Captain Crash & The Beauty Queen From Mars.

May the Force be with you, always.

I’m in shock. I can’t stop crying. Carrie’s last advice column on the Guardian, just a month ago, was to a young girl named Alex who was suffering with bipolar disorder. She asked her, “how do you find a way to feel at peace even when your brain seesaws constantly?” Carrie’s response brought me to tears; “it’s an emotional survival,” she said. “You just have to do it… think of it as an opportunity to be heroic. As your bipolar sister, I’ll be watching.”

Carrie was one of the first people I knew of that had bipolar disorder too, one of the first memoirs I read and said,  yeah, I see myself in here… and now all of her books sit on my shelf. Her candidness, strength, and unabashed presence gave me, and everyone in the mental health community, hope for recovery, acceptance, and better days. Every time I think of Carrie, I think of this little video of her from Comic Con in 2015 where she explained her disorder to a little boy in the audience:

“It’s kind of a virus of the brain. It makes you go very fast or very sad. Or both. Those are fun days. So, judgement isn’t one of my big good things. But I have a good voice. I can write well. I’m not a good bicycle rider. I’m just like you, only louder and faster and sleeps more.”

I remember thinking, wow…. she just made it that easy. I’m the same as you. Only louder and faster.

Thank you, Carrie. Your transparency made me better. Your words will stick with me forever. Your fight will always be remembered. You did so much good; I only wish you had more time. 

In Wishful Drinking, she said: “No matter how I go, I want it reported that I drowned in moonlight.” I’ll be looking for you up there tonight.