いつかまたね交点の先で

目先のことだけではなく、長期的に会社のためにと言われても、その決断が正しかったかは誰が、いつわかるのだろうか。将来のことで悩むのであれば、私は目の前の人ときちんと向き合っていきたい。

いつもありがとう。

暮らしを整える

I’ve tried to ask myself why I cannot overcome this feeling of dread and heaviness to move forward, like I’m constantly moving through heavy heavy mud. I know the reason lies within myself and I hope to discover this, and maybe I need help. I cannot find a place to be happy, a place I feel free to be “me.” 

今はそっと充電タイム。

One of those days when I feel physically and mentally drained. I long for a place where I can put everything done and just watch the clouds drift by. What is it that I’m missing? What do I need to do to feel purpose in my life? I don’t want to work and I don’t want to do anything. I want to sit in a house surrounded by green and people. Not lots of people like in a busy city but a community of people I can trust. 田舎みたいなところ。When you talk to people you love, you feel this warmth take over your heart, and I don’t feel that today. I’m cold and combative and sensitive. I withdraw into my own shell, and hurt people in ways I don’t intend to. I lash out when I should just stay quiet. I don’t know what’s wrong. I wish I knew how to fix it. But this is just a phase, one of those monthly bumps. I hope it passes soon. But I return to this image of a faraway place, surrounded by greenery, a farm, a modest home, and people I love. People who give me purpose to live. People who make me laugh. 

When you think about it, the answer should be clear. What are you afraid of. Look out for yourself. Take the path, in which you can envision your happiness.