than you. Hansol laughed, saying Seungkwan and Seokmin were off somewhere doing karaoke. You were not shocked at all. The two of you continued talking about random topics, all while Seungcheol kept his arm around your waist. 

Once in a while he would squeeze your hip, which meant he wanted the drink back from you, and you obeyed. As the alcohol affected you more and more, you ended up sitting closer to him. When you emptied the last of your cup, your thigh was on top of his, your hand on his shoulder, occasionally reaching up to twirl the hair reaching his neck.

Noticing the empty cup, you stood up, explaining that you were going to get some more for the two of you. 

Never did it occur to any of you that you could get two separate cups. 

He nodded at you, and Wonwoo and Junhui walked over to Seungcheol and Hansol. The group started talking about something, and you walked off looking for more alcohol. Seungcheol’s eyes followed you all the way out of the room.

Finally, you found it. The holy grail. Or in other terms, the kitchen island filled with vodka bottles and mixers. 

You cast a glance over the different bottles, deciding on pure vodka and a lemon mixer, knowing Seungcheol liked sour drinks. Said it helped prevent the hangover the day after.

You sat your cup down on the island, pouring the drinks in. Humming along to the song playing in the next room as the liquid filled the cup to the brim.

“You should try singing.”

A voice from behind you stopped your humming, and somehow you felt you knew the person, but not well. You turned around, and there Yeonjun stood, leather jacket on, hands in his pockets and short, black hair slicked back.

“I’m not a good singer, you can ask my roommates,” you laughed, turning back to your drink, making sure to screw the cork on the bottles shut before picking up your cup and taking a sip. You grimaced at the taste, but it did the trick.

“I’m not a good bartender either, apparently,” you said, and Yeonjun’s laughter rang through the kitchen, which made you laugh too. He looked at the bottles you had used and picked them up, observing the label. 

“Well, maybe that’s because you’re using a lemon mixer, here, this one is a lot better,” he picked up another bottle from the island, screwing the cork off and grabbing a new cup. “I’ll make you a new one.”

Before you could protest another voice did for you.

“I think she can decide her drink choices on her own, thanks,” Seungcheol walked in the kitchen, angry for some reason.

His jacket from earlier was gone, leaving him in a t-shirt that fit him just right. You took a moment to appreciate it before he was next to your side, arm around your waist.

“Seungcheol,” he put his hand out towards Yeonjun, who confidently took it, and the two shook hands. “Yeonjun,” he smirked, “I was just helping your girl mix her drinks here.”

He gestured to your drink, and Seungcheol forced a smile. You had to hide a grimace at Yeonjun’s words, “your girl.”

You handed the drink you just mixed to Seungcheol when he gestured towards it. Taking a sip, Seungcheol hid the grimace at the taste and you stifled a laugh. 

“Well, my girl here,” Seungcheol started, you blushed and stifled another laugh. “My girl here can make her own drinks, thank you though.” He handed the drink back to you, pulling you tighter to him, squeezing your hip. 

You flushed at the gesture.

“I see that, alright,” Yeonjun smirked at Seungcheol, holding his head high. “Well, Y/N, if you ever need my help mixing your drinks, you know where I am. Nice seeing you again. Nice meeting you too, man.” 

The man walked out of the kitchen, leaving you and Seungcheol standing there in silence. You took a large sip of the horrible drink, needing the alcohol. The drink started to taste better the more you had, at least.

“Someone you know?” Seungcheol asked, and you leaned against the kitchen island, running a hand through your hair. He followed you, placing one hand on the counter on either side of you. He stood close to you, and his smell engulfed your senses. You took a deep sigh.

“I met him a while ago, at the club, didn’t know he remembered me,” you said, and Seungcheol raised a brow at you.

“When were you at the club?” 

“You know, that night you called me, and sent an uber there?” You reminded him, and a stupid smirk overtook his handsome features. 

“Oh, so that was who was boring you that night, yeah?” 

You rolled your eyes at his cocky statement, bringing a hand to his cheek and shoving lightly, he stepped away from you, laughing. You took the drink with you and connected your arms.

“Don’t get full of yourself, Choi Seungcheol.” 

He walked you back to where your friends were. Sitting down, he took you with him, you were basically sitting on his lap now, too drunk to care about that. 

“Stop, I’m gonna spill our drink, Cheol!” you yelped, grabbing the cup for dear life begging whoever was watching that you didn’t spill vodka and lemon mixer all over your pretty outfit. 

Seungcheol pinched your side, and took the cup from you.

“I wish you would, do you know how hard it was to pretend this was good in front of that douchebag?”

Your psychology class was one of your favorites, sure, but days like these made that statement really hard to stand by. 

The professor stood at the front of the room, talking about technology, for some reason. One of the points you had to learn was technology and how to work certain systems used in psychology research. 

The notes you had written down in your notebook were just scribbles at this point, and for all you knew, the professor was speaking in latin. 

You sighed loudly when the professor announced the end of the class, gathering your things and placing them in your bag. Once you stood up from your seat and walked down the stairs toward the door, you were stopped by a soft voice calling your name.

Hong Jisoo. Or Joshua, as he had asked the class to call him. He was the TA for this class, and had just graduated from college himself. 

Joshua was very nice looking, with broad shoulders and a sweet smile to match. You were lucky that he was the TA because when you grew bored you would let your eyes float toward him. He always sat at the front, next to the door, paying attention to the professor, taking notes or handing out papers.

You looked at him questioningly. A few words had been exchanged between the two of you, but you had never really had a conversation with him that wasn’t school related, so you assumed this was about that. 

Probably something wrong with your assignment, or he was going to give you extra work. 

Your head ached in preparation.

“Tough class, huh?” Joshua asked, laughing at your expression, and he patted your shoulder. The movement made you blush. For some reason.

“Hey, I hope this isn’t weird or something, but I was just wondering,” he started, and your breath hitched in anticipation. “Are you perhaps free sometime this week?”

“Oh, is there anything you need to talk about regarding the class? Or my last assignment, I know it wasn’t my best but-”

“No, no, relax,” Joshua laughed, and you sighed. “I was just wondering if you wanted to get a coffee some day?”

You had to stop your jaw from physically dropping. Your super hot TA was asking you out for coffee. Was this real life? 

The blush on your face from before got even stronger, and you prayed he didn’t notice. Forcing your eyes to his expectant ones, you smiled.

“Sure, let’s do it!”

He smiled, and let out a breath it sounded like he had been holding. Joshua turned around to the professor’s desk, and opened a drawer pulling out a sticky note. He scribbled something down on it while you waited in anticipation, appreciating his physique.

“Here, my number. Tell me when you’re free,” he smiled, his eyes turning into crescent moons and you swore you swooned in front of him. 

You took the note from him, shoving it carefully in the back pocket of your jeans, thanking the lord you wore this pair today. They made your ass look really good.

You nodded at him and smiled once again, before turning to leave when his voice stopped you. 

“And Y/N? I’ll see you around, looking forward to it.”

And then he winked. Joshua Hong winked at you. 

You had to leave before your knees gave out under you. Nodding dumbly at him one last time, you turned around and hurried out of the classroom. 

Once you reached the hallway, empty thankfully, you took a few breaths. Another voice took you out of your dreamy state.

“Is everything okay?”

Seungcheol took a few steps towards you, noticing your heavy breath and red cheeks. He raised a hand to your cheek and felt the warmth with the back of his hand. His concerned eyes made you feel bad for him, knowing the reason behind your frazzled state.

Suddenly, you yanked his arm with yours and walked quickly away from the hallway and out into fresh air. You took a big breath and smiled at him, giggling at his confused state. 

“Joshua asked me out.”

Seungcheol turned silent. He took in your state, now making sense. Nothing was wrong with you, you weren’t ill, you were just happy your TA asked you out.

“Seungcheol, isn’t that great? Joshua asked me out, now, after class!”

You squealed, jumping a little, but Seungcheol couldn’t smile at the sound he loved so much. He knew you found Joshua good-looking, but he never thought anything would come out of it. And now that it did, he didn’t know why it felt so weird. 

“That’s great,” he said, and you squealed again, taking his arm and turning toward the road leading to your apartment. 

He had come to see you after class so that you two could go back to your place and make dinner and watch a movie, seeing as Jeonghan was off with his new fling and Seungkwan was at the frat house visiting Hansol.

While you continued babbling about Joshua, the way he had looked when he asked you, how he had asked you, the sticky note, his tone, Seungcheol suddenly felt ill. Violently ill. Like, never felt this before, type of illness. 

He stopped in his tracks, and you stopped talking, looking at him with a confused expression on your face. He couldn’t look at you.

“I feel ill, I think I have a fever,” he started, and your confused expression grew concerned. “I’m sorry, we’ll hang out another day. I'll text you.”

Before you could respond or ask him if he was alright, Seungcheol turned around and walked, or basically ran, towards the frat house. You stood there, the butterflies from earlier disappearing, now replaced with concern for your friend. 

Whenever Seungcheol was ill he always, always, let you take care of him. It didn’t matter how bad he was, you were always there and he couldn’t get rid of you. He would encourage it in fact, because when you inevitably got ill later on, he would take care of you too.

So the fact that he just left like that, not even allowing you to help, left a bad taste in your mouth. You didn’t want to bother him if he really felt bad, figuring it was something too private to even share with you. 

Walking back toward your apartment, you forgot all about Joshua, only worrying for Seungcheol.

Later on, still alone in your apartment, you texted him asking if he was okay, if he needed anything, if you should come over. Every single text was left on read. Not a single answer. Giving Cheol the benefit of the doubt, you figured he felt too ill to answer, and you decided to check up on him the next day.

Distracting yourself for the rest of the evening with repeat episodes of some show you had already seen a few times, you didn’t even hear Seungkwan and Hansol entering the apartment. 

They took in your state, noticing your tired appearance, and shared a glance.

“Everything okay?” Seungkwan asked, the two of them coming to the couch and sitting next to you. You hummed, turning down the volume and shifting so that they could fit more comfortably.

“Is Cheol okay? You were at the house, right? Does he need medicine, food?” You asked, the concern for your friend taking over every single one of your senses. 

The two boys shared a confused look, before looking toward your serious expression.

“Medicine? Is he ill?” Hansol asked, and your expression grew almost as confused as theirs. 

“Yeah, we were supposed to hang out today, but he got really ill suddenly and had to leave so we decided to take a rain check,” you started, fiddling with your hands, “He didn’t even let me help him, and he hasn’t answered my texts so I can only assume he’s really bad.”

“Uh, when I last saw him he was playing table tennis with Chan and yelling at Mingyu to clean up his mess in the kitchen, so I would assume he’s completely fine.”

Seungkwan’s words shocked you. Seungcheol wasn’t ill at all. Or maybe he was, and just suddenly felt better. When he was away from you. No, you couldn’t go down that road, you know your best friend and he wouldn’t lie to you. 

“Did he say anything else? Maybe something else happened?” Hansol asked, as confused as you were.

“No, I had just gotten out of class, and I told him about Joshua asking me out,” you started, and the two boys immediately shared a panicked look which you did not catch, “And we were walking towards the apartment when he suddenly said he wasn’t feeling well and had to go.”

Seungkwan reached a hand to the back of his neck, not really knowing how to digest this information. Hansol nodded slowly at your explanation, not confused at all any more. 

It was pretty obvious to the two of them why Seungcheol suddenly felt “ill”, but it was apparently not as obvious to you, and they did not want to be the ones to tell you. 

Instead, they told you not to worry, and just wait for him to ask you to hang out. They asked about Joshua to take your mind off Seungcheol, and it worked for a while, before you once again grew concerned at the thought of your best friend lying to you. 

You just couldn't understand why he would lie.

The following weeks went by slowly. Including all your homework and assignments, you had to deal with Seungcheol’s lack of communication. He didn’t answer a single one of your texts. The reels you sent him on Instagram were left on opened. When you asked anyone from the frat if he was okay, they answered vaguely and changed the subject.

You were sick and tired of it. In fact, you were angry. If he was going to act like this, lie to you for whatever reason, then ignore you and tell everyone else to lie to you as well, then he could just do that. 

If he didn’t care, then you didn’t either.

Instead you busied yourself with your friends, and Joshua. Sweet Joshua who answered every single one of your texts. Joshua who would wink at you during class, and wait for you when it was done, just to walk you home. 

You were happy. At least, when you were with him you were. You weren’t used to everyday life without Seungcheol, and you missed him. You missed his teasing and his laugh. You missed his cooking and stupid jokes.

As mad as you were at him, you longed for his company even more.

Joshua had taken you for coffee a few times at a cute café on campus. It was sort of a ritual for the two of you now. After an especially tough class, he would give you a look which you read immediately. 

Currently, the pair of you were sitting at a table inside the café. You sipped your coffee while he told you about his home life. He was from Los Angeles, which you told him you doubted until he spoke English to you, and the fluency of it convinced you. 

You liked talking to Joshua, he was sweet. He never teased you, except for a little jab here and there, which made you giggle. He always made sure to ask follow-up questions to your stories. He remembered your coffee order by now. He was nice.

You were kind of bored.

You felt bad about it, it wasn’t his fault he was too sweet for his own good. Too perfect. It nearly scared you how perfect his features were, and on top of that you add his personality. He also really cared about you, which made you feel even worse. You could tell he liked you. A lot. 

And you didn’t know how to break the news to him. 

That he wasn’t your type. That you missed getting teased. You missed someone knowing your moods just from looking at you. He remembered your coffee order, sure, but he couldn’t take one look at you and know that today was a tea day. Only one person knew you that well.

You missed him. You missed Seungcheol.

Joshua noticed your zoning out, frowning a bit at your spaced expression. Before he could ask if you were alright, the bell rang, indicating that a new customer had entered. 

The sound of the bell took you out of your head, and your eyes went towards the sound. Your breath hitched.

Seungcheol.

His brown eyes met yours, and immediately they grew wider. He obviously wasn’t expecting to see you there. It felt like time stopped, your eyes meeting for the first time in what felt like forever. 

Seungcheol’s eyes suddenly went from yours and towards Joshua. He murmured something under his breath before turning 180 degrees and leaving, the bell ringing to signal his departure.

Joshua cleared his throat, as your eyes were still fixed on the door where Seungcheol had stood. A second clear of his throat and your eyes were back on him. He smiled awkwardly, and you shrunk under his gaze.

“Friend of yours?”

You nodded meekly, taking another sip of your coffee, the taste growing more bitter in your mouth than before. Joshua studied you, and you returned a stare at him, feeling like he could read every single one of your thoughts.

“You should go after him.” He suddenly said, leaning back in his chair. Your eyes grew wide, stuttering over your words before uttering out a weak, “sorry?”

“You should go after him,” Joshua smiled a comforting smile at you, “I can tell you want to.” 

Somehow, you knew he was right. You wanted to leave. You wanted to see Seungcheol again, talk to him, hug him, be near him. 

“I’m sorry, Joshua,” you sighed, giving him an apologetic smile, which he returned. 

“That’s okay, let’s be friends, I enjoy talking to you,” he smiled, and you nodded, standing up. 

You walked over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. His smile grew, and he nodded at you before gesturing towards the door, murmuring a little, “go.”

“Thank you, Joshua,” you said, taking his hand and squeezing it before turning away from him and rushing out the door. 

The cold air hit your face, but you didn’t mind. You were going to Seungcheol. 

The café was not far from the frat house, where you knew he had escaped to. You walked down the street, shoving your hands in your pockets to shield them from the cold. 

When you reached the house, you didn’t bother knocking on the door. The boys had told you many times already that you were welcome any time, as long as you brought drinks here and there. An agreement you couldn’t complain about.

Rushing in the front door with your windswept hair and red nose you looked crazy, and Jihoon’s stare that met you confirmed it. You breathed out, a breath you didn’t realize you were holding before asking a single question.

“Where is he?”

Jihoon pointed towards the living room, and you hurried there. Wonwoo, Mingyu and Seokmin were sitting on the couches around the table. Next to Seokmin, Seungcheol.

You cleared your throat, earning the attention of the four men. Seungcheol’s wide eyes met yours, and suddenly you felt all the confidence from before disappear.

“What are you doing here?”

His voice rang through the room, which had turned quiet at your arrival. You stuttered a bit, considering your next words, but before you could get them out he interrupted your thought process.

“Aren’t you with your boyfriend?”

He emphasized the word in a way that sent shivers down your spine. Like it was disgusting. You stared at him, and the other three men in the room looked between the two of you like it was the newest episode of their favorite k-drama.

Seungcheol started again, this time standing up, “Shouldn’t you be at the café with him right now? Or did you get bored of him already?”

The sharp words shocked you, Seungcheol had never used that type of tone towards you before. 

The room tensed, and the three others kept their eyes fixed on anywhere else than the pair of you now, obviously growing awkward at the sudden tension that filled the room. Heat rushed to your face.

“I didn’t come here to fight, Cheol,” you said, attempting to keep your voice steady, but your fists were clenched. He laughed, an arrogant sound that pissed you off.

“You didn’t come here to fight? Then why are you here then? I’m sure Joshua would love your company right now, why don’t you go to him?” 

Seungcheol’s voice was bitter and the words felt cold. He took a step towards you.

“I don’t want to go to him. I want to talk to you.” You said, raising your chin at the angry man in front of you, hoping your words have a calming effect on him. 

They did exactly the opposite, and Seungcheol scoffed in your face.

“You don’t want to go to him? You looked pretty comfortable back there, sitting so prettily in front of him, batting your eyelashes at him,” Seungcheol spat the words at you, anger only rising inside of him at the thought of the two of you at that café. You grew quiet at his words, shocked at how quickly this went south.

“I bet you did your makeup so pretty just for him right?”

That did it.

“Is that what you think of me, Seungcheol?” You let out a humorless laugh, looking at the man in front of you. He clenched his jaw, and his eyes softened for a second before hardening again.

“I think,” he took a step closer to you, “I think you’ve been pretty busy forgetting about me.”

“That’s funny, Seungcheol, because I’ve spent the whole week being ignored by you.” You copied his movement, taking a step closer to him as well. 

The room went even quieter. Wonwoo shifted uncomfortably in his seat, Mingyu stared down at his fingernails, and Seokmin suddenly found the ceiling very fascinating.

“I texted you,” your voice shook, despite your efforts to keep it steady, “I worried about you. I asked about you. And what did you do? You didn’t answer a single time. So don’t act like I’m the one who walked away.”

Seungcheol scoffed, running a hand through his hair just like you liked to do. You fixed your eyes on his, refusing to back down.

“What was I supposed to do then?”

“Talk to me, Seungcheol! You were supposed to talk to me!”

Tears were starting to stream down your face now, anger rising in your throat. You had never felt like this in your life. You and Seungcheol had never fought. Not like this. His eyes didn’t soften at the sight of your tears, he only scoffed once more.

“Well then what was Joshua then? Just a placeholder?” 

His statement made you stiffen, and you wiped your tears away. You refused to look weak right now. You took a step back from him now, not bearing to stand so close to him. He waited for an answer, and your anger only grew at the expression on his face. 

Bitter, cold.

“Don’t talk about him like that, he’s been nothing but kind to me.” You finally managed to say, feeling like you needed to defend the man who had been your only happiness this last time. 

Seungcheol scoffed again. You were getting tired of that.

“Yeah, I bet,” he started, walking closer to you, “Joshua wouldn’t ignore you would he? He’s there, he answers, he doesn’t disappear.”

Seungcheol’s words felt like ice, and you shook your head, your anger finally reaching a high at his stupidity.

“And whose fault is that, huh, Seungcheol?”

The silence stretched between you, suffocating you.

“You don’t get to be mad at me for attempting to find a little bit of happiness after my best friend decided I wasn’t worth talking to.”

Seungcheol’s shoulders dropped at your sentence, his eyes softening a bit. It was like the fight was leaving him, despite his efforts to stay mad.

“I didn’t decide that.” He said, adding a whisper of your name to the end.

“Well, then what did you decide?”

Seungcheol looked away. The silence felt like hours, and that hurt more than all the yelling he had done previously.

“So that’s it then? You don’t even trust me enough to tell me why you’ve been ignoring me?” You whispered, a single tear falling down your cheek. 

He couldn’t even look at you.

“I can’t, it would just make things worse,” he spoke lightly, but the words held a weight you could feel in your chest. 

You both grew tired of the fight, you could tell, but you needed him to answer you.

“For who?”

Finally, he looked at your face. His eyes ran over your features, almost like trying to memorize every single detail. Your eyes softened immediately when you saw the tears in his, every one of his facial features looking defeated.

“For you.”

“I don’t need your protection, Seungcheol. I just need my best friend.”

His expression faltered at your words, almost like something broke in him.

“You still have me,” he whispered your name.

“No,” you shook your head at him, tears falling freely now, “Not like this, I don’t.”

Silence again. Then he took a few steps away from you, like it pained him to stand close to you.

“Go back to Joshua.”

You scoffed at his words, not believing he could be so slow.

“He’s good for you.”

Your throat tightened at his words, you wanted so badly to be near him, to hold him. To tell him that you didn’t want to go to Joshua.

“And what are you, Cheol?”

He didn’t answer. That was answer enough, you figured. 

You turned back towards the door, your steps feeling heavy. You turned around, hoping to meet his brown eyes, telling you he regretted it, he regretted everything.

But, nothing. 

His head was bent downward, studying the floor. At some point during your fight, the three men who had served as audience had left the room. He looked so alone where he stood, but he made his choice.

You nodded, mostly to yourself, and left the house. Left Seungcheol.

Jeonghan sighed at your refusal to eat his breakfast, claiming you weren’t hungry. Your tired eyes didn’t even look at him when he knocked on your door and entered your bedroom. 

Placing the plate of food on your desk anyway, he took in the state of your room. Curtains drawn shut, clothes all over the floor, empty dishes on every surface.

He walked over to your bed, leaning down to give you a quick kiss on the forehead, heart aching at your lack of reaction. A quick whisper of “I’m here if you want to talk,” and he was out again.

Meeting Seungkwan in the living room, he shook his head, which in turn made the other man sigh. The two sat on the couch, feeling completely hopeless.

Of course they knew what had happened, seeing as you and Seungcheol had an audience during your first ever fight. And from Hansol they had learned that Seungcheol was in the same state you were, except he could actually get out of the house.

Not to do anything sensible, of course. He went to bars, drank way too much, which in turn made Mingyu take care of him the rest of the night while he babbled incoherently about you. 

Seungcheol went to the gym too, sometimes. Wonwoo had told Hansol that he was worried, seeing as their eldest friend worked out a lot harder than he used to. The sight of the man lifting weights way too heavy for him, pushing himself way too much, worried his brothers. 

It seemed like he was taking out his aggression, or regret, through punishing himself.

The frat guys knew about your state as well. You had barely left the apartment since the fight, only leaving two times to take a quick walk with Jeonghan. He had to push you out, but at least you got some fresh air. You sulked around the apartment, your smile not reaching your eyes, your laughter not ringing through the thin walls.

Your friends were worried sick. About the both of you. 

So they came up with a plan. A stupid one, of course. They figured you needed to socialise, get out of the apartment, and Seungcheol needed to see you. You were his weakness, and your friends knew this. If he as much as cast a glance at your state, similar to his own, they figured he would crumble and the two of you would reconcile.

Then, the planning began. A party at the frat house, way too many people, and a few people making sure the two of you didn’t drink way too much so that if you needed to talk, you would.

Your roommates waited until you were out of your room before cornering you in the kitchen. Seungkwan came from behind you, hugging you like a koala. You snorted a quick laugh.

“Missed you,” he said quickly, kissing your cheek with a dramatic ‘mwah!’ before releasing you from his embrace.

“I was right here, Kwannie,” you said, and he shook his head.

“No, you’ve been holed up in that cave of yours these last days. No, weeks?” 

You sighed, not being able to protest. You hadn’t wanted to see anyone, let alone walk out and risk seeing Seungcheol. His words still stung, and his stupidity annoyed you to no end. 

The fight was all you could think about.

Still, you missed him. You had done so ever since he first started ignoring you, before the fight.

Jeonghan snapped his fingers in front of your face, sensing your thought process. 

“So, we’re going to a party tonight,” he started, and before you could protest he held a finger in front of your lips, “Yes, it’s at the frat, yes, he will be there, and yes, we will keep you away from him, okay?”

Attempting to speak back at him, he moved his finger and instead placed his palm over your lips. 

“You need to get out, princess, and we’ll be there with you the whole way.”

His stern look made you crumble, and he raised your brows, waiting for a response. You nodded meekly, and he smiled, satisfied. Removing his hand from your mouth he patted your cheek, earning him a loud sigh from you.

“It’ll be good for you,” Seungkwan said, “I’ll even help you get dressed, if you want.”

You snorted at that, the pair in front of you looking like concerned parents. Even offering to dress you and babysit you during the whole party. Smiling at your best friends, you silently agreed, knowing they were probably right.

You looked over at the couch, Seungcheol’s hoodie slung over the arm, mocking you.

The rest of the day consisted of Seungkwan going through your closet, while Jeonghan laid on your bed, cackling maniacally when the younger man found clothes that were definitely not in fashion anymore.

You laughed along with them, ignoring the pit in your stomach at the fact that you would probably see Seungcheol again tonight. Not probably. You would see him.

Deciding to stop thinking about it before you hurled, you agreed to a dress Seungkwan found, Jeonghan whistling lowly as you held it up in front of you.

Might as well make an appearance.

Downing his drink, Seungcheol stood leaning against a wall, surrounded by Mingyu, Junhui and Minghao. Mingyu gave him a stern look, and Seungcheol furrowed his brows. The two of them had agreed before the party to not drink as much tonight, but how could he not, when he knew you were going to be here?

He felt like he couldn’t stand to see you sober, your words replaying in his head.

“So that’s it then? You don’t even trust me enough to tell me why you’ve been ignoring me?”

“I don’t need your protection, Seungcheol. I just need my best friend.”

“And what are you, Cheol?”

His stomach turned at the memory, but Mingyu’s stern look scared him a bit. (He would never admit that to him.) 

Junhui murmured something he couldn’t quite hear over the loud house music playing, and he was starting to regret letting Minghao control the music for the night. The man in question was nodding his head to the beat, looking way too calm for Seungcheol’s taste.

Why wasn’t everybody as freaked out as he was?

You were going to be here. You were going to be in his vicinity for the first time since you fought. He was so nervous he felt like he would throw up after two drinks. He felt stupid. His stupid shirt didn’t fit right, the collar suffocating him. He unbuttoned the top buttons, basking in the air it gave him.

Before Mingyu could tease him over the fact that he looked like he was going to shit himself, Jeonghan yelled from the front door. There you were. Behind Jeonghan, clinging onto Seungkwan like he was your only lifeline. Your eyes met Seungcheol’s and his breath hitched.

The bags under your eyes were dark, he could tell you had tried to cover them with makeup, and nobody else probably noticed. But he did. He noticed everything about you. The way your eyes were slightly red, not from current crying, but from what seemed like crying for multiple days before. The way your lips were slightly raw from biting, which he knew you did when you were nervous.

Just like he observed you, you observed him right back.

His dark bangs framed his face just right, but you could tell he was tired. His eyes held a weight only you would notice. His lips quivering. You watched his mouth twist in a way that told you he was biting the insides of his cheeks. Seungcheol always did that when he was nervous or stressed. 

It felt like time stood still as the two of you stared at each other, before another yell made him jump, moving his eyes away from your form standing in the hallway.

Jeonghan walked up to the four men, giving them hugs and smiling at Seungcheol like he hadn’t just looked completely miserable staring you down in front of everyone. He cursed Jeonghan for pulling his eyes away from you, and when he looked back you were gone.

Seungkwan interrupted your staring with a tug of your arm, dragging you over to the kitchen. Seokmin and Hansol stood next to the counter, cutting up limes and lemons for drinks. Seungkwan gave his boyfriend a quick kiss, and hugged Seokmin. 

The two men turned to you, seemingly surprised at the fact that you were here. You couldn’t blame them, you were shocked too.

Seokmin’s smile was soft as he embraced you, moving a strand of hair behind your ear. You smiled at the taller man, always happy to see him. He was one of the kindest people you knew, always so sweet to everyone. 

“I didn’t think you’d come,” He said softly, releasing you from his hold, leaning back against the kitchen counter. Seungkwan and Hansol talked softly next to you, and you felt comfortable at the fact that only the four of you were in the kitchen, the noise from all the other people outside muffled.

“Neither did I,” you sighed, leaning next to him, resting your head on his shoulder. He put an arm around you, and Hansol handed you a drink after popping a lime into the cup.

“You okay?” He asked, raising his brows. Automatically, you nodded, but you figured there was no point in lying. All of them knew how you were. How you felt.

“I will be,” you sighed, leaning even more against Seokmin, appreciating the comfort you got from him. Hansol took a quick look at you, scanning your outfit.

“You look tired as shit, but at least you look hot,” he said, deadpan, making you cackle. Seungkwan agreed with his boyfriend, and you blushed at the attention. Your black dress was a bit short, but not too risky. It was low cut, accentuating your chest and neck. You paired the dress with your favorite jewelry.

You felt hot. You felt confident. You definitely needed this.

The four of you continued talking for a while, sipping your drinks, enjoying the quiet of the kitchen. Music thumped throughout the house, and you could feel the vibrations from the bass trail up your spine. A door burst open, and way too many people for your liking started trailing into the kitchen, looking for drinks.

Someone bumped into you, making your drink slosh in your cup, and you yelped. Seungkwan walked over to you, tugging you into his side, almost like a shield. He did promise to stay with you. Jeonghan did too, but that’s Jeonghan.

“Okay,” he muttered into your ear, “Way too many people, we’re relocating.”

Before you could say anything, he dragged you out of the kitchen and into the hallway. The frat house was packed now, and you could spot familiar faces, voices and hands waving at you, which you returned with a smile. Voices overlapped, bodies brushed past each other and laughter rang through the house.

And then Seungkwan stopped you in your tracks before you bumped into someone. 

Seungcheol stood at the end of the hallway, near the stairs, his red cup in hand. He was stopped mid-track, almost like he was looking for something.

For someone.

You and Seungkwan froze, and you clutched his arm like it was the only thing keeping you safe from the feeling you got from seeing the man in front of you. You thought you could hear Seungkwan swearing under his breath.

Seungcheol’s eyes flicked to your hand around Seungkwan’s arm, and his jaw clenched before his eyes turned back to your face. You couldn’t quite read his expression, too many emotions at one time.

A voice cut through the suffocating silence.

Jeonghan appeared at your side, like an angel, sensing the tension between all of you.

“Cheol,” he said, clapping the man’s shoulder, “help me grab more drinks from the storage.”

Seungcheol blinked at him, his lips parting in an attempt to respond before Jeonghan cut him off.

“Now.”

The storage room was tucked away at the back of the house, away from the music and the crowd. The two of you watched them disappear around the corner. Your heart pounded, a strange sense of relief and disappointment washing over you. Seungkwan let out a loud breath next to you.

“Okay, too close,” he said, “bad timing.”

“Story of my life,” you said, laughing a bit, before tugging your friend into the living room. You quickly found Minghao, giving him a hug before turning to Chan and doing the same. Spotting a few of your other friends here and there, you felt safe right here with the three men.

But the relief didn’t exactly last.

Someone turned the music up louder, the room grew more crowded, people pressing closer. Voices rising. Your chest tightened, a weird feeling sweeping over you. 

What was wrong with you today? A hand squeezed your shoulder and you turned. Jeonghan stood next to you, having first noticed your state, brows furrowed in concern. 

“Hey, you okay?” he asked softly, leaning down towards you so you could hear him over the loud music. “Too much?”

You nodded, and he nodded back.

“Bathroom,” he decided, “Come on.”

He took your hand in his, leading you out of the cramped room, brushing past bodies. He guided you towards the guest bathroom down the hall, pushing past a few people making out, talking and smoking to do so. You squeezed his hand and he gave you a quick reassuring squeeze in return.

Before you could reach the bathroom, a door swung open, and Seungcheol stepped out of the storage room. Alone. Jeonghan stopped in his tracks.

Seungcheol’s wide eyes met yours, looking just as startled to see you again. His eyes darted quickly towards Jeonghan, and it seemed like the two men had a silent conversation in front of your eyes. A sigh came from the man holding your hand, what you suddenly realized was a sigh of resignation.

“I’ll, uh,” he started slowly, “I’ll go see if I can find Soonyoung.”

You turned to him, eyes widening impossibly further.

“Jeonghan,” you started, but he interrupted you with a hug, leaning down to rest his head on your shoulder. His hair tickled your nostrils, smelling the shampoo from his earlier shower. Your shampoo. Son of a bitch.

“You’re not going to get another chance like this, take it,” he whispered to you, kissing your cheek before turning away from you and leaving swiftly. 

Leaving you and Seungcheol standing alone at the end of the hall. The room suddenly felt too small, too quiet, despite the music blaring from the room next door. Seungcheol studied you, and you met his eyes. He nodded his head in the direction of the storage room, asking you a silent question. 

You sighed, and followed him into the storage room.

Closing the door behind you, you took in the room. There was a table tennis table in one of the corners, an old couch next to it. The room was lit up by a single bulb hanging from the ceiling, and some string light behind the couch, which you could only assume was Junhui’s doing. The few windows in the room faced into the trees next to the house, slightly lit up by the moonlight. 

Seungcheol walked toward the table, setting his cup down, before leaning against it, his palms behind him. You took in his appearance, black shirt unbuttoned at the top, fitting so good on him you swore you could count his abs on that toned stomach of his through the fabric.

This had to be the alcohol talking.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, before gesturing towards the couch. You walked slowly over to it, now facing Seungcheol directly. Your dress rid up your thighs a bit when you sat down, and following his gaze you noticed most of your bare legs were revealed.

Your face flushed under his gaze, and you quickly pulled the hem back down, wanting to hide as much of yourself as possible. Your fingers trembled as you smoothed the fabric back into place.

The storage room felt warmer than before, the air heavier, charged with the tension between the two of you. Seungcheol noticed.

Of course he did.

His jaw clenched slightly, his eyes flicking back up to your face immediately. Like he was scolding himself for looking. He straightened his posture a little, crossing his arms over his broad chest, coughing an awkward cough.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he muttered, not being able to meet your eyes, the floor apparently very interesting.

“That would require me not already being uncomfortable.”

A faint huff of breath escaped him, almost a laugh but not quite. The sound disappeared as soon as it appeared, and the stillness between you returned. Silence stretched uncomfortably again. You hated it. Deciding to break it you straightened your own posture.

“So, this is where you’ve been hiding out?”

He nodded, “Guess so,” he shrugged, still not meeting your eyes.

“You didn’t have to, you know?” you whispered, “you could’ve just talked to me.”

Seungcheol’s dark brown eyes finally met yours, softening at the look in your eyes. Not pity. Care. 

“You walked out on me, figured you didn’t want to see me anymore,” he whispered, eyes quickly flitting down to his feet before returning to your face. When they returned, they were glossy under the dim light. You frowned at the sight.

Seungcheol dragged a hand down his face, exhaling hard. You tried not to admire the veins in his hands, but you’re only human.

“Everytime I thought about calling, about texting, about seeing you,” he paused, seemingly considering his next words, “I kept thinking I’d say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing, or ruin everything.”

Seungcheol sniffed suddenly, making you jump slightly. You quickly stood up, walking over to the table, to him. His shaking hands were at his sides, and you took them in yours. 

“I missed you, Cheol,” you whispered, letting go of one of his hands to wipe a stray tear from the corner of his eye. His eyes softened at the movement, and the hand you were still holding squeezed, a reassuring feeling. 

You took a step closer to him, and his head leaned back with a groan, revealing his neck to you. The smell of his cologne hit your nostrils as you studied him, his face turning back down towards yours.

“Missed you too,” he mumbled, raising his hands holding yours, bringing them to his lips. 

His lips met your knuckles, kissing the left ones first, then bringing his attention to the right hand. You let out a sigh at the feeling, and his eyes went from your connected hands to your face, studying your features.

Suddenly his dark brown eyes jumped down to your half-opened lips before quickly returning back to your eyes. The movement made you flush, now realizing how close you stood. 

You could feel the steady breath from his nostrils hitting your face, his smell intoxicating. You risked it and took a quick look at his lips. Pink, slightly glossy from him wetting them. Seungcheol let out a shaky breath.

Once your eyes met his again, a silent agreement had already occurred between the two of you. 

Fuck it. Just once.

Seungcheol’s lips met yours quickly, and he groaned into your mouth at the feeling. You let go of his hands to put your arms on either side of his neck, stepping impossibly closer to him. Your lips moved in tandem, neither of you wanting to let up. His tongue entered your mouth, exploring, and you let out a little whine.

His hands grabbed your hips, and pulled you towards him, when you felt it. His length was growing hard between the two of you, and noticing this he pulled away, laughing when you chased his lips.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, forehead leaning against yours, “too good.” He kissed your cheek, and you cupped his cheek, forcing him to look at you.

“Don’t apologize, Cheollie,” you whispered, “Let me help.”

Seungcheol groaned at your statement, nuzzling his cheek further into your hand, placing a small peck on your palm. He squeezed your hip.

“You don’t have to,” he murmured, but you shook your head at him.

“I want to,” you said, snaking a hand from his chest down to his toned stomach before reaching the belt of his pants, “please, Cheol.”

He let out a low noise that sounded like a growl mixed with a moan, and pulled you back to his lips with a strong hand on the back of your head. Kissing you hard, he switched your places, placing you against the table. His broad body covered yours, towering over you.

Seungcheol swiftly placed his hands under your ass, lifting you upwards onto the table. You squealed at the sudden gesture, but your noise was swallowed by his lips back on yours. This was really happening. You were making out with your best friend.

You were making out with Seungcheol.

Placing your hand back on his belt buckle, you interrupted the kiss to look down at his hard length straining against the fabric. He whined into your mouth when you placed a hand over him through the fabric, stroking slowly. 

Seungcheol placed sloppy kisses down your neck, stopping here and there to bite, no doubt leaving a mark you would have to cover up later. But you couldn’t worry about that. Not when his mouth felt so good on your neck, and not when his hand was snaking up your thighs, nearing the place you needed him the most.

Your movements on his length let up the closer he got to your panties, the pair probably ruined from how turned on you were. You could feel the fabric sticking to you, and Seungcheol let out a low laugh at the wetness he found at your thighs.

“Soaked all the way down here, are you?”

His low voice vibrated against your neck, pulling away to sneak a look down where his hand met your legs. His hands pushed the fabric of your dress upwards, uncovering the mess that was your underwear. Seungcheol let out a tut at the sight, fingers going to rub you through the fabric of your panties.

Thank god you wore a good-looking pair today.

His fingers found your clit through the fabric, and your hips jerked, making him smirk at you. He rubbed circles on the spot, the wetness soaking through making it easy. You grabbed his bicep with one of your hands, relishing in the feeling of the hard muscle.

“Please,” you whimpered, and his eyes met yours.

“Please, what, baby?” 

“Please touch me,” you moaned, biting down on your lip when his fingers hit your clit at a particularly good angle. He let out a breath at the sight of you already so wrecked on his just his fingers, not even touching you properly.

“I am touching you,” he said, smirking annoyingly at you when you tried to look as strict as possible. Cute. Seungcheol pulled your panties to the side, revealing your pussy to him. 

God, he wanted to remember this sight forever.

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” he said, before entering two fingers into your throbbing core. You moaned loudly at the sudden intrusion, and his hand went to cover your mouth.

“Quiet, baby,” he said, curling his fingers inside you, “you don’t want anyone to hear how good my fingers feel, right?”

You clenched down on him, hard. He let out a low laugh and you whined.

“Or do you? Do you like the idea of someone walking in here, seeing you so ruined just from a little touching?”

Your head nodded dumbly, and he smiled at you, removing his hand from your mouth and replacing it with his lips. He swallowed the moans that came from you when he curled his fingers in tandem with his thumb stroking your swollen clit. 

You could feel your arousal dripping down onto the table, never having been this wet before. You didn’t even want to look down at Seungcheol’s hands, probably covered in your slick.

“Is this okay?” He asked, eyes suddenly turning soft, stopping his movements for a second. You nodded, but he shook his head and tapped your cheek with a single finger.

“Words, baby.”

“Yes, yes,” you whined when he picked his movements back up at your approval, “so good, Cheollie, so good.”

Seungcheol was probably as gone as you were. He looked down at his fingers working you, your tight hole clenching impossibly tighter around him when he sped up his movements. He moaned at the sight of your arousal covering his hand.

He brought his unoccupied hand to your chest, softly squeezing your breast through the fabric of your dress, moaning quietly when he realized you weren’t wearing a bra. You moved a hand to cover his, encouraging him to squeeze harder, moaning loudly when he complied. Your head fell backward, all of your senses going into overdrive.

Seungcheol’s hand moved to the top of the fabric covering your chest, pulling it down and revealing your naked tits. He groaned before diving in, his lips wrapping around a nipple, sucking it. You moaned, hand moving to his hair, raking your nails through the dark locks. 

God, he had missed that.

He could feel you clenching harder down on him, squeezing faster than before. He released your nipple with a wet sound, looking up at you.

“You close, baby?” He asked, smiling when you nodded quickly, completely forgetting how to use your words. 

“Gonna come around my fingers, pretty girl?”

His thumb circled your clit faster, the two fingers inside of you curling, hitting the perfect spot. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t breathe. Seungcheol bit his lip as he watched you, how ruined you were.

“Such a perfect pussy,” he moaned, continuing his efforts. “Made for me.”

That did it.

You clenched down on Seungcheol’s fingers impossibly tight. His movements not stopping, just simply slowing due to how tight you got. He murmured small encouragements in that low voice of his, working you through your orgasm. Your vision turned white, pleasure taking over every single one of your senses. All the sound around you turned muffled.

Then you took a breath. 

The pleasure hit you harder than ever, and you moaned loudly as Seungcheol continued working you through your release, wanting to make it last as long as possible. Your release gushed around his thick fingers, covering him in your juices. He moaned, almost cumming in his pants at the sight.

You had never come that hard in your life.

When the movements became too much for you, you weakly pushed his hand away from you. You were so sensitive, and you whined at the feeling of him leaving you. Lying down on the table you attempted to catch your breath, eyes closed, cheeks flushed and chest heaving up and down.

Seungcheol had never seen something so beautiful in his life.

Returning back to reality, you raised your upper body with your elbows, staring down at the man between your legs. He smirked at you, raising his fingers to his mouth, making sure to make a show out of licking up your release from each of his digits. Seungcheol moaned at the taste, and you swore you were dreaming.

You managed to return to your sitting position. He gave your right tit a quick bite, making you yelp, before he pulled the fabric of your dress up and over your chest, covering you. 

Not being able to resist, you pulled the man into you, smashing your lips against his. You snuck your tongue in his mouth, licking around and you swore you could taste yourself on his mouth. You hummed at the taste of you and him together.

He kissed you back, before releasing you, helping you down from the table. Casting a quick glance down to his impossibly hard cock straining the fabric of his pants, you raised your brows at him. He shook his head.

“I need to be inside you now, and I am not going to fuck you in this storage room,” he said, making you snort before you made sure the two of you looked presentable. 

Walking towards the door, Seungcheol quickly stuck his head out, checking for any of your spying friends. Deciding that you were all clear, he pulled you by your hand, a hand on your waist and led you to the stairs leading up to the bedrooms.

The two of you walked together, nobody blinking an eye, being so used to the sight. 

They didn’t know his fingers had been inside you minutes ago. 

You pushed past a couple making out on the stairs, people talking in the hallway, some of them attempting to talk to Seungcheol. He just nodded at them politely, before quickly leading you towards the door to his room. 

Seungcheol pushed the door to his bedroom open, and let you enter first with a hand on your lower back. He closed the door behind you with a soft click, shutting out all the music and chatter from the rest of the house. Once again, it was just the two of you.

His bedroom was large, being the captain of the frat he had gotten the first pick. You had of course been here before, studying, watching movies or just hanging out with your best friend. Now, it was different.

You shivered slightly at the thought of what you were doing, suddenly getting very nervous. Seungcheol, of course, noticed. Still standing behind you, his large hands placed themselves on your hips, pulling you back against him. You could feel him against you, hard and warm. 

As he embraced you, you leaned your head back on his shoulder, revealing your neck to him. He placed his nose in the crook of your neck and breathed hard, taking in your smell. Seungcheol let out a sigh at the smell, his breath hitting your skin. A small kiss was placed on your neck, so delicate you could cry at the softness.

“You okay?” 

His deep voice sent shivers down your spine. You nodded frantically, turning yourself around in his arms. You took in his features. Your beautiful best friend, here, holding you. It didn’t feel real. 

“We can stop if you want,” he whispered, his eyes flickering back and forth between your eyes and lips, warm hands squeezing your hips softly. 

“I think I might die if we stop,” you whispered back, and he laughed softly at your dramatics. Your colder hands came up to rest on either side of his face, before leaning in to kiss him again. In contrast to earlier in the storage room this kiss was soft, precious, slow. He held you like he was afraid you would disappear if he let go.

Seungcheol deepened the kiss, slowly walking you back towards his bed in the middle of the room. The back of your knees hit the mattress, and he laid you down softly with a hand behind your head. He didn’t follow though.

He stood over you, taking in the sight of your swollen lips, your chest heaving from the kiss. The blush on your cheeks. Your hands immediately went up to cover your face, nervous because of his intense stare. He tutted, reaching out to remove your hands from your face, taking them in his.

“Don’t be shy, baby,” he said, kissing all over your hands, your palms, the backs of your hands, the tips of your fingers, “You’re beautiful.”

Your blush deepened, if that was even possible, and the sight of him taking you in made you want to cry. No one made you feel like he did. 

“Need you, Cheol,” you whined, suddenly growing impatient at the slow pace. The fact that he looked god-like standing above you, his hardness showing through the fabric of his slacks, didn’t exactly help. Seungcheol groaned at your desperate voice.

“Patience, baby,” he tutted, before reaching to his shirt. Slowly unbuttoning the buttons of his shirt one by one, he revealed his toned upper-body. He took off the shirt and threw it behind him, leaving him in only his slacks.

You knew Seungcheol was well built. In fact, you had seen him shirtless many times. But this time felt different. Because now it was intimate. It was between the two of you, something only for you. Your hands reached out to roam across his stomach, before grabbing his belt and pulling him on top of you.

Immediately, his lips met yours, desperate at the way too long a time apart. The kiss was sloppy, uncoordinated. Both of you were too desperate for each other. It was the best kiss you’d ever had. His tongue entered your mouth, exploring and you whined into his mouth at the feeling. 

Hands still at his belt, you reached to undo it. You threw it behind him somewhere, landing next to his previously discarded shirt. Quickly undoing the button of his pants, finally, you could get your hands on him. Grabbing him through the fabric of his boxers, you could feel how hard he was, throbbing in your hand.

You smirked slightly at him, revelling in the way you could feel the precum leaking from him through the fabric. Your thumb reached to work his tip through his boxers, while the rest of your hand stroked him. 

Seungcheol let out a tiny groan, leaning his head down into your neck at the feeling. He left sloppy kisses and bites on your neck, which in turn made you grab him harder. Suddenly, he removes your hand from his pants.

“If you keep doing that, this is gonna end way earlier than any of us want to,” he warned with a whisper of your name, and you smirked at him.

“Not gonna go multiple rounds, Cheollie?” 

Your question made him laugh, a deep sound that you could swear led straight to your core. He kissed his way further down your neck, reaching the top of your dress once again. He pulled the fabric down and immediately went to kiss your tits. 

His tongue circled one of your nipples, the other getting attention from his hand. You moaned at the feeling, and let out a loud whine when he bit down.

“Quiet, baby,” He murmured against your chest, “there’s people in the hallway, wouldn’t want any of them to hear how good I’m fucking you, do you?” 

You held in your next moan, shaking your head. He continued his work on your chest, and you grew impatient. How he wasn’t as impatient as you, you couldn't understand. With the way he was throbbing in your hand earlier, you could only assume he needed release as much as you did, and you already got one.

“Fuck me, Cheol,” you moaned, deciding to do him a favor, “I need you inside me, like, yesterday.”

He swore under his breath, and stood back up to look down on you. Your chest was glistening from his work, and he could already see some marks forming on your neck. He felt himself get impossibly harder at the thought of someone seeing the marks, of knowing he was the one that left them. 

Looking into your pleading eyes, he decided to take mercy on you. He would have to take better care of you another time, but right now he needed to be inside you. And by the looks of it, and sounds of it, you were thinking the same thing.

Seungcheol pulled his boxers down his thighs, slowly revealing his hard cock. He was throbbing so hard you thought you could see it, the veins going up his length making the wet spot on your panties grow bigger. He was long, but not too long that it would hurt, and thick. He was perfect, you thought.

His hand reached down to pump himself a few times, before looking around the room. Seungcheol ran a hand through his hair, sighing a bit.

“Fuck, I don’t have any condoms,” he said, looking down at you. Of course. The one time he was so turned on he could come just from the wind coming in from the window hitting him at the right spot. 

“I can go ask Mingyu for one,” he suggested, already starting to pull his boxers back up, before you stopped him.

“Don’t,” you whispered. His eyes widened.

“Wanna feel you in me,” you said, sitting up properly to pump him yourself, “all of you, Cheol.” He made a noise which sounded like a whine, letting his head drop back at the feeling of your hands stroking him.

“You’re gonna kill me, baby,” he looked back down at you, before lowering the two of you once again. Seungcheol’s fingers reached down to pull the skirt of your dress over your ass, revealing your soaked-through panties. He looked at you, waiting for some kind of confirmation, which he got in the form of a nod. 

His fingers found the hem of your panties, and he pulled them down your legs and off your body. Reaching over to the nightstand, he opened the drawer and shoved them inside.

“For safe keepings,” he breathed out, and you forced him down to kiss him again. You had never felt so needy in your life, still stroking him, your own arousal already leaking onto his sheets. You guided him to your pussy, dragging his cock through your soaking folds a few times, before lining him up to your entrance.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” he murmured against your lips, and you kissed him in response. You didn’t want to stop. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. You were made for this, he was made for this. Made for each other, you thought. 

Your thought process was immediately interrupted by the feeling of him pushing slowly inside you.

He kissed the sides of your face while pushing in you, murmuring small encouragements in your ear as he did so. You couldn’t say anything, couldn’t make a noise. The feeling of him so hard and warm inside you had rendered you frozen. You could only lay there, your mouth open in a silent moan, your eyes rolling back in your head.

When he was all the way in he stilled, letting you get your breath back. Once you got used to the feeling of him inside you, though you weren’t sure you could ever get used to something so incredible, you nodded at him. He nodded back, leaning down to kiss you before doing the smallest of thrusts.

Your moan was loud, and he reached to cover your mouth.

“I know, baby,” he said, continuing his small, slower thrusts, “feels good, doesn’t it? But we need to be quiet, okay?” 

You nodded quickly under his hand, making him smile at you softly. Your hands reached towards his wide shoulders, feeling like you needed something to hold onto. Your nails found his back, leaving small red marks every time he thrust into you.

Hips automatically moving to meet his thrusts in a silent plea to go faster, Seungcheol started to move faster against you. He trusted you to be quiet enough and let go of your mouth, before moving down to kiss you, swallowing any sound coming from your mouth. He moved his kisses towards your exposed breasts, doubling the stimulation. 

Whining in an attempt to quiet down your moans, your fingernails went to his hair, pulling softly. That earned you a moan from the man above you. Everything about him engulfed your every sense. All you could think was Seungcheol, Seungcheol, Seungcheol. 

All you could see was him, all you could hear was him.

“Pussy was made for me, baby,” he groaned, picking up his speed. You only moaned in response, nodding dumbly at his statement. “Taking me so fucking well.”

The faster he went, the more often he hit that spot inside you that made you see stars. You were close, nearing your peak faster than you had ever done before. He could feel it. Feel you tightening around him, clenching down harder on him than before. You got impossibly tighter, and he just continued going.

Seungcheol reached a hand down to rub at your clit, quick circles, and you moaned loudly. The feeling of him moving inside you, every vein dragging against your walls, the tiny groans leaving his mouth, his hand on your clit. That did it. 

You tightened around him, and your eyes rolled back into your head. You stopped breathing. Your mouth opened in a silent scream, and he worked you through everything. 

“That’s it, baby, let go for me,” he groaned, driving his cock into you even harder now, “Breathe for me, that’s it, good girl.”

All you could see was white as the all-consuming pleasure hit you. As you gained your breath back all that could leave your mouth was his name, over and over again. That did it for him. With a groan he released inside you, filling you up. 

His thrusts slowed down as he came, continuing his movements until he was finished. Only when you started pushing him softly away due to the sensitivity did he pull away. Seungcheol pulled slowly out of you, laughing at the way you whined at the feeling of him leaving you.

He took a moment to appreciate the way his cum looked seeping out of your hole, groaning at the sight. Seungcheol leaned down, not being able to resist. He placed his mouth on you, making you squeal at the sudden feeling. He moaned into you, relishing in the taste of you mixed with his cum.

His tongue moved to circle your clit, and two of his fingers went to push the cum that he didn’t remove with his mouth back inside your tight hole. You moaned, grabbing the bedsheets, needing something to ground you. His fingers started thrusting slowly inside you, curling in just the right spots. His tongue continued to work your clit.

Due to your sensitivity, it wasn’t long before you came again. This time it hit you suddenly, you hadn’t even noticed you were that close. You moaned loudly, and Seungcheol hummed in appreciation at the taste of your release. The hum vibrated throughout you, and you shivered.

Once he was finished he placed a few kisses on your thighs before moving to the connected bathroom and getting a rag. He walked over to your almost-naked body lying on his bed, bringing the rag to your sensitive core. You whined.

“I know, baby, I’m sorry,” he said, pouting at you, “Just gonna clean you up.”

He threw the rag into the hamper, and walked over to his dresser. He pulled out two pairs of boxers, and a t-shirt for you. Dressing you gently, he moved you under his covers, and you hummed. 

Seungcheol joined you under the sheets, and your hand immediately found his bare chest, laying your head on his shoulder. He kissed your forehead, admiring your tired form, clad in his t-shirt.

You opened your eyes slightly, looking up at him admiring you before throwing him a soft smile. 

“So good, Cheol,” you murmured, kissing his chest before closing your eyes again, “Loved it, love you.” 

The words made Seungcheol freeze. You didn’t notice, already sleeping softly on his warm chest, worn out from three orgasms.

Seungcheol didn’t move for a long time. Your breathing evened out against his chest, falling deeper asleep, like nothing had changed. But everything had.

Love you.

He stared up at the ceiling, brows furrowed. You’d said it a hundred times before, after long days, before hanging up the phone. This was just another one of those. It had to be. He swallowed, chest tightening as the words replayed in his head. You hadn’t looked at him when he said it, hadn’t waited for a response. You said it like it was muscle memory. The most natural thing in the world.

Like loving him was the most natural thing in the world.

Seungcheol exhaled slowly, careful not to wake you. Don’t read into it, he thought, don’t be stupid now. If you meant it, really meant it, the way he meant it, you would have said it another time. Not heavy with sleep, post-orgasm and everything he’d just given you.

His arm tightened around you, unable to stop himself. He needed to keep you here, just for now. His thumb brushed once over your shoulder. The urge to hold you closer, to believe you, nearly killed him.

He let himself linger there, let himself believe you, just for a second. Your warmth seeped into him. For a moment, just a moment, he let himself pretend this was allowed, this was normal. That he could stay. That you could wake up and tell him those words again, eyes open and with that beautiful smile on your face.

Sleep overtook him softly. Seungcheol dreamed of mornings with you, coffee on the counter, wind entering through an open bedroom window, the sunrays hitting your body in your bed, your laugh echoing down his hallway. A life he couldn’t reach.

When he woke, hours later, the room was still dark. The alarm clock on his nightstand glowed with a time that was too early for anything, except his own stupidity. You were curled into him, fingers splayed out on his chest, breathing steady. His throat tightened.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, so quiet it sounded like a breath.

He shifted carefully, untangling himself from your embrace. He eased your hand off his chest, replacing it with his pillow. You murmured something unintelligible, reaching for him even in your dreams. He stood still until you settled, then leaned down to press a soft kiss to your hair.

Seungcheol dressed himself in the dark room, movements slow. Walking towards the door, he looked at you once more, sleeping so peacefully in his bed. He observed you, memorizing your features like he did that one time you had first told him about Joshua.

Then he opened the door and left.

You stirred in your sleep, a smile immediately appearing on your face despite your drowsiness. Eyes still closed, you turned to take in the smell on the bed. The smell of Seungcheol. You sighed at the scent, feeling more at ease than you ever had. Thinking about your best friend you blindly reached a hand out to the other side of the bed, patting the space beside you.

It was empty.

Cracking open one eye you took in the scene. The bed was empty, save for your own almost naked body. You looked down to see Seungcheol’s t-shirt and boxers on your frame. Reaching down to pull the collar of the shirt to your nose, you could smell his laundry detergent and his own scent on the shirt.

Looking at the time it was early morning. Way too early to wake up after a party at least. There was water on the nightstand that you didn’t remember from the night before. Seungcheol probably went to get some food after bringing water to you, you figured.

You stretched, relieving yourself of some of the soreness from last night. The curtains were still drawn in the bedroom, sunlight slipping through a tiny crack. Seungcheol’s favorite hoodie was missing from his desk chair. You frowned slightly, the absence weird but not alarming.

He probably stepped out. Went to the bathroom, the kitchen, or even the gym. Seungcheol did love early mornings, annoyingly so.

You shifted back onto your side, hugging the pillow that still held his scent. The mattress dipped where he had laid, the sheets wrinkled like he had just left. Your fingers traced the fabric softly, your half-asleep logic insisting that he would be back soon.

A sound reached you from somewhere in the house, and you sat up abruptly. A voice sounded and a door shut, not his.

You sat up a little more, pulling the blanket around your waist. Seungcheol’s side of the bed was made neatly, the pillow was fluffed, the sheets smoothed. Like someone had taken care to not make a mess.

Your chest tightened.

Moving your legs over the side of the bed, you felt the cool air sting your skin. The floor was cold under your feet as you walked over to the bathroom, pushing the door open quietly, half-expecting to find him there, brushing his teeth, smiling sheepishly with a mouth full of toothpaste.

The bathroom was empty. The towel he had used last night was gone.

“Cheol?” Your voice sounded too loud in the quiet room. You didn’t even know why you were calling him.

Back in the bedroom, you saw small details you hadn’t noticed earlier. His phone charger unplugged and gone from the wall, his watch missing from the nightstand. His slippers, which he always kicked off carelessly by the door, were gone.

The pit in your stomach deepened. He didn’t just step out.

You sank back down onto the bed, your heart beginning to race. Your mind played the last night in fragments. His voice, his hands, the way he’d looked at you like you were something precious. Something fragile. The way he’d held you afterward. Soft, warm, tight. Like he wasn’t going anywhere.

Then you remembered it. The words echoing in your head, loud and clear.

Loved it, love you.

Your gaze dropped to the t-shirt you were wearing. Had that been wrong? Had you said too much? You said it without thinking, because it was true. Because it always had been. Because with him, you felt safe.

Your throat tightened.

You cast a quick glance at the door again, stupidly hoping it would open and he would stand there. Smiling at you like you were the only person in the world. You hoped you would hear his footsteps walking down the hall. You hoped he would call your name. But minutes passed, and nothing happened. The realization settled slowly, seeping into your bones like ice.

He had left you while you were sleeping.

Not in a rush, not even by accident. He had made sure the bed was made, that you were tucked in. He’d even left you water. Like he was closing the door carefully, as to not hurt as much.

You pulled the duvet tighter around yourself, the warmth that once surrounded you now gone. His smell slowly fading. The bed felt too big now. He didn’t even wake you up. 

He didn’t even say goodbye.

That was what made your eyes sting, a tear threatening to fall from the corner of your eye. Because Seungcheol would always say goodbye.

Days passed without Seungcheol texting you. This time he didn’t ignore you fully though, he answered your messages. He answered them way too late, or way too formally. Like he didn’t have it in him to care too much but just enough so you would let it go.

That was even worse than the ghosting.

Jeonghan and Seungkwan looked at you worriedly as you sat on the couch, eyes fixed on the movie but not paying attention. The two of them had noticed something had been up ever since the party. You hadn’t come home until the day after, murmuring something about needing to be alone, then shutting yourself in your bedroom.

They knew you had talked to Seungcheol, Jeonghan had been the one to leave you with him, to Seungkwan’s annoyance. But they could tell something else happened. Something bigger than just a fight. You had been weird, not responding and zoning out often during conversations.

Like now, as you stared at the TV. Seungkwan gave Jeonghan a pat on the shoulder, urging him to cheer you up as he left for his bedroom. He pulled out his phone, dialing his boyfriend. Hansol picked up immediately.

“Is something up with Seungcheol?” Seungkwan asked, feeling ecstatic due to the fact that he had an inside man at the frat house. Maybe they could finally find out what the hell had happened at that god forsaken party.

Hansol hesitated a bit, before murmuring a tiny “wait a sec,” and Seungkwan could hear rustling on the other end of the phone.

“Sorry, had to go to another room,” Hansol sighed, running a hand through his almost non-existent hair now that he had gotten a buzzcut. One that Seungkwan liked a lot, he had to admit. 

“But, yeah, hyung’s been off,” he started, “Like, really off.”

Seungkwan leaned back against his headboard, lowering his voice instinctively although his room was the furthest away from the living room. 

“What do you mean really off?”

“He’s not sleeping much, I think, I keep hearing his door opening and closing at odd hours,” Hansol exhaled on the other end, “Goes to the gym at stupid hours, comes back exhausted, showers, leaves again. He’s barely around unless he has to be.”

“And when he is?” Seungkwan pressed, knowing Hansol didn’t like exposing his flatmates but this was his boyfriend after all. He only wanted the best for their friends. There was a pause.

“He doesn’t talk about her,” Hansol paused, “At all. Which is not normal. Like, he shuts down the minute her name comes up. Wonwoo mentioned her a few days ago and Cheol just left the room.”

Seungkwan closed his eyes with a sigh. He didn’t know the older man that well, but he knew that when Seungcheol shut down he was hurting. This was worse than yelling, worse than complaining.

“Have you asked him about what happened at the party? Has he said anything?”

“I don’t know exactly,” Hansol paused before continuing, “but, he keeps saying stuff like, ‘it was a mistake’, and ‘she deserves better’ and,” he sighed on the other end.

“It basically sounds like he’s decided how this ends.”

Seungkwan let out a shaky breath at Hansol’s words. This ran deeper than it had before. Deeper than with the whole Joshua thing. Something had really happened now, and Seungcheol had somehow decided it was all his fault. Decided how this chapter closes.

“She’s not okay, Sol,” Seungkwan swallowed, his grip tightening on the phone, “She hasn’t cried in front of us, it’s like she’s not even here.”

Hansol hummed sadly. Although he wasn’t as close to you as Seungkwan was, he still really cared about you, and your hurting made him sad.

The call ended shortly after, both of them feeling heavier than before. Seungkwan sat his phone down on his bed, staring at the black screen as his head adjusted to the whole situation.

He walked into the living room, only to see you fast asleep with your head on Jeonghan’s lap, his hand stroking your hair softly. He sat down next to the older man.

“So?” Jeonghan said, looking at Seungkwan expectantly.

“So,” Seungkwan’s voice was flat, “he’s miserable, she’s miserable. And neither of them are talking about it or to each other.”

“Classic,” Jeonghan scoffed.

The scoff made you shift slightly. Jeonghan’s hand moved to stroke your cheek softly.

“Hey there,” he said softly, “still with us?”

You nodded, a little too quickly for his liking.

“Yeah, just tired,” you sat up straight, rubbing your eyes, “sorry.”

It was a lie. Or it wasn’t the truth, at least. Jeonghan knew that. He studied you for a second, then sighed.

“Come on,” he tugged on your arm, “Kitchen. You need sugar, or caffeine. Or both.”

You let him pull you up without protest, following him into the kitchen. Seungkwan padded quietly after you, thinking so loud Jeonghan could practically hear the gears turning. He poured you a glass of juice, slid it across the island to you and watched closely as you took a small sip.

“You know you can tell us anything,” Jeonghan said, and Seungkwan’s hand came to rest on your shoulder. Your fingers tightened around the glass. You stared down at the liquid.

“He left,” you said suddenly. Seungkwan’s grip on your shoulder tightened. Jeonghan didn’t react, but something in his gaze hardened.

“Left?”

“That morning, after the party,” you continued, voice shaking, “We, uh, slept together, and the morning after he was gone. He didn’t wake me up, didn’t leave any note. Just left me there.”

Seungkwan sat down slowly in the stool next to you, not saying anything. You could hear Jeonghan inhale sharply through his nose.

“Did he say anything after?”

“Just texts. Short, polite ones.” A humorless smile tugged on your lips. Jeonghan stepped closer to you, leaning his hip against the counter next to you. You hesitated a bit.

“I think I meant something to him before that night. And then he woke up, and decided I didn’t.” Your eyes burned, filling quickly with tears you did not want to fall. Jeonghan’s expression softened painfully. He walked over to you and pulled you into a careful hug, one large hand cradling the back of your head.

“He’s an idiot,” he muttered into your hair, “he means well, but he’s an idiot.”

Your breath hitched, and your attempt to laugh at his words failed. Tears streamed down your face as you fell apart in his arms, sobs wracking your body. Seungkwan’s hand came to rest on your back, stroking softly, as Jeonghan embraced you.

You murmured something quietly, but it was muffled by Jeonghan’s embrace, making him hum at you in question. You leaned back and repeated yourself.

“I told him I loved him,” you sighed, putting your face in your hands in shame, “It just slipped out, like it’s natural for me. Because it is. I love him so much, Hannie. It hurts.” 

Your sobs returned and Jeonghan pulled you into another embrace, Seungkwan embracing you from the back this time. You sobbed between them, unable to stop. The tears stained Jeonghan’s shirt, your crying noises muffled by his body.

The two boys embracing you lifted their heads to look at each other. A look that said they both knew exactly what Seungcheol was thinking.

Days went by, then weeks, without hearing much from Seungcheol. The others from the frat had reached out to you, telling you to stop by anytime, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes, not after he left you like that.

You crossed a line, you figured that out pretty quickly. You shouldn’t have said what you said, especially not after what the two of you did. It slipped out, so natural to you that you didn’t even consider he would be uncomfortable. Of course he would, he only thought of you as his best friend.

The fact that you slept together was a mistake, a one time thing.

Your roommates attempted their best to get you out and socializing. Shockingly enough, the person you spent the most time with except for them, was Joshua. Jeonghan texted him after stealing his number from your phone, telling him you were down and that he should come cheer you up.

Joshua showed up at your door with flowers and a bottle of wine, and you had snorted at the sight. 

“I heard someone was down, so,” he smiled an annoyingly charming smile, “figured this was the best remedy?” 

You had pulled him in, the two of you sitting in the living room and talking for hours and hours. You had forgotten how nice it was talking to him, and especially now that he knew your feelings towards him were strictly platonic. He gave good advice, listened to you rant and topped off your wine glass when it turned empty. He was the perfect man.

Joshua was basically the fourth roommate at this point, showing up at your door with presents or just a smile on his face. You sat in the living room, watching films, eating or just talking, often joined by either Seungkwan or Jeonghan or both. 

You had told Joshua about the Seungcheol situation, and although he didn’t know Seungcheol that well he could tell he was a good person, based on your stories about him. Joshua, studying to be a psychology professor, always gave you some weird, cryptic explanations as to why Seungcheol did as he did.

You would love to believe him.

Believe him when he said he figured out pretty quickly that Seungcheol was in love with you, that Seungcheol thought you didn’t feel the same, that he distanced himself to protect you. It all sounded so stupidly Seungcheol-like that you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. He always had to play the hero, never considering that he didn’t need to be one. 

He could afford to be vulnerable.

After Joshua started visiting you, becoming your own personal shrink, you started to feel a little better. You decided to give Seungcheol his space, never reaching out first. You figured he would come to you when he was ready. You decided to go radio-silence on him the way he had done to you.

It was raining out when you and Joshua were at the small diner on campus, getting dinner. He had decided some fresh air would be good for you, and you couldn’t complain. You didn’t even mind the rain, the water feeling fresh in your hair and face, the air smelling like rain. 

The two of you sat in a booth inside the little diner, raindrops hitting the windowpanes making the noise reverberate through the room. Joshua had just told you something that had made you practically double over in laughter, when he stopped in his tracks, eyes widening at something behind you.

You quickly followed his line of sight, and there he stood.

Seungcheol. Staring daggers at you and Joshua. His eyes went from Joshua to you, back to Joshua and then back to you again. Time froze, and nobody knew what to do. Until, of course, Seungcheol turned on his heel and left.

The doorbell chimed, and your eyes were stuck on the spot he stood. He looked tired, you could tell, but he had done this to himself. He had left you. You just returned the favour. Anger quickly rose in you at the thought of him being mad at you for finding some type of platonic happiness in Joshua.

Joshua looked at you, eyes wide and mouth half-way opened like he was about to say something but wasn’t sure what. You shook your head at him, placing your face in your hands and groaning.

“Holy fuck,” you muttered, “No, he doesn’t get to do that. See me hanging out with you and get all angry and upset, not after he did what he did.”

Joshua remained silent, this was not something he wanted to chime in on. If you were angry that was your thing. He could see the sadness behind your anger, knowing where it was rooted.

“I’m going after him,” you said, grabbing your coat and standing up. Joshua started a murmur of your name before you interrupted him, throwing a few dollar bills on the table, “Here, I’m sorry, talk another day?”

He nodded quickly at you, giving you an encouraging smile before you rushed to the exit, rushing out into the rain, rushing after Seungcheol. The rain hit you full force the moment you were outside, soaking through your jacket in a matter of seconds. 

But you didn’t slow down, you couldn’t.

You spotted him halfway down the street, shoulders tense, hoodie over his head, darkened by the rain. Yelling his name loudly, your voice cracked. He didn’t turn around. Your jaw clenched, anger rising once more. You jogged the rest of the distance, grabbing his wrist when you reached him and forcing him to turn around,

“What the hell is wrong with you?” you panted, breathless from chasing your best friend down the street, rain plastering your hair to your face. Seungcheol froze, his gaze moving down to where your fingers grabbed his wrist, then up to your face. His expression changed then, distant and guarded.

“Let go,” he said quietly.

“No,” you snapped back at him, but dropping your hand anyway. You took a step closer to him, “You don’t get to look at me like that and just walk away. Not after everything”

“I didn’t look at you in any way,” his jaw flexed.

“You were glaring,” you shot back at him, “Like I’d done something wrong. Like I owe you something. I don’t owe you shit, Seungcheol.”

“Didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to have feelings,” he laughed, short and humorless.

“Feelings?” You scoffed, “You left me alone in your bed after fucking me, Seungcheol. You disappeared without a word. And now you’re mad because I’m having dinner with my friend, because of feelings?”

“Friend,” he echoed, nodding slowly and sarcastically. That was all you needed.

“Oh my god,” you breathed out, shocked, “This is about Joshua?”

“It doesn’t matter who it is about,” he scoffed, “It’s none of my business.”

“Then why do you care?” you snapped at him. Silence stretched between you, filled only by the rain and the sound of your breathing. His shoulders tensed.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said finally, “That morning.”

Your chest tightened at his words.

“But you did.”

“I know,” he nodded, like had accepted the fact.

“So explain it to me,” you pleaded, anger bleeding into hurt, “Because I’ve been tearing myself apart trying to figure out what I did wrong.” His eyes snapped back to yours at that.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why did you leave, Cheol?”

His mouth opened, then closed. Rain ran down his face, you couldn’t tell if it was mixed with his tears or not. He considered his words before letting out a breath.

“You said you loved me,” he said quietly, not meeting your eyes.

“Yes,” you said firmly, “because I do.”

He flinched at your words. Like you had hit him.

“You said it like it was nothing. Like habit. Like you didn’t realize what it meant. What it means to me.”

“Because it is natural to me,” you cried out. “Because I think I’ve loved you for years, Seungcheol.”

His breath hitched at your confession, then he shook his head.

“You were exhausted, half asleep. We had just," he stopped, shaking his head again, “I thought you’d wake up and regret it. I thought if I stayed, if I let myself believe you meant it the way I did, it’d ruin everything.”

“So you decided for me?” you asked softly, looking at the broken man standing in front of you. He was shaking at this point, and he looked smaller than he ever had.

“I was protecting you,” his voice broke. Tears threatened to break out of your eyes, thanking the rain because Seungcheol couldn’t see them.

“By abandoning me? By making me feel horrible?” Your laugh was sharp and miserable, not able to grasp what made him do that. “You left, you didn’t say goodbye. You’ve never done that to me, ever.”

Seungcheol shattered in front of your eyes. Words left his mouth mixed with small sobs and sniffles.

“I couldn’t,” he said between sobs, “If I’d woken you up, if I’d stayed there next to you, I wouldn’t have been able to leave at all.”

His words hung between you, fragile. You stared at him, chest heaving, rain dripping from your lashes.

“Then why did you leave?” you asked again, quieter this time, softer. “Why was leaving easier than staying with me?”

Seungcheol raised a trembling hand to his face, dragging it across.

“Because staying with you meant allowing myself something I didn’t think I was allowed to want.” Your heart skipped a beat at his words.

“I’ve loved you,” he continued, voice low and cracking, “for so, so, so long that I stopped expecting anything back. I was okay being your safe space. Your person. Your best friend. The person you came to when everything fell apart. The person you came to first with good news. I told myself that was enough.”

You swallowed hard, your breath shallow, chest tight.

“But that night,” he swallowed, then looked up at you. His eyes were red, vulnerable. “That night you looked at me like I was more than that. Like I could be more. It terrified me.”

“So you ran,” you shook your head at him.

“I panicked,” he admitted, “Because if you didn’t mean it, if you woke up and realized we’d crossed a line, I would’ve lost you. All of you. And I couldn’t survive that. I can’t survive a life without you in it.”

The rain poured down impossibly harder around you, the street was empty around you, the diner lights down the street illuminated your silhouette. You stepped closer to Seungcheol, your voice barely a whisper.

“You already lost me,” you said weakly, “When you left me.”

His shoulders slumped, like the truth finally sank in. And it sank right down to his bones, to his heart, down to his blood. He could feel the regret searing through his veins.

“I know,” he whispered, “and I hate myself for it.”

Silence settled again, this time it wasn’t heavy. It was waiting for something. You took a breath.

“I didn’t say it because I was tired, or because we slept together. I said it because it’s so natural to me, it’s been a part of me for years, Cheol. Because every time something good happened, you were the first one I wanted to tell. And every time something hurt, you made it bearable.”

His lips parted, breath stopping in his throat.

“I said it because loving you, Cheol, being in love with you, has been the most constant thing in my life,” you raised a hand to his cheek, stroking a thumb back and forth. He leaned into your touch. “So constant, that I didn’t realize that it might not be as obvious to you.”

Seungcheol stepped closer to you now too, so close that you could feel his warmth despite the rain. He placed a trembling hand over the one on his cheek, keeping it against his face.

“I’ve wanted to tell you,” he said, each word trembling, “Every time you fell asleep on my shoulder, every time you smiled at me, every time you ran your hands through my hair,” He squeezed his eyes shut, “I just didn’t think you’d choose me when you could choose anyone else.”

Your chest ached at his words, not grasping the fact that he could think that way about himself. The man you loved so much. The most caring, kind and compassionate person you knew.

“Cheol,” you whispered, placing your wet forehead against his, “I already did, I chose you. I’d do it a thousand times over.”

He opened his eyes, searching your face, as if to ensure this was real and happening. Ensure this wasn’t another dream.

“I love you,” he said finally, not rushed or desperate, just slow and caring. True. “I love you so much it scares me. So much it makes me stupid. So much that it makes me run when I should stay.”

Tears slipped down your cheeks, lost to the rain. You pressed your free palm to his chest, feeling his racing heartbeat.

“I love you,” you breathed out, “Awake, fully sober, standing in the rain. I mean it, Cheol.”

Seungcheol let out a broken sound and pulled you fully into him, lips almost touching. Both of you breathing in each other's air like it would keep you from drowning, and maybe it would. 

Then his mouth pressed to yours, lips finally meeting in a kiss that warmed you from the inside out. A soft kiss, not rushed or desperate. You pulled him against you, attempting to get him even closer. When the kiss ended you pulled away with a heavy breath, staring at each other. 

Then he smiled softly at you. 

This time he wouldn’t leave. And neither would you.

Joshua chuckles low in his throat, sound stitched from both affection and pride. “I know,” finger brushes sweaty strands of hair from your cheek. “You did so good for me.”

You let out a half-pained, half-mocking groan, wriggling slightly where you lie, skin sticking to the sheets. “You’re still hard, aren’t you?” He doesn't answer, but the press of his cock against your thigh gives him away. You can feel it. A beat of silence passes before you sigh, voice hoarse and completely serious, “Use me if you still need to. I’m not moving again.”

There is a literal pause for a good five seconds before the reaction you expect from him finally comes. He moans—like actually, moans. Soft and almost whiny, “God,” he breathes out, nuzzling against your shoulder like he is trying to restrain himself from trying to crawl inside you without actually doing it. “Don’t say that unless you mean it.”

“I do mean it,” you mutter sleepily. “Just... don’t expect eye contact. Or movement. Or words.”

You feel his lips ghost over the top of your spine. “You sure?”

“I’m your wife. This is part of the job,” you deadpan as if that is the entire argument in itself. Dry delivery, with no frills, the tone makes it impossible to tell if you are serious or just playing for the effect. “Happy birthday.”

Joshua lets out a fond breathless laugh that rumbles from deep in his chest but doesn't bother making a show of itself. His lips brush your shoulder again like a muscle memory he doesn't have to think about anymore. “I love you,” he says into your skin, not because he expects an answer, but because it is true in that moment and every other one too.

You hum, not even a full word but just enough to say, heard you. Say, me too. “Love you too,” already half-melted into the pillow. “Now go ahead. I’m just gonna nap while you commit a felony on my body.”

He groans, burying his face in the curve of your neck.

He dives in, and when he moves, it is slow. Every shift of his hips, every inch of contact, carries an edge of desperation; like he knows the moment will end and can't stop chasing it anyway. He whispers your name into your skin, clutches you like it matters, like letting go would split something wide open.

You don't move even when he breathes hard against your back. Not even when he says things that aren't full sentences but still get the meaning across. You just stay there, your body heavy and warm and unmoving, since you have poured every last drop of energy into him already—as your husband makes love to you one last time for the night.

Later, he lifts you with his arms looping under you like it isn't the first time he’s carried you this way [it wasn't the first time]. Your legs don't argue; they’ve already given up.

But as his nose catches that familiar whiff of microwaved leftovers from the kitchen𑁋one of his favourites: this curry stew he made the night before, likely reheated with care𑁋he can’t help the smile spreading across his face. 

He’s home. But more importantly, you’re home, too. And that’s all that matters. 

As he abandons his shoes by the doorway, he heads deeper into your shared apartment. It’s a place the two of you have lived in together for the past three years of marriage. And every single time he crosses into that threshold, his heart never fails to flutter when he spots the scattered signs of you throughout. The refrigerator is painted with photos of your countless trips to other countries. There’s a specific corner of the living room reserved just for you and your recent addiction in becoming a certified plant mom, with his guitar propped right next to it. 

When you both first got the place, he remembers you insisting that every room needs to have at least a splash of one unique colour. So, the blanket draped over the couch is this soft pistachio colour, the accent pillows themselves this dusty rose pink. The plates and bowls in the kitchen are a mixture of white and sage green𑁋a set you picked out during a random lazy Sunday morning visit to the home goods store, and Joshua couldn’t resist the light in your eyes as he had watched you sort them into the cupboards. 

He pads softly down the small hallway and towards your shared bedroom. He catches the sounds of some lo-fi music humming in the background from behind the door, the type of music you would always play during the night to wind down.

The door is slightly ajar when he approaches. Joshua nudges the door open slightly, golden light streaking out onto the hallway when he opens it almost fully. When he spots you standing in front of the mirror, his breath catches in his throat, and he can’t help but let his stare linger on you for a moment.

You’re clad in a silky wine red robe he had gifted you two years ago on your anniversary𑁋the same robe that always seems to short-circuit his brain a little.

Because as much as he loves it on you𑁋as selfish as it may seem𑁋he loves it when it’s off you as well. Preferably somewhere on the floor. 

But for right now, it’s on you, and damn does it always render him completely dumbfounded. Your hair is still a little damp from a shower, the small lamp on the bedside table twinkling a small sparkle to your moisturised cheekbone. Yet aside from all that, what catches his eye the most is the uncertain expression on your face as you’re gazing at your reflection in the mirror. 

Your brows are crinkled together in contemplation as you’re toying with the sash around your waist. Loosening in, tightening it, all with that defeated look to your features that finally makes Joshua step into the room fully. 

“Sweetheart?”

You jump at the voice, and you finally turn your head to see your husband coming up to you. His sleeves are halfway rolled up his arms, his shirt half-undone, revealing just the slightest glimpse of his collarbones and a hint of chest. You feel his eyes drink you in slowly the closer he approaches, and you hear your breath hitch when he settles himself right behind you.

“Hey, honey,” You mutter quietly. “Didn’t hear you come in.”

A pair of large arms wrap around you from behind, your back pressing up against the ungodly warmth of his chest. Your eyes trail back to the mirror, watching as Joshua rests his head on top of your shoulder, one of his hands travelling down your waist until it stops right at where the sash is tied near your abdomen. He doesn’t tug it open. Not yet.

“It’s okay.” He sucks in a deep inhale, allowing himself to bask into your presence for a few quiet moments. “Mmmh, you smell like my lotion.”

You chuckle lightly. “I ran out of mine.”

“Good,” he mumbles, his voice hoarse and rough from earlier today. He presses a sweet kiss to your nape, smirking against your skin when he feels you tense from the contact. “Love it when my wife uses my things. Whatever’s mine is yours, anyway.”

Your cheeks burn from his words, even after all this time together. Joshua pulls back slightly to meet your eyes in the mirror, and it’s the pure softness and adoration stagnated in them that makes your stomach jump. Maybe there’s want there too𑁋yes, there’s definitely want𑁋but it isn’t demanding, or rushed. He never rushes when it comes to you. 

“Penny for your thoughts, love?” he asks, rubbing small, soothing circles into the silk at your hips. 

Your gaze lowers down to the floor in guilt. “I… I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“Nothing you ever say is stupid.” A kiss lands on your bare shoulder, where the robe has slid down a bit. 

You let out a sigh, shaking your head a little. “I just… I looked at myself in the mirror and didn’t really… didn’t really like what I saw, I guess.” You feel his grip tighten around you as you say that. “And I know we’ve, you know, done things…”

Joshua grins devillishly. “Like, sex?”

Your face immediately flames. “Shua, you𑁋!”

“What?” He presses another kiss right below your ear, a particular spot that always makes you squirmy. “We’re married, my love. I’m unapologetically shameless to say I’ve seen all of you in every way possible.”

You groan into your hands, but you feel Joshua take one of your hands into his, placing a few apologetic kisses to your knuckles. You feel yourself melt at his affection.

“Okay, yes, I know that we’ve… made love many times.” Heat creeps up your neck at your own words. “But recently, I don’t… I don’t feel like the same woman you married years ago.”

Joshua grows quiet for a moment, but it isn’t in a way that makes you feel like you’ve said something wrong. No, it’s more like the kind of silence that settles beneath your bones. The kind of silence that only happens with him and no one else. 

“Can I tell you something?” he asks lightly, breath warmth against your ear. 

You give a small nod in response. A soft, grateful smile crosses his face. 

“My love, there hasn’t been a moment since the day I met you where I thought you weren’t the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he continues thoughtfully. “And look where we are now, hm? We’ve grown together, we’ve changed together. The woman I married was incredible, of course. But the woman she became now? God, she’s stronger, softer, intelligent, and I thank the universe every day that she’s the one I get to come home to. I thank the world that I took my chances to ask out the beautiful barista at the cafe.” 

A fond chuckle leaves you at the memory. You remember the cute college boy who had shyly asked you for your number at the counter on a day where it had been particularly bad. God, you remember it all. When you meet his eyes in the mirror again, you feel the uncertainty that’s been sitting on your chest gradually become lighter. 

“And I’ll love every single version of you,” Joshua tells you firmly, kissing your shoulder once again. “Whether it’s five years, ten years, or fifty years from now. I’ll remind each version of you of this, too, and I will never get tired of it.”

A shiver runs down your spine, a weak laugh tumbling out of your throat. “Jeez, why are you so good at this?”

Joshua merely hums in response, bringing you more flush against him. “Perks of studying you for years.” You watch his hand in the mirror wander back to the sash on your robe, tugging on it slightly, but not to fully untie it. Not yet. “I know what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, what makes you fall apart… and what makes you come back together.” 

Your breath stutters at that. You close your eyes for a minute, allowing yourself to simply feel him. Feel his hands, feel the way his love fills your heart, and every single crevice of doubt in your body. 

You hardly register the way he spins you around to face him now. Because the second your open your eyes, you’re met with him𑁋in his full, glorious self𑁋and it steals all the air from your lungs. The smile on his face isn’t smug; it’s absolutely, irrevocably, radiant.

Joshua presses a kiss to your forehead. “Hi, beautiful.”

You blink up at him dazedly, a shy grin of your own caressing across your face when you momentarily glance down at his lips. “Hi.”

Then he dips his head down to kiss you this time. It starts off soft at first, like a gentle reminder that I’m here, always, before deepening ever so slightly. Your fingers curl into his shirt, wandering up to fumble with the remaining buttons, each one undone revealing more of the familiar planes of his chest. 

He keeps kissing you like this until the back of your legs hit the edge of the bed behind, and the low hum he releases into your mouth when you sigh against him makes your knees weak. After some time, he pulls away, and his hand travels back down to the sash of your robe.

“Okay?” he asks quietly. 

You swallow the lump in your throat. “Okay.”

Joshua takes his time untying the knot of your robe. When it’s fully loosened, he watches the way it opens like water, revealing more of the skin underneath. But he doesn’t pounce, doesn’t grope, doesn’t even let his eyes flicker down until you give him another reassuring nod. Even then, there’s only complete awe when the robe falls to the floor and he drinks you in like it’s the very first time. 

“Beautiful, every single time…” he whispers, sucking in a deep breath. “...every single damn time, love.”

As his lips meet yours once again, you find your back meeting the sheets below, his mouth never leaving yours once as he climbs up on the bed right above you. 

“I love you,” he mutters against your neck, one of his legs slotting in between yours. “Now, before, always.”

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With every hand hold, every forehead kiss and every bouquet of flowers you could feel yourself healing.

healing.. That’s what you should be experiencing. That’s what any normal person would be experiencing.

Yet your uncertainty was defined by that slight hunger you could never seem to soothe, that unquenchable thirst that gnawed away at you when you lay asleep at night beside Shua.

You told yourself that it was just you adjusting to finally being in a healthy relationship— that it’s just a part of the process. However these thoughts never seemed to silence the feelings that haunted you.

You weren’t going to let this stop you. You couldn’t let him stop you. Your life was finally beginning to settle, amidst all your exams you could finally breathe and live your life for yourself.

You repeat this to yourself as you let the thumping bass numb your senses. You stand, slightly swaying with your hands intertwining with Joshua’s— a familiar comfort attempting to anchor your thoughts from slipping as your eyes flicker to the silhouette in the corner of the room.

That silhouette. Even in the dimly lit frat house it was undeniable. Yoon Jeonghan.

Amidst the overbearing music, the drunken dancing and the relentless sway of bodies.. he stays still.

He was always like that— he never made an effort to be seen but always stayed so strikingly evident. Too calm for an atmosphere like this, yet too still to ignore.

Although the outline of his body is all that can be seen, it’s the way he carries himself that makes you so certain that it is, in fact, him. He not only radiates a sense of confidence, but also knowledge. As if he already knows that you have succumbed to him.

But you haven’t.. And you won’t.

You couldn’t let him wreck you again.

What you and Yoon Jeonghan had wasn’t love. It was something much worse. It was complete devotion. It was intoxicating manipulation coming from the sweetest mouth. His brutal words which sounded like hymns, coaxing you to repent your whole life just in order to submit to him. His eyes which forced you to surrender voluntarily to be ruined. He took over your body, your mind and your heart and that kind of possession is something you still carry like a myth in your chest.

What you have now with Joshua is real love.. You needed it to be.

The rosy light catches Jeonghan’s skin for just a second, revealing the curve of his smirk, half lost in the shadow. You gulp upon the sight, the memories drifting in like smoke, curling around each thought in your mind before you can stop them.

Memories of him above you. The sight of him looking up at you with that very smirk before licking a stripe up your heat. The feverous feeling of his touch which only comes from being wanted beyond control. The way his voice somehow mocked and praised you at the same time when he’d say how sweet you tasted. These images didn’t come back by force— but by cruel longing.

What makes it worse? The fact that you know he has all the same memories.

Although it feels like you are the only one who is spiralling into the past, you also are aware why what you and Jeonghan had felt so devastatingly real. It was reciprocated.

Dating Yoon Jeonghan felt like every breathe you took was solely for him— he consumed your world, seeped into your bloodstream.. you were living for him.

But he felt it too. Maybe even tenfold.

Because every piece of your existance that you handed over, Jeonghan clung onto it. But he was never a theif. He didn't walk away untouched. He was equally as ruined by you. And the moment his eyes met yours, you knew he was falling straight back into the version of himself that owned you.

That's why you knew you couldn't see him again. That's why you begged your friends not to invite him. Because no matter how far Jeonghan runs, he’ll always crawl back to the thing that broke him.

You.

It takes everything in you to peel your eyes off Jeonghan's gaze, redirecting it to Joshua— completely oblivous.

"Everything okay, babe?" Joshua asks, his tone echoing his genuine concern at your sudden pale complexion. His head tilted to the side and hand holding yours reassuringly as you nod.

Shua leans forward to plant a gentle but grounding kiss on your forehead. "I'll go get a drink for you, you can stay here, don't worry." You choke out a response in agreement and redirect your focus to finding one of your friends in the crowd.

Regaining control, you work yourself through the crowd. Cutting through the obnoxious array of costumes. Bumping into a hardly dressed cop, you are brought into a menial conversation based around how drunk they were.

Sighing, you search for an escape — and for once, the universe seems merciful when you feel a familiar tap on your shoulder. The hand stays planted lightly on your shoulder and you take the chance to turn back to your boyfriend with your drinks.

You turn with a practiced smile ready on your lips— only to feel it die. It feels as if from the moment you turn, something shifts in the air. An eerily known scent setting off every alarm bell in your mind.

Because Joshua never looked at you like that.

The music stays thumping yet you can hardly hear it. Jeonghan has a way of eye contact which no one else can master and you can’t even figure out why.

Even in his stupid attempt of attempt of a zombie costume he still looks perfect — just like he did when you were his. The tacky fake blood makeup around his mouth just accentuating his flawless lips and suddenly he has you imagining the taste of them again.

You are pushed further into your spiralling thoughts by the feeling of his skin on yours, brushing your arm to pull you closer. You gulp and he presses in just close enough to shatter any thoughts from forming. His hot breath fanning against your ears as you feel yourself already wanting to melt into his touch — already wanting to give in to the haunting familiarity.

“Don’t tense,” he murmurs, voice low and impossibly unmistakable. “It’s just me.” Along with his words, his hand slides up your arm, his touch slow and enticing.

You can’t bring yourself to make eye contact. You can’t trust yourself to. Instead, your eyes stayed unfocused near his chest, blinking rapidly as if that would do anything to aid you in this situation.

“You still get like this when I touch you?” His head tilts, eyes glinting with amusement with his insufferable smirk refusing to budge.

"Don't flatter yourself." You snap, although the catch in your throat ruins the delivery and judging by the lick of Jeonghan's lips.. he heard it.

Fortunately, you notice Joshua coming back with the drinks before Jeonghan can reply with whatever cocky nonsense was lurking behind that smirk.

"Don't bother with whatever game you are trying to play tonight. I'm here with Shua."

The sight of Joshua’s honest smile as he lifts the cups in his hands, allows your muscles to finally unclench. For a second, you can breathe.

But comfort never lasts long when Jeonghan is near. Of course he has to ruin it, his voice slipping in smooth and effortless as silk,

“Enjoy your drinks. I’ll see you later.”

He says it like a promise, not a possibility. And you can't help but find it utterly infuriating because while Joshua is holding your drink with steady hands and genuine affection, your mind is already spiralling. Already relentlessly attempting to decode what Jeonghan meant. Did he know you’d spend the rest of the night replaying those few words, turning them over until they sounded like a threat, a lure, a certainty?

Because that’s what Jeonghan does best—he doesn’t stay, he lingers.

You try your best to stay grounded in the moment, forcing your focus onto Joshua as he presses the cold cup into your hand. His fingers brush yours gently, careful, as if he's afraid of breaking you—and that alone makes your chest ache. He’s perfect. Steady. Everything you should want.

Which is why the guilt starts crawling in immediately. You don’t want to hurt him, not when he looks at you like that.

But the longer you study his calm smile, the more something twists uneasily in your stomach.

Shouldn’t he have noticed? Shouldn’t he have said something about Jeonghan? There hadn’t been even the smallest flicker of tension, no shift in his expression—just Joshua, unshaken, like nothing in the world could rattle him.

And maybe that should comfort you. It should. So why does it only leave you unsettled? Why does it somehow bother you more than Jeonghan's eyes still studying your figure from the other side of the room?

Surely this is the part where Joshua grabs your wrist, pulls you towards him and proves that he is the one you belong to. Yet again, those thoughts could just come from being conditioned by Jeonghan's ways.

Like the times he'd come home and slam you against the door for 'staring at his friend' when you had just zoned out. Like the times he'd mark you all over every exposed part of your skin the night before you would go out with your friends.

You nod to yourself. Joshua's way has to be the healthy way and you are beyond lucky to be with someone like him.

You hate yourself for absent-mindedly comparing the two— and you hate yourself even more when you catch yourself helplessly searching the crowd for that shit zombie costume.

Apparently, you’d zoned out longer than you realised, because the faint echo of your name finally cuts through the noise. Once. Twice. Then again, a little louder.

You blink, snapping your focus back to Joshua, who’s grinning at you in that way that makes it impossible not to soften.

“Spacing out again?” his expression seems to say, and before you can even respond, he nods toward something across the room.

Following his gaze, you catch sight of Mingyu, or at least what used to be Mingyu, currently attempting to do body shots off a pumpkin. You burst out laughing before you can stop yourself, and Joshua’s arm slips around your shoulders, pulling you in like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

For a moment, you almost feel at ease again.

With the burn of alochol starting to seem sweet, you heedlessly open your phone in response to a notification, without checking the contact.

'I don't like waiting when I already know how this ends.'

You squint at the screen, a breathless laugh slipping out. There’s only one person dramatic enough to send that. Of course. Yoon Jeonghan.

You step back from Shua, leaving the grounding safety of his arms. You already know that will be your first mistake.

The buzz from the alcohol was enough to perfectly blur the edges of your caution — just enough to trick you into feeling brave. And so, with a smug smirk, you type a response.

'Leave me alone. You don't know anything.'

For a second you feel a sense of pride. Did you really just resist the Yoon Jeonghan? Fuck— maybe you actually moved on.

'Well you know i'm impatient. Don't make me prove it.'

The weight behind his words leaves you breathless and the warmth pooling between your legs betrays you. It's painfully obvious he can see through your facade.

Why is he allowed to be cocky and you're not?

Joshua catches your eye with his inviting smile and for a second his grin feels like sunlight breaking through smoke. You let yourself believe in that look — that maybe he’s enough to silence Jeonghan’s voice.

You turn back to that dreaded screen and hold the button till it dies. The screen goes black. You pretend that means something. If only it was enough to mute Jeonghan in real life.

As though Joshua can sense your action, he takes your hand in his.

“Come on,” he says, nodding toward the beer pong table. “Seungkwan’s about to have a meltdown if we don’t join.”

Before you can process it, you’re being tugged through the crowd, your earlier spiralling slipping to the back of your mind as the familiar chaos of a frat game takes over.

Seungkwan, in his surprisingly accurate anpanman costume, is already shouting about “precision and honour” like it’s an Olympic event. Hoshi’s lost his shirt (why does that always happen?), and DK is hyping him up like a sports commentator. You end up on Joshua’s side of the table, wedged between him and Dino, clutching a red cup that smells faintly of regret.

For a while, it’s almost easy to get lost in it. You cheer when Dino actually sinks a shot, you groan when Seungkwan blames “spiritual interference” for missing, and you laugh when Joshua winks at you before scoring one himself. It’s loud, ridiculous, warm.

Until you look up.

Jeonghan’s on the opposite side. He’s not playing — of course he’s not — just leaning against the table, watching. The low amber light hits him just enough to make him glow, and the faint curl of a smile pulls at his lips every time your eyes accidentally meet.

You tell yourself you’re just checking the score. You tell yourself again when you catch him tracing the rim of his cup with a lazy finger, like he’s timing your glances.

Great. First I ignore his text, now I’m flirting with him across ten plastic cups of beer.

“Focus!” Seungkwan snaps, making you jump. “You’re our moral support—do your job!”

“Sorry,” you mutter, though your heart’s already thudding in your throat.

The game ends with Joshua landing the final shot, Seungkwan erupting into a dramatic victory dance that somehow involves a body roll, and DK demanding a rematch. You can’t help laughing—loud, genuine. Joshua slings an arm around you, presses a kiss to your temple, and for a moment, it feels… right.

Then, like clockwork, Jeonghan appears.

He’s casual, effortless, the picture of someone who doesn’t need attention but gets it anyway. “Nice shot,” he says to Joshua, voice smooth enough to slip under your skin. “Didn’t know you had that kind of aim.”

Joshua laughs. “Guess I’m full of surprises.”

“Guess so.” Jeonghan’s gaze flicks to you, lingering for just a second too long. “Mind if I borrow her for a second?”

You blink. Surely he’s joking. But Joshua just smiles—sweet, easy, oblivious. “Yeah, of course.”

And just like that, the floor seems to tilt beneath you.

Everyone else is already turning away, caught up in refilling cups and shouting about who’s next, while Jeonghan’s fingers brush your wrist. Light. Purposeful. Inevitable.

Oh, perfect, you think dryly. Just hand me over to the man who once ruined my ability to feel peace in silence.

The music swells, the lights spin, and suddenly it’s just the two of you again.

The crowd blurs behind you as Jeonghan’s hand brushes against your back, guiding you through the narrow hallway. You tell yourself you’re just following out of confusion—just to hear him out—but the moment the bathroom door clicks shut, you realise you were following out of habit. Out of muscle memory.

"I told you I'd see you later." He leans back against against the counter with his arms crossed and his half-lidded eyes dropping down to your figure before meeting yours again.

You scoff, still determined to keep your guard up. "Only because you practically kidnapped me."

He grabs your hand—you let him. Pulling you slightly closer to him, just enough so he can keep one hand on your hip. "It would've been closer to kidnapping if your boyfriend actually cared."

His eyes finally flick away from yours giving you a chance to breathe as he tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear. "Did you see his face when I asked to borrow his precious girlfriend?" His words somehow echo the exact thoughts which consumed you. "Even he admits you belong to me. Why won't you?"

For a second, you forget how to breathe.

He’s always looked good, but under the dull bathroom light it’s almost unfair — hair falling just enough to shadow his eyes and veins scuplting the arms which balance him. He doesn’t have to try. Jeonghan never has. Even now, with his shirt slightly wrinkled and his sleeves rolled haphazardly to his elbows, he looks like a mistake you're willing to take.

Your lips part before you can think of something clever to say, but nothing comes out. He notices, of course he does, tilting his head just enough for the strands at his temple to brush his cheek.

“You always do that,” he says softly. “Try to look angry when you’re just scared of what happens next.”

Your heartbeat stutters and you can feel it in your throat when you answer, “I’m not scared.”

He laughs, low, quiet. “If you didn’t want me,” he murmurs, stepping closer, “you wouldn’t have followed me in here.”

Before you can process his words, the space between you collapses.

The kiss hits like a collision—hard, disorienting, too familiar. For a heartbeat you almost push him away, but then everything you’ve been holding back tears through you at once: the anger, the ache, the months of silence that never quieted him in your head.

It’s not gentle. It’s the kind of kiss that drags every buried feeling to the surface. You taste regret, want and the ghost of every word you never said. His hands find your face, keeping you still as if he’s afraid you’ll vanish, and all you can do is clutch at his shirt like it’s the only thing keeping you upright.

The world tilts, the counter digs into your spine, and somewhere between breaths you realise you’re shaking. Whether it’s from fury or longing, you can’t tell—maybe both.

You feel the kiss break you open, tasting salt before realising you’re crying into him. His hand finds your jaw, thumb brushing the corner of your mouth as if to ask for silence — or forgiveness.

When you finally pull back, your breath catches against his. Neither of you speak. You just stand there, chests rising in sync, the world spinning somewhere outside the locked door.

And still, you can’t tell if you followed him in here to remember him, or to forget him. But that's the last thing that matters right now.

"Fuck you don't know what this costume has been doing to me all night." He speaks in between breaths, holding the fabric of your skirt between his slender fingers. His other hand rests on your thigh grabbing the soft skin as he growls into your neck.

He uses his hand on your thigh to move you backwards, your steps becoming the ghost of his until the cold, harsh surface of the bathroom wall meets your partially exposed back.

You can't escape his eyes now, the narrow air between you becoming thick with something you both refuse to name. "Still pretending you don't want this?" he drawls, the smirk in his tone sharper than the one on his face.

God you want to hate him so bad, but your body never learned how. You can't tell if you're angry at him or yourself for wanting this so much.

You don't answer him — you can't. Yet you also can't deny how desperately you crave his body on yours again. You told yourself to stay calm. To breathe. To not lean in. You do anyway—pulling his lips back to yours.

The fleeting look of surprise on his face before it meets yours feels like a moment of victory even though you're giving into what he planned. You couldn't care less about denying it now.

Jeonghan groaned against your lips, his grip on your chin tightening slightly as he returned the kiss with fervor. His free hand moved to your waist, pulling you closer to him, wanting to feel your body pressed against his. He deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into your mouth as he took control, his possessive nature taking over.

The heat of his body against yours sends your head spiralling into familiarity as you let your legs part. Jeonghan feels it and he instantly takes the opportunity to press himself even closer, his thigh rubbing against you as he continues to devour your lips. He lets go of your chin, his hand instead moving to your hip, his fingers digging into your skin as he desperately pulls you against him, wanting to feel all of you again.

Jeonghan pulls back just far enough for his breath to mingle with yours—his lips swollen, eyes half-lidded with lust—as if he’s only breaking the kiss to watch what it’s done to you.

"Still taste the same." He rasps, licking his lips as if to savour the taste.

You gulp—the erratic thud of your heartbeat filling your throat. "You're disgusting.”

"Then why is your body so obviously begging for more of me?" He teases with a cock of his eyebrow, fingers moving like silk under your skirt and the pads of his fingertips testing the evident moisture.

The feeling of his cold fingertips tracing heat into your skin renders you speechless as you melt into his touch. His eyes stay examining your expression—as if he’s trying to commit this moment to memory, piece by piece.

His hands, however, move to steady your hips flat against the wall as he lowers himself with practiced ease — like he’s done this a hundred times before. Well. He practically has.

Jeonghan's lips latch onto your thigh, biting it just barely hard enough to almost leave a mark. His eyes darken as he looks up at you, his hand gripping your hip even tighter, pulling you closer to him, pressing his body against yours, making sure you can feel how much he wants you—how desperate he is for you.

Jeonghan's fingers hook into the sides of your underwear, pulling them down at an agonizingly slow pace while maintaining that intense eye contact — his dark eyes practically devouring you already.

He grabs the back of your thigh, prompting you to raise that leg as he licks a stripe up your inner thigh to your heat. He whines into your core at the taste of you—each flick of his tongue coaxing out gentle moans.

Jeonghan's tongue is a teasing, torturous thing, tracing patterns on your skin that make you arch against the wall. He knows exactly what he's doing — his touch calculated to drive you wild. His hands grip your hips, holding you in place as his mouth moves higher, his breath hot and tantalizing against your most sensitive area.

You gasp as his tongue finally reaches its target — the sensation overwhelming and intense. He takes his time, exploring every inch with a hunger that matches your own. His hands move to your thighs, spreading you wider, giving him better access.

Jeonghan's moans vibrate against you, sending waves of pleasure through your body. He knows how to use his mouth, his tongue, his teeth, each movement designed to bring you closer to the edge. You can feel the tension building, your body coiling tighter with each stroke of his tongue.

His hands move to your ass, pulling you closer, deeper into his mouth. You can hear the wet sounds of his tongue, the soft moans escaping your own lips. The world outside the bathroom door fades away, leaving only the two of you — lost in this moment of raw, unfiltered passion.

Jeonghan's pace quickens, his tongue moving faster, harder, as if he can sense your impending release. You can feel the pressure building, your body trembling with anticipation. His hands grip your ass tighter, his fingers digging into your flesh, holding you in place as he devours you.

With a final, desperate cry, you come undone, your body shuddering against his mouth. Jeonghan continues to lick and suck, drawing out every last wave of pleasure, his own moans mingling with yours. When you finally come down from your high, he pulls back — his lips glistening — a satisfied smirk playing on his face.

"Sweet as fucking honey." he rasps, his voice hoarse with desire.

You lean against the wall, your body still trembling, your breath coming in ragged gasps. Jeonghan stands, his eyes never leaving yours, a look of pure hunger in their depths. He knows he's won this round, and the smug satisfaction on his face only serves to fuel your own desire.

"See?" he murmurs, his voice a low, seductive purr. "You can't deny it. You can't deny us."

And in that moment, as you stand there breathless, you know he's right. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you fight it, you can't deny the undeniable pull between you and Jeonghan. It's a force stronger than reason—more powerful than logic.

You both stand there for a moment, the aftermath of your encounter hanging heavy in the air. Jeonghan's smirk still in place, a silent acknowledgment of the power he holds over you. You take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself, but your legs still feel like jelly.

Jeonghan reaches out, his fingers wiping his zombie makeup off your face, a gesture so intimate it doesn't seem to suit him. "Ready to face the world again?" he asks, his voice regaining volume.

You nod, still breathless, and he takes your hand, leading you towards the bathroom door. As you reach for the handle, Jeonghan pulls you back, his lips capturing yours in a swift, possessive kiss. "Remember," he whispers against your lips, "you're mine."

The door swings open, and there, standing right outside, is Joshua. His smile is wide and warm, his eyes sparkling with a sinister sweetness that makes your stomach drop. He holds out your phone, his fingers brushing yours as you take it, a gesture that feels both familiar and alien.

"Feel better now?" he asks, his tone casual, as if he didn't just catch you in the most intimate of moments with another man. And not just any man—Yoon Jeonghan.

His forehead kiss is gentle, almost loving, but it sends a shiver down your spine, a mix of shame, confusion, and a lingering heat from your encounter with Jeonghan.

You blink, trying to process the situation, but Joshua is already moving, his arm slipping around your waist in a possessive hold. "Come on," he says, his voice smooth and calm. "Let's go back to mine."

Jeonghan, standing beside you, chuckles, a low, knowing sound. "Jeonghan, you coming too?" Joshua asks, his gaze flicking to Jeonghan with a hint of amusement.

Jeonghan's smirk widens, and he steps closer, his hand resting on the small of your back. "Wouldn't miss it for the world," he replies — his voice a low purr.

As the three of you walk away, your mind races, trying to piece together the puzzle. Joshua's calm acceptance, Jeonghan's smug satisfaction, and your own conflicting emotions swirl together in a chaotic mix. You can't help but wonder what Joshua knows, what he planned, and what the fuck is about to happen. But for now, all you can do is follow.

You step into Jeonghan's apartment, the heavy wooden door clicking shut behind you with ominous finality. The air is thick with anticipation, a tension that makes your skin prickle and your heart race. Joshua follows close behind.

Jeonghan stands—his back to you—pouring drinks in the corner. As he turns to face you, a slow, confident smirk spreads across his face, his eyes glinting with a predatory gleam.

You swallow hard, your mouth suddenly dry, as Joshua steps up beside you, his hand finding yours in a gesture that's equal parts comforting and confusing. You squeeze his fingers—seeking some stability in this uncertainty.

Jeonghan's hands find your hips, pulling you flush against him and away from Joshua. You can feel the hard length of him, pressing against your stomach — a promise of what's to come. Without a word, he guides you to Shua's bedroom. "Joshua," he says, his voice a low command, "come here."

You hear Joshua's footsteps, the rustle of his clothes as he moves to stand beside you. Jeonghan's hands leave your hips to settle you on the bed, and you feel a moment of disorientation, a sense of vulnerability that makes your heart race.

"Undress her," Jeonghan instructs. "Show me how much you want her."

You feel Joshua's hands, tentative at first, exploring your body with a nervous hesitation. His fingers trace the curve of your waist, the swell of your hips, his touch light and caring. His fingers cling to the fabric—slowly unravelling each item in your costume until you laid there exposed to the two men.

"Show me how you touch her, Shua," Jeonghan murmurs, "Don't hold back."

As Joshua's touches grow bolder — more confident under Jeonghan's command, you can't help but wonder about the depth of their plan. The way they move together, the way they anticipate each other's needs, it's clear that this wasn't a spontaneous decision. They've planned this, every detail, every movement, every touch. And as the realization dawns on you, a mix of confusion and arousal courses through your veins.

Jeonghan's hands are firm and guiding as he positions Joshua behind you, his body pressing against yours in a way that's both possessive and protective. You can feel the heat of Joshua's breath on your neck, his heartbeat a steady, almost rhythmic, thud against your back. Jeonghan leans in, his lips brushing Joshua's ear as he whispers instructions.

"Start with her neck," Jeonghan orders, his fingers tracing the line of your jaw. "Kiss it, nibble it, make her feel your desire."

Joshua complies, his lips finding the sensitive spot where your neck meets your shoulder, his teeth grazing your skin in a way that sends shivers down your spine. You lean into his touch, your body already aching for more.

"I want you to spank her, Shua." Jeonghan breathes out, yet his tone still stays disconnected—far too calculated.

You turn to look at Jeonghan after his order, unsure if Joshua will comply. Shua had never acted that way with you—surely he's too sweet for Jeonghan's cruel ways.

Joshua's hands settle on your waist and move you forwards into an arch before connecting with your ass in a sharp, stinging slap, the sound echoing in the room, a mix of pain and pleasure that cuts through your train of thought. Jeonghan's hand joins, his palm meeting your flesh in a rhythmic, punishing dance.

"Like this," Jeonghan instructs, his voice a low, dominant growl. "Spank her harder, practically fuck her with your hand."

Joshua mimics his movements, his touches becoming harsh and skilled. You could hardly deal with one Jeonghan—how the fuck will you manage two?

Jeonghan moves you back up to sit you in front of Shua, his breath hot against yours and Shua's left ears. "Now, Joshua," he spits, his voice low, "She loves getting choked."

Joshua's hand wraps around your throat, his grip firm but gentle, controlling your breath, making your head roll back.

"Degrade her," Jeonghan instructs further, his voice a dominant growl. "Make her feel like the little whore she is."

"Breathe, my little slut," he murmurs, his lips brushing your ear. "Breathe for me."

Joshua repeats the phrases his voice a mocking growl in your ear. "You're mine," he snarls, his hand tightening around your throat. "Mine to fuck, mine to use, mine to degrade."

You have never heard this tone from Shua. You can't process how the man currently choking you is your loving boyfriend. The man who was supposed to be your safe option. And shit—you had never noticed how veiny his arms were before.

Jeonghan's hands roam your body, his touches possessive. "You like him saying that, don't you, my little slut? You've always liked being used, being degraded, being made to feel like a worthless little whore."

You nod, your breath coming in quick, excited gasps.

"Good girl," Jeonghan murmurs. "Now, let's see how much you can take."

Their fingers trace every curve, every dip, every sensitive spot, pinching, slapping, and caressing in a rhythm that's both chaotic and perfectly synchronized as they position you against the headboard.

You can feel their hot breath on your skin, their lips brushing against your ear, your neck, your collarbone, leaving a trail of goosebumps and shivers.

"Touch yourself," Jeonghan commands. "Show us how much you want this."

You comply, your hand slipping between your legs, your fingers finding your clit, circling, teasing, building the tension. Joshua's hands find your breasts, his thumbs brushing against your nipples, rolling them, pinching them, sending jolts of pleasure straight to your core.

"Fuck this—You look so good, let's show Shua how you like to get fucked." Jeonghan says through a smirk.

Your mind is still unravelled from pleasure as they position you by the window, your body on full display. The cool glass presses against your hot skin, a stark contrast that makes you gasp. Jeonghan stands behind you, his body pressing against yours, his cock a hard pressure against your ass. Joshua stays sat on the bed, his eyes dark with desire.

"Fuck her," Joshua now commands, his new tone already being picked up from Jeonghan. "Show me how she likes it. Fuck her like you still own her."

Jeonghan chuckles softly, his breath hitting your neck. Your mind has gone completely blank my this point—consumed by want. The sharp sound of Jeonghan's belt buckle making contact with the wooden floor is the last thing you hear before all your senses are silenced when Jeonghan enters you from behind, his slow movements acting as no remedy to his merciless stretch. You can feel every inch of him, a reminder of the hold he used to have over you.

Joshua doesn't just watch — he studies. Silently taking notes on how Jeonghan makes you squirm.

Jeonghan holds your hips in a position to keep you arched so he can hit your sweet spot perfectly—relentlessly—with every thrust. Each roll of his hips holds purpose and even the way he runs his hands through your hair before yanking it at the exact strength to heighten your pleasure works towards luring out your loudest sounds.

Jeonghan then pulls out—leaving you feeling far too empty as he positions you on your hands and knees, his hands firm and guiding as he arranges you to his liking. You can feel the cool wood of the floor beneath your palms, the soft rug beneath your knees, a stark contrast to the heat of your body—the fire of your desire.

You can hear more movement behind you, but your head is far too gone to process what could actually be taking place. That is until you feel a tip line up at your entrance, causing you to instinctively arch back into it.

Jeonghan's voice fills your ears again, but now from in front of you, instructing Joshua on how to enter you, how to fuck you just how he does.

"Start slow," Jeonghan murmurs, his fingers tracing the curve of your back, your hips, your ass.

Joshua complies, his cock pressing past your entrance. Jeonghan comes behind to guide his movements, his hands on Joshua's hips. He controls each thrust, allowing Shua to hit places he has never been able to. You lay your hands down in front so you can rest your head down, your ass still in the air for them to see.

Once Joshua understood the technique, Jeonghan came back to your front, lifting your chin up in his hand from the floor with a pitiful smirk. "Is our little girl already fucked out?" He teases, carressing your face and wiping smudged mascara away from your eyes, "Surely you can take another."

He moves up onto his knees before opening your mouth with his hand and slapping his cock on your tongue, the weight of his dick making your mouth water. Joshua's thrusts from behind jerk you froward onto Jeinghan's cock, the dual sensation of being filled, of being stretched, overwhelms your senses. You can feel every inch of them, the size of their cocks serving as a reminder of their dominance and control.

They move in sync, their rhythm deliberate. You can feel the tension building, the pleasure mounting, the edge of release looming ever closer.

"Beg for it," Jeonghan commands. "Beg for our cocks, beg for our release, beg for us to fill you, to use you."

You comply, your voice a desperate, pleading whimper, your body aching, throbbing, begging for release. Joshua's hands find your hips, pulling you back against him. He pulls out with each thrust then enters you with a ferocity that leaves you breathless, his hands gripping your hips, his fingers digging into your flesh, holding you in place as he fucks you with a rhythm that's both punishing and pleasurable.

Jeonghan watches, his cock in your mouth, using your mouth as he pleases, his hips snapping forward with each thrust. You can feel him, his taste, his scent, his presence. You suck him, your mouth, your tongue, your throat, working him, pleasing him, worshipping him.

Joshua's movements become more confident. He fucks you with a pace that leaves you breathless, his cock hitting all the right spots, sending waves of pleasure crashing through your body.

And as they continue to fuck you, you can feel the tension building further. You're a plaything, a toy, a vessel for their pleasure, and you've never felt more alive—more desired.

Jeonghan and Joshua's touches and thrusts are precise and unrelenting, building you up to the brink of orgasm with a skill that's both intoxicating and infuriating. You can feel the tension coiling in your body, the edge of release closer to hitting you with each movement.

"Come for us," Jeonghan murmurs, his voice a low, dominant purr. "Let us see that beautiful face of yours as you fall apart."

But just as you're about to tip over the edge, they pull back, their movements slowing, their touches gentling, leaving you gasping and needy, your body aching, throbbing, begging for release. Tears stream down your face, a mix of frustration and pleasure.

Jeonghan wipes them away and Joshua strokes the curve of your ass. "Shh, my beautiful girl," Shua coos, his voice is a low, soothing murmur, a contrast to the dominant, commanding tone he's taken up from Jeonghan. Jeonghan's lips brush against your ear. "You're doing so well. You please us so much."

Joshua's hands find your hips, pulling you back against him, his cock pressing back into you—the stretch somehow feeling more intense. You can taste the salt of your tears again when Jeonghan's cock pushes back down your throat asthey work back up to their previous pace.

They bring you to the brink again, teasing you, torturing you, driving you wild with need. Your makeup streams down your face, a constant, unending river of desire and desperation.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity of building you up, of driving you to the very brink of madness, Jeonghan hums "Now we can finish." As if it had been rehearsed they both fill you in that moment, their cocks pulsing, their releases hot and marking you.

Your eyes roll back, you cry out and feel yourself get sent over the edge. You collapse, your body spent and your mind a blur of sensations and emotions. You swallow Jeonghans cum and can feel Shua fingering his back into your core.

Shua lifts you up onto his bed, his smile wide and proud.

"You did so well, my beautiful girl," Joshua murmurs, his fingers brushing a stray lock of hair from your face. "That was... that was something else."

Jeonghan chuckles, "I'm glad you enjoyed it," he says, his voice a mix of amusement and satisfaction. "I take it you learned a thing or two?"

Even in the darkest moments of your relationship, like insecurities or bad communication, when you or him need to process things and need space, there is always an undercurrent, an understanding that you two would eventually come together to resolve it. There has never been a place for doubt.

Until now.

This time is different, you can tell. He is withdrawn not from the world, or for his own mental benefit, he is pulling away from you. You realise it in the days after your heat, once you fully regain your senses. Physically, he is there. He still loves to cook for you and cuddle on the couch after work. You still paint together on the weekends, or play badminton in the backyard. He fixes the shower when it starts leaking while you keep him company from where you sit next to the sink. You put little, shiny pins in his hair and he indulges you while you coo at him.

Everything looks fine. Any other person would think you’re being paranoid or crazy. But you’re not. Something about him is different. Something has changed. And you don’t know what to do about it.

This is exactly why you didn’t want to go into heat. This was the very thing you dreaded most of all. You were losing your husband, bit by bit, in that painful way that chips at the cracks. There will be no big blow up. It will disintegrate like this, slowly but surely, until there’s nothing left to salvage.

You’re terrified.

You go back to work after many months of sickness. Ever since your heat, you feel much better. As much as you don’t want to admit it, spending it with an alpha really did help. Your fatigue and aches are gone. You haven’t gotten a fever in weeks. You're fit as a fiddle, and ready to rejoin the workforce again. You’re thankful for the distraction. It keeps your thoughts from spiraling, plagued by the dread of your slowly crumbling marriage.

When you get home from your first day back at work, Joshua has prepared a lavish meal for the two of you, all of your favorites laid out on the table. You stand in the doorway of the dining room, eyeing the spread as he grins at you with that silly pink apron you got him as a joke but he loves wearing, and before you know it, there's a layer of tears coating your eyes.

“Hey.” He walks closer to you, voice soft as he gathers you in his arms. He wipes under your eyes, concern bleeding into his face.

“What’s wrong? Did you have a bad first day?”

You shake your head. “No, it was great.”

“Then what is it?”

You look up at him, at how worried he seems. His expression is gentle, so calming, and just being close to him like this, his subtle flowery scent puts you at ease, even if your mind is well and truly drenched in fear.

“Shua,” your voice is shaky, “are we okay?”

His expression falters, drops just a little, before picking up again. You know him too well, maybe to your own detriment, because you catch it immediately. Even as he hugs you tight and plants a kiss on your mark, your brain lingers on that expression.

“Of course we’re okay, my love.”

Your face crumples. He’s lying to you. Your Shua, who would rather cut his hand off than deceive you in any way, is lying straight to your face.

You don’t know what to do.

You fret for days afterward, distressed and unable to let it go. Things aren’t okay, because if they were okay, Joshua would sense immediately that you are upset. And maybe he does, but he doesn’t say anything about it. He doesn’t sit you down and talk to you until you open up to him, like he would usually do. It’s like the last straw. You need to do something, or you will lose him forever.

You don’t know if the idea is born from desperation, or if you genuinely don’t have any other choice, but when you’re calling Jeonghan right after work one day, you feel like this is the only thing you can do. You watch people walk past you urgently on the sidewalk as you stand still near the edge, everyone around you eager to get back home. The line rings a few times before Jeonghan finally picks up, his voice clear over the commotion around you.

“Y/N?”

“Hey.” Your breath stutters a little. You haven’t really talked to Jeonghan since your heat ended. This feels a little awkward. “Are you still at work?”

“I’m just getting ready to leave. Is everything okay?”

You grit your teeth at the question. “I wanted to talk to you. I’m actually not far from your building. Do you- do you think you can come down?”

There’s some shuffling before Jeonghan speaks again. “Of course, angel. Tell me where you are, I’ll be there in five.”

Your heart skips a little at the nickname. He called you that extensively during your week long heat, and you’re reminded of it now. God, you need to pull yourself together before you see him. Jeonghan might be the only person who can help you.

You seat yourself outside a café and order a coffee just because. You shouldn’t really be having caffeine in the evening, but whatever. Joshua would reprimand you for shooting your nerves like this after sundown, and all the memory does is make your chest feel heavier. You wait for Jeonghan, mindlessly playing on your phone. When you spot him crossing the road, you feel a bit more at ease. He gives you a smile as he approaches, hands digging into his overcoat. It’s huge on him and nearly swallows him, the same loose fitting style he always manages to pull off. His hair pokes out from under a dark wool cap.

He sits opposite to you at the tiny table. Underneath it, his leg brushes against yours. You flush a little. Your last memory of Jeonghan is a very intimate one, and it’s a little bit of a struggle separating that from him right now. However, he seems unfazed.

“I didn’t know who else to call.” You admit, feeling a little hesitant. Jeonghan’s face is soft and open. He nods slowly, waiting for you to continue. And so you do.

It feels like word vomit. You can’t stop once you really start talking about it, all of it spilling out of you. You’re really not used to keeping your feelings bottled up. This was, again, because of Joshua. He has always been your confidant. You talked to him about any and everything. It hurts your heart that now you have to talk to someone else, but you feel like you don’t have a choice.

By the time you finish, you’re crying, tears running in thick tracks down your cheeks. Jeonghan doesn’t interrupt you even once, handing you a tissue so you can wipe your runny nose as you keep crying. He places a comforting hand over your wrist on the table, but doesn’t push further. By the end of it, you feel like you’ve unloaded tonnes of garbage on him, and it has left you pleasantly empty. Hollow.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice is hoarse, all cried out. You sniffle again. “It really isn’t fair to you to hear all this. But I just don’t know what to do.”

Jeonghan shakes his head. “Don’t apologise. This is partly my doing.”

Your eyes widen. “Absolutely not. None of this is on you.”

You can see Jeonghan’s jaw tick as he clenches his teeth, but he doesn’t protest. So you just barrel on.

“I was hoping you would talk to him.” You finally say.

Jeonghan blinks, clearly caught off guard. “Me?”

You nod. “He listens to you. He trusts your advice. You don’t understand Hannie, he- he lied to me. My husband doesn’t lie to me. I don’t know what the hell is going on in his head, but this is bigger than anything I’ve ever dealt with before.”

Jeonghan seems to be pondering your request, his left cheek dented in a way that shows that he’s biting the inside of it. He watches you closely, as if he’s trying to pick you apart.

“Can I ask you something?”

You nod. “Of course.”

“How do you feel? After your heat?”

Your eyebrows furrow and you fidget a little. “Fine. Better than I have in months.”

He nods a little, still thinking. “Do you remember any of it?”

Now you feel your face burn hot. In all honesty, most of the exact events are blurry. You only remember the blinding pleasure, Jeonghan’s scent, some of your lucid intervals where Joshua fed you and bathed you. That's it. You tell Jeonghan that. He nods again.

“Okay. I’ll talk to him. Until then, you sit tight. You’re very distressed, and I’m sure that’s making him feel worse.”

You huff. “It’s hard not to be.”

Jeonghan squeezes your arm a little. “I know, angel. But you have to try. I could smell how upset you were across the street. He’s your mate, he will obviously have noticed.”

You’re a little surprised that Jeonghan could smell you so far off. Even the waiter who served you couldn’t tell, but Jeonghan could. Probably because you’ve spent a heat with him. That must be it. You nod and agree.

Jeonghan walks you to the train station and waits until you board the train before leaving himself. Just before you can get on, he gently grabs your wrist, pulling you close enough to lay a small kiss on your forehead, right between your eyebrows. You flush at the feeling, heart kicking painfully against your ribs. His scent hits you strongly this close, and your omega relaxes.

A twinge of guilt hits you at the feeling, at experiencing comfort by Jeonghan’s presence and not your husband. But you’ve been restless and anxious for weeks. You miss Joshua terribly in this moment. It seems to you that Jeonghan is temporarily trying to scrub that void. You give him a small smile before saying goodbye.

You ponder on your conversation the whole way home, and you hope against hope that somehow, Jeonghan can get through to Joshua. It seems like a long shot, but Jeonghan has been friends with Joshua for so long for a reason.

You have your fingers crossed.

………………………………….

Work is slow nowadays, which isn’t really good for Joshua. He needs a distraction badly, but it looks like he’s not getting it, which only makes him spiral even more. He has completed so much work in advance that he has completely run out of things to do, so he has to pretend to be busy, while also somehow trying to keep his mind occupied.

It is not working.

Today is as dull as yesterday was. Joshua is going through his calendar for the rest of the month, organizing it and adding trivial stuff he normally wouldn’t, just to waste some time. It’s nearly lunch time, but he hasn’t seen Jeonghan all day. He heard that some people from the team went out on site to do some work, so that’s probably why. Frankly, he’s relieved. It’s hard to avoid Jeonghan when they share a cubicle wall, so this gives him a bit more breathing room.

He can’t look at Jeonghan the same way anymore.

Unfortunately, the one thing he has been avoiding finally catches up to him, because Jeonghan finds him in the breakroom during lunch. Joshua stiffens when the alpha sits opposite to him, considering they haven’t properly spoken in weeks. He doesn’t speak, just looks down at his food. But Jeonghan needs no conversation starter to get straight to the point.

“You need to tell Y/N what happened.”

Joshua freezes, finally meeting his friend’s eyes. Jeonghan’s stare is hard, firm in a way it rarely is.

“I don’t have to. It’s fine.”

Jeonghan’s entire face shifts, and Joshua feels a little uncomfortable with how angry he looks. Jeonghan doesn’t get angry. It isn’t like him.

“If it’s fine, then why the hell is your omega calling me and crying her eyes out, scared that her marriage is falling apart?”

Shock seizes Joshua in a vice-like grip, eyes wide and unblinking. “What?”

Jeonghan sighs then, pinching the bridge of his nose. He leans forward, planting his elbows on the table, and looks at Joshua earnestly.

“Tell her, Shuji. She will understand. I promise you she will.”

Joshua can feel his face twist, wetness unexpectedly and quickly coating his eyes. He blinks rapidly to clear them. “I can’t.”

Jeonghan’s hold on his wrist is firm but gentle. He runs a soothing thumb over Joshua’s scent glands. Smaller than his, but there nonetheless. Joshua wants to pull away, still feeling the guilt of what happened during your heat, but he can’t bring himself to. He has been trying to deal with this on his own for a while now, and he misses you. He misses the comfort you bring him. Any semblance of it, even if it is from Jeonghan, means a lot.

Because he can’t tell you what happened. It would break you.

It was the third day of your heat, and it showed no signs of slowing anytime soon. Joshua had spent nearly an hour between your legs, licking and sucking until he felt like his own lips were tingling. He was heady off the taste of your slick, even sweeter than you usually are. You had cum so many times that he lost count. Every few seconds, he ground his hips into the mattress, trying to find any relief for himself, and when you started babbling about Jeonghan’s knot, he finally stepped to the side, laying beside you, devouring your lips in a heated kiss while Jeonghan filled you up the exact way you needed.

He was so hard, and you were moaning so sweetly, muffled into his mouth, your nails scratching his scalp. He couldn’t help himself, sliding a hand into his pants so he could stroke himself to the same rhythm that Jeonghan was thrusting into you. He watched you cum, and he watched your greedy little cunt swallow Jeonghan’s knot as he came right afterwards.

Joshua’s eyes met the alpha’s as he moaned and filled you up, and before he could react, Jeonghan was leaning down to brush his lips against Joshua’s ear.

“Come on, Shuji. Come all over yourself.”

And he did, the most intense orgasm he’s had in a while, hips jerking as he groaned, eyes locked with Jeonghan’s. The alpha bit his bottom lip, watching Joshua shudder and moan. The moment was so charged, so hot, that it felt almost natural, like it was meant to happen.

It hit him with a weight of a thousand trucks when he came to his senses.

Joshua was honestly shocked that you didn’t bring it up after your heat ended. You went along with your daily routine just as usual, like nothing had happened. It took him a while and a few casual conversations with you to realise that you genuinely didn’t remember, too caught up in your heat and the intensity of your emotions at the time. So that left him in a very difficult position.

Should he just forget all about it, considering it was a one-off, and move on? You probably won’t need to have another heat for years. You’re already considering getting back on suppressants. The chances of this happening again are slim to none. He could write it off as a mistake and close this chapter.

Except it isn’t that easy. Not when he still remembers all of it in sickening detail. The way Jeonghan’s eyes darkened when he watched him cum, his scent so potent as Joshua inhaled. And the fact that he has to see Jeonghan every day. Remember how good it felt to have Jeonghan guide him through his orgasm like that. It’s too much to take. Joshua feels dirty with it. He feels like he has cheated on you, even though Jeonghan is adamant that this isn’t what it is. But the fact that they even have to debate about this is proof enough in Joshua’s head that it is exactly that. Jeonghan thinks Joshua is being ridiculous, he has thought that since the day it happened.

“I fucked her in more ways than I can even count, but this is where you draw the line.” He deadpanned just before leaving the house after your heat. “You’re being too hard on yourself, Shuji. And this will get out of hand if you don’t do something about it.”

And Jeonghan had been right.

It did get out of hand, because you went to Jeonghan to talk about how upset all of this has made you. Joshua did this, he forced your hand by being withdrawn. Now here he is, thinking about an alpha in ways he shouldn’t, and there you are, leaning emotionally on said alpha outside your marriage. Jeonghan has become so intertwined in this whole mess, it’s hard to separate him from what is going on between you two. He can’t solve this without involving the alpha.

Joshua’s head hurts.

“Be there with me.” He finally says to the alpha. “When I tell her. Please be there.”

Jeonghan looks a little surprised, but nods anyway. “Are you sure that’s-”

“Yes.” Joshua interrupts him. “She’ll hate me for it, but at least you will be there to support her. You’re the only one who can.”

Jeonghan smiles a little at that, but there’s nothing happy about it. “I’m just as much at fault here as you.”

Joshua shakes his head. “No, this is on me. She only ever did this because of me.”

Jeonghan sighs and stands up to leave, but just before he turns, he says one more thing.

“The problem in your relationship Shuji, is that you are both too self sacrificial for your own good.”

The sentence sticks with Joshua for the rest of the day.

………………………………..

[jeonghan]: we’re on our way. he’s ready to talk

Ever since you got that text, you’ve been on edge. You’ve opened and closed the fridge so many times you’re pretty sure you’ve ruined the food inside. You keep pacing around the living room, fiddling with little things over and over, waiting for them to show up. You wonder why Jeonghan is coming too, but you’re glad for it nonetheless. If it’s something that urged Joshua to bring Jeonghan along, then you’re sure you will need him there. He calms you down the same way Joshua does. You try not to linger on the thought, because of how much shame and guilt it causes you. You have too much on your mind right now to deal with this.

When they finally show up, toeing their shoes off near the door and walking into the living room, you’re standing next to the couch, fiddling with your hands. Your mate’s eyes meet yours.

“Hey.” He says. He looks pale, eyelids heavy. Even when his lips tick up, it’s an expression riddled with emotional exhaustion. His shoulders are a little slumped, and your heart aches at the weight he carries. You give him the best, most comforting smile you can.

You both sit on the couch, facing each other. Jeonghan sits on the armchair opposite the two of you, trying to make himself scarce. Just before Joshua speaks, he turns his head to look at Jeonghan, who gives him a small nod. Your heart is pounding nearly painfully. You dig your nails into the palm of your hand.

Joshua’s confession is a mix of emotional rambling and what actually happened that night. His voice quivers when he goes into the details of it. Jeonghan sits rock still, staring at the floor, as if making sure his presence doesn’t affect you two in any way. You watch your husband’s face as he tells you what he did with Jeonghan. You listen to his words carefully. At any moment, he will tell you how this changed the way he sees you now. You still still as a rock, waiting for the dreaded finish, the big and horrific confession that will explain his behavior these last few weeks. Where is he going with this? When will he tell you?

But Joshua stops talking to take a deep breath, like he’s done, adding to it with an apology only.

“I’m so sorry.” His words are strained. “I feel so guilty. So, so guilty. I can’t begin to tell you-”

“Wait.” Your voice is a little hoarse. Joshua stops talking immediately, wide, remorseful eyes looking at you. “That’s- Is that it?”

There’s a small silence. Joshua’s eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“Shua….” You can’t help the laugh you bark out, half shocked at the incredulity of the situation, half relieved. “I thought- I thought it was me. I thought you didn’t want to be with me after that heat. I thought that was why-”

Your breath catches, face scrunching as a wave of tears hits you. Joshua looks horrified, furiously shaking his head as he shuffles closer to you. You let him hug you, crying into his shoulder as you hold him tightly to your body. Joshua kisses over your bite mark over and over, whispering a string of ‘no’s into your skin.

“I would never. I would never-”

You sob into his arms, feeling like you’ve just lost fifty pounds. Your head is nearly dizzy with relief, breathing in his calm scent, fisting his shirt so tightly that it wrinkles instantly under your hands. Joshua laughs wetly.

“I thought you would hate me for this. I thought-”

“You….” You shake your head. “You fucking idiot.”

Joshua pulls away just enough to look at you, smiling as he wipes your eyes before kissing you deeply, and you immediately kiss back hard, pouring all your love for him into it. He cups your head, tilts it until you feel like he’s devouring you. Your core stirs. You missed him so much that your body is immediately ready for him. You sigh and moan into him, tears already forgotten. It’s only him, him, him. You need him so bad.

There’s shuffling to your side, and you are acutely reminded of the fact that Jeonghan is still there, watching all of this. You break away from Joshua, turning your head to look at the alpha who has now stood up from where he sat previously. He gives you two a relieved smile.

“I think I’m gonna head out now.”

Your mind blanks. “No. S-stay.”

Both men look at you, shocked. You turn your head back to your husband, feeling a little nervous.

“Can he stay?”

Joshua watches you closely. At this proximity, you can see the way his eyes darken at the notion, his gaze drifting down to your lips as he licks over his own. You fight the urge to kiss him again.

“Okay.”

Jeonghan’s face morphs into one of amusement as he ticks an eyebrow up. You can see even from the distance that the cogs in his head are turning. You both want him here, in this moment with you.

Without saying anything more, he sinks into the armchair again, leaning back more and spreading his legs a bit. You feel Joshua’s lips on your neck as you watch the alpha. He only levels you with a heated stare.

“Go on, omega. Give me a show, then.”

Joshua moans into your neck, and you have to fight to keep your eyes from rolling up. You’re already sopping wet, you can tell, and the way Jeonghan’s eyes are dragging down your body isn’t helping. You turn to your husband and pull his head up to press a searing kiss into his lips, infinitely more charged than the previous one, your hands moving frantically to unbutton his shirt.

Clothes fly off, both of you desperate to feel all of each other. It’s been a while, and you missed him so, so much. His cock is hard and heavy in your hand as you stroke him. He moans into your mouth, pushing you back until you are laid out on the couch cushion, Joshua fitting himself snugly between your open legs.

“Baby,” he rasps and you whine at the sound. “Can’t wait. Need to be inside you.”

You nod frantically and buck up into him, feeling the delicious way his shaft drags through your slit. Joshua pumps himself a couple of times before lining up, sinking into you with one smooth motion. Your mouth drops open at the feeling as he carves his way through your unprepped walls. Joshua always gets you ready, making you cum on his mouth or fingers at least once before you take his cock. The only time he hadn’t was when he went on a three week long business trip. You feel the same desperation now, having gone for a while without intimacy, too impatient to think of anything except having his cock inside you immediately. It burns in the best way, just the slightest twinge of pain amplifying the waves of pleasure shooting through your body. When he settles all the way inside, he groans deeply, stilling.

Your eyes meet his, and you can’t help the way they mist over as you look up at him. Your everything, the love of your life. You cannot imagine ever being without him, you would cease to exist. Joshua smiles, and you feel like your heart is about to explode.

He leans down on his elbows so that he is closer to you, his forehead pressed into your sweaty one. He pulls back almost all the way, until only the head is snug inside you, before pushing all the way in again. You moan at the feeling.

“So tight, baby. Always so tight and ready for me.” He groans, his lips brushing yours as he starts fucking into you, nice and slow but firm, each thrust landing exactly where you want it to, his cock pressing insistently into your soft spot, making you see stars.

“For you, Shua.” You stutter out, already losing your head a little when he doesn’t let up on his thrusts, wave after wave of stimulation hitting your senses like an assault.

“Hm? Only for me? Bet you were just as tight when Jeonghan fucked you.”

You moan at the same time as you hear a low hum from the armchair. You don’t dare turn your head, don’t dare look at the man watching you get fucked. But you can smell him, even from here. His pheromones are dense and all encompassing, an alpha in the room letting you know of his presence. You can’t ignore him even if you want to, and especially not when your husband is adamant on bringing him up.

Joshua’s hand reaches up, cupping your jaw and tilting your head up so he can lick over your puckered lips. It’s slow and tantalizing, a contrast to how much faster and harder his thrusts have gotten. Already, you can feel a familiar knot tightening in your stomach, and you don’t even have to warn him, because Joshua can feel it, the way you clench desperately around him. He knows it all too well, this feeling, so he bites your bottom lip hard a d tugs it, mumbling into your mouth.

“Cum for me.”

And you do. You gasp and cry as your orgasm racks through your body with enough force to make all your limbs seize up. Joshua doesn’t slow for a second. He never does. Sex with him is not a race, it’s a marathon. This is just one orgasm of many, and with the way he’s looking down at you, like he wants to devour you whole, you know you are in for a long night.

And maybe a small part of Joshua wants to prove to the alpha who knotted you that he knows how to take care of his omega. He still has his pride, after all.

As you come down from your high, Joshua pulls out and wraps his arms around you, tugging you up and seating you firmly on his lap, straddling him. Your limbs are liquid, still recovering from your orgasm, but he doesn’t need you to do anything right now except be a good girl and take his cock. So he grips you tight around the waist, pulls you down on his nearly draped body, your back facing Jeonghan, and then he lines up and starts thrusting into you, harsh and fast. You cry out at the feeling, scrambling to hold on to something. Joshua cups the back of your head, holding you firmly in place.

“Don’t.” His voice is sharper. “Take it, baby. No squirming. Be a good girl.”

He knows what he’s doing. And he can see it over your shoulder, the way Jeonghan’s eyes are trained right where his cock disappears into your stretched out hole. The way his shaft glistens with your juices every time he pulls out, only to get coated again when he sinks into you. Then, as if sensing his stare, Jeonghan looks up, eyes meeting Joshua’s.

Joshua thrusts up again and then stills, buried deep inside you. You gasp as you catch your breath in big gulps, not protesting against the small reprieve. Jeonghan’s lip ticks up, and he finally speaks.

“Why’d you stop, Shuji? About to come?”

Joshua wants to squeeze his eyes shut tight, but he can’t bring himself to look away from Jeonghan, the dark pools of liquid almost sultry. When Jeonghan chuckles, it’s light and low. Joshua can feel you clench around him at the sound. Fuck, this is turning you on just as much as it’s turning him on.

“I don’t blame you.” Jeonghan keeps talking, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his legs, eyes drifting down your bare back. “Her cunt’s too good. Squeezes you just right.”

You mewl in Joshua’s arms, squirming a little. He curses and grinds into you, a little something to edge you two more. Joshua’s head spins. Even though Jeonghan hasn’t touched either of you, hasn’t even stepped close, hasn’t even touched his own cock, it still feels like he’s tugging the strings for both of you. His command is undeniable. Is this what it’s like, being with an alpha?

Joshua doesn’t think he can last long. At this point, he doesn’t even want to. He begins fucking you again in earnest, making you gasp and turn rigid in his hold again.

“Shua,” you weep, voice high and lovely with a need that makes both men groan. “Gonna cum again. Please.”

“Go ahead, baby. Soak my cock.” Joshua punches back, making sure to undulate his pelvis just right so that it brushes your clit with every thrust. It drives you wild, he knows this, and Joshua is adamant to put on the show that Jeonghan demanded. With a view like this, there’s no way the alpha will miss it.

Joshua tugs your head back just enough to press his lips into yours so he can mumble directly into your mouth.

“Come on, darling. Give Jeonghan something to look at.”

That does it for you. You squeeze hard around his cock and cum, and Joshua can immediately feel the difference, the slide of his cock easier as you gush around him. He can feel it drip down his balls, probably ruining the couch too, but he doesn’t care. Not when Jeonghan curses loudly and squeezes his erection through his pants, an action that makes Joshua finally topple over the edge as well, shuddering as he empties himself inside you. You’re trembling in his hold, still coming down from your high, panting. Joshua feels his cum leak around him, can probably imagine how it looks right now, mixing with your own juices, foamy and milky around his shaft. He’s almost envious that he can’t see this view. He lays a soft kiss on your bare shoulder.

Across the room, Jeonghan has a tiny smirk playing on his face, watching as your sweaty bodies come down from your highs. When his eyes meet Joshua’s, he winks.

Joshua has to hold back his smile.

…………………………………..

Jeonghan’s entry into your relationship is seamless.

You think it’s because of the dynamics at play here. He’s an alpha, a presence that was clearly missing between you two. While Joshua and you have known each other intimately for a very long time, Jeonghan is a natural at taking care of people. He picks up on not only your needs, but Joshua’s as well, bending to accommodate you two effortlessly.

Joshua thinks it has nothing to do with him being an alpha, and everything to do with the history between you three. Jeonghan has always been there, since before you and Joshua even knew each other. You tease him about it sometimes, saying he probably would have ended up with Jeonghan if you hadn’t been in the picture. It makes him laugh incredulously.

“I don’t think so.” He says, turning his head to look at Jeonghan, who is folding his clothes to put in the bottom most dresser drawer, the one you had emptied out for him. Jeonghan only winks, making you shriek with laughter and Joshua’s jaw drop. It makes his heart flutter a little, knowing Jeonghan was interested in him even back then.

He loves seeing you get to know Jeonghan even more.

Your status helps a lot, an alpha and an omega built to fit snugly into each other’s lives. While Joshua is good at calming you down, making you feel at ease, Jeonghan lights a spark in you, heated and passionate. He understands the nuance that comes with navigating a relationship that is already so well established, and he never pushes. Joshua can see how much you appreciate that, and it makes you more receptive to Jeonghan’s advances.

The first time Jeonghan kisses Joshua, you’re in the room.

You’re snuggled up on the couch between them, curled so tightly and warmly that you’re almost half asleep by the time they’re halfway into the movie. Joshua watches you, your body slumped over between them, wondering if he should just turn the movie off and head to bed. Jeonghan seems to read his mind.

“I can take her inside.”

When he turns his head to look at the alpha, he’s closer than Joshua anticipated. The light from the television dances across Jeonghan’s face, casting sharp shadows. Joshua feels his breath hitch.

It feels more natural than he ever could have thought. Up close, Jeonghan’s lips taste of something sweet. It’s soft and slow, and by the time he pulls away, he feels like he’s dizzy.

He can’t believe he’s lucky enough to have both of you.

Jeonghan all but moves in after that first night he watched you and Joshua on the couch. It’s almost like he was never away in the first place. There’s nearly no adjustment required. An extra pair of boots next to yours by the door, a blue toothbrush in the glass next to the sink, a bunny shaped mug in the cupboard above the coffee machine. Jeonghan is a light sleeper, and an early bird. He takes up making breakfast for all three of you before work, while you and Joshua take care of dinner because he’s usually so tired by the end of the day.

Joshua is grateful that he works with Jeonghan, but he knows it makes you feel a bit pouty that you’re left out the whole day. So they make it a point to focus all their attention on you when they get back from work in the evenings. Jeonghan scents you extensively, something that Joshua has never been able to do, and it puts him at ease knowing that you smell like Jeonghan. It feels even better when Jeonghan scents him too, because then you both smell like him, and Jeonghan loves that.

It’s a couple of months later, during a scenting session like this, that your heat gets triggered.

You never ended up using suppressants again, and that must be the reason why. This time around is even more charged than before, with both your alpha and your beta actively involved in taking care of you. Jeonghan is even more mean about it, dragging out every orgasm until you black out, which ultimately gives you a longer break afterwards. When Joshua complains that he’s being too hard on you, Jeonghan calls him a brat and fucks him into the mattress as well, and that’s when you realise your heat triggered his rut.

It’s nearly a week of endless bliss, and you feel like a changed person at the end of it.

You’re still in your nest, dozing in and out of sleep, your head resting on Joshua’s bare chest. In the distance, you can hear the shower running, and Jeonghan humming a little tune that you don’t recognise. Joshua does, apparently, because he starts quietly singing along. It makes you grin and look up at him.

His smile is lazy and sleepy. He looks blissed out in a way you have never seen him. Before Jeonghan, you never imagined that you and Joshua could get any happier, but apparently you could, if the giddy feeling inside you and the joy on your husband’s face is any indication.

Joshua brushes a slow finger over your mark. You shiver at the feeling. He gives you a contemplative smile.

“Do you think you want to take Jeonghan’s mark?”

You blink up at him, surprised but not really. “Only if you want me to.”

He laughs at that. “Sweetheart, we’re way past the need for you to ask me this stuff. You are as much his as you are mine.”

The sentence warms your chest. You lay a kiss on his shoulder. “I love you.”

He turns to capture your lips in his, starting soft and sweet, but quickly getting heated. You’re a little surprised when you feel his erection poke your thigh, convinced that both of you were thoroughly fucked out after the intensity of the last week. But you feel something stir in your core too, legs spreading as Joshua rolls over on you.

Fifteen minutes later, Jeonghan walks out of the shower to the sounds of pretty little whines and moans coming from the bedroom. He smirks and huffs, beelining straight to the source of the noise, knowing he will have to shower again, but not caring when the sight of his two lovers intertwined together greets him as he opens the door.

4:30am - the kitchen is abuzz with the noise of the mixer, or the stove, or the ding of the oven. He can’t smell the aroma of freshly baked goods from where he watches through the back window. He is a bit too far. But he can see the way you slowly get disheveled, sweat building up in your hairline, face slightly flushed from the heat of the oven, leaving colored blotches on your skin. Cute. You look cute like this.

Your apron gets stained more and more as time goes on, with flour, cocoa powder, even cookie batter and sometimes that melted chocolate you use very carefully so as to not spill it. It’s the really high end stuff, he knows this. He has looked into it. You labor on for a long, long while, accompanied by the sounds of soft music. He watches silently.

7:00am - you finally started bringing the desserts to the front, carefully placing them in the glass display counters. You arrange them all slowly. You’re a little type A like that, he has noticed, always making sure everything is equidistant and neat in rows, not a single crumb scattered anywhere else. You turn on the little golden lights that shine on the display of sweets, and he has to admit, everything looks delectable. Maybe not as much as you. You’re just….. delicious.

It is around this time that Boo Seungkwan clocks in, the little bell outside the shop chiming pleasantly as he greets you loud and cheerful. Seungkwan is quite the character, his observations tell him. Apple-shaped and perked face, high cheekbones, voice a little too loud compared to how soft yours is. But Seungkwan is so kind, and so entertaining, the only other employee in your tiny shop, making you laugh throughout the day. He appreciates that. Your laugh is bright and a little high pitched. It suits you.

7:15am (give or take) - Seungkwan starts getting ready for the day as you set the last of your baked goods out. He heats up the espresso machines, dials the espresso shots in them, refills the hoppers and gets the batch brews started. You go and clean yourself up, hanging up the apron, washing your hands and face, and actually taking care of yourself with the tiny travel sized skincare and makeup products you bring along. You show up early in the morning looking like you rolled straight out of bed. He doesn’t mind. There’s something….. pure about you when you’re like that. Untainted. Especially by someone like him. And it makes sense logically too. No point in getting ready only to slave in the kitchen for hours on end. Now, you make yourself presentable, rolling a little pink stick on your cheek and smudging it to give your face more color. He wishes you were still hot from the blast of the oven, making you flush naturally. You look sensual like that, and it gives Joshua thoughts he would indulge only in the very dark of the night. But this works too. You come back out front as Seungkwan gets ready to open.

8:00 am - you open your modest little coffee shop on the corner of 12th avenue. It’s shocking that you occupy a corner of a busy street just a few blocks from the town’s business sector. It’s almost impossible to set up a business here because of how competitive the location is. He has looked at the blueprints of the surrounding area, since he wants to be thorough at his job. He might be enjoying his time with you, but he’s still a professional. He won’t go through with it if he knows it’s not foolproof. He doesn’t want law enforcement ears perking up, after all.

They won’t. He’s too good. He knows that.

Your acquisition of the place is made even more questionable by the fact that you’re so young. But it is what it is, and the fantastic location means that you have a crazy morning rush. You man the register, Seungkwan makes the coffees, helped by you whenever he needs it. It’s a few hours of lively, non-stop work, and slowly, the baked goods in the display cases get more and more scarce.

You’re a cheerful little thing. You greet customers sweetly, flash them a bright smile and ask them how their day is going. It’s maybe a bit too much for his taste, but maybe that’s why he likes it. You’re just slightly too cheesy, slightly too decadent. You’re something he has never been. And he likes that. He likes things that excite him. You excite him.

He wonders what it would be like to see you up close. Just for a little bit, to feel that sunshine. He has no need for it in his life, but he’s a curious person. And he finds himself imagining being close to you more and more.

11:00am - this is usually around the time you take a breather and go through your available treats. Things cool down a little, and you slip back into the kitchen to start prepping the doughs you were resting, the cookie batter you had chilled in the fridge, the materials already prepped for more baking, because the next rush would come near late afternoon, and you had to be ready. He doesn’t understand why you just won’t make more of it in the morning so you didn’t have to do two batches, but he doesn’t claim to know how to do your job, just like you would never know the complexities of his.

His area of expertise is….. a lot less conventional. Your day is filled with sugar and flour, the scent of cinnamon, the whir of a mixer and coffee beans ground carefully to brew warm cups. His day is spent covered in shadows, a million different clothes and disguises, a well hidden gun and a knife strapped to his leg, stalking prey, and the eventual sight and smell of blood when his job is finally complete.

You’re worlds apart. That’s why he wants a piece of you so bad.

02:00pm - this is usually around the time he shows up at the shop. The place is not overly crowded, maybe only a rare man or woman in a stuffy business suit sitting at a table at the corner with a laptop in front of them, clicking away at the keys. You’re usually in the back, and Seungkwan is lingering behind the counter. He always flashes him a bright smile.

“Hi, Josh.” He chirps. “The usual?”

And Joshua nods, settling on a stool by the counter instead of at one of the tables. He watches Seungkwan pour him coffee. Nothing fancy, black, with sugar. Something that is hot enough and bitter enough to sting his throat. Joshua drinks it in silence, usually on his phone. But his ears are alert as always, and he can hear you puttering around in the back. Sometimes, you’re humming something as you work. And he’s trained enough to catch it, even if he doesn’t recognise most of it. He doesn’t stay long. He’s been here enough times to know how everything is laid out, has watched you enough to map your movements.

Sometimes, you come to the front when he’s there, and you always greet him politely. That very soft and inviting part of you, and it’s hard for Joshua to imagine that someone like you, who giggles and puts stickers on the apples of Seungkwan’s cheeks, is also resisting and fighting back against the biggest, richest, most intimidating crime boss the town of Carat’s Ridge has seen in years. You don’t look like you have it in you, but your resilience is truly astounding.

Something twinges in his stomach when he thinks of the contrast that exists in you.

The three buildings in this business sector are all owned by the same man. Their basements are connected, according to the blueprints Joshua has seen, and this man, Joshua’s employer, a scary and shady business owner, needs this passageway for a lot of questionable trades he conducts. The only problem is you, and your little shop that you refuse to sell. The only hurdle in his way preventing him from having a clear transit route for his illegal trade. And Joshua knows for a fact that this man has no reservations in discarding any inconveniences that come his way. Everyone knows this. The town isn’t very big, so it’s more of an open secret than anything else. No one messes with him, everyone always gives in, except you.

Joshua doesn’t understand it. And as he watches you giggle with Seungkwan and hum over warm cupcakes, the mystery behind you is enough to make his toes curl. He likes it.

This is the closest he has ever gotten to your person. He has been watching for a while now. He has gone through your closet, your drawers, your cupboards. He knows what you write in your journal, the safe you keep in your office for all important documents (it took him less than five minutes to crack it), and how you personally prefer tea when you’re not at the shop. He feels like he knows you already, but the thrill that goes through him when he’s within feet of you, when your eyes meet his and when you smile at him, that thrill is unmatched. Joshua’s fingers itch to touch you, like he’s hungry for it. And maybe he is. You’re like prey, and he wants to get his hands on you already.

5:00pm - you close up. You always shoo Seungkwan off first, telling him it’s fine and you have some work to do. You lock the shop from the inside, flip the sign, and Joshua walks to the back of the building again, to his perch that will give him the best view through the back window into your office. It’s the one place in the shop that's not squeaky clean. The desk is layered in papers, some scattered on the floor as well, and every day, you go through many new letters that Joshua knows his employer is sending to you, offer after offer to buy you out, the pressure mounting with every passing day. At this point, Joshua thinks the man knows you won’t sell to him, and that’s why he hired Joshua to do things the unconventional way. But the letters keep coming, and until Joshua finally wraps up his reconnaissance, tells his employer that he will take care of it, and carefully strangles you in your office, they will keep coming. Enough to keep you on edge, enough to scare you a little bit.

Speaking of, Joshua should probably get back to his boss. He’s getting impatient about Joshua’s dilly dallying, which isn’t his style either, frankly. Joshua doesn’t like toying with his targets. But he has this crazy urge to toy with you, and he doesn’t really want to let go of that just yet. Of course, this back and forth exists in his head only. You are blissfully unaware. But it doesn’t matter. You will know soon enough.

05:55pm - It is nearing the time that you leave for home. But today is the day Joshua thinks he should wrap all of this up. There’s not a whole lot more he can find out by just watching. It’s time to make up his mind and either end your life and go get his payment, or let you go and tell his employer to hire someone else.

Or a secret third option that isn’t even fully formed in his own head. He’s still wondering about what exactly he wants to do with you, but that little thrill in the base of his stomach tells him that he already understands.

It’s way too easy to get past the locked back door, and before he knows it, he is standing in the doorway of your open office. You’re poring over what looks like expense sheets, your lips slowly moving as you do the numbers in your head. You don’t notice him, which isn’t surprising. Joshua has worked in this profession for long enough to know how to essentially mute his presence. He watches for a few silent moments before finally speaking.

“How long can you hold out before the big bad man takes your business from you, princess?”

You scream, jerking so violently that your knee hits the desk hard, buckling immediately afterwards. Joshua watches on, amused, as you struggle between processing the pain and turning your body around to face him. You lean heavily on the desk, injured leg stretched and tense. He can bet that was painful. He winces and gives you a pout.

“Relax, sweetheart. You’d think I just shot you.”

A little hitman humor. Not that you would know.

You blink rapidly at him, chest heaving as you try to catch your bearings. Your eyes flicker. You recognise him. Good. That makes Joshua feel….. good. His stomach does an excited little flip.

“H-how did you get inside?” Your voice is shaky, uncertain, and still a little breathless. Joshua just smiles, that dazzling bright one he knows will catch you off guard. And it does.

“Back door was unlocked.” He lies. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. Joshua pushes off the doorframe and walks in, eyes darting over the mess of paper he is seeing up close for the second or third time. He’s already gone through all your things, unbeknownst to you. You shift, and he can see you wince.

“I’m really sorry. We’re closed.” You say politely.

“I know.”

“And…. you shouldn’t be back here.”

“I know.”

You are wide eyed, just blinking up at him. He wants to reach out and pinch your cheek. He’s so close to you already, and it’s making his stomach stir with something rolling and hot. You’re struggling on what to say next. So Joshua decides to help you out and carry the conversation himself.

“You know, you can just sell.” He hums. “It’s a pretty small coffee shop. In a smallish town. You could move away.”

Your jaw drops, frown still etched on your face. He wants to smooth out the little lines between your brows.

“How do you know about that?”

He hums, as if thinking. “Well, when you don’t sell to crime bosses, they often hire people like me to clean up their path for them.”

Your mouth opens and closes a few times, not unlike a fish. Cute. God, Joshua is thoroughly enjoying himself. It’s so different from his usual M.O. He prefers cleaner jobs. A single headshot with a small gun, silencer on, in and out with no trace. But you’re not easy to resist. He wants to have fun.

He wonders what kind of face you make when you cum.

“I don’t understand.”

Of course you don’t. Poor, sweet you. He wonders about that thing an elderly lady always says to young kids, about how they are so cute that she could just eat them up.

He closes the distance and stands right in front of you, mere inches away, trapping you between himself and the desk. You look up at him.

“I kill you. The shop goes to the bank. He buys it. He uses it to run his illegal business.” Four smooth sentences. Everything laid out for you. It’s not like telling you would make a difference. Tonight is the night he wraps up this job. He’s just not entirely sure how much he wants to drag it out first.

You still watch him with your mouth slightly ajar, processing his blunt words. He gives you a good ten seconds. He sees your throat bob. A hard swallow.

“My grandmother left me this place.” You mumble. He hums. He already knows this. “I can’t just sell it. I can’t let it go.”

He sighs, a little dramatically because he likes seeing the way you react to him. “I just told you the alternative to not selling.”

You blink. “Will you really kill me?”

Joshua wants to coo. He pouts, half mocking and half serious, before nodding. Fear fills your features. Oh, he can’t have that now. He has liked all your other expressions so far. Fear isn’t doing it for him. Time to change that.

He leans down to place one hand on the edge of the desk, right next to your hip. You curve back as he invades your space, your face morphing a little into surprise. That’s better. Could be even better. He will get there.

“So you’re telling me,” he says, “this shop is worth the price of your life?”

He sees you gulp again, can practically hear it. His other hand grips the table too, caging you between him. He can feel the slight tremble of your body. You’re still afraid. Joshua isn’t exactly a fan of that. He tilts his head, brushes his lips right over the pulse point on your neck. Your breath catches. He smirks against your skin.

“Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac.” He whispers.

“W-what are you doing?” You manage to squeak out. Breathy. Shaky. He presses his lips to your neck for the first time. Your pulse is bounding, rapid.

“Trying to have sex with you.”

Your body stiffens even more than it already is. “W-what?”

Joshua tuts and pulls away, frowning down at you. “I am about to kill you. I can either do it now, or I can do it after giving you the most mind numbing orgasm you’ve ever had. Your call, princess.”

You look at him like he has grown two heads. A few seconds tick by. Joshua lets out a painful sigh when you don’t react, frozen still. He reaches behind his back, tugging out the gun he tucked under his belt. Your eyes widen, watching as he places it on your desk. Material proof.

“You’ve got a fighter in you.” He hums. “Resisting so many threatening letters. Not selling to someone who the entire town is scared of. That takes balls, sweetheart. And you have them. You’re feisty. But you’re so….. sweet.”

He runs a single finger down your cheek. He feels you shiver. He smirks, and he knows you can feel the heat in his eyes.

“I’ve always had a curiosity for paradoxical things like you.”

When he lowers his head to your neck again, you don’t go as stiff as you did before. You don’t respond, but you don’t push him away. He nips at the skin, playfully, softly. He will get rough with you, something tells him you will like that, but not yet. He licks a stripe all the way to the bottom of your ear. Your breath stutters again. He focuses on sucking a hickey in that spot. He shouldn’t leave marks, but god, you would look nice all bruised up by him.

You make the slightest sound, a breathy exhale, that Joshua wouldn’t hear if he wasn’t so close already. He places his hand carefully over the curve of your hip, taking a final step closer so that his body brushes against yours. He pulls his lips back, eyeing the sizeable hickey he just sucked into your skin. All smooth, except for his mark. He feels his cock twitch, swell. Somehow, stalking you beforehand has made this experience ten times more thrilling than it would usually be.

“So?” He hums, brushing his nose over your cheek. He watches your eyes, bright as anything. You look uncertain, hesitant. He sighs a little.

“You can say no.” He mumbles. “I’m not a complete monster.”

You shake your head just slightly. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

Again, hesitation. Joshua waits. Neither of them is going anywhere.

“I’m a….. I haven’t done this before.”

He blinks. Once. Twice. He feels a twinge of amusement. “You’re a virgin.”

“Yes.”

God. That’s hot. In his sick, twisted head, that’s hot. There’s no way he’s letting you die without knowing what taking dick feels like. He lays a soft kiss on your cheek, another on your jaw. Then he mumbles against it.

“Do you still want to do this?”

When you nod, he almost moans. Screwing the man sent to kill you… maybe some part of you is as fucked up as him.

He hooks his hands under your thighs so he can lift you up on the edge of the desk. You’re still a little stiff, not as fluid as he would like, but no matter. He knows what buttons to push. That breathy exhale was just a teaser. He wants to hear you scream. And not in the way you will later in the night, just before he puts a bullet in your head.

He brushes his hand over your knee, the one that hit the table when he came in. Your skin is heated, and it feels even warmer as he slides up, under the hem of your dress. You always wear the cutest summer dresses. Joshua did wonder what it would be like to fuck you in them. Today, you’re wearing that periwinkle one that looks gorgeous against your skin. Perfect.

His hand slides up, just as his lips finish their trail and end at your mouth. He hovers, a hairbreadth away, and waits, wanting to see if you will make a move. Your lips part, like you’re expecting it, but when he doesn’t go on, you push forward, closing the gap so you can kiss him properly. Joshua tries to smother his smirk as he kisses you back, really sinking into you.

Your mouth moves well, smooth, purposeful. You’ve definitely done this before. He groans in approval, tilting his head so he can deepen the kiss. Your tongue is hot, slick, fluid. He knows he is rock hard. You’re making him a little dizzy too.

He finds the hem of your panties, toys with them a little. They’re simple, cotton. Nothing fancy. But god, that’s so sexy. He hooks a finger in with them and tugs them off from under your dress, lifting your hips to do it. He can feel the crotch, how damp it is, and he pockets them immediately.

You’re burning hot between your legs, a heat he has been craving. He uses his left hand to tug at your knee, spreading your legs a bit more so he can run the fingers of his right hand over your slit. He prods between your lips, finding your clit easily enough. You jerk, and he has to grip your hip tight to keep you from moving.

He pulls away to look at you. Your lips are swollen, wet with his spit. Your eyelids, now at half mast, peer up at him, blinking rapidly. Your chest heaves with big breaths. The slightest hint of sweat is building up in your hairline.

What a vision.

Joshua keeps his eyes carefully on your face so he can see your expression when he starts rubbing little circles on your clit, feeling it swell under his ministrations. Your jaw goes slack, your eyes barely open and unfocused. You’re staring at his lips. He unconsciously licks over them.

Your first moan is short and muted, broken at the end. You’re gripping the edge of the desk tightly, so tight that your fingertips have paled. Joshua watches closely, every shift in your face, as he keeps rubbing over you. You moan again, a little louder, a little surer.

“There you go.” He whispers.

When he can’t stand it anymore, he kisses you again. You whimper into his mouth, and god, if he was more of a loser, he would’ve come in his pants by now. But instead he kisses you fiercely, keeping his thumb on your clit and pushing two fingers into you with no preamble. He feels you stiffen, but his thumb is still working, and you’re so wet already, the slide in is smooth. He curls his fingers as he keeps going, tongue running languidly against yours. Your body jerks and you whine into his mouth, so he focus on rubbing the pads of his fingers on that spot, thumb still rubbing back and forth over your clit. You’re close, he can tell by the way your breaths pick up, your whimpers get more frequent, your knees nudging into his hips, trying to close but unable to. He almost has you. Almost.

He pulls back from your lips just as he feels that you’re cumming. Because he wants to see your face, how it twists and moves as you writhe in his arms. His grip on your hip tightens, holding you in place as you jerk and tremble. His fingers keep going, not even slowing, wanting to drag this out as much as he possibly can because you look divine.

He only stops when your hand grips his forearm hard, eyes teary as you look up at him, pleading. Oh, he likes this. He wonders if he can make you beg. But it feels cruel to do that for your first and last time having sex.

His cock is so hard it’s almost painful. He’s a patient man, but it’s unraveling fast. He pulls his fingers out, coated with your release, and lifts them to his mouth, popping them in, not breaking eye contact even once. You watch, almost in awe, as he sucks on them, tasting you. You taste good too. God almighty, why does he have to kill you?

He makes quick work of undoing his pants, just enough to pull his cock out. You almost yelp when he plunges two fingers inside you again, stiffening as he rubs over your gummy walls for a few seconds before pulling out, using your wetness to jerk his cock a few times. You’re looking down at it like it’s otherworldly, and Joshua almost snorts in amusement.

“Ready, princess?” He breathes out. You look back up at him, lust coating your eyes, and nod. He can see it on your face. You want this. Your orgasm has lowered your inhibitions significantly. He can’t wait to see you fall apart again.

When he slides in, it almost sends him into orbit.

You’re hot. Wet and pulsating around his shaft as he slowly but surely carves his way inside. He opened you up enough beforehand to make the slide much easier, but it’s still suffocatingly tight. He watches your mouth drop, your eyes roll, and when you lean your head back, he spots the hickey he gave you. His head spins. You’re squeezing around him so good. He lurches forward, nipping at your neck again, unable to help himself.

When he starts moving, it’s slow at first. Half because of you, because you need to adjust, and half because he thinks he will cum embarrassingly quick if he starts fast right out of the gate. So he takes his time, really reveling in the feeling of you wrapped around him. You’re moaning so cutely in his ear, spurring him on, and eventually, he lets himself speed up. He wants to feel more of you, to fuck you properly, because god, a pussy like this deserves it, and he says as much.

“You’ve got the perfect little pussy baby, fuck.” He can hear the crack in his own voice. The table groans under you. You gasp when he hits your sweet spot, and Joshua doubles down on it. He grips your hips hard, fingers digging into the soft flesh, focusing on really ramming into you now. He can hear the squelch, the filthy sound of wet skin slapping against skin, and his depravity only swells more as it hits his ears. You smell like something fruity, mixed with sweat and the smell of sex. His head is spinning, and he wants you to cum again so bad, to squeeze the soul directly out of his cock.

He kisses you with bruising force and you nearly sob into his mouth. He feels your fingers in his hair, tugging harshly in a way that sends tingles through his scalp. He hates it when women grab his hair during sex, messing it up, but it feels so good watching you lose control like this, so he lets you. Your feet have locked behind his lower back, your thighs digging into his sides, using him to ground yourself. You break the kiss to moan again, your free hand behind you, flat against the desk so you can lean back and take deep gulping breaths of air. Your head turns up to the ceiling again. Joshua can’t help but lick at your neck, sinking his teeth into it enough to try and channel some of the ferality that’s driving him crazy right now. His cock is pulsing, throbbing, slick with your juices as it pounds into you. And you let him, squeezing deliciously around his cock.

“Taking me so well.” He can’t help it, praises spill from his lips like they are meant for you. You whimper at his words. He’s drawing closer to the edge, but he’ll be damned if he gets there before you do. So his thumb finds your clit again, rubbing tight circles on it until he feels you lock tight around him, body shuddering as you come. He keeps going, addicted to the way your walls spasm around him, suffocating his cock until he can’t take it anymore. You pretty much squeeze the orgasm out of him, his whole being trembling as he rides it out. He thinks he blacks out for a second there, it hits him so hard.

He lays his head on your shoulder, catching his breath. He can feel you still shaking a little in his hold. Your arms are wrapped loosely around his shoulders, slumping into him as you come down from his high. The smell of your perfume hits him again. Fruity and delicious.

God. God. He’s so fucked.

…………………………….

Ground coffee smells sharper and stronger than whole beans. Something to do with the oils in coffee beans. They are volatile, and when they break, the aroma is immediate and very all-encompassing. It’s a stinging scent, but you enjoy it immensely. Sometimes, if baking doesn’t take up most of your mornings, you like to be the one who grinds the beans. Seungkwan always tuts and tries to take over, saying you have other stuff to do. Sometimes you let him, and sometimes you don’t. The smell is too nice. It relaxes you, so you want to do it yourself.

It’s not relaxing you now. Not at all.

Seungkwan is a little worried about how spacey you have been all morning. He’s loud and intense, but he’s also very perceptive. So it takes him only about an hour before he notices. You’re not surprised. You haven’t exactly been….. acting normal.

For one, you’re way off the mark with your timings. You burn a batch of cupcakes because you take them out of the oven too late. Then you mess up when folding the flour into your cake mixture, and it ends up clumping so badly that it is pretty much unusable. Who the hell messes up flour mixing?

“Maybe you should take the day off?” Seungkwan suggests delicately as he scraps the whole thing into a bin. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, but you are mentally not there with him, and that can be dangerous in a kitchen. You know this.

“I’m really fine.” Your voice is thin as wire, and not very convincing. Seungkwan gives you a long look, and you can see his eyes flicker to your neck, where you had tried your best to color correct and conceal the giant marks you were left with.

“Then go to the back. Lay down in your office for a bit.”

That’s a bad idea. You don’t think you can step into that place after what happened there. Especially not when…. his gun is still sitting on your desk, untouched. You don’t understand why he didn’t take it. You were too out of it to even think as he cleaned himself up and left pretty suddenly. But why not take his weapon. Why leave it there?

You don’t know what to think. You’re still fucked up by your absolute reckless decision to have sex with a complete stranger, a stranger with a gun, who claimed he was there to kill you…. And then ended up not killing you.

You’re confused. You don’t want to think about it. You need a distraction.

You shoo Seungkwan out of the kitchen and get back to work, trying your best to forget the night before. But your legs are sore, and any twinge in your muscles reminds you of what caused it. You think of his eyes again, the most beautiful, intense brown you have ever seen, more than coffee beans, more than chocolate, but so empty. So hollow.

You wonder if he will come back. He should, right? You have his gun. Well, you don’t have it, technically. It’s just there. You won’t dare touch it.

When the shop opens, the distraction is effective, way more than baking was. You get lost in the flurry of people and orders. It keeps your hands busy, as well as your mind, and before you know it, it’s lunch hour. You sigh, wondering if you should get started on the next batch as Seungkwan wipes the counter. A thought enters your head, and you hesitate before speaking.

“Seungkwan,” you swallow, “there’s this customer we’ve had for a while now. He comes in around this time, just gets a black coffee, I think.”

Seungkwan’s lips purse in thought. “Josh? Yeah, come to think of it, he isn’t here today. He hasn’t missed a single day in the last few weeks.”

You blink. “Right. Do you know what his full name is?”

That makes him pause, and he gives you a curious look. “Um, no.”

You soldier on. “What about card information?”

“He pays in cash.” Now the look is getting more concerned. “Why are you asking?”

You shake your head, trying to look nonchalant as you fiddle with the register. “I just think it would be nice if we knew our regulars a bit more.”

It’s a bullshit excuse, but Seungkwan doesn’t push. You’re grateful, because you don’t think you want to address the sick feeling in your chest that settled in you last night and hasn’t left. You want to call it prolonged post nut clarity. But that makes the situation feel even more horrific.

That evening, as you wrap up for the day, Seungkwan lingers around the counters, even after he has grabbed his stuff and is ready to head out. You give him a questioning look, and he looks a little hesitant as he clarifies.

“I was hoping I could walk you home.” He says, looking a little nervous. Your heart squeezes, touched by his gesture. So you just nod, telling him to hold on, and you quickly finish up, locking everything before you head down the street, your employee falling into step with you.

Seungkwan talks to you about random things as you walk through the downtown part of Carats Ridge. It’s still lively despite the late hour. You’ve lived here all your life, born and raised, and you really have no intention to go anywhere else. You like traveling, but you can’t see yourself living in a place that isn’t this. You have too many memories here, too many friends. Sure, most of your family left after you graduated high school, but this is home for you, so you plan to stick by for a long time.

Unless of course, the man who wants to buy your shop has you killed. Your jaw clenches at the thought, and your mind drifts to last night again.

You’re glad when you reach home, and thank Seungkwan profusely before he leaves. You watch him disappear down the street before going inside yourself, toeing your shoes off in the entryway and pattering deeper into the house. It’s a modest, one storey building, again, left to you by your grandmother when she passed. You know the life you live is very blessed, and it was a natural progression from your childhood to this.

Your parents both worked in finance, which meant endless money and opportunities, but not time. Never time. So you were left with your grandmother, in the town of Carats Ridge. You had stability because of her, even if your own parents couldn’t offer it. From a young age, you spent the time that you were not in school with your grandmother, inside her little bakery. It was just that back then, a quaint bakery. You grew with her, learned from her, and she made you everything you are today. Polite, but unyielding. You took over when she retired, and converted the bakery into a coffee shop, offering much more than it previously did. You put heart and soul into what you did, but you never forgot your power throughout it. That’s why you never sold to the man who put so many of your neighboring stores out of business, blackmailing and strong-arming them until they caved. But not you. Not yet.

You drop your bag on the couch, trudging to the kitchen to look inside your refrigerator and decide what to have for dinner. Being surrounded by baked goods all day usually means you crave something spicy around this time, so you peruse what you have, wondering what will take you the least amount of time. You’re tired, way more than usual, and you had terrible, fitful sleep the night before. You just want some rest.

The door of the refrigerator shuts gently behind you with a thud, bottle of wine in hand. When you turn around, your eyes catch the kitchen doorway and you scream.

The bottle slips from your hand and shatters on the floor, the red liquid immediately splattering on the marble. You jump in response. The man in your doorway winces, watching color bloom on the white floor. He tuts, straightening a little and walking closer to the mess. He’s dressed more casually than the button down shirt and slacks he usually wears, and was wearing last night. He’s in a simple t-shirt and jeans, and a pair of black rimmed glasses adorn his face. It takes you a few seconds to recognise him because of how different he looks, and your heart is still frantically pounding, trying to calm down after the scare he just gave you.

“You’re shockingly unaware of your surroundings.” He mumbles, walking to the small door right off your kitchen leading to the laundry room. He comes back with a mop, and he immediately bends down, carefully picking up some of the larger pieces of broken glass. Your mouth is dropped open like a fucking fish, and you’re gripping the counter tight because you’re afraid that if you don’t, you will faint. He places the pieces on the counter and then starts mopping, all the while as you watch on. He looks like he’s done this a million times before, like he feels completely at home.

No one says a word. He picks up more pieces, mops the floor dry and sweeps the rest. You finally move once the floor is cleared enough for you to save your bare feet. You put the broken bottle pieces in the trash after wrapping them up. When he steps closer, you can smell his cologne, a familiar scent. Memories of last night assault you. You feel dizzy and panicked. And you don’t know what to do.

“What’s for dinner?” He says once the clean up is finished. You blink at him a few times. He waits patiently.

“Chicken and rice.” You sputter out. He nods.

“I can start the rice.”

Once again, you move rhythmically together in complete silence. He takes the lead, and you’re so shocked and out of your element that you just go along with it. He cleans and soaks the rice before starting on the vegetables. You chop the chicken. Soon, the aroma of food fills the kitchen. The words between you two are no more than simple sentences, like ‘pass me the knife’, or ‘can you taste this?’ or “I’ll plate everything”. Soon enough, both of you carry plates and glasses of water to the living room. He flops down carelessly on the couch, digging in immediately. Normally, you would watch TV while you do this, but you just sit in silence, slowly chewing. Your tongue feels like rubber. You can barely swallow.

“Are you here to kill me?” You finally ask.

You can hear his huff. Amused laughter. He shakes his head.

“I would’ve done it yesterday if I was planning to.” He replies.

Another bout of silence. You think that it’s awkward, but with how he is lazing on the couch, you don’t believe that he feels the same way.

“Why are you here then?” You say next.

He doesn’t reply immediately this time, chewing slowly in silence. You watch him, the straight bridge of his nose, full lips, pretty eyelashes that flutter over his cheeks. No wonder you lost all critical thinking yesterday. He looks like a siren, a master at luring victims in with his endless charm.

“Chicken is good.” He mumbles, putting another mouthful past his lips. He ignores your question. You feel a twinge of irritation, placing your half eaten plate on the coffee table.

“Thanks.” You reply. “Why are you here?”

Silence again. He eats some more, emptying his helping. He gestures to the plate you just set down. “Are you gonna finish that?”

When he reaches towards the coffee table, you shoot forward, gripping his wrist hard. His head snaps to you, his expression both surprised and curious. You swallow at the intense look in his eyes, your grip loosening out of fear. Hesitantly, you take your grip away.

“What do you want from me?” You ask. “Do you want me to sign the business over? Is that it?”

He scoffs, a sound tinged with arrogance as he rolls his eyes. “I don’t give a fuck about what you do with your business.”

You grit your teeth. “Okay. What then?”

You can see his jaw tick. He doesn’t say anything more. Shadows pass over his face, a myriad of them. He’s clearly struggling with something. But you don’t know what.

“If you don’t sell, he’ll have you killed.” He says.

You watch him closely, remembering last night, looking at him now. “But it won’t be you who does it.”

He rolls his eyes, leans back on the couch. “Keep talking and it will be.”

You can feel the corner of your lip twitch. “No, it won’t. You said it yourself. If you wanted to kill me, you would’ve done it yesterday.”

Again, his jaw clicks in annoyance. Surprisingly, you feel amusement curl in you.

“You came here just to see me.” You comment. “Do you like me, Josh?”

He blinks. Stares at you. “You know my name.”

You nod slowly. “Seungkwan told me.”

When he doesn’t speak, you clarify. “Seungkwan is my employee. You know, the guy who serves you coffee everyd-”

“I know.” He cuts you off. You clear your throat.

“Right.” You quip. “Because you stalked me.”

Now, his lips lift in a smirk. “I did. You’re really cute.”

You can feel the back of your neck prick with heat. You look away when his stare becomes too much, your heart beating fast from having his gaze on you. You admonish yourself. This is sick behavior, getting excited at the thought of him watching you.

“It’s Joshua, by the way.” He mumbles. “I prefer Joshua.”

You fight the urge to squirm, feeling a little giddy. Joshua.

“So…… what now?” You try to change the subject.

Joshua huffs and purses his lips a bit. “I already told you.”

You scowl. “I’m not selling.”

He sits up abruptly at your words, startling you. He looks ticked off now, but you don’t feel the same fear you felt before around him. “What the hell is your problem? This stupid business isn’t the cost of you dying.”

“It’s not stupid.” You spit, surprised by his sudden outburst. “I put my heart and soul into this shop. It’s mine. Just because some rich businessman throws a tantrum, I’m not gonna give up and step aside.”

Joshua watches you, eyes flitting between yours. If he wasn’t so close, you wouldn’t notice the way his pupils just subtly dilate.

“You’re so hot.” He mumbles. You blink, shocked.

“What?”

His eyes dart down to your lips, and they stay there. You shift under the intensity of his stare. “This is why I couldn’t kill you. You’re so hardheaded over stupid shit. You take so much interest in it. I can’t help but….”

Your heart is kicking painfully at your ribs. Your cheeks are flaming. He’s so close. If he pushes forward just a little bit, he would kiss you.

“But what?” You urge him.

He blinks, stares at you for a full minute. Then, his lips stretch up in another amused smile, softer this time, like something in his head has clicked. He shakes his head.

“Nothing.”

You’re a bit thrown off when he abruptly stands, beelining to your front door. He tugs his shoes on, reaching into the pocket of his jeans for what looks like car keys.

“Where are you going?” You ask, flabbergasted by his sudden departure.

“Hang tight, princess.” That’s all he says, closing your door behind him with a soft click.

………………………………..

Joshua has killed many, many people.

Many people.

He has killed absolute destitutes, homeless drug dealers who are a thorn in the side of bigger kingpins. He has also killed said kingpins for even larger conglomerates. Whether rich or poor, Joshua doesn’t discriminate. He has his own system, a code, and he sticks with it no matter what.

It is wildly against his code to kill his employer. Yet, here he is.

Joshua stares at the man slumped over on his desk, tracking the slow spread of dark blood over the mahogany surface. The metallic smell of it is already infiltrating the air, a very familiar scent for Joshua. That’s not the new part, the new part is the fact that Joshua came here under the guise of accepting the job of killing you, received his payment, and then shot the man who paid him.

Oh well. Joshua doesn’t exactly pride himself on morals.

It’s comical, in a sense. The fact that Joshua is altering the ethical code he created in his head because of….. you. Some girl he is fixated so deeply on. He doesn’t know if he loves you, or could ever love you. A part of him doesn’t think he is even capable of something like that. But he is infatuated, more than he has ever been with another person, and he counts that as love, whatever version of it he can muster.

And if the look in your eyes was anything to go by, you’re infatuated with him too.

So Joshua leaves his victim just like that, draped over a pool of his own blood. He isn’t worried about being caught. The guy was basically a tyrant. No one would miss him, so no one would come after Joshua for revenge. In fact, he’s pretty sure people would thank him if they knew who did this. He has very intimate knowledge of all the businesses this man usurped, it was a part of his initial research, and now they will all flourish again. He also imagines the invisible burden on your shoulders lifted now that the man threatening your livelihood is finally gone.

Joshua doesn’t think he’s moral in the general sense. He’s moral by his own standards, and his standards are encircling around your presence frighteningly quick.

……………………………..

You don’t see Joshua for days, but many things happen in his absence.

When Seungkwan shows up at the shop the day after your encounter, his hair is wind swept and his cheeks are flushed, like he ran all the way here.

“Turn on the TV.” He gasps out when you raise an eyebrow at him. You’re just putting out the last of today’s treats, but you set the tray down and follow Seungkwan’s instructions, getting the remote for the television mounted above the counter. Seungkwan is pulling his jacket off, trying to catch his breath. He takes the remote from you and flips to the news.

Your mouth drops open.

You can’t believe it. He’s dead. Not dead, killed. In his locked office, with no witnesses and no known suspects. You immediately know who did this, and you grapple with the sudden rush of emotions you feel. You remember the look in Joshua’s eyes, the smile he gave right before he got up and left. You got a strange feeling about him leaving, but you never anticipated that he would do this. Of all things in the world that he, or anyone, could do for you, this is definitely the most extreme, the pinnacle of devotion. This is more than just an action. This is a statement.

Joshua killed for you.

The rest of the day goes by in a haze. The murder of Carats Ridge’s most prolific businessman is huge news, especially among your usual clientele who are almost all office workers in the area. The overall sentiment is a mix of shock, excitement, and suppressed, guilt-ridden relief. Everyone knows that man was cruel and undeserving, and his reign ending has left many, including you, breathing a little bit better. Seungkwan in particular hides no feelings about the situation as he blabbers on to you.

“Serves him right.” He snarks. “Bet he finally pissed some poor bastard off enough to get himself killed. He had it coming. Mingyu can get his gym back. He has been so depressed since it closed.”

Mingyu is one of Seungkwan’s best friends. He owned a gym in the next building over, that he was forced to sell to the victim of last night’s crime a few months ago. You try to tamp down your smile at Seungkwan’s comment. You’re happy. Mingyu is a straightforward, honest guy. He deserves to have his business back.

You don’t know where Joshua is.

Days pass. The news stays a hot topic in everyone’s whispers for a while, but eventually dies, people already losing interest as the police chase their own tails. No one cares, and law enforcement doesn’t particularly care either, since there’s no pressure from anyone to solve the murder. You spend day after day just carrying on, baking, serving, brewing coffee, keeping your business in order. Life goes back to normal. The dust settles.

Still no Joshua.

You wait in the office every night. You walk home slowly. You leave your front door unlocked. He doesn’t come. You have no way of contacting him, and you curse yourself for letting him leave just like that. Deep down, you hope he’s watching you again, like he claimed to watch you for so many weeks before he stepped out of the shadows. You have stopped wondering what the fuck is wrong with you at this point. You don't care. You're taken with Joshua. You want him to come back.

One week after you last saw him, you are roused from sleep in the dead of the night when you feel something on your waist, sliding forward to splay over your stomach. You go rigid for just a small second, but before you can jerk away, before the fear of being woken by someone in your bed truly gets to you, your nose is infiltrated by the scent of a very familiar cologne.

“You came.” Your voice is hoarse with sleep. He hums. You feel his front press to your back.

“This is the first time you haven’t screamed when seeing me.” He retorts. You stare straight forward in the pitch darkness of the room, basking in his touch.

Your lips tug up in a smile. You feel his mouth on your bare shoulder. He sighs into you.

“Didn’t know you slept naked.” He comments.

His hand on your stomach comes up, framing your ribcage just beneath the swell of your breast. Your eyes flutter, but all slumber has escaped from them. Your body is buzzing where he presses his clothed form into you, a contrast that feels good against your skin. Your senses are waking up. You let out a breath when he nips at your neck.

“I don’t.” You reply, letting your implication linger in the air. Joshua pauses for a brief second. Then, he chuckles.

“Dirty girl.” His voice is lazy, almost slurred. He sounds like the one who just got woken up, not you. The deep timbre goes straight between your legs. “Missed me that bad?”

You nod, and he can feel it where the side of his head presses to yours. His lips trail all the way to your earlobe, nipping at it. His fondles with your breast a bit. When you grind your ass back on him, you can feel that he’s hard.

“Why’d you do it?” You ask.

Joshua’s tongue runs over the shell of your ear. You suppress a shiver. “For you.”

He presses his pelvis into your ass, slowly, sensually. Your eyelids flutter. You’re getting wetter by the minute. You reach up, intertwining your fingers with the hand he has over your breast.

“Stay here with me?”

You feel him smile into your hair. He reaches his other hand around you, cupping your jaw to tilt your head so his lips can brush against yours.

“Always.”

Then, he finally kisses you properly. You breathe into him with relief, arching your back so your head can curve backwards more, deepening the kiss. He wastes no time sliding his tongue in, and you return his enthusiasm eagerly. It is charged and meaningful, more than the curious heat that sizzled between you the first time you did this. It’s heavier this time, with the weight of a promise. And that makes it feel ten times better.

Joshua bucks his hips into your ass again. He’s fully hard now, straining against his pants. Your hand scrambles with the material, tugging impatiently at it. He lets out a laugh.

“Eager.” He hums. “Have I turned you into a good little whore?”

A coil tightens in the base of your stomach. You can feel how wet you are. You clench around nothing and whine into his mouth.

“It’s okay.” He placates you. “I’m gonna give it to you, baby. Kept you waiting, didn’t I? Had to get a few things in order, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”

He’s pulling his jeans and boxers down in one motion, and you feel his shaft nestle between your asscheeks. He grinds a few times, and you feel something wet hit your skin. Precum. He’s throbbing hard, and leaking. You need him inside you bad.

Joshua doesn’t waste any time. He doesn’t even properly push his clothes off. He hooks a hand under your knee and lifts your leg, prodding forward until his head is catching on your opening, and he’s sliding inside all the way to the base.

“Fuck.” You gasp, eyes tearing up at the stretch. Not from pain, but with the pure, unfiltered relief of being filled. Joshua is cursing into the back of your shoulder, his other arm that’s under you winding around your body to hold you closely against him. Then, he starts thrusting into you.

It’s messy and sweaty, bodies writhing on the mattress. Joshua maneuvers you into whatever position he wants that will make him hit far enough inside you to feel in the deepest parts of your core. You whine and cry through it as he whispers absolutely filthy things in your ear, describing how tight you are, how your virgin pussy still isn’t used to him, how he needs to spend all night really breaking you in until your walls recognise the shape of his cock. It’s enough to leave you a babbling, blushing mess, but you love it.

Every way he turns you, every time he rams his cock into you, makes you cum over and over again for hours, all of it leaves you feeling more depraved. Now that you’re covered and hidden by the darkness of your bedroom, his body draped over you to shield you from everything else, you let yourself really feel this sick part of you that loves everything Joshua is doing for you, has done for you. Maybe that’s why you don’t mind him, or how fucked up he is. Because you are equal parts fucked up.

He likes his coffee black and bitter. He knows that you like yours the exact same way.

THE CHILDHOOD PROMISE

Joshua would say that a part of him always felt like something was missing.

At the age of eight, he remembers traveling to Seoul for the first time with his mother. It was a spontaneous trip, something that his mother had decided just a week before. However, Joshua was young and going anywhere felt like a new journey.

As he held onto his mother's hand, he remembers his eyes widening at the sight of all the cherry blossoms in the park and pointing them out to his mother.

"Mum! Look!" He said, glancing upwards towards his mother. "There's so many of them!"

His mother laughed as Joshua tugged her towards the trees, eager to get a closer look. A breeze swept through the park, making the cherry blossoms sway as a couple of loose ones fell around the two of them.

Joshua pulled his hand away from his mothers as he began jumping up and down, trying to catch a few, intrigued by how pretty the blossoms looked. His mother watched, her smile widening more if possible as she felt her heart swell at how cute her son looked at this moment. His tiny bunny hops increasing by the minute as he kept reaching for a singular cherry blossom to land in his hand.

Her hand covered her mouth as she tried her best not to giggle at Joshua's little disappointed grunts, each time the cherry blossom floating past his hand. She wondered how long it will take for him to give up on his quest and pick one up from the ground instead. However, she knew her son well enough to know that Joshua was never one to let adversity get him down, that he was stubborn enough to continue until he got his way.

A trait that he no doubt picked up from her.

Joshua, oblivious to his mother's stares, stopped his jumps, trying to figure out how to complete his mission. He gazed at the falling blossoms before his eyes locked onto two that were coming right towards him. He narrowed his eyes and bent his knees before he jumped as high as he could, his hands reaching out as high as he could, feeling as if they were going to rip out of their sockets before clenching his fists so hard, he knew his hands were going to turn red.

Joshua's mother watched as her son missed his footing and landed on his bum with a hard thump, making her eyes widen as she raced over to him.

"Joshua?!" His mother exclaimed as she reached his side and crouched down beside him. Her eyes darted from his face to his bum and legs as she assessed him for any injuries. "Are you alright?!"

Joshua, however, didn't hear any of his mother's questions and just peered at his hand. His heart pulsed hard in anticipation as he slowly opens both his hands, feeling something in both of them.

His eyes widen, lighting up as he feels the silky smooth petals in both his palm as his endorphins skyrocket.

He whipped his head up to meet his mother's eyes, giving her a slight shock at the big grin on his face.

He eagerly shoved his hands in-front of her eyes, making his mother's head tilt backwards as she peered at the light pink petal in one of his hands and two white ones in the other.

"I got them!" Joshua said giddily, his hands animatedly swaying a little from the excitement that was rushing through his veins. "I actually got them!"

His mother's face changed to one of relief and amusement, feeling the worry seep away from her veins from her little boy's bright grin as he showcased the flowers in his hands. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding as she helped Joshua stand up, dusting off his pants as he did.

"Be more careful next time." Joshua heard his mother mutter as she gave him one last look. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

Joshua furrowed his eyebrows at her words, a frown on his lips as he felt a little bit of guilt seep into his veins. "I'm sorry." He softly said, his doe eyes shimmering which makes his mother sigh as she shook her head.

"It's alright, sweetheart." She said, brushing his hair softly.

"I just wanted to catch one to give to you because it was pretty." Joshua muttered, his eyes flitting down to his shoes for a split second as he lifted the hand with the pink petal in it, stretching it towards his mother.

Her heart warmed at the sight as she watched Joshua gnaw on his bottom lip nervously. She reached out and took the cherry blossom in between her fingers, a small smile appearing on her face as she did so.

"You're such a sweet boy, Joshua." She softly stated, her eyes pricking a little with tears as she watched Joshua peer upwards at her.

"Really?" He asked softly, his doe eyes melting his mother more which made her nod, her smile getting bigger by the second.

"Really." She placed her hands on her knees as she stood up, stretching a little as she does. She spotted an ice cream cart not too far from them, giving her an idea. "And since you're so sweet," She peered downwards to her son. "I think you deserve a sweet treat. Don't you agree?"

Joshua's eyes widened at her words, spotting what his mother was talking about as he nodded excitedly. Joshua's mother lets out a laugh at how excited he was.

"How about you sit down underneath the cherry blossom tree and wait for me?" His mother suggested sweetly as she gestured towards the tree that was not too far away from where they were standing. "I'll be back in ten minutes."

Joshua nodded frivolously at his mother's words before he sprinted towards the tree and plopped himself onto the ground, eager to please his mother as he excitedly waited for his sweet treat.

He brings up his right hand that held the two white petals that he caught before, pride blooming in his chest as he felt the texture in between his fingers. He smiled, feeling the smoothness of the petals as he peered up to take in what the world had to offer.

The birds were chirping, the petals were gracefully falling and he felt as though he was on top of the world. Nothing was going to break the serene, peaceful environment that he was in.

"MUMMY? DADDY?"

Except for that.

Joshua jumped, hearing the yells as he whipped his head around to the source with his eyebrows furrowed.

Who was doing all that god-awful yelling?

That was when he noticed you.

You looked around his age, maybe a year or two younger than he was, in a fluffy polka-dotted skirt with a pink unicorn top as well as… bunny ears?

Joshua frowned at the weird get-up, not knowing why you were doing all this yelling before he noticed that you were crying. The realization made him frown even more as he analyzed you. Why were you crying?

He watched you clutch the bunny that you had in your hands, tighter to your chest as you sniffled and looked around anxiously.

Joshua's eyebrows furrowed even more as his emotions wrestled internally at the sight. Should be go up and talk to you?

His answer came to him as he heard you let out another watery yell, this one more distressed than the last which pushed away all thought of going back to pretending as if he didn't see you. Because that's not how his mother had raised him to be.

He stood up, dusted off his pants just like his mother did a few minutes ago before he walked over to you, concern etched onto his face with a frown to tie it all together.

You, on the other hand, were trapped in your own world. You didn't know how you had gotten here. One moment, you were holding hands with your mother and your father, admiring all the cherry blossom trees, the next, you were all alone. You did get slightly distracted by something that looked an awful lot like a bunny and left them but you were smart! You retraced your steps as your parents had taught you but when you had reached the cherry blossom tree that they were at, they weren't there.

Panic had started coursing through your veins at the thought of being left behind, making tears prick your eyes as you called out for them. You were tired, hungry, and just wanted to go home at this point. You rubbed away a few stray tears, ready to give up when a voice broke all your thoughts.

"Are you alright?"

You jumped at the sudden voice, whipping around to see a boy with the prettiest doe eyes that you've ever seen, dressed in a comfortable woolly jacket that was a little too big for him, denim jeans as well as some really cute sneakers. You looked at his face and how concerned he looked before shaking your head in response.

"No." You sniffled out. "I can't find my parents."

Joshua's eyes widened in response as he started to whip his head in every direction, trying to see if there were any distressed parents who were looking for you, as you had just been looking for them.

"Where did you last see them?" He asked softly.

"Under this tree." You admitted, hugging your bunny impossibly tighter to your chest as you tried to soothe your nerves. "I was bad... I saw this bunny and ran off when they weren't looking so it's all my fault."

Joshua frowned more at the admittance as he stepped closer to you before bringing you into a hug, just like his mother had taught him to do whenever he saw someone that was upset. He felt you soak his woolly sweater a little with your tears but he didn't care at that point. All he saw was this sad and scared little girl who needed a hug.

He pulled away, making you peer up at him with your boba shaped eyes.

"I am sure they are looking for you!" Joshua reassured before gesturing over to the tree. "Do you want to wait with me? My mom will be back soon with ice cream!"

Your eyes widened at that, "Ice cream?" You asked, hope in your tone which made the boy nod eagerly before taking your free hand into his and flashed you a gigantic, handsome grin.

"Let's go!"

He tugged you back to his spot under the tree as he plopped back down onto the ground before he pat the empty space next to him, a gesture that he wanted you to take a seat as well. You sit, placing your stuffed bunny on your lap, fidgeting slightly with the ears when Joshua spoke up again.

"My name is Joshua and I am eight years old this year!" He introduced, the smile on his face never fading as he held up eight fingers for you to see, just to solidify his point. You repeated his name making Joshua's smile grow even wider as he nodded at your pronunciation. "What's yours?"

You chewed on your bottom lip before softly telling him your name and that you're six years old this year. He repeated it, just like you had done before with his.

"That's a really cool name!" He admitted making your cheeks flush a little at tho boy in-front of you, who seemed so excited at just any words that leave your mouth.

"Thank you." You responded shyly, your hands still fidgeting with the bunny ears. Joshua buzzed a little with excitement at the fact that he had made a new friend, his mother would be so proud of him!

"We're friends now!" He said, nodding with a big smile on his face as your heart soars at the thought of making a new friends, your nerves slowly melting away.

Joshua gave you a once over before pointing to your bunny. "Does your bunny have a name?"

You glanced downwards to the stuffed toy in your hands before looking back up at him and nodding. "Her name is Penny." Joshua smiled at you as you outstretched your arms out to him with Penny in them, letting him have a better look at your support toy. "My mummy got him for me when she went to America last week!"

Joshua's eyes widened, "Wait really?!" He asked, excitedly scooting closer to you. You nod, a little confused by his outburst.

"I'm from America! My mummy and I are here on holiday!" He watches as your eyes widen at his words, your jaw dropping open.

"That's so cool!" You managed to get out, making the boy nod along with your words. He watched you fidget with the bunny ears once more before pointing upwards at the trees.

"Do you like the pretty trees?" Joshua asked as he peered upwards to see more cherry blossoms failing over the top of your heads as another gust of wind blew past.

You eyes lit up a little at the question as you nodded. "My mummy said that they're called cherry blossoms." You stated, peering upwards as well to look at the pretty blossoms that were cascading downwards. "She also said that there are over two hundred different ones!"

Joshua's eyes widened at your fun fact as his jaw dropped open slightly. "Two hundred??" It was a lot for his little eight-year old brain to comprehend. "That's more than the numbers that we learn in class!"

You let out a giggle, caught off-guard at the exclamation which made Joshua's heart soar more. He made you laugh! He was pleased with himself, he was doing everything that his mother had taught him about being a good gentleman.

Joshua continues on his tangent, distracting you as you shared more fun facts about the spring season with him. You giggling every once in a while which spurred Joshua on more. Your nerves and panic slowly seeped away from your veins as you continued to talk to Joshua, getting more and more interested about the boy in-front of you.

"Do you live here in Seoul?" Joshua asked, making you nod.

"I live pretty close to the park." You softly admitted, looking up to scan at the different buildings before pointing in a direction. "Over that way!"

Joshua's eyes widened at your admittance before his hand flew to yours to tug it back down. "You can't tell people where you live!"

Your eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not telling people… I'm telling you."

Joshua shook his head at your words. "But what if I'm a total stranger! You shouldn't be going around telling people that."

"But aren't we friends?" You asked softly, tilting your head to the side and making Joshua's heart jump a little. He internally frowned at that motion, unsure of why his heart was acting this way but he pushed it away in-order to correct you.

"We are!" He corrected, raising his hands in surrender, scared that you were about to cry once again. "But you shouldn't tell people that."

Your eyebrows furrowed even more, opening your mouth as you were about to retort when a woman's voice interrupts you.

"Shua, here's your ice— oh!" The two of you turned towards the sound of the voice, seeing Joshua's mother stood there with two cups of ice-cream in her hand. "Who is this?"

Joshua smiled before gesturing towards you proudly. "My new friend!" He admitted making you nod shyly as he tells his mother your name.

His mother looked between the two of you before giving you a smile. "Nice to meet you!" She said softly as she passed Joshua his ice-cream. "Where are your parents, sweetheart?"

Joshua watched as your smile dropped before going back to fidgeting with the bunny ears before he turned to his mother. "She lost her parents a little while ago." He admitted softly, glancing at you as he said it, hoping that it wouldn't set you off crying again.

His mother's expression changed to one of understanding. "Ah… I see." She turned to you, crouching down to your height, her eyes filled with empathy as she analyzed you. "Do you know their phone number by any chance, sweetheart? Anything that we could use to call them?"

You thought for a moment before nodding your head. "I know my daddy's number." You softly admitted which made Joshua's mother's eyes light up.

"Wow! You're such a smart girl." She cooed, patting your head as she took a quick glance at Joshua. "I've been trying to get Shua to remember my number for over a year now and he still forgets."

"Mom!" Joshua whined, making you giggle as his mother shoot you a wink and handed you her phone for you to put your father's number into before she turned to her son.

"But it's the truth!"

Joshua pouted at his mother's words but it cracked slightly as he watched you giggle, feeling his heart warm at the sight of your toothy smile.

He glanced down towards the cup of chocolate ice-cream in his hands before outstretching it out to you. "Would you like to share?"

He watched you blink in surprise. "You want to share with me?"

Joshua nodded eagerly at your question. "Of course! We're friends now." He said, scooting a little closer to you. "Being friends means that we share everything! Including ice-cream." He glanced up at his mother. "Isn't that right, mum?"

His mother felt pride bloom in her chest at her son's words and actions before she nodded. "That's right, sweetheart."

Joshua smiled at his mother's answer before placing the cup of ice-cream between the two of you and offered you the first bite. You shyly take the spoon from him before you scooped up a small bit of the ice-cream and placed it into your mouth.

Your eyes widen at the burst of sweet flavours coating your tongue as Joshua let out a giggle as he watched you take more of the ice-cream before playfully telling you that you needed to share.

His mother's heart warmed at the sight of the two of you sharing that singular cup of chocolate ice-cream. She felt her lips tick upwards, a small smile gracing her face before she dialed the number on her phone.

Not more than twenty minutes later, your parents arrived, their faces etched with relief at the sight of you happily playing with a boy who looked slightly older than you were.

"Bunny!" The childhood nickname and voice made you perk up as you turned to see your parents race towards you. You jumped up, your heart beating fast as you met them halfway and jumped into your mother's warm embrace.

Your mother cried a little as she patted your head, smoothing out your hair as your father went up to Joshua's mother, shaking her hand and rapidly thanking her for taking such good care of their daughter.

Joshua felt himself internally wrestle with the feelings in his chest. He was happy that your parents were here to get you and you looked so relived that they did, but he wasn't sure if he was ever going to see you again. Him and his mother were leaving back to LA in a few days and they had a lot of plans.

A slight tug at his sweater brought him out of his thoughts as he noticed you were standing right in-front of him, your head tilted to the side as you gave him a quizzical look.

"Are you okay?" You asked, your voice soft and sweet which brought a smile to Joshua's face as he nodded, obscuring his sad emotions and thoughts from you.

"Of course!" He hummed out, glancing behind you to see your parents and his mother talking. "I'm glad your parents are here."

You nodded, a small smile on your face as silence enveloped the two of you.

"Will I ever see you again?" You asked him softly, your eyes locked with his as they shimmered with a pretty sparkle sheen. Joshua felt his heart sink at the question, knowing that he had just wondered that a few minutes ago before you brought him out from his thoughts.

"I'm not sure…" Joshua answered honestly, making you nod, a little sadly, a small pout forming on your lips. Joshua gave you a once over as your eyes stayed locked on your shoes, obviously a little sad that you had to go and you might never see the doe-eyed boy again when he got an idea.

He fished around his sweater pockets and pulled out the two white cherry blossoms that he had caught earlier in the day.

"Here." He said softly, outstretching one of the petals towards you. Your eyes widened as you glanced upwards at the taller boy. "Something to remember me by." You shakily take the petal from Joshua, running your fingers across the petals gently as Joshua held up his own.

"See, now we're matching." Joshua told you, a small on his face that didn't quite reach his eyes. You continue to stare at the petal, stoning a little which made Joshua a little nervous. "Don't tell me you're going to miss me already?" Joshua joked, trying to lighten the mood as his nerves spiked from how you weren't looking at him.

He wanted to add on another light jab to lighten the mood when you surprised him by wrapping your arms around him, nearly tackling him to the ground. He let out a grunt as you hit his chest with a hard thud, almost knocking the air out his chest as he stabilized the two of you.

Joshua slowly wrapped his arms around you, feeling the sad emotions that he tried to push away, overwhelm him a little more as he felt your warmth envelope him.

"I'm going to miss you." He heard you mutter out, slightly muffled as you bury your head deeper into his woolly sweater. He sighed, burying his face into your hair.

"I'll miss you too, Bunny." He whispered out, using the nickname that he heard your mother call you by. It was really apt for you, with how soft spoken you were, how you quietly observed everything around you. Joshua couldn't help but feel that the nickname was just meant for you. That the word was designed just for you.

"Tell you what." Joshua started softly, pulling away from you a little to see your face. "For as long as you keep that petal." He gestured to the white cherry blossom in your hand. "I will always find you."

Your eyes widened at his words before you pulled away completely, lifting your hand up to the boy, with your pinky being the only finger out, waiting for the boy to give you a pinky promise.

"Swear on it!" Joshua couldn't help but laugh at the sight of you and how serious you were taking this, but, he lifted his own hand and joined his pinky with yours.

The childhood promise sealed between a six year old girl with the nickname Bunny and an eight year old boy who had eyes like Bambi.

"Can I call you Bambi?" You wondered aloud which made Joshua blink at you before he let out a soft laugh as he nodded. "Sure, Bunny."

The two of you let out a fit of giggles before your mother called for you, gesturing that you needed to go. You looked between her and your father before looking at the boy in-front of you, not wanting to leave so soon.

Joshua, however, sensed the hesitation in your figure. He didn't want you to leave yet either but it was getting late and he knew that your parents wanted to get you home and safe and make it up to you so he gave you a reassuring smile.

"You should go." He said softly, giving your head a small pat. "I'm sure your parents are taking you out to eat something really nice."

He watched you chew on your bottom lip before you nod and squeezed Joshua in one last hug before you step away from the boy.

"See you soon, Bambi."

Joshua's heart warmed at the nickname. "See you soon, Bunny."

You gave him one last glance over before you ran over to where your parents stood, taking your mother's hand into yours as Joshua's mother walked back over to his side.

You and your parents started to walk away, towards the pathway where the small stream and bridge were. Joshua felt his mother grab his hand and laced their fingers together but his focus remained on you and where you were.

He watched you take one last pause as you turned to look at him as you gave him one last wave which he returned, the smile on his face turning into a sadder one. With that, he watched you turn back around and exit the park with your parents, going the way that you had pointed out earlier when he had asked where you lived.

His heart felt heavy and he didn't know why. The two of you had just met. However, something told the eight year old boy that he would see you soon. He didn't know when or how but he had hope that he would. He had to.

"Ready to go?" His mother asked, the question gently coaxing the boy out of his thoughts. Joshua nodded, giving his mother a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Yeah." He softly admitted, letting himself take one last glance towards where you had been just moments ago. "Let's go."

Joshua felt around in his pocket as he gently caressed the white blossom in it as he and his mother exit the park. His wrist felt warm for some reason, but decided to attribute it to the sweater and moved on to wonder about something happier, like what he and his mother were going to have for dinner.

Unbeknownst to him, a few months later, he would find a small mark on his wrist that looked oddly like the white cherry blossom that he had given the little girl to make sure that she would always remember him.

What a twist of fate.

THE THING ABOUT SECOND CHANCES

The next time Joshua arrived in Seoul, he was eighteen years old.

Fresh out of high school and having just been scouted by Pledis Entertainment. He anxiously rubbed the white cherry blossom mark on his wrist, a habit that he picked up after it had appeared.

He didn't remember when it had appeared or why it did but after having so many talks with his mother and the doctor or specialist that his mother had taken him to. He had a soulmate, someone with a similar mark on their wrist.

Joshua had grown up hearing about soulmates from his mother. It wasn't uncommon to have a soulmate but only about fifty percent of the world had one. Joshua didn't know if it was luck or not to be one of the few to have one because he didn't even know who it was. He had a feeling he knew but he didn't know if he would ever see you again.

You plague his thoughts every once in a while. He isn't even sure if you remember him but he remembers you. The soft spoken girl from under the cherry blossom trees that he had given the white cherry blossom to. It had to be you and he had asked his mother to try and reach out to your father, the number having been dialed in her phone before but it seemed that when she did, your father had changed his number.

So he had lost all hope of ever getting into contact with you again. Until the Pledis global auditions came and now, he was actually in Korea.

He had been here for a few months, training tirelessly with the rest of his members and learning more Korean at the same time. It definitely wasn't as good compared to when he was younger but he felt himself getting better by the day with the help of Vernon and the other members who volunteered to teach him sometimes, in exchange for learning some english.

Safe to say, he might be doing better at learning Korean than the rest of his members who wanted to learn English. He chuckled a little at the memory as he prepared to go out for the day.

It was one of the rare few days off that the company had given them, having passed all the auditions to get into Seventeen and actually make the line-up. The company decided to give the day off before they needed to return to prepare even more tirelessly for their debut.

He fidgeted with the bracelet that his mother had given him, made out of white cherry blossom that he had caught that faithful day almost ten years ago.

"What are your plans for today?" Joshua turned, seeing Seungcheol leaning against the doorframe to his shared room with Seokmin and Seungkwan.

Joshua took a quick glance towards his wrist before his eyes flitted back up to meet Seungcheol's. "Thought about going to see the cherry blossoms today." Joshua answered coolly, a small smile on his face.

Seungcheol's eyes flit downwards to Joshua's wrist for a split second before he nodded towards it. "Hoping to see her again?"

Seungcheol and Jeonghan were the only two to know about Joshua's mysterious mark. Joshua hadn't meant for any of the members to find out, but he had been careless, and the makeup that he had put on the wrist had gotten wet by accident. He shouldn't have chosen to not use a waterproof concealer that day. It resulted in not only the general leader seeing the mark that stained his skin, but Joshua's evil twin as well.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan had pulled Joshua right after that to reapply the makeup, careful to not let the staff see them or the cherry blossom. Seungcheol shot the two of them a look which stated that they would talk about this later. Hence, Joshua instead told the both of them everything right after practice, in the safe space of Seungcheol and Jeonghan's dorm room that they shared with Mingyu and Jihoon.

The two of them had been understanding (to Joshua's delight) and also a little annoying about it (to Joshua's dismay). Jeonghan had taken the opportunity to do a small little jab every time one of the other members brought up even the idea of having a soulmate to the others.

Seungcheol would shoot a warning look towards Jeonghan the first few times it happened, but after many unsuccessful tries of getting Jeonghan to quit it, he decided to join him instead.

If you can't beat them, join them.

Joshua spared another glance towards his wrist. "Yeah." He answered truthfully. "It's been ten years but… I'm still holding out hope that I will."

Seungcheol was quiet at that, an unreadable expression on his face before he sighed. "Just… be careful." He sounds out, the double meaning of the sentence not lost on the younger man.

"I will." Joshua assured which makes Seungcheol look over him once more before nodding and leaving the room.

"Remember to bring an umbrella." Seungcheol called out from the hallway. "The forecast said that it's going to rain."

Joshua's eyebrows furrowed at his words, turning his head to look out at the bright clear sky that showed no signs of rain at all. Joshua let out a sigh as he shook his head. Seungcheol has definitely been spending too much time around Jeonghan. Hell, Jeonghan probably put him up to this to see if Joshua would actually bring an umbrella out because he knew better than to trust Jeonghan after the raincoat incident.

Joshua glanced at the umbrella at his desk before shaking his head at it and shouldering the sling bag that he had packed his camera into and wearing the bracelet that his mother made for him.

He stepped out of the dormitories, the sun greeting him with it's warm glow making him take a deep inhale of the spring air, feeling himself get more refreshed by the second. He smiled to himself as he started heading towards the park.

On a beautiful day like this… what could go wrong?

The answer was everything.

Absolutely everything.

The minute Joshua had arrived at the faithful park, the sky had dimmed and the beautiful morning that he had seen was immediately replaced with the darkest clouds the world has ever seen.

As soon as he stepped off the bus, it had started to drizzle and then it started to pour making Joshua realize that Seungcheol had been right. It was forecasted to rain today.

And when it rains, it certainly pours.

Which is how Joshua ended up here, underneath the faithful tree that had brought the two of you together that day and under the pouring rain. Spring rain was definitely a sight to see. It was his first time experiencing spring after he had moved to Korea but it was his second time overall. The first being ten years ago which was where he had discovered that he loved rain in the first place.

Joshua let out a sigh as he inhaled the smell of the rain, instantly feeling more relaxed than he did a few moments before. He really loved the rain. It was refreshing and walking in the rain was definitely an experience that makes him feel at peace.

His members called him crazy for that but there was just something about the rain that brought out the tranquility of his soul. It reminded him a lot of home and spring rain was definitely the best kind of rain that anyone can experience because April Showers had definitely become a favourite of his.

He felt the urge to go back out into the rain and just let it cascade down his body and hair when he was interrupted by the sounds of squeaky sneakers coming from behind him. He peered around the tree and noticed a girl, slightly younger than he was, dressed in a pink raincoat that had cherry blossom sketches around it and… bunny ears?

His eyebrows furrowed at the unique combination as he heard the girl huff out a breath.

"Stupid spring rain…" He heard the girl mutter as she ruffled her raincoat, trying to get the excess water off. "I normally really love you but I didn't want it to rain today…"

Joshua didn't know whether to be scared of the girl who was talking to herself but she looked like she was having a bad day. "Are you alright?"

The girl jumped at his sudden question, shocking her and himself as she places a hand over her heart.

"Geez, dude!" The girl yelled out. "Where did you come from?!"

Joshua blinked at the girl. "Erm." He looked around the two of them. "I was actually here first."

The girl blinked at him before giving him a deadpanned look. "Whatever, dude." She muttered out as she crouched down to play with the grass. "Stupid rain."

Joshua stared at the girl for a few more seconds. "Do you hate the rain or something?"

The girl scoffed at his words before shaking her head. "Not that it's any of your business." She began, poking around the grass still. "I actually really love the rain."

"Then why—"

"Because it's the start of the blossoms today." She softly admitted, picking up one of the semi-muddy cherry blossoms that had dropped off the tree because of the rain. "My mother really loves them and I wanted to take a few pictures of them to frame as a surprise for her birthday next week and today is the only free day that I have open."

Joshua took a few moments to digest the words coming out of the girl's mouth and let out a sound of understanding. "That's sweet." He said, making the girl let out a hum.

"Well, but the plan is ruined now…" She muttered out, losing more and more interest in the grass as the seconds whizz by. "I guess I won't be getting her a present this year."

Joshua frowned at the girls words, feeling slightly empathetic for the girl before his mother's teachings kicked into his being. He peered upwards at the sky, seeing it begin to clear slightly before turning back to the girl in distress.

"Does your mother like the spring rain too?" He found himself asking making the girl whip around, a frown etched onto her face as she tilted her head to the side in confusion.

"Yes." She frowned even more. "But I don't see how that would—"

"Give me your camera." Joshua finds himself saying, making the girl stare at him, slightly stunned.

"I'm sorry?" She asked, wondering if she had heard the boy wrong.

Joshua pointed at the camera in the girl's backpack. "What if we use your camera to frame you, the cherry blossoms and the ending of the spring rain in one picture?" He gestured to the clouds above as the rain starts to slow down. "The spring shower is ending soon and I think it will create the perfect opportunity for me to help you snap a photo because of the effect that the April shower will create."

He watched as the girl digested his words and the cogs turned in her brain before her eyes widened.

"You're a genius stranger!"

Joshua couldn't help but laugh at the nickname the girl gave him as they scrambled to get the shot set up.

By the time that the rain had almost totally slowed down, they were ready, with the girl's camera in Joshua's hands and the girl standing a little uncomfortably in the shot.

"Are you sure, she would want me to be in the photo?" The girl found herself asking the stranger in-front of her. "She might just want the April shower and cherry blossoms you know?"

Joshua shook his head stubbornly and surely. "I can assure you, this is the best present for her."

The girl shot him a skeptical look before begrudgingly accepting her fate and posed in-front of the cherry blossom tree with her pink bunny raincoat.

Joshua snapped a few shots here and there, giving her a bit of direction every now and then as he felt his synapses in his brain fire around it. The more that he looked at this girl, the more she looked kind of familiar to him.

He tried brushing that thought aside, thinking that he was crazy as he took one last final photo for the girl as the sky began to clear and the rain drizzled to the a stop.

"And…" Joshua trailed off, looking at the last photo that he took, a satisfied smile on his face. "We're done!"

The girl rushed over to Joshua's side, eager to see the photos that the boy had just taken. As she clicked through them, her eyes widened as they flitted between the camera screen and the boy standing next to her.

"Woah." She softly stated as she continued to flip through the photos. "These are really good." She turned to Joshua, a toothy grin on her face. "Thank you so much."

Joshua gave her a grin back as he shook his head. "Small thing." He said as he gestured to the photos. "You did all the hard work by modeling for it!"

The girl lets out a laugh as the sun peeked through the clouds that were still in the sky. She peered downwards at the watch that was on her wrist before letting out a heavy sigh.

"Well, I need to get going." She said, shutting her camera down and putting it into her backpack. "Thank you so much for helping me with this."

Joshua waved her off. "It was my pleasure."

"Is there anything that I can do to repay you?"

Joshua pondered for a moment before his mind went back to you which made him glance at the cherry blossom tree.

"Know any fun facts about cherry blossom trees?"

The girls eyebrows raised in response. "That's a weird question." She stated, giving him a weird side-eye. Joshua shrugged in response.

"I just like fun facts."

The girl stared at him for a few seconds before she opened her mouth and said, "Did you know that the the biggest cherry blossom capital in the world is actually in Macon, Georgia, which holds over three hundred thousand cherry trees?"

Joshua's eyes widened at her response. "Wait that's so interesting."

The girl gave him a satisfied smile, "My mother is a big cherry blossom nerd." She said, picking up her backpack. "She shares a lot of different fun-facts with me and also made me this."

She pulled out a pendant from inside her clothing that was tied to a necklace. Joshua gazed closer at the pendant as his eyes widened bigger.

"Is that a white cherry blossom infused into the resin and made into a pendant?"

The girl nodded proudly. "Yep!"

"That's insane." Joshua commended, taking a step away from the girl. "I really commend your mother."

"Yeah." The girl let out a satisfied hum. "She is pretty cool." The girl smiled at the fond memory of her mother giving her the necklace. "She made this necklace for me because some boy gave me this cherry blossom many years ago when they thought that I went missing or something."

Joshua felt his whole being freeze when she said that and blinked at the girl in-front of him who was fidgeting with the pendant around her neck.

"What?" He heard himself whisper aloud making the girl nod.

"Yeah, he was really sweet and nice and he apparently shared an ice cream with me." The girl took another glance at her watch before her eyes widened, becoming as big as saucers.

"Holy shit!" She yelled out as she slung her backpack across her shoulders. "I'm late!"

Joshua found himself panicking slightly. "Wait—" He said, trying to get your attention.

You, however, gave him one last smile before waving goodbye to him. "Thank you again for your help!"

Joshua felt the words on the tip of hid tongue, die in his throat as he watched you run away from him like your life dependent on it, making him sigh.

He huffed, running a hand through his semi-wet locks before his phone rang.

"Hello?" He answered, sighing as he heard Seungcheol's voice over the phone. "Yeah." He said, his gaze still fixed on the spot where you once were. "I'm on my way back. I'll see you and the rest in thirty."

Seungcheol let out a hum of understanding before he hung up the phone, leaving Joshua to his own thoughts as he went on auto-pilot and picked up his sling bag as he felt frustration course through his veins.

So much for second chances.

THIRD TIMES THE CHARM

On the spring of Joshua's twenty second birthday, he finds himself back underneath the faithful cherry blossom tree. The only difference is that it is eleven at night. He had just finished a team dinner with the rest of the group, celebrating a big win that they just had with the release of one of their newest albums. All that hard work and tireless preparations had paid off and they were now celebrating the fruits of their labour.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan were by Joshua's side when they had exited the restaurant but for some reason, Joshua felt a little bit restless, like something was tugging on his soul that he shouldn't go home just yet.

With that, Joshua bid the two older men goodbye and headed off to his safe space, a space that the members had coined as the soulmate spot after Joshua finally gained the courage to tell his members about his soulmate and the cherry blossom story that came with it.

Joshua leans against the tree that is still flourishing even though it was coming to the end of spring. The petals still had that sheen that told the story of the start of spring till nearly the end as they were going into fall, the week after next.

He sighs, feeling the restlessness start to seep away from his bones. Just being in this spot was comforting for him because he felt connected to you. After you had taken off that day four years ago, Joshua hadn't seen you since.

Not for the lack of trying as well.

Joshua had just gotten so wrapped up in the life of being an idol that he was traveling more often, spent a lot less time in Korea and he felt that each practice was more intense than the last.

He still tried to stick to his outstanding bi-weekly date that he had with the cherry blossom tree but with all the new promotions and practices that seemed to be popping up from left, right and center, he had definitely missed a few during the last four springs.

However, looking at how serene the park looked at night with the crackling streetlamps as well as the fairy lights that are no doubt a new addition, Joshua feels at peace at the fact that nothing else has changed about his favourite safe spot.

He had quite a few of them… one being a corner of the practice room where he always sat during the breaks with his earbuds in. Another being a corner in Jihoon's office that he uses whenever the world got too overwhelming (and that Jihoon let's him use by just pretending that he isn't there) and the last but definitely not the least, was the cherry blossom tree.

He closes his eyes, just taking in the ambience of the park and listening to the crickets chirping, the static flickering of the streetlamps and fairy lights and allowed himself to breathe.

He wasn't Joshua Hong, one of the two American members of Seventeen.

He was just, Joshua.

"Is this spot taken?" He hears someone softly ask from in-front of him. Joshua opens both his eyes to see a girl about his age, a hood obscuring most of her face as she leaned down slightly, no doubt to ask him the question.

Joshua panicked for a moment, wondering if the girl had noticed who he was but then remembered that he was wearing a baseball cap as well as a mask, concealing about sixty percent of his face.

He internally let out a breath of relief before shaking his head no as he gestures to the spot next to him. "You can sit if you like." Joshua states, not really sure of the words flowing out of his mouth at the moment.

On any other day, Joshua would've probably not offered the space next to him to a total stranger that he has never seen or met before. However, today had been a long day and his walls were all the way down after a long day of practice than the award show and then the team dinner.

If he wasn't feeling restless, he would've probably called it quits and been back at the dorm, in his comfy bed.

The stranger mutters out a small 'thank you' before plopping down next to him. The sound of the rustling plastic bag catches Joshua's attention, having not noticed the convenience store bag that the girl had in her right hand.

Joshua's eyes flit downwards to where his phone lied on his lap and did a quick click of the side button to see that it was 11:30pm. His eyebrows furrow as he looks back at the girl who takes out an aluminum wrapped roll of kimbap.

"Is that your dinner?" Joshua found himself asking, shocking himself and the stranger who gives Joshua a sideways glance before nodding her head. "Why are you eating so late?"

"You always ask this many questions to a stranger you don't know?" The girl replies after swallowing her first slice of the kimbap.

Joshua, a little taken aback by her question, lets out a low and tired chuckle as he shakes his head. "No." He answers honestly, "I was just wondering why a girl is wandering around at 11:30pm and eating a roll of kimbap underneath a cherry blossom tree with a stranger."

"Because this is my safe space." The girl admits nonchalantly, without a second thought as she eats another slice of her kimbap.

Joshua blinks a few times at the girl's answer. "Weird." He states. "This is my safe space too." He finds himself admitting, unsure why he is telling a random stranger. But it had been a long day and Joshua's guard is down.

At his words, the girl stops eating and turns her head towards him for a few seconds, analyzing him. "You always this trusting to strangers?"

Joshua scoffs, "You admitted that in a heartbeat as well, mind you."

The girl just shrugs and continues to munch on her kimbap as the wind breezes past them, making a few of the loose cherry blossom petals fall.

Joshua watches them slowly drift down, smiling a little to himself as it brings back memories of his first spring in Seoul.

"Did you know that there are over two hundred varieties of cherry blossom trees?" Joshua hears the girl mutter out making his eyebrows furrow, his brain synapses firing.

Has he heard this before?

"I did know that actually." Joshua admits, making his company let out a hum of acknowledgement. "Did you know that the cherry blossoms and their tea leaves are actually edible?"

He watches the girl nod, pulling down more of the aluminum foil to unwrap the last three slices of her kimbap. "They're used in like Japanese sweets, teas as well as desserts right?"

Joshua nods, closing his eyes. "My favourite is the sakura mochi."

There was silence for a few moments before the girl replied with a, "No way, that's mine as well."

Joshua hums. "You have good taste."

Joshua hears the girl beside him let out a laugh at his quip making his chest warm a little. The girls laugh reminded him of you in a way, the soft laugh that you had let slip past your lips four springs ago still etched in his mind.

"Did you also know that the the biggest cherry blossom capital in the world is actually in Macon, Georgia, which holds over three hundred thousand cherry trees?"

Joshua feels himself freeze at that statement. Now he had definitely heard that one before.

His eyes widen as he gets transported back to that faithful day under the rain where his soulmate had slipped through his fingers for the second time in his life.

You continue to yap on about fun facts that your mother had shared with you about cherry blossoms, unsure of why you were telling a random stranger this information, but it was a long day and this stranger felt… safe to you?

You couldn't explain why.

"Did you know that some varieties have more than five petals for their blossoms? Like the Kanzan can have up to twenty-eight petals per flower? That makes it look so much fuller with a pom-pom like appear—"

"Bunny?"

You pause your tangent upon hearing the childhood nickname that your mother still uses every now and then, feeling your blood run a little cold at the stranger saying it.

You whip your head towards the stranger who is now sitting fully up-right and facing you as your eyebrows furrow. "Why did you—"

The stranger doubles down and whispers out your name, making you freeze as you scoot back a little, fearful for your life now. The one time you choose to trust a stranger and it turns out that he might be a stalker?

How low is your social awareness that you didn't seem to realize that the man beside you might've been stalking you all this time? Were you about to die? How were you going to get out of this? What was the best exit—

Your spiral gets interrupted when the stranger removes his cap and mask, allowing you to see the bambi doe-eyes that you have been dreaming about for the last few springs. The warmth and comfort in them, still as persistent as you remember.

"Bambi?" You breathe out, the nickname that you gave him when you were six, rolling off your tongue easier than you thought it would. "Joshua, is that you?"

Joshua nods eagerly, seemingly frozen in place as he watches you take him in before you jump into him. He catches you easily, seemingly a little more prepared than the last time when he was eight years old as he buries his face into your hair, just like he did that day, fourteen years ago.

"I can't believe I found you again." He mutters out into your hair as he feels you let out a watery laugh into his sweater that he was wearing. He pulls away a little, noticing that your hair is a little ruffled from the hoodie being launched off after you had jumped into him. He feels you shiver a little and goes to pull the hoodie back up for you to protect your ears when he notices the bunny ears sewed onto the hood.

A wide grin appears on his lips as he internally shakes his head at the fact that he didn't notice them before, deeming it to the long day that he just had.

"I've only seen you on television." Is the first words to come out of your mouth after the whole affair, which makes Joshua giggle as he pulls away fully to look you in the eyes. "That's the first thing you say to me, your soulmate, after years of not seeing each other?"

You couldn't help but laugh at his dramatic outburst as you pull him back in for another hug, the necklace that you are wearing, the pendant hitting him in the chest, which makes a smile adorn his face at the memory of what the pendant is made out of.

The two of you stay like that for a few moments more before you pull away to get a good look at Joshua's face. You were telling the truth, you had only seen Joshua through YouTube videos and whenever the various Music Award Shows were on, always silently cheering him on.

You had recognized him after they had their first debut show on TV, the doe-eyes immediately speaking to you as he came onto stage. You had know that you were his soulmate, right after the mark had appeared on your arm ages ago.

Your parents also had a long talk with you about it but after your father's phone had gotten smashed during a really bad day of work, there was no way to contact him or his mother. So, you went the next ten years not knowing if Joshua had remembered you, the weirdly dressed girl with bunny ears and soft toy.

Until that april shower when you were sixteen, you didn't realize you were talking to him until you were twenty blocks away from the park, eager to get to your next tutoring teacher's class.

You had cursed yourself for being a little too oblivious but as you stared at the white mark on your wrist, you realized that the timing probably wasn't right just yet for the two of you and you just needed to wait for fate to push you both together once again.

That faithful day is today.

"No." You answer truthfully, shaking your head at Joshua's question. "I think our first order of business should be to get each other's numbers so that we don't have to wait for fate to bring us dumbasses back together for the fourth time."

Joshua lets out a laugh at your answer, nodding with a cheeky grin on his face. "They do say third time's the charm."

You roll your eyes at his cliche answer but deep down you silently agreed with it.

Maybe it truly is, third time's the charm.

THE GOING SEVENTEEN TWIST

"Ugh." You mutter out, messing with the bunny patterned mask on your face, getting a little frustrated with how hot it is underneath the mask. "I don't get why we need to keep wearing a mask if your company has booked out the entire park for your Going Seventeen episode."

Joshua lets out a chuckle at your frustrations as he rubs your forearm soothingly, a tactic that he picked up a few years ago when he realized that it was the fastest way to calm you down (other than food of course).

"Well," Joshua starts, adjusting his own mask and cap in the process. "We rented out the park but that doesn't mean the general public still won't recognize us because the area isn't covered."

You let out a huff, knowing that he is right.

"It also doesn't help that Hoshi yells like a maniac and gathers the attention of said general public." You mutter, making Joshua laugh at your whines.

He looks around before lowering his mask to give you a small kiss to the top of your head before pulling it back up, just as one of the managers calls for him.

He spares the manager a quick glance before his attention is back on you, to make sure that you are okay with him leaving.

"Go." You assure him, nudging him slightly in the direction where the manager is waiting for him. "I've been around these shoots long enough to know the procedure by now."

Joshua's eye lines crinkle, a sign that he is smiling as he nods.

You weren't wrong, you had been coming to the Going Seventeen shoots for almost the entirety of your relationship with Joshua. The two of you weren't really public but you two weren't private either.

Your relationship wasn't a secret and Joshua had brought you up a few times before, mentioning you here and there in some interviews that he has done with Vogue or Cosmopolitan.

You had also become a small little mention in the Going Seventeen videos where sometimes Joshua would let something small about you slip past his lips. It was a routine at this point and the fans had been using this to their advantage, creating many different videos such as; "A compilation of all the times Joshua has mentioned Bunny" or "Joshua being the biggest simp for his girlfriend/soulmate for 4 minutes and 48 seconds."

But, it was good.

The fans had accepted that the two of you are together and Joshua was more open with his soulmate mark and talking about you now to the point where he doesn't conceal the white cherry blossom mark on his wrist anymore.

Now he wears it with pride, just like the bracelet that ties the both of you together.

You fidget with your pendant, recalling all those memories with a smile. Thanking the universe for bringing the two of you together that day eight years ago.

"Right!" One of the directors call out, knocking you out of your thoughts as you move from yours and Joshua's cherry blossom tree, realizing that they are about to begin their filming.

Joshua appears beside you, moments later looking more dolled up and refreshed compared to half an hour ago making you grin as you notice his hair sticking up slightly.

Without a word, you step forward to him, his arms wrapping around your waist habitually as you fix your eyes on the cow-lick in his hair. You brush it down, not noticing the way that Joshua is watching you as you fixate on his hair, brushing it till it looks perfect for the shoot that they are doing today.

"What's the shoot for today?" You ask him, softly, fixing a few strands of stray hairs that the stylist didn't manage to get. Joshua let out a hum, his hands warm on your waist.

"We're filming something special." Joshua admits shyly. "That's why I asked you to get a little more dolled up than usual today."

He had told you that the night before. It was unusual for Joshua to be this quiet about the shoots that he and the rest of the members were meant to film. Joshua would at least tell you beforehand what the shoot was about and the premise of it but for this particular shoot, he had been quiet.

All the information you had was that you might have to appear once or twice as emotional support for your boyfriend. The rest of the members had also brought along their significant others or girlfriends as well and when you had asked them about what the shoot would be, they had side-eyed each other and shook their heads, seemingly not knowing what it was as well.

"You've been acting weird lately." You mutter out to your boyfriend, messing with one last stubborn strand of hair that was sticking upwards. You side-eyed your boyfriend, "You aren't doing a secret horror episode today are you? You can't do that in our safe space."

Joshua lets out a laugh at your imagination before shaking his head, a big toothy grin on his face. "I love your imagination sometimes, Bunny."

You raise an eyebrow at his words. "Yet," you start. "You did not deny it."

Joshua gives you a mischievous grin, that you have seen one too many times making you roll your eyes at how mysterious your boyfriend was being.

"I guess you just have to wait and see."

"Fine." You relent, finally get that strand of hair to get down. "Keep your secrets."

Joshua leans in closer to you, surprising you a little as you watch his eyes scan your face, from the top of your forehead, to the slope of your nose to your chewed lips that you had been gnawing on since you had arrived because you weren't sure what to expect today.

You feel your cheeks heat up from how intense his gaze is before he surprises you once more by leaning in and giving you a peck on the lips, a lovesick grin on his lips right after he does.

You blink at your boyfriend, unsure of how to react to the quick peck. The two of you had set boundaries beforehand about PDA and everything else that was related to the public.

Kissing or pecks were a gray zone in a sense where you could do it but only if the members, cameras as well as the rest of the world was not around.

However, Joshua broke that rule today by kissing you in the middle of the set where everyone can see.

"Did you just…" You trail off making Joshua nod, seemingly more relaxed than you are.

"Yeah."

"But—"

"I just wanted to." He nonchalantly admits, shrugging his shoulders as he does so. "You looked so cute focusing on me that I wanted to kiss you as soon as you were almost done fixing my hair."

"Your hair is done by the way." You admit, the words coming out of your mouth faster than you could have processed them, making Joshua bark out another laugh at how slow your brain was comprehending information.

"I love you." Joshua admits softly, after he was done laughing. Your heart warms at his words as you give a once over to the set before leaning in to give Joshua a peck.

"I love you more."

The producer of the episode immediately signals that it is time to start filming making you step away from your boyfriend's embrace as you give him a confident smile that tells him that he's got this.

Joshua gives you a smile before nodding and making his way over to the rest of his members.

You, on the other hand, walk towards the rest of the girlfriends who were engaging in some other small talk. They made room for you and were talking about the newest thrills that their boyfriend seem to have been into when a producer calls your name.

You perk up, slightly confused as to why you were being called out for until you realize that Joshua is standing in-front of your cherry blossom tree, with his hands behind his back.

"Before we begin today's filming." The producer starts, looking between you and Joshua. "Joshua would like to say a few words before we kick-off this weeks filming." He turns to Joshua with a big smile on his face before passing him the microphone.

Joshua clears his throat before speaking into the microphone.

"Bunny." He softly calls out making you peer out of the area you were sitting in. "Could you please come forward to where I am?"

You skeptically look at the love of your life but proceed to join Joshua at the front. As soon as you had moved there, you immediately ask a slew of rapid questions to your boyfriend to which he only replied with his shinning smile.

"Bunny." Joshua breathes out, turning to face you completely as he blocks out the rest of the world. "When I first saw you at the age of eight, I thought you were the biggest crybaby on the planet."

You feel your cheeks heat up as he says that, about to retort when he beats you to it.

"However, you were so unique and different that I was intrigued by you." Joshua softly admits, "I spent majority of my life searching for you ever since I had gotten this mark that ties us together and every time I tried, the universe always had something to say about it until that day where you had stumbled under the cherry blossom tree to eat kimbap at 11:30pm." That got a few giggles from the Going Seventeen team as Joshua continues. "I always knew that something in my life was missing. I've known that since I was eight years old and after I met you, I realize that you are the missing piece that I've been waiting for."

Your eyes widen as you realize why he is saying all these things.

He pulls out a velvet box from behind him and looks at you with the doe-eyes that you had grown to love more and more, everyday of your relationship.

"You complete me and my life, Bunny." Joshua softly admits, rolling the velvet box in his hand as he locks eyes with you, making you pulse quicken as you realize that he is about to do it. "So," Joshua starts, handing the microphone to you before he gets down on one knee, making you let out a gasp you didn't know you were holding. "Will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?"

"Yes." You breath out into the microphone. "A thousand times yes."

A toothy grin appears on Joshua's face before he launches himself forward slightly and captures your lips with his, making your heart soar at the thought of calling Joshua your fiance.

The two of you pull away, hearing all the loud cheers and whistles from the Seventeen members, their significant others as well as the staff members on set which makes you giggle a little.

"So the whole shoot is a lie?" You softly ask making Joshua nod his head. "We just needed to get you down to this location so we disguised it as a shoot because if we had told you anything else, you would've figured out the surprise."

His words make you warm as you shake your head, a soft smile on your face.

"You're such a nerd."

"I am your nerd for the rest of your life." Joshua goofily admits making you roll your eyes, a small giggle escaping your lips as you tighten your grip around him, "Hello, fiance." You softly say, looking up at Joshua who peers downwards at you, the grin on his face never fading. "Hello to you too, fiancee."

You peer downwards at the box that Joshua is holding, making you clear your throat as you fixated him with a mischievous grin.

"So are you going to put the ring on me or what?"

THE FUTURE UNDER THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS

"And that is the story of how your mummy and daddy met and got married before we had you guys." Joshua finishes as his daughter bounces slightly on his lap. "The End!"

"Do you think I will ever get a soulmate, daddy?" His daughter asks, her bambi, doe eyes shining and making Joshua's heart melt.

"Of course, sweetheart." Joshua admits, giving his daughter a little once over as the wind blows past them, making the cherry blossoms fall of the tree. "If you are anything like your mother, you will definitely get one, baby."

"What lies are you feeding our daughter this time?"

Joshua looks up, spotting you waddle over to the picnic blanket and his heart soars even more. "No lies." He admits, the mischievous grin on his face never fading. "Just telling her how you were absolutely in-love with me when we first met."

You roll your eyes at your husbands words as he gestures for you to take a seat next to him. "That's such a lie." You breath out, looking straight at your husband. "We both know it was you who was in love with me the first time we both met."

Joshua barks out a laugh as your daughter stands up from his lap, in awe of the pretty cherry blossoms that are cascading down.

"Mummy! Daddy!" She exclaims. "Look!"

The two of you share a quick glance at each other and smile. "Aren't they pretty, baby?" You ask her making her nod, her doe eyes still shimmering as she tries to catch one of the blossoms.

"Did you know that there are two hundred different variants of cherry blossoms trees, baby?" Joshua asks your daughter making the little girl stop her jumping as her eyes grew as big as saucers.

"That's bigger than the numbers we're learning in class right now!"

You couldn't help but laugh at her answer, shaking your head as the fond memories begin to flood your mind.

"Is that where you got my name from, mummy?" You tilt your head to the side as you take a quick glance at Joshua.

"What do you mean, sweetheart?"

"Well, my name is Cherry. Did you name me after the pretty trees?" Joshua grins at his daughters question and nods fondly.

"Yes." He admits. "We did because you're so precious to us and we can't wait to see you blossom and grow."

"Would I become as pretty as the pretty flowers?" Cherry asks making Joshua scoff as he grabs her and pulls her back into his lap.

"Cherry." Joshua coos, patting her head. "You're going to be prettier than any other flower that will ever grow, you know why?"

Cherry shook her head before Joshua locked eyes with you. "Because the reason of how your name came to be and the story behind it, is the best and prettiest thing that we could've ever asked for."

@livmarauder2026 Thank you guys so much for reading my spring collab fic! Be sure to check out all the other amazing works that this collab has to offer! New fics should be hitting tumblr very very soon... Like my work? Join my Permanent Taglist! All my fics are 18+, which means blogs without age or age indicator will not be tagged! If you like this, please consider reblogging or liking! It really makes my day! <3 Thank you for showing loverboy joshua so much love!

Joshua’s eyes widened momentarily before softening into a smile, the corners crinkling with warmth. His lips curled up as you blinked, dumbfounded, while he started to approach you. 

“My gosh, is that you, y/n?” he asked when he got close enough, his head tilting a little as he smiled even harder, seemingly taking you in. 

“Joshua Hong,” you smiled, and you caught yourself looking him up and down just a little too long. Had he always been this hot?

Joshua had babysat you and your sister when you were around eight years old. He was the same age as your older cousin, and your aunt had recommended the then teen to your parents. 

Whenever he came around you were always excited, seeing the mischievous boy more as a brother figure rather than a figure of authority. You and your sister always saw through his spineless threats of sending you to bed early, provoking him until you got what you wanted from him: more snacks and no bedtime. 

You felt a bit sorry for him now as the memories came rushing back to you, though Joshua had always been a good sport. He never seemed to mind you and your sister’s antics too much. 

“I haven’t seen you in years,” Joshua shook his head in disbelief, his eyes never leaving your matured face. You simply hummed, the corner of your mouth lifting involuntarily as you ogled him.  

He was wearing a white blouse, the cuffs rolled up to his elbows paired with stylish, dark jeans. Strands of his dark brown hair fell into his eyes, and those pretty lips…

“My gosh, you’ve grown so much since I last babysat you!” he leaned in a little before crossing his arms over his chest, his eyes getting smaller as he smiled sweetly. You watched the muscles of his arms strain against the fabric, not caring that you were basically undressing him with your eyes.

You needed to fuck Joshua Hong. 

“Are you still as much of a menace as back then?” Joshua giggled obliviously, sighing as he relived a particular memory. 

You wet your lips, grinning at him. “What do you think?” you cocked up a brow, making him laugh. He shook his head again, exhaling a long sigh. “I still remember you and your sister locking me out of the house,” Joshua smiled, amused. You chuckled at the memory he unlocked for you. 

“You two were such little devils,” he added, sighing again. 

If you wanted to succeed in fucking Joshua you had to remind him you weren’t just the cute kid he babysat anymore—you needed to show him. 

“We really liked you, you know,” you told him, watching his eyes light up a little. You relished in the feeling you got when you noticed him almost getting shy at your words, baring his white teeth in an endearing way that sent your pulse racing. 

“I liked you guys too,” he said sweetly, a honey-warm timbre softening his voice.  

You smiled back at him before quickly glancing back at the house. Pouting, you met his eye again, reading him for a second before asking, “Do you want to have a drink with me, Joshua?” 

The name rolled off your tongue easily, like it was second nature. Joshua excitedly nodded, quickly agreeing. “I would love to.” he beamed. 

Joshua hid his surprise when you suddenly linked arms with him, figuring you were just being very kind to an old friend. 

You felt like a predator hunting its prey as you led him inside, the rowdy mix of chatter and music a part of the scene as you closed in for the kill. 

You discovered Joshua was a wine guy. As you sat together at the same bar you started your night he slowly sipped on a complimentary merlot, idly sloshing the red liquid around as you chatted. 

Much like the velvety and fruity essence of his drink, Joshua proved to be the same soft-spoken yet mischievous guy you remembered him being. The conversation flowed easily—almost just as effortlessly as your fourth gin tonic of the night. Faux-innocuous, wandering eyes slowly turned to innocent touches—a playful shove, a teasing shoulder bump—all under the guise of a family friend simply catching up.

You knew you couldn’t make your move just yet—not with your families only a quick glance away. But once you had established that Joshua wasn’t opposed to… whatever he thought was happening, you were hoping to get away from any watchful, inquisitive eyes. 

Evident from the newfound quirk tugging at Joshua’s lips, you knew it would only be natural to move to a more quiet spot. His broad frame had found yours now, shoulders brushing as you laughed together. He had this look in his eyes, wantonly ogling you just like you had the entire time. He wanted you too. 

From inside you could see the sun was almost done setting, and after the decorative fairy lights hanging in the trees turned on and warmed up the spacious garden, you noticed you had finished your drink again. You straightened up, ready to continue your little plan. 

But then—you didn’t even need to do that, as Joshua was well ahead of you. Surprisingly, but not quite. 

“Do you want to walk outside for a bit?” Joshua cocked up his brow, setting down his equally empty glass. 

You smiled at him, noticing the subtle maroon color that had started to appear on his cheeks. 

“Fun,” you nodded, as if this was his own idea all along. 

He offered his hand to help you down from the barstool, the warmth emitting off you a subtle hint of how much you wanted this.

You walked outside together, the cool night breeze making you conscious of just how much your skin had heated up in Joshua’s alluring presence. 

“This is nice,” Joshua muttered, admiring the twinkling lights. You nodded, leisurely walking alongside him. It was noticeably less busy than before, more and more guests retreating inside to mingle or drunkenly dance to some Latin music the DJ had started playing. 

“The location is really beautiful,” you hummed, your eyes falling on your sister and her boyfriend, who were laughing with some of your cousins on the other side of the garden carelessly. 

Joshua slowed a little, making you look back at him.

“No—I mean this,” Joshua giggled. “Talking with you has been lovely,” he smiled at you, the two of you standing still now. You chuckled, watching him read you. 

“I think so too, Joshua,” you told him, blinking slowly. 

Joshua bit his lip, making you raise your eyebrows at him. He looked around for a moment, his eyes falling on a wooden garden house even farther away from anyone. 

“Can I show you something?” he asked almost nervously, his glossy eyes gliding over your frame.  

You almost smiled in amusement, but you chose not to. “You can’t show me here?” you asked, feigning innocence. You saw right through him, and now you wanted to play. 

Joshua exhaled a slow breath, his jaw ticking. He shook his head. “No, cant here,” he said pointedly, fully aware of what you were doing now. He saw through you, too.

You pouted credulously, slowly nodding. “Okay,” your lips started curling up—quickly parting when he suddenly grabbed your wrist. 

Joshua wordlessly led you to the freshly painted garden house, his free hand opening the door and entering inside. There were all kinds of tools inside, yet it wasn’t messy. Everything had its own spot, save for a pile of wood in the corner.  

The man still gripping your wrist didn’t seem too interested in the interior of the garden house, pressing you into the door with his body as it clicked shut behind you. 

“J-Joshua—What are you doing?” you gasped, feeling his hands clutching your waist. 

Joshua rolled his eyes. His brown eyes peered down at you intimidatingly, hairs falling in his face before he spoke, “Don’t do that. I know you want this,” he rasped, wetting his lips before smirking. 

Your stomach fluttered at his words. Now that—you didn’t expect. The sweet Joshua you knew wasn't like this. But you hadn’t seen Joshua since you were a kid, and you were more than liking this grown-up version of him. 

“You think I didn’t notice how you’ve been teasing me the whole night?” he exhaled a breath in amusement, softly shaking his head. “Looking at me like you were, touching me like that,” he tsked, squeezing your plush skin. 

You batted your eyelashes as if you had been clueless of how you’d been acting. “I didn’t do anything,” you told him, voice trembling just enough to make him laugh.

“Hmn, okay, y/n,” he mocked you, his face—his lips—so close to you it almost had you give in right there and then. But you were stubborn, and you were enjoying this way too much. 

“Then I must’ve thought wrong. I’m sorry,” he smiled, letting go of you. There was still a hint of mischief in his eyes, but you were actually starting to worry about him leaving that you didn’t notice. He took a step back, and you frowned, eyes widening a little. 

“No—I was just kidding,” it was your turn to grab his wrist now, and Joshua raised his eyebrows. 

“Don’t go. I’m way more fun than the party.” you tugged him back to get him close again, but Joshua barely budged under your strength. “Are you now?” he smiled, and he cocked his head to the side. 

You nodded. “Of course. Why else would you spend so much time with me?” you blinked, growing a bit bolder again. Joshua laughed, his eyes getting smaller. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want to leave you just yet.” he agreed, finally inching closer to you again. 

You inhaled a big breath when you felt his hands back on your sides, his firm chest pressing into your staggering one. You gulped. He gently lifted a hand, surprising you by pressing his thumb against your lips, swiping at your lipstick—or whatever was still left of it. It smudged on his skin, subtle blotches of red staining the pale digit. 

“Be quiet,” Joshua whispered, using the same hand to tilt up your chin and finally meet your soft lips. You sighed against his mouth, the back of your head leaning back against the wooden panels as he kissed you hard. 

Your hands found his shoulders, using the leverage to pull him even closer. You could taste raspberry when your tongue swiped his, savoring the sweet taste hungrily as you kept kissing. Joshua found the hem of your dress, warm fingers burning your skin even through the black stockings you were wearing. 

He hiked up the dress, making you moan when he sucked on your bottom lip. 

The sound of him ripping your stockings hit your ear before you could even process what he was doing, suppressing your gasp with his mouth as a smirk tugged at the corners of his lips. 

“My stockings!” your eyebrows scrunched together as you whined, feeling his teeth start to nibble on your jaw after pulling back to scold him. 

“Sorry,” Joshua chuckled. But he didn’t sound very sorry. “I’ll buy you new ones,” he added, as if the problem had been the price of new stockings rather than the fact you would be walking around your aunt’s party missing an item of clothing. 

You didn’t reply to that, fixated on the feeling of Joshua kissing your neck as he tugged down your panties. His fingers found your slick pussy, rubbing your clit in a slow motion. You bit your lip before letting your head loll back. 

“You’re so wet,” he said quietly as if he was only talking to himself. Joshua slid two of his fingers inside of your entrance, surprising you. You moaned feeling him move them inside of you—still slowly, like he was simply testing the waters before fully diving in. You sighed at the feeling, pleasure blooming inside of you. 

A part of you knew this was wrong on so many levels, but you had always been reckless. And you wanted Joshua. 

He picked up the pace, making you shudder against him as his thumb found your clit. A smirk tugged at his lips, pointed eyes watching you gasp and moan for him. 

The quiet, low bass of the music coming from inside of the house seemed worlds away now, inconspicuous to the both of you as you got lost in the heat of the moment.

“God, Shua,” you gulped, opening your legs wider for him. Joshua chuckled at the nickname you had given him. He pressed a kiss to your lips, and you could feel his hard cock pressing into your thigh. The realization made you moan again, tightening around his two fingers fruitlessly. 

“Stop, stop,” you weakly pushed his shoulder, watching him frown at your words. “Hm?” he slowed down, brown eyes gliding over your features. “What’s wrong?” he whispered, giving the corner of your mouth a soft peck. 

“Just fuck me. Please?” you looked at him, his worried expression contorting into a smile as he took in your plea. He hummed softly, pulling out of your heat to open his silk dress pants. 

He watched you as he pushed them down, dress hiked up and creasing, ripped black stockings hanging from your soft thighs. He thought you looked beautiful before. But now, you looked ravishing. 

Joshua urged his boxers down, exposing his hard and leaking cock to you. His big hand encircled his length, spreading his pre-cum over himself while his other found the wall next to your warm body. “Hurry up,” you gulped, blinking when he cocked his brow at your words. 

“You have a big mouth.” Joshua observed aloud, tsking at the entitled look you were giving him next. 

He forced your thighs wider with his knee, making you gasp in surprise. He chuckled before closing the space between you again. 

His lips were on you in an instant, almost demanding as he kissed you again. Roughly, having you grab his shoulders to anchor yourself. 

He guided his wet cockhead to your puffy lips, slapping it against your cunt to make you mewl again. Your grip on his shirt tightened, feeling him inch closer to your burning core, pushing it against your entrance and slowly pushing inside. “Fuck,” you cursed, moaning against his mouth as he pushed in. 

It burned deliciously as he stretched your pussy, your walls pulsing and gripping him like a vice. “S-slow down.” you pushed your forehead against his shoulder, breathing heavily to try to get used to his big cock. 

“Is this really all you can take?” he mocked you condescendingly. You moaned loudly as he pushed in and bottomed out, amused at the sounds ripping from your throat. “Fuck you.” you breathed, your fingers shaking as you held onto him. “Fuck, Joshua,” you bit your lip in pleasure, whimpering when he pulled back to thrust right back inside. 

“You’re so filthy, y/n,” Joshua sighed as he started to move. As if he wasn’t the one who brought you here in the first place. 

You kissed him again, a mess of spit and teeth as your body grew ten times warmer. He felt so good, so thick and inviting as he kept moving. 

The panels behind you started to shake as Joshua went faster, urging your thigh over his hip so he could go even deeper. The newfound pleasure echoed inside of the enclosed space, your moans and groans and breaths the least of your worries. 

“Stay put,” Joshua mumbled against your lips, helping you hold up your thigh as it started to slide down from his rough thrusts. He squeezed your plush skin, sucking your bottom lip so hard you started to taste copper. 

He moaned when you started to play with your throbbing clit, bucking your hips while you saw stars. “Fuck, Shua. Keep going, please.” you put your arm around his neck, pulling him even closer if that were even possible. 

“Your pussy is so damn tight, baby,” Joshua groaned, twitching inside of you deliciously. “I’m gonna cum. Cum with me?” he asked you. You nodded wordlessly, throwing your head back in pleasure as you kept touching yourself as Joshua’s thrusts became sloppier. 

He nipped on your neck, sucking on your skin as he fucked you dumb. A guttural moan left your lips, squeezing his shoulder as you came around his cock. 

Your orgasm triggered Joshua’s, quickly pulling out of your warmth to release all over your thigh. “Shit,” he groaned, catching his breath against your neck. 

He rubbed his cock to get out every last drop, sighing at the bliss that followed. Joshua kissed you before slowly peeling himself off you. He tucked himself back in and fixed his clothes before tending to you, failing to hide the chuckle coming out of him at the mess he’d left you. 

“Sorry for ripping your pretty stockings.” He smiled without actually sounding too genuine. You tried to catch your breath still, watching him kneel before you to take off your heels. He took off the torn material carefully, using it to clean the mess from your thigh before tossing it aside and helping you put your shoes back on. 

“It’s fine.” you said as he fixed your dress, smoothing the creases before fixing the tousled stands of your hair. 

Joshua noticed the bruise he’d left on your lip, the subtle red lipstick that stained your chin, figuring there was no way he’d let you back to the party like this. 

He wasn’t long done with you, anyway. 

“Do you want to get out of here, pretty?” he carefully brushed your cheek, a sweet smile playing on his lips. 

You smiled back at him, slowly nodding. 

Finally, Joshua speaks.

“You know we have to talk about this.”

You don’t look at him, eyes still trained on the window. “No, we don’t.”

He sighs softly, not resignation, just acknowledgment. He won’t let this go, you know he won’t. Despite being so tired from spending all night in the emergency room with you, you know Joshua’s mind is racing, trying to come up with a plan. But in your head, there is no need for a plan. You will not listen to the doctor’s advice here. This whole thing is ridiculous.

When you get home, Joshua helps you inside and up the stairs to your shared bedroom. He tucks you in, lays a soft kiss on your forehead, and asks what you want for breakfast.

“‘M not hungry.” You mumble.

“I can’t give you your meds on an empty stomach, darling. You have to eat. Maybe something very light?”

You sigh. “Okay.”

You will do what he says because Joshua has always taken care of you. After six years together, there’s absolutely nothing about you that he doesn’t know. He is completely in-tune with your needs, and he has always pampered and spoiled you with anything you could ever ask for. You are so head over heels in love with him. He is everything you ever wanted.

Half an hour later, Joshua is gently nudging you awake. You had dozed off after being awake most of the night. He helps you sit up and you wince as your lower stomach tightens with a familiar cramp. Joshua pauses, watching your face. You try to wipe it clean, let him know you’re okay, but you can’t fool him. He knows you too well.

He sighs deeply and sets up the tray in front of you. You don’t even protest when he starts feeding you himself, not even letting you touch the plate. You chew slowly.

The silence is tense again. You know what’s coming. You know what he will say. Frankly, just the thought of it is irritating you all over again.

“I was thinking about it,” he begins. You grit your teeth and chew slower. When you don’t reply, he barrels on.

“I have some ideas about who could help you with it.”

You blink, shocked. When he holds up the next bite, you tilt your head away, bewildered eyes still trained on your husband.

“You can’t be serious.”

Joshua sighs. “Darling, you need this.”

“No, I don’t.” You punch out. “The doctor made a suggestion. It isn’t necessary.”

“It’s the only solution. Either this, or you take meds for the rest of your life.”

“I’m okay with that.”

“Well, I’m not.”

You pause at the sudden sharpness of his voice. Joshua is always soft, always so loving and considerate. He hardly ever gets angry, especially not with you. The only time you can remember him expressing any negative emotions is when you periodically get sick. It has been happening more and more frequently in these last few months, considering that you’ve been getting sick so much more. Last night was the final straw when he woke up at 2am to you throwing up in the bathroom, face red and blotchy, with a fever so high that it nearly burned his hand when he checked your forehead. He didn’t hesitate for a second before picking you up and putting you in the car, driving you straight to the hospital.

It took hours to get checked out and receive meds, finally making your fever go down. Joshua told the doctor all about your recurrent sickness, once nearly every two weeks, intense cramps and fever that would leave you bed ridden for most of the day. It worried him greatly, and when the doctor asked you one particular question, you knew exactly what the reason for your illness was.

“How long have you been on suppressants?”

You had shrugged from where you lay on the bed. “Around seven years.”

The doctor had sighed and nodded resolutely. “That’s the issue. You haven’t had a heat in too long. You’re getting cramps and fevers because your body is asking for a knot.”

Frankly, you felt a little offended and angry at the time. You know you have bad experiences about this particular subject. When you first got together with Joshua, this was the biggest concern for all your friends and family. Would you be okay with spending the rest of your life with a beta? Someone who can’t provide you what your body biologically needs? You had fought everyone in your life to be with him, telling them to mind their own business and that you don’t need unsolicited advice.

You love Joshua. You don’t love him despite him being a beta. You love him because of it. He is level headed and calm. He has never struggled with instinct or extreme emotions. For someone like you, who is so sensitive and can sometimes be a paranoid overthinker, Joshua is the perfect pillar and support. He keeps you grounded.

Also, any talk of this so-called biological need is frankly ridiculous to you. Joshua is incredible in bed. He is a giver through and through. He has never left you wanting. Both of you are so compatible. Getting on long-term suppressants was a complete no-brainer for you. You don’t need to go through the whole painful ordeal of heats anymore. You’ve been so deliriously happy for six years with him. You love him more than anything in the whole world.

Curse that doctor for suggesting what he did. Curse him. Because even someone as confident and self assured as Joshua can be doubtful. He has only ever had one insecurity in his life, and that was this. His inability to give you a knot.

Now here he sits in front of you, face hard set and lips pulled tightly into a thin line. He’s upset, you can tell, and that makes you upset. You take a shaky breath before speaking again.

“I don’t need anyone else.” You say. “I only need you.”

Joshua sighs and lowers the hand holding the spoon. He fiddles with the bowl, swirling the spoon around in it, lost deep in thought.

“Your body clearly needs a knot.” He says. “I can’t stand to see you sick so often. I can’t. It’s too painful.”

When he looks at you again, his eyes are pleading. “Just let me look into our options. We don’t have to decide anything yet. Just think about it. For me.”

Your eyes dart between his. You want to protest, you really do. The thought of being with anyone that isn’t him, especially while you’re in heat, is too much for you. But you can see that this is tearing him up on the inside. His one fear, his one insecurity, is being flaunted in his face like this. You can’t imagine how he must be feeling. You grit your teeth and nod, body slumping in resignation. If doing this means that he can at least be put at ease, then so be it.

“Okay.”

…………………………………..

Joshua Hong considers himself a confident man.

He has always been like this, even from a very young age. In any friend group he’s been in, he is supportive and nonjudgmental. He is the first person people come to for advice. He isn’t hesitant in anything he does. Head first, can’t lose. Even his mother was surprised when he presented as a beta and not an alpha, but Joshua always thought it made perfect sense. He isn’t overly emotional, he doesn’t struggle with handing over control. He knows when a situation requires him to step up and when to step down. He despises any of that territorial bullshit a lot of alphas engage in.

When he first met you, he knew he wanted to be with you forever.

You met through mutual friends, so Joshua knew of you for a long time before he ever actually saw you. But when he did, he was enamored immediately. There was something so soft and welcoming about you. You calmed him down, even though his entire life, he was the one doing that for other people. To him, you were something precious. He knew after that first meeting that he wanted to be around you. He just wondered if you wanted to be around him too.

When you first started dating, Joshua was hesitant. He knew what the stigma was. He was hyper aware of the fact that he was a beta, and you were a very, very desirable, unmated omega. During those early weeks of dating, he could see the way you would turn heads when you went out. Alphas wanted you, he knew. He wasn’t stupid. He could see it a mile off, could smell the desperation rolling off of them. But then he would turn his head to you, only to find you already looking at him, bright eyes and the tiniest smile.

When dating turned into a relationship, and when infatuation turned into love, Joshua saw in real time how he became the love of your life, just as you became his.

You didn’t give a fuck what anyone had to say about it, feisty as you are. He remembers when you fought with your mother about it, telling her to back off, telling her that he is all you ever wanted, all you would ever want. It was your rigid faith in the two of you, in him, that made Joshua feel so at ease. You never hid it, it was always written all over your face. You loved him with every part of you, just as he loved you.

He will never doubt that. He still doesn’t, to this day.

His eyes are trained on the screen, the cursor blinking on the word document open in front of him. He tuned out a while ago, and work is really the last thing on his mind right now. There’s too much happening at home, and these days, he feels like all he can think about is your illness and how he’s going to fix it.

If he even can. It’s obvious you aren’t totally on board with this. You’re doing it for him. And that makes him love you even more.

“You know, you could at least pretend to work.”

Joshua blinks and looks up. Jeonghan’s head is poking over the top of the cubicle wall, chin resting on his arms. There’s amusement lingering in his eyes. Joshua huffs.

“I am pretending.”

Jeonghan snorts. “Well, you’re not fooling anyone. Come on, let’s get some coffee.”

The break room is all the way on the other side of the building, and getting coffee is really an excuse to take a break, dawdling and lingering, taking as long as they both can to grab a simple coffee. Any excuse to not work. It’s an age-old tradition, one that Joshua had made with Jeonghan since they both started here fresh out of college. That was many, many years ago, even before he ever met you.

Jeonghan is, as always, not dressed appropriately for work, wearing baggy jeans and a T-shirt like he always does. It’s crazy that he’s allowed to get away with it, but Joshua knows that if anyone can pull this kind of stunt off, it’s Jeonghan. He is an extremely convincing person, and he’s very smart about it too. A coworker of theirs, who was never a fan of Jeonghan, always calls him ‘manipulative’. It should be offensive, but Jeonghan laughs it off every time. And that’s because he is secure enough in himself to know that there is a little truth to that accusation.

Joshua is a bit of a stickler for rules, but he never holds them against Jeonghan. Frankly, Jeonghan has been Joshua’s biggest support besides you ever since he graduated. He knows that despite how people perceive Jeonghan, there is no one in Joshua’s life who is as open, as understanding and as kind as him. At first glance, Jeonghan doesn’t really look like an alpha, and he has been confused as a beta countless times. But within minutes of knowing him, Joshua could tell why Jeonghan’s secondary gender was alpha. He isn’t an overwhelming, territorial presence. He isn’t loud and mean about it. There’s a chilling calm in Jeonghan that doesn’t have to be all-encompassing. Jeonghan has the kind of presence that puts the fear of god in people without raising his tone even one decibel. And Joshua likes that. Jeonghan keeps everyone on their toes.

But this also means that Jeonghan is perceptive as hell. When they are finally standing in front of the coffee machine in the empty break room, Jeonghan asks him the dreaded question.

“Everything okay at home?”

Joshua sighs. “Yeah, kind of.”

Jeonghan doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t push. As always, he lets Joshua open up on his own terms. So he chooses his words carefully before he speaks.

“You know how Y/N hasn’t been feeling well for a while now?”

Jeonghan nods. “Yeah, the fevers. Did she get sick again?”

Joshua nods. “Took her to the hospital. Found out why she can’t seem to get better.”

Joshua explains the whole situation to his friend, and Jeonghan listens attentively. He nods and hums, doesn’t interrupt, and when Joshua finally finishes, he lets the confession marinate in the air for a bit before responding.

“It seems like she really doesn’t want this.”

Joshua snorts, leaning his hip against the counter. “Her brain doesn’t. Her body clearly does.”

Jeonghan takes a sip, expression thoughtful. “Have you thought about presenting it to her that way? That this is essentially like a medical treatment. The reason she’s so opposed right now is because she’s thinking about this emotionally. Maybe if you make it as clinical as possible, she won’t be so hesitant about it.”

Joshua purses his lips, thinking. “I suppose so.”

Jeonghan nods. “I think that’s the angle you should take here.”

As they walk back to their desks, Joshua bites the inside of his lip, thinking. An idea is forming in his head, the very first inkling of it. He glances sideways at Jeonghan. What if…..

He shakes his head. He can’t possibly be entertaining this.

But the thought doesn’t leave him. Not for the rest of the day, not when he clocks out, and not when he’s finally home, toeing his shoes off next to the door before trudging inside, placing his bag on the couch. He can hear something sizzling in the kitchen, along with the aroma of dinner cooking. He sighs when he walks in and sees you bent over a large pot, stirring something as you peer inside.

“Sweetie, why aren’t you in bed?” He mumbles, running a tender hand down your waist and dropping a kiss on your shoulder.

“I’m making soup. It’s cold outside. This will warm us up.” You sound cheerful, and Joshua feels a bit at ease knowing you’re feeling better. He helps you finish the soup quickly, plating it and walking the tray to the living room. He grabs a blanket from your room and drapes it over both of you, turning on the television so you can have some background noise.

You ask him about his day, and he indulges you with some minor details. He wonders if he should bring up his idea right now, but decides against it. He needs to think on this more, make sure that he is completely okay with it inside and out before he even suggests it to you or Jeonghan. He knows that once he puts this out there, he can’t take it back, so he needs to make sure there isn’t a single doubt in his mind first.

Dinner is calm and intimate, half your legs draped over his as you munch on fresh baked sourdough bread dipped in creamy, carrot soup. It’s delicious, and it does warm Joshua up very quickly. You were right, this is exactly what he needed. Cozy on the couch after dinner, he laves you with kisses, all over your face and neck, licking over the mark that he put on you years and years ago. You shiver under his touch and moan quietly. Joshua can feel his cock stir, and he pulls you into his lap immediately. No more thinking for tonight, he wants to turn his brain off and savor you.

He takes it slow, laying you under him to pump his cock in and out of you. With every thrust, he angles his hips just right, knowing exactly where to hit that will have your toes curling and your pussy clenching deliciously around him. He whispers quiet encouragement in your ear, and when your orgasms hit, they crest over softly and sweetly, whispered ‘I love you’s coaxing you both through them. Joshua wraps his arms tight around your waist, kissing you over and over until his lips are numb and tingly with it. You have a smile on your face, easy and lazy, eyes half lidded. He carries you back to the bed, cleans you up and tucks you into his side, feeling you go pliant against him as you drift to sleep. His body buzzes pleasantly, but his eyes are wide open. He stares at the ceiling, and his mind goes back to the thought that has plagued him since this morning as he runs a gentle hand up and down your bare back. The more he thinks about it, the more he is convinced.

Jeonghan would be the perfect alpha for you.

He has always been different, marching on the beat of his own drum. While Jeonghan is completely, undoubtedly an alpha, he is not overcome with the intense need to prove himself like most alphas are. He is confident in where he stands, self-assured and satisfied with his status. Joshua knows that an alpha in a sexual setting might freak you out, but someone as unassuming as Jeonghan might work out well for your heat.

You’ve also known Jeonghan for a very long time, almost as long as you have known Joshua. He is an alpha that you completely trust. In fact, Joshua is sure that besides him, Jeonghan might be the only man you are comfortable around. You both hit it off instantly when you met because of how similar your sense of humor is. You always send home cooked meals to Jeonghan when he is in rut. And you are always the first to befriend any omega he courts. You are familiar with him, which would make the emotional turmoil inside you a bit easier to deal with when you’re in heat and not in control of your senses.

By all logic, this is the best solution.

Joshua looks down at your sleeping form, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. You don’t stir, still limp half on top of him. Joshua wants to relax, he wants to sleep, but he can’t. It just won’t come. He’s too amped up, too caught up in the web of suggestions racing around in his head. He reaches for his phone with his free hand, making sure to turn the brightness down to the minimum so you aren’t disturbed. He does his best to type with one hand.

[joshua]: awake?

The reply comes within two minutes.

[jeonghan]: yeah. everything ok?

Joshua contemplates. Why did he message Jeonghan? This is not the kind of conversation he can have over the phone. And he absolutely can’t tell Jeonghan about this before he has brought it up with you. He doesn’t know why he immediately texted Jeonghan. So he just sends back a quick ‘yeah, sorry’ and shuts his phone off again, ignoring Jeonghan’s reply to it.

He needs to sort out his head. And then he needs to sort out everything with you.

………………………………..

Being with someone for as long as you’ve been with Joshua means that you become smart enough to know when to push something and when to pull back on it so it can take its natural course. In this scenario, you know you have to stand back and let him come to you instead.

You notice, because of course you do, how withdrawn he has become. He came back from the office distracted one day, and he hasn’t really bounced back since then. When he’s at home with you, you have his full attention, but you can tell that when you’re hanging around his periphery that his eyes gloss over, face pinched in deep thought. He’s mulling something over in his head, you can tell. But you know Joshua, and you trust him. He will come to you with it eventually, once he has sorted it out in his own head.

That day comes around a week after you first notice his change in behavior. You’ve been feeling a bit under the weather again, and you think that might be the deciding factor for Joshua, because when you’re leaning against the headboard of the bed that evening, him sitting with your feet in his lap, rubbing over the soles in a way that has you sighing and relaxing into the pillows, he finally brings it up.

“I know I’ve been acting a little weird. I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, baby.” Your voice is soft, but your heart is racing a little. You already have an inkling of what this will be about.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. And I think I’ve found someone who can help you if you get off your suppressants and go into heat.”

You stay silent but nod, encouraging him to keep going. You can see his chest rise and fall as he takes a deep breath, his eyes on your feet which he’s still working with his hands, before speaking.

“Jeonghan.”

You blink once, twice, staring at your husband. “Jeonghan?”

“Yes.”

“From work?”

Joshua’s lips twitch with amusement. “Do you know any other Jeonghan?”

You sit up a bit more, making his movements pause. His face turns serious again, watching you carefully. You take your time, thinking it through, trying to see it from his point of view. You certainly didn’t expect this. You did know he was probably looking into different alphas, but you assumed he would pick one that you didn’t know that well, connected through friends of friends that you would probably never see again.

But Jeonghan….

Jeonghan is probably your only alpha friend. You know lots of omegas and betas, but Jeonghan is the only alpha you’ve ever truly felt comfortable around. Is that the angle Joshua is going with over here? He’s a close friend so your omega will be comfortable with him?

He is still watching you closely, and he continues rubbing your feet as you think. You ask your first question.

“Will you be okay with it?”

He smiles. “I wouldn’t suggest it if I wasn’t okay with it, darling.”

You sigh. “I know. But…… it’s Jeonghan. Your best friend and coworker Jeonghan.”

Joshua shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. Jeonghan is the best person for something like this. He’s the only alpha you’re okay with being around. I don’t want it to be some stranger. What if it distresses your omega in the middle of your heat? That would be disastrous.”

He’s right. This will be your first heat in almost seven years. God, you can’t even remember your last heat. And Joshua has never experienced you in heat either. This will be new to both of you. Scratch that, all three of you.

“Does Jeonghan know about this?”

Joshua vehemently shakes his head. “Absolutely not. I will only talk to him if you give me the go-ahead.”

You can’t help but laugh a little. “This feels like a business deal.”

Joshua smiles and gently puts your foot down on the bed. Then, he opens his arms.

“Come here.”

You happily climb into his lap, relaxing into his warmth. He’s always so, so warm, like your own personal furnace in the winters. You love it.

“We will only do this if you’re okay with it. I will drop the whole idea if you say so.”

You shake your head and sigh. “No, you’re right. Jeonghan might be the only good choice here.”

You let him rub your back up and down, making you feel sleepy again. You still don’t know how you feel about this, but there will be a lot of time to warm up to the idea eventually. Joshua still has to talk to Jeonghan about it, and you have to go to the clinic and safely get off the suppressants. So there’s time enough for your omega to accept and adjust to the situation.

Right now, you don’t want to think about any of it. So you snuggle into your husband, calmed down by his grounded scent, letting all these thoughts leave your head in favor of the man in front of you.

…………………………

You don’t expect Joshua to bring Jeonghan home with him the next day after work, but he does.

You blink owlishly at both of them. You wanted to bake today, so the kitchen is a mess and so are you. Your apron is caked in flour and cocoa powder, and the counters are dirty with it too. The cupcakes are finally in the oven, but you hadn’t begun cleaning up when both of them show up, leaving you gobsmacked.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Joshua looks genuinely apologetic, walking closer to lay a kiss on your forehead. “I texted and called but you weren’t answering.”

You shake your head and smile. “It’s okay. Sorry, I didn’t check my phone.”

You hold up your dirty hands as the reason why. Jeonghan smiles.

“I hope this is okay.”

“Of course it is! Don’t be ridiculous.” You wave a hand in dismissal before walking to the sink to wash off the flour and batter.

“We’ll help clean up.” Jeonghan offers. Before you can protest, both men spring into action, so you just let them. Frankly, you’re tired again, as you so often are these days. You barely have energy to do anything. So when you felt better this morning, you wanted to bake for Joshua. You know he enjoys sweet treats. He’s the one usually making them for you, so you wanted to do it for him this time. But it seems your body doesn’t agree with you as much as you want it too.

You’re hit with another wave of dizziness, gripping the sink tightly so you don’t fall. You watch the water flow from the tap, taking deep breaths.

“Hey,” Jeonghan’s voice is a little unfamiliar when it hits your ear, making you jump. “Maybe you should sit down.”

You nod dumbly. You want to move, but you need this wave of dizziness to taper first. Or else you will fall.

You hear both of them in the background before Jeonghan speaks. “It’s okay. I’ve got this.”

Someone turns the sink tap off. You feel two hands on your elbows, turning you around and slowly coaxing you out of the kitchen and into the living room. You can smell Jeonghan, scent much stronger than Joshua’s, and characteristically alpha. But it’s a scent you recognise, peaches and cedarwood. You sit down on the couch, vision still swimming. When it clears a little, you see Jeonghan kneeling before you, smiling a little.

“It’s really bad, isn’t it?” He whispers. You can hear clattering in the kitchen. Joshua is busy. So you nod.

“I feel terrible all the time.” You keep your voice low. “I don’t want to worry Shua, but I just feel so awful. I’m so tired of being sick.”

Jeonghan nods, understanding. You hesitate.

“Did he tell you?”

He nods again. You sigh.

“You can say no. Please, this isn’t an obligation just because we’re your friends. I know it’s a lot to ask-”

“Why would I say no?”

You stop talking immediately, staring at him. He smiles, that thin, wide smile that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle.

“If I have the chance to make you feel better, a little less sick, then I will absolutely take it. I care about you, angel. And I’m honored that Shua trusts me with something like this. Anything you need from me, I’m here.”

You can feel your cheeks burn a little at his words. You shakily nod, staring down at your hands. You feel a little shy under his sharp gaze. You don’t notice how he meets Joshua’s eyes over your shoulder, nor the comforting smile that the two exchange with each other.

Dinner is calm and almost intimate. Jeonghan has been over many times before, and you always set your dining table for him. But this time, he joins you two on the couch, sitting on the other side of you with a respectable distance between you two. It’s clear that an invisible line has been crossed with him, but surprisingly, you’re not as uncomfortable with this notion as you thought you would be. It feels like any other day when the three of you hang out. You are once again impressed by Joshua’s thinking process on this. He anticipated your comfort, banked on it, and he was right. You trust Jeonghan immensely, way more than you would any strange, unknown alpha. The more you get used to the idea of spending your heat with him, the more you are satisfied with the decision.

It puts Joshua at ease, you can tell.

A few days later, you finally, officially are off suppressants. The doctor warns you that your heat can hit any day, which sends Joshua into a sort of panic and urgency that you’ve never really seen from him before. He confesses that he’s never dealt with an omega in heat before, but you calm him down, telling him it doesn’t matter. He knows you, he knows how to take care of you, and that’s all that matters.

You make your nest carefully, filled with Joshua’s recently worn clothes. He’s a beta, so the scent isn’t as strong as it would be if it was a nest made with alpha clothing. That makes him fret a little, unsatisfied.

“It needs to be perfect.” He mumbles as he fiddles with the stuff piled on your shared bed. You’re lying in the middle, feeling a little fatigued.

“Shua, it’s fine. I love your scent.”

“You do now. But when your heat hits, it won’t be enough.”

“We will cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“No.” He scowls, reaching for his phone. “I’ll ask Jeonghan to bring some of his clothes over.”

This is the first time he’s mentioned Jeonghan since you got off the suppressants. Both of you discussed the way you would go about it extensively beforehand, but it kind of faded to the back of your mind when your cramps intensified and you started going into preheat. You were so preoccupied with getting yourself ready that you momentarily forgot about the alpha who would actually be helping you through the whole thing.

The mention of Jeonghan right now makes you stiffen a little. Joshua notices immediately, climbing into the nest to comfort you.

“Is that okay?”

You hesitate. “I don’t know.”

You honestly don’t. You haven’t been in heat for so long that you’ve completely forgotten what helped you with it and what didn’t. Your husband nods.

“Okay. I’ll ask him to bring them over and you can see if you want them. We won’t keep them if you don’t want to.”

You nod, and he is on the phone within the next minute. You don’t move when the bell rings, leaving Joshua to scramble out of the nest and to the front door. Jeonghan is standing on the other side with a large, duffel bag.

“Everything I’ve worn in the last week.” He holds it up. “I’ve been holding off on laundry.”

Joshua nods, a little surprised at the consideration. “Thanks.”

He takes the bag. Jeonghan shifts a little.

“She’s in pre-heat.”

It’s less of a question and more of a statement, but Joshua nods anyway. “Yeah. How did you know?”

Jeonghan lets out a laugh. “I can smell her, Shuji.”

“Oh.” Joshua blinks. Right. Alpha noses. Infinitely better at sniffing omegas out. He’s not sure how he feels about Jeonghan smelling you like this, but he also knows that Jeonghan is going to do way more than that during your heat, so this is practically nothing.

“I’ll go now.” Jeonghan finally says. “Call me if you need anything else.”

Jeonghan is turning around to leave before Joshua can reply, and he wonders if it’s because of your scent that he is pushing to get away from here. He’s a beta, so can’t tell. But he knows it’s difficult for alphas to hold themselves back when omegas go into heat.

He trudges back into the room where you lay, mind still lingering on the stiff interaction he just had with his friend. But you blink up at him when he is in close proximity, planting himself beside you and placing the bag on the bed.

You sit up slowly, eyeing the bag with a little distrust. Joshua opens it for you, and the scent hits you immediately. First peaches, sharp, and then tamped down by the earthy tone of cedarwood. You reach in and pull out a sweatshirt. Your nose twitches. You bury it in the soft cloth.

He smells so good.

You don’t know if it’s because of your preheat, if it’s because your nose is overly sensitive right now, but you can feel your muscles loosen as the scent fills your senses. A whine escapes your throat involuntarily, and Joshua stiffens at the sound. You don’t register it, enveloped by the scent of alpha. You reach in for more clothes, pulling them out one by one and adjusting them in your nest. Joshua’s soft, flowery scent mixes with Jeonghan’s foresty one, an amalgam of notes that makes you heady. You sigh and lay back down again, reaching up to tug your husband down.

“Shua, scent me.”

He can’t, technically. He has no powerful scent to give. But his mark is still on your neck, and when he licks over it, you relax into his arms. Joshua sighs at the feeling. He needs to calm down. You’re still his. This is just your biology demanding Jeonghan, that’s it. You love him with every part of you. Despite the fact that you need an alpha right now, you’re snuggling into him, fingers running through his hair to scratch deliciously at his scalp. Nothing else matters here, just the two of you. He needs to get his head on straight before your heat begins.

It takes all of two days before you’re restless again.

Jeonghan’s clothes aren’t helping. You’re not in full heat, the cramps haven’t started, but you’re irritable. You cry at the littlest thing, and when that makes you feel guilty, it makes you cry even more. Joshua tries his best to calm you down, but it doesn’t seem to work. Nothing is working, and Joshua thinks it’s time to stop holding off on the inevitable.

Jeonghan is there within half an hour.

He has a bag slung over his shoulder, more clothes inside in case you need them for your nest, as well as fresh clothes he can change into over the next few days. There’s no way he will be able to leave when you’re in the thick of it. Your omega won’t let him.

He smiles at Joshua when he opens the door, eyeing him closely before whistling a little.

“She’s putting you through it, isn’t she?”

It’s a teasing little remark, and it makes Joshua laugh a little. “Understatement.”

Jeonghan pats him on the shoulder as he walks past, trudging into the house. “Don’t worry about it. You need to rest for a little. I’ll take over.”

Joshua hesitates. He knows Jeonghan is experienced, he’s heard about it. So he just nods and leads Jeonghan into your shared bedroom, a place he’s never been to before.

You’re lying curled up in the nest, wearing one of Jeonghan’s hoodies. Joshua can see that Jeonghan seems to like that, the corner of his lips twitching. Probably his alpha reacting to seeing an omega in preheat like this. Jeonghan drops his bag next to the wall by the door and walks closer to the bed. He hesitates at the edge of the nest, turning to look at Joshua.

“May I?”

Joshua appreciates the consideration. He nods. “Of course.”

Jeonghan seats himself beside you, reaching a soft hand up to brush your hair from your face. You shift a little, bleary eyes opening to see him sitting right in front you, inside your nest. You’re hit with his scent, an alpha so close, and you can’t see your pupils dilate, but Jeonghan can. He smiles.

“Hi, omega.”

You whine, a sound from deep inside your chest that has Joshua stiffening. There’s something so primal and needy about it. You struggle to push yourself up into a sitting position. Jeonghan helps you, and as soon as you’re vertical, you’re climbing into his lap.

Jeonghan shushes you as you cry, tears running down your cheeks. It’s instinct for him to nuzzle into your neck, the side opposite to where your mark is, running his tongue over your sweat glands. You moan, hands fisting over the cloth covering his shoulders.

Joshua blinks and snaps out of it, turning around. It’s best to give you some time alone. He can cook something. He had a stew in mind for when your heat starts, something easy to get down without being nauseous, and also very nourishing.

“Shua,” you whine, and the sound immediately makes him freeze. He turns around, and you’re still in Jeonghan’s lap, but your face is turned to him. It makes Jeonghan stop his ministrations, pulling away from you a little bit.

“Where are you going?” You pout. Joshua wants to coo. You look so cute, face flushed and eyes opened so wide.

“I’m just going to make you something to eat.”

He watches in horror as your face crumples, eyes going wet again.

“Don’t-” You inhale sharply. “Don’t leave me.”

Joshua is scrambling back before he even processes your words properly. He climbs into the nest, planting himself down next to Jeonghan so he is eye level with you.

“Never, my darling.” He whispers. “I will never leave you.”

You sniffle as he wipes your tears, and you become acutely aware that you’re still in Jeonghan’s lap. You blink a little, trying to clear the haze in your mind. Both men are watching you. It makes your face burn with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice is watery and thin. “I just- I don’t know what I want. I want you both here. I’m sorry. It’s so selfish-”

Joshua is quick to shush you again, wiping your cheeks as more tears escape. Jeonghan’s hands are on your waist, slowly running up and down to comfort you.

“If you want me here, I’ll be here.” Joshua says. Your face just crumples even more.

“It’s not fair to you.” You weep. “To make you watch me like that.”

He’s already shaking his head though, kissing over your wet cheeks. “I want you to have everything you need. You need me here, so I will be here. End of discussion. Okay?”

You nod almost on instinct, driven by how assertive he’s being. He lays one more kiss on your lips before pulling away, placing a warm hand on your back.

You turn to Jeonghan again, only to find his eyes already on you. It makes you flush a little. Truthfully, you’re still embarrassed at your little meltdown. But Jeonghan’s face is soft, relaxed.

“Tell me what you want, omega.”

You’re breath stutters at being referred to by title. You bite your lip.

“Your scent.”

Jeonghan hums and leans down again, licking another thick stripe up your neck like he did before. You tilt your head back, eyes rolling up at the feeling. It feels so good, deliriously good, to be scented like this. You moan again, hips jerking a little. Jeonghan’s grip on your waist tightens.

He spends a good amount of time scenting you. You dig your nails into his back when he nips lightly at the skin, and he hums into your neck, exhaling right over your glands, making your scents mix. You can feel yourself getting wet, and you’re sure that Jeonghan can smell it. Hell, even Joshua can probably smell it with how potent it is. You’re on the cusp of your heat, and it’s making your head spin.

“Alpha,” you gasp, clenching desperately around nothing.

“Hm?” Jeonghan digs his teeth a little into your skin, not enough to break it, but enough to make Joshua clench his jaw a little as he watches over your back. Jeonghan meets the beta’s eyes, testing the waters. You’re still squirming in his lap.

“What do you want, omega?” He whispers in your ear, loud enough for your husband to hear. “Do you want to cum?”

“Yes.” You sob, body seizing up at the mere thought of it.

Jeonghan brushes hair lips over the shell of your ear one last time before pulling away, lifting you from his lap and shuffling you back until your shoulder blades meet Joshua’s chest. He instinctively grips you, giving into his own feelings and leaning down to brush your hair off your neck so he can plant his lips over the claiming bite on your neck. You keen at the feeling, and that satisfies him. Jeonghan’s hands travel down until he’s pushing his hoodie up over your hips, his fingers hooking in the waistband of your sweats. He looks at you briefly and you nod, so he tugs them off.

You can see the way he bites his lip as he eyes your clothed crotch. It sends a thrill down your spine. You feel Joshua’s hands run over your stomach under the hoodie, his bare touch feeling amazing against your heated skin. Jeonghan touches your ankle, a barely there sensation, but then he drags his hand up your calf and thigh. The touch makes you jerk, especially when his hand reaches the crease of your panties. You undulate your hips up, trying to get his hand where you need him, but he pauses, looking up at you. His eyes are dark, and it makes your heart stutter a bit when he tuts.

“Be good.”

You bite your lip, breathing heavily. You aren’t used to this. Joshua has never denied you anything in bed, ever. He is extremely giving, often to the point of overstimulation. That’s the truly sadistic part of him, when he makes you cum so many times that you’re nearly psychotic with it, begging him to stop, your thighs and the bed soaked with your juices. It seems Jeonghan leans the other way, giving you crumbs until you’re begging for more. The complete opposite to how your Shua has trained you.

Jeonghan brushes a finger up your slit over the dark patch on the wet cloth, and you try your best to not buck up into his touch again. Something about the hardness in his eyes tells you that he won’t like that, and right now, you would rather die than disappoint the alpha who will eventually give you his knot. But it seems Joshua doesn’t have that instinct, and he doesn’t like to see you squirm this way.

“Don’t tease her.” He speaks up, hands still exploring your bare torso, soothing touches that take away some of the edge that Jeonghan is subjecting you to. Jeonghan’s eyes snap up to the beta, and the corner of his lip ticks up in amusement.