A Piece to Remember

This morning, I punched my way out of bed.  Left jab “God is my strength!” Right jab “God gives me grace!”

As is my custom now, I put on “You Make Me Brave” and then “We Will Not Be Shaken” and got ready for my Tuesday. 

Except today was a little different.

Today, as I stood in front of the mirror, in addition to changing out of my PJs into my layers of work clothes, I took some time to put on an additional layer, namely, the full armor of God.

I looked straight in the mirror and, one by one, very intentionally and emphatically placed The helmet of salvation on my head, The breastplate of righteousness over my chest, The belt of truth around my waist, The readiness that comes from the gospel of peace on my feet, The shield of faith, with which I can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one, in my left hand. And the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, in my right.

Throughout, I covered everything, everything, everything in the prayer in the Spirit.

Why?

Well, today is November 1st, which means it has been a full three months now that I have been in my “funk.”

These last three months have been pretty difficult. For much of them, I just could not for the life of me figure out what was wrong. Yesterday, however, I had a long overdue moment of clarity.

Over an impromptu Chipotle dinner, Silvia firmly reminded me of the realities of war and gently chided me for neglecting to fight where it mattered most - in the spiritual realm. I have been taking action to resolve this quarter life crisis in so many other ways - reading books, doing research, studying, getting advice from countless people - but I have failed to see this season for what it really is - war.

There is an enemy of souls, and these last few months I feel that I have actually been outwitted by him, falling ignorant to his schemes. I have fallen into despair, desolation, self-condemnation, self-doubt so many times when the reality is that I simply have a target on my back, because this here is a war. 

For much of the last three months, I have been asking, “Why is this happening to me? Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I pull myself together? Why can’t I just catch a break?” Now, all I can think about is Mushu masquerading as a general on a panda in Mulan: “We’re in a war, man! There’s no time for stupid questions!”

This is the Bible’s clear exhortation:

12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 

I cannot be surprised to be getting injured in war if I am not even picking up my armor.

Yesterday morning, my dad asked me to read the QTs that he had written for our home church on Hebrews 12. I have read the first six verses countless times in many other seasons, but yesterday night before bed as I read them again, they resonated with my heart with a new urgency:

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”

In my struggle against sin I have not yet resisted to the point of shedding my blood, but Jesus shed his. He shed his blood that I might have victory through him. Victory is mine in Christ. It’s time that I start claiming that in faith and picking up my armor.

Thank you all for being the great cloud of witnesses that has been surrounding me through this season. Your prayers are carrying me through, and even this small breakthrough at the three-month mark is a victory that I want to celebrate. I don’t know how long this clarity, this surge of confidence, this renewed strength, this shot of zeal will last, but I know His mercies are new every day, and even in my floundering, He is faithful. He has not given up on me yet. 

This is a war, and I am thankful for all of you, my prayer warriors, who have been declaring victory over darkness even when I could not.

May we all continue to take up the full armor of God so that we may be able to withstand in this evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

May we throw off everything that hinders - doubt, fear, discontentment, civilian affairs, anxiety, lethargy - and the sin that so easily entangles - envy, covetousness, comparison, resentment, bitterness - and let us run this race with perseverance, fixing our eyes on the one who ran and endured for us.

Old Jeeps, evening drives, autumn sun.