i got to lose

This wk went back to slim genics. I hate that I wasted so many wks not going, but I wasn't in the right mind. The re diagnosis and leveling out, then the holidays arrived. Today I ended my re-prep. I cheated I hate to say. I did though stay on track mostly. If anything I would have lost at least 1lbs. This may seem low, but I don't have my hopes up that much. I am feeling better, a little more energy, which could be my sleep meds helping me sleep more and this. I have ate pretty well. Today I made turkey chili and it turned out great. Not a huge amount of kick, but a little one which was perfect. I used real tomatoes, green pepper, and onion. Next time I'll probably soak my own beans, but I did not have enough notice to get them and do that. I used canned but no added salt, so they were not in any extra salt, sugar and whatever else I read on the other types of cans.

I’ll have to start that on Monday.  Why, because my DH will be home shortly and I hate I mean I hate working out and him being home.  It actually makes me so self continuous that I can’t function and work out properly.  I also have a habit because of work, staying up way way to late, and  binge watch TV. Right now it is Arrow, and I just saw that Hemlock grove is on now, with the final season on netflix.  Oh Netflix you will be my down fall. 

I have no self esteem and I usually hate myself, especially when I eat wrong.  The guilt is right there.