I'm Beyond the Archetype.

“Well, they scared the shite out of me, first of all, popping up out of nowhere.” He began, grateful that his change of subject was going to slide. “And I looked terrible. Really hungover. Sunglasses, messy hair, everything. I was just trying to get a coffee at the little place down the street and then lights were flashing.” Edward sat up, shoveling another bite of his cheesecake in his mouth, “I couldn’t very well flip them off, y’know, ‘cause that’s not exactly kosher. So I decided to just give them weird as hell pictures that no magazine would buy.”

He watched the fork travel from Phil’s plate to his lips, his eyes following as it disappeared past his lips. Edward quickly looked away. “I didn’t really want any magazines guessing about the hangover. Did you know that I read a list of people Seventeen magazine thought I was getting paired with and there were girls on it? And the fucking Prince of Taiwan who I think is straight? And is also a huge prick. You were number one, of course.” He trilled at the end, rolling his eyes. The whole world seemed to have bought their act, Edward had scoured the Internet for people who had caught on but other than a few cynics here and there, people seemed to believe that what they had had been real. 

The cake was much too sweet for Phillip’s liking but at this point he was starving so just about anything would have sufficed. So he continued to eat, raising his eyebrows and humming at the appropriate times in the other’s story. “ Oh poor thing. “ Phil cooed, half teasing, half sympathetic. He knew just as well as Edward that those ‘’photographers ‘’could be a gigantic pain in the arse. “ that was clever though. giving them bad photos. “ Prince or not, Phil wouldn’t have hesitating in shooting them the rod. ( much to his parent’s dismay )  At least one of the two boys had some sense.

He nodded noncommittally. “Yeah, I’m sure it is.” 

Edward found that he didn’t really want to talk about it. All anyone was discussing was their betrothed and eventual weddings, it was beginning to ring in his ears like the notes of a funeral march. Married at twenty-four wasn’t how he’d ever seen his life, especially not before he had been thrust into royalty. People kept bringing up that this wasn’t a surprise, they had known this would happen their entire lives. But he hadn’t. When they’d discussed the Summit with him at age 11, he’d nodded along in boredom, 2025 had felt like a long way off. And he’d convinced himself that it was, even as he grew older. 

And now it was here and he was being carted off to a total stranger, far away from anyone he knew and who knew him for what he was. Talking about it with Phil was weird. It almost felt wrong, although of course they weren’t actually exes or anything, but it was enough to put him on edge. Avert his eyes, feel a slight flush of something that wasn’t quite shame.

Edward rolled off the bed and walked over to where the food still lay, flopping down onto the couch. “I swear to god, I will eat your cake and I will force you to order your own if you don’t get over here and take it.” He hoped his shift in topic didn’t come off as too abrupt. “As for the ‘how has being not boring’ been treating me? Like a charm. I’ve gotten drunk almost every night, I went out exploring instead of attending some boring fundraiser, and I made a fool of myself in front of the paparazzi.”

Phillip couldn't help but wonder if he said the wrong thing, eyebrows coming together in a slip second of confusion as Edward moved away from him.

On the one hand, he understood why he’d be fed up or done with the topic. The second the royals landed in Greece it was all anyone wanted to talk about.  Wedding this,  fiance that. It was shoved down there throats, a constant reminder that this wasn’t a vacation away from home. -- But on the other hand, he almost thought that Edward would want to talk about his soon-to-be husband. To brag about how wonderful Marcel was, if nothing else. It wasn’t as though they’d ever had an issue talking about relationships with each other in the past.

“One wedding planner. Four royal weddings.” He said in a terrible American-accented movie narrator voice. “This Christmas see how one woman really can do it all.” More seriously, he added, “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be paired and facing your doom with the rest of us soon enough. I’m already picking out the best moose for your wedding gift.”

Edward watched him for a moment and murmured, “It sucks having family on your back. I think it’s just a stressful time for all of us.”

He rested his chin in his hands, absently watching the McCallister family struggle to get ready for their trip. At his question, Edward’s eyes drifted towards a spot in the carpet, “Oh, he’s nice enough. Good-looking. Shorter than me. All pros in my book. But we don’t really know each other very well yet,” he sighed. “Although, I guess we will soon enough. I’m mostly terrified that I’m going to have to move to Poland. What is there in Poland?”

It was Phil’s turn to make a teasing noise of disgust and bump his shoulder against his friends. “ Jesus, “ He laughed. “ I’m not in any rush to get paired off. I’d rather face doom single-handedly. Though, I must admit I do want that moose so maybe, on second thought we should rush this. “

He just sort of... nodded. Unsure how to respond. To think that just months ago they were playing mario kart, goofing off. And now they have all these responsibility and pressure on their shoulders. 

“Shut up,” Edward grinned, shoving him harshly on the shoulder. He hovered over Gremlins on the screen and returned, mischievously, “Look, that one’s you!”

He flicked back towards Home Alone, which was innocent enough. He’d seen it about a million times and it wasn’t really a movie that demanded too much of your attention. It was two hours of 8 year old Macaulay Culkin nearly murdering two dumb criminals –– mindless. Which was what he needed right now, to just turn off his brain and stop thinking about everything without the involvement of alcohol.

 Edward smiled warmly at him. The staff would clean the floor when they came by to change his sheets in the morning. He flung an arm around the others shoulders, slightly awkwardly as their current position wasn’t the best for hugging, and squeezed him closer, “Oh. Well, in that case… no homo.” He charged the movie rental to his hotel tab and let the opening credits play. “How has being boring been treating you?”

He tried so hard to keep a straight face, to keep from giving the satisfaction of making him laugh over something so cheesy. And yet he found himself failing miserably. “ Jokes on you ! Some people find those little things cute ! “ Before obviously. The after the fact monster thing that they turned into? .... Not so much. 

Phil had been joking ( Mostly ) about the hello hug and more so, with the whole ‘ no homo ‘ thing ( a running gag between the two that the younger loved to use an excuse to do anything touchy or borderline romantic. ) He hadn’t expected Edward to actually hug him  now after the fact. But honestly, he wasn’t complaining.  Phil missed this; just being with the boy. His smell, his warmth, the little details in his expression when he looked at him and smiled. -- They’d spoken before coming to Greece on Skype and their phones, but there were so many little things that made this, having in in person, so much better.

“Four Christmases,” Edward mused, “Or, uh, Home Alone.” He reached over for the television remote and clicked the TV on and began scrolling through the hotel’s on demand selections. “There’s always the happy flick It’s a Wonderful Life.”

It almost didn’t feel real, them being in the same room as each other, falling back into their normal pace. As if to convince himself it was, he reached over and ruffled his hair, letting his hand drag down to get the last of the icing off his face. He flicked the white fluff onto the floor and sighed, “Sorry but I’m not really into the whole necrophilia thing. Also that’s really gay and I’m not into that.”

“ Home Alone. “ He voted, jumping on the movie that he was the most familiar with. The first sounded like something straight off of the Hallmark Channel and the later, while he’d technically seen it, Phil couldn’t tell who the characters were of what the actual plot was. Whenever it was on, something else would easily grab his attention. “ Oh look, it’s you ! “ Phil called when the title ‘the grinch’ popped up. “ why didn’t you tell me that you were getting a documentary ? “

“I’m here to defile you before your betrothed gets the chance,” Edward nodded solemnly. “Your assistant should be afraid.” 

He laughed as Phil rolled away from him. “It’s a Christmas miracle! That was my payback for you not hugging me when you came in. Not even the awkward bro hug where we pat each other on the back. You can’t betray me like that, Phillip.”

He maneuvered himself onto his stomach and rested his chin on his hands, “Help me pick out a movie that’s boring enough for us to talk over.”

Betrothed was such a weird word. One that he kept hearing over and over and yet it still sounded out of place. “ Sounds like a solid plan. “ He agreed.

“ I did consider tackle hugging you onto the ground, but I took the more classy route of dying on your bed and saying goodbyes. “ He excused, the flat part of his palm rubbing were he assumed the icing remained. “ If you wanted to hug me, you could have just asked. “ Phil pressed, voice softening as he sat up legs crossing underneath him. “ - or you could have hugged my lifeless corpse. “

“Gross. I can see why you needed a distraction.” He considered the other prince for a second, glancing over his face. It had been a while since they’d last seen each other. Edward had made a bad habit of impulsively hopping on planes, but it wasn’t like Canada and England were exactly close to each other. He missed being able to see his face on something other than a grainy phone camera.

He laughed, bringing his hand up to his neck to find a stray bit of buttercream frosting smeared there. He rubbed it off and replied in a mock-disappointed tone, “Oh, I thought you were going to lick it off me. But I forgot about your whole saving yourself bit, I don’t know if the Prince of Antarctica would approve.”

Edward reached out to rub the frosting onto Phil’s cheek, “I didn’t eat your piece. Also I ordered you a steak because I’m the best and it’s still untouched.”

“ Mhm. “ He hummed softly, laying his head onto his folded arms. “ And I just missed talking to you. What better time than in the middle of an important meeting ? “ The face of his assistant came to mind, her expression turning to a look of pure irritation and disappointment when she saw the name on his phone. His alias was something childish of course, but seeing as they were by his side most of the day it was painfully easy for them to know who it was. ‘ stop it. ‘ they mouthed, but Phillip simply played dumb and continued to type.

‘ please tell me you’re not going to his room ‘ they pleaded as the Phil jumped up from his chair and toward the door. An answer never came. He already knew she’d be informing his parents of this, regardless of the severity. Might as well do it thoroughly if he was going to get in trouble. 

text → timmy horts: no, it was from men’s warehouse :/ text → timmy horts: i’m reporting you, i’m a good christian boy just trying to survive text → timmy horts: oh god can you imagine? i’d just be /that/ creep

Edward stared down at his phone, idly stabbing another bite of cheesecake onto his fork. He hadn’t left his room all day, the pleasantries and overall falsehood of talking to people at the Summit was starting to grate on him. He was done making awkward apologies for shitty things he’d done in the past and plastering on a smile for the people he couldn’t even remember the names of. He was definitely done running into exes. Well, except for a certain ex, of course. If they could even call it that.

The door slammed shut and Edward startled, a smile spreading across his face. He stood up from the chair and walked to sit on the edge of the bed. “How dare they hold you captive for so long. Don’t they know that I’m here and therefore you have better things to be doing?” He flopped down beside him on the bed, turning to face him. “But I guess it is very important for Canada to discuss its elk trade. Or… were you trying to convince the ambassadors that a Nickelback world tour would be a good idea?”

He could feel the bed shift under Edward’s weight and, despite trying his best to frown into the comforter, he found himself smiling. “ As much as I support Nickleback’s career and care about wildlife, “ He began, raising his head to meet the English prince’s gaze. “ It was all about boarders and trade and who they were considering pairing me up to. “ None of the aforementioned countries were exciting or promising by any means; dull children lacking pairs due to their parents desperate to match them with someone they deemed equally as dull and problematic.

Phil’s nose scrunched in dissatisfaction about the whole thing. Summet was such a drag. Hence why he found himself wandering back to Edward’s room despite his promises to stay away for the sake of their new partners.

text → timmy horts: FINALLY. if you get here fast enough, there’ll still be another piece of cake left but like… i make no promises text → timmy horts: she strongly disapproved of my tux choices for the welcoming party thing, i apparently chose the one she had put in there for a joke :/  text → timmy horts: awhh are you worried?? u can be my #1 bb :* text → timmy horts: tbh i’d probably suck at a threeway, i get distracted too easily text → timmy horts: not many honestly, i double dipped a lot in canada and russia :/ it looks to be about 15ish??? but i just thought, well hey there’s a lot of people from all over the world here, maybe i can get that count up?? and then i realized i don’t know how to proposition sex to a stranger, like usually it just kind of happens for me

text → the “fake-out makeout“ : i take back everything nice thing i’ve said to or about you text → the “fake-out makeout“ : pls tell me it wasn’t velvet or blue text → the “fake-out makeout“ : oh damn there goes my heart. but no ! as if I’d be worried ?? I could have you if I wanted what do i have to worry about text → the “fake-out makeout“ : you’d suck alright c; sorry not sorry text → the “fake-out makeout“ : i’m not sure if I’m impressed or concerned. do what you do to me, just feel em up under the table and see how it goes i can’t believe i’m giving you sex advice ew just... be yourself idk ew

Phil shoved his phone into his coat pocket before letting himself into ( what he desperately hoped ) was Edward’s room. After his dull meeting the boy was just ready to eat some junk food and collapse onto his friend. 

text → timmy horts: well you’re taking too long so i’m getting a head start :(( i’ll leave you the crumbs and the vegetables text → timmy horts: i mean tbh yeah, have you ever seen a british royal wedding?? if i made a comment about the floral arrangements, my mum would kill me text → timmy horts: 80% of the time is still a passing grade, so i’ll take it tbh. great, i’ll get in contact with ur assistant and tell him that we’re gonna be the first publicly polyamorous royal relationship in the modern era and we’ll see how it slides text → timmy horts: i mean i have yet to get high here, or participate in a devil’s threeway (without the woman). ive also got one of those travel maps too that’s like ‘the places youve been’ but ive been filling it in with how many different nationalities i’ve slept with and i feel like its not impressive enough ://, 

text → probably has a maple syrup kink: fuuckkkk, you know the next time i see him all i’m going to be able to think about is this right?? text → probably has a maple syrup kink: STOP the food came and i’m currently eating a massive piece of cheesecake and thinking about real things is gonna give me a headache text → probably has a maple syrup kink: tbh i don’t think my parents are even trusting me with the whole wedding planning thing text → probably has a maple syrup kink: oh yes bc ur such a pure little virgin (:  text → probably has a maple syrup kink: if you joined my harem, /i/ would be your husband soooooo. also i’m nice 100% of the time. text → probably has a maple syrup kink: gonna have to pass :// these are my last days as a bachelor so i’m under obligation to behave terribly

text → probably has a maple syrup kink: fantastic. my parents are going to love it!! text → probably has a maple syrup kink: don’t disrespect my future husband like that, you would say hi to him and pet him behind the ears and you wouldn’t make a face if he started “purring” text → probably has a maple syrup kink: eugh even typing ‘husband’ feels wrong. i’m a c h i l d, why are they letting me do this????  text → probably has a maple syrup kink: :(( more points towards me breaking up with you which sucks bc i was planning on starting a harem. i should be everyone’s #1 priority :/ text → probably has a maple syrup kink: but yes your ability to play boring for so long is admirable i guess, you’re such a martyr

text → probably has a maple syrup kink: the playlist can only consist of speak now - taylor swift, someone like you - adele, i write sins not tragedies - p!atd, and wannabe - spice girls. just on repeat. text → probably has a maple syrup kink: like i said, i’m a blessing text → probably has a maple syrup kink: i meaaaannnn, that would just be my new life. i’d invite people over and he’d be eating off the floor and we’d just have to make do, mate text → probably has a maple syrup kink: are they gonna have anything “interesting” on you??? how long have you been here?