Cooking by the book.

Yes, Dave?

Go ahead. Beg.

Oooh yeah. Let the praise flow in. Damn, that feels good.

I know you’re all jealous. It’s fine. Go ahead. Tell me how impressive I am.

The only reason you would hate a golden throne is because you’ve never sat on one.

Yes.

Look at what's happened. I’ve completely forgotten to respond to Roxy in the midst of this ugly, brutal mess. How truly disappointing it is, to be as popular as I am... I have no time for the friends who helped me get this far, do I?

What’s that? I can’t hear you over me being rich and you not even owning one golden throne.

Hahaha, Dave is lazy and would never make it in the business world.

I have to break down internet lingo for you? Me? Of all people? Okay. What I’m saying here is that you’re salty, Dave. You’re saltier than a fresh mix of sea salt toffee. And salt is in that name, Dave. Are you starting to understand? This will never stop happening, because you make it so easy.

Hahahaha. Yeah, okay Dave. Same time tomorrow? I’ll have something new for you to chew on. Something even saltier than this time around.

You make it so fucking easy to own you in front of the entire internet.

I’m sure the trolls would say otherwise.