Sitting behind the small desk set up in her cabin, Sonia Nevermind, former Princess of Novoselic, had to count her victories when theyād come. One, sheād changed from her silk pajamas and into a proper sundress and sandals that morning. Two, sheād washed her face and combed through her long hair both before sheād gone to bed and when sheād woken up that morning, a few hours prior. And three, sheād consumed the first healthy breakfast in the span of nearly a week: Fruit, not pastries. Eggs, not bacon. Muesli, not sugar-coated cornflakes.
Perhaps she shouldāve deducted one point off the āhealthy habits for Former Remnantsā table. Sheād added whiskey to her tea that morning, but to be honest, Sonia had yet to be fully sober in the past week either. Sobriety brought headaches, regret, guilt that she hadnāt returned home yet despite, for all intents and purposes, being physically healthy and capable of doing so.
Guilt that, for the past five days, she hadnāt appeared at the farm, even to assist. Guilt that, for the past five days, she hadnāt gone to inquire after Gundham. If the blonde thought the days and weeks that passed by waiting for him to wake up felt like an eternity, this was even more grueling. She was in no shape, emotionally at least, to leave her cabin behind and thus, out of pity, Makoto Naegi had agreed that she could assist the Future Foundation from the comforts of her island home. Next to a window that faced the beach, open and allowing in the breeze, the scent of salt water, and the cawing of the seagulls as they searched the shore for their next meal. She found herselfā¦not liking, exactly, but tolerating the feel of the sea breeze and the smell of the ocean more than sheād used to. After the hug sheād given Gundham after heād collapsed in the sand, that first day heād explored beyond the walls of the hospital. Instead of death, murder, blood, and heartbreak, she could associate the beaches of Jabberwock Island with grief. With uncertainty. And, most importantly, with love.
Love. It was what prompted her to protest so vehemently back during that awful trial. It was what brought her to his pod every single day. It was, after sheād dropped off the books the hospital needed, that encouraged her to stay beside him and help him out of doors.
And it had been why sheād shouted, so passionately and tearfully, five days ago in the hangar after she felt compelled to defend herself against one of his beasts when, in Soniaās eyes, she did not think he could. Even with her own safety at risk, she loved him. No matter how many stories she tried to lose herself in, busywork she completed, drinks she sampled and nights she lay, eyes wide open, counting the shapes and dots on her cabinās ceilingā¦Sonia Nevermind loved Gundham Tanaka. As she took a sip of her hot toddy, a part of her suspected that, in some way, she always would. A part of her heart would always belong to him, be occupied by him, and no Tragedy, no simulated killing game, no survivorās guilt could change that.
That realization was enough for her to choke on her spiked tea, a few droplets spewing onto the laptopās keyboard where she was translating various notices and messages into the languages necessitated by Makoto and his colleagues. Keeping tidy charts, invoices, and translation were ideal for her, heād explained with a smile when he and Asahina had brought the desk over: she had a way with words in all of their various tongues and was compelled to take the lead and remain organized. Sheād be a big help to them, theyād insisted.
Sonia doubted that as she wiped down the electronics with a clean towel. They were the kindest of them all, but those far more in tune with the state of the Future Foundationās presence in the world, like Togami and Kirigiri, were far more blunt: Sonia Nevermind was far more useful away from the rest of the former Remnants. Unlike most of the others, she had a place, a home, to go back to. A home that, even if its residents wouldnāt admit it aloud, needed her. To repent for her sins. To rebuild. To try and make something of the life she so very nearly destroyed entirely.
āMaybe it is time to leave,ā She murmured, her eyes having read the same translation of Japanese to Chinese, English, and Spanish over and over again. She knew the words, that wasnāt the problem: it was how reluctant her fingers were to move across the keys when her mind was elsewhere. Her heart was elsewhere.
And 'Elsewhereā knocked softly at her door.
Not that sheād known, of course. Quiet and unassuming, Sonia had rather guessed Mikan to be behind such a knock, or even Makoto or Hajime if they didnāt want to disturb her for too long. āIām coming!ā She called, pushing her chair back away from her desk with the most amount of forced cheer she could muster. With her breakfast tray emptied, she briefly wondered if someone was there to collect it as she made her way to the door, turned the knobā¦
ā¦and paused. Sonia couldnāt feign her surprise, or regret, or the other swirling emotions within her as she found Gundham on her doorstep, haggard and pained and with what she suspected were dark circles beneath his eyes. He looked as if heād been sleeping, and living, just about as well as sheād had. Minus the constant intake of booze: at least that morning, the whiskey was dulled by tea and honey on her breath and she was simply mellow, not intoxicated.
āTanaka-san,ā She repeated the obvious, if just to fill the silence as she thought of something far more appropriate to say. Not clever, she didnāt have that much faith in herself at present. āItāsā¦itās good to see you. Perhaps itās best if you come inside.ā Sonia stepped aside and out of the doorway to prove her point. With their friends still passing by with an alarming amount of frequency, if they wanted any privacy to talk theyād need to so behind a closed door.
After knocking, Gundham almost immediately regretted it. What was he doing here? It was quite obvious that Sonia didnāt want to see him. Sheād shut herself away this whole time, which could only amount to one reason: She was avoiding him. After all, she hadnāt emerged once since their fight, at least to his knowledge. He wondered if it was too late to run off. Perhaps, she hadnāt even heard such a soft knock.
The animals needed to be tended to as well. He should have at least done that first, and yet, here he was, acting like a love struck fool, standing awkwardly outside of her cottage. He hated this feeling of vulnerability. How her cold words had totally torn him down, to the point where he could hardly function. Did he really want her to see him like this anyway? He knew how haggard he looked, how unkempt his hair was, and he was pretty sure heād lost even more weight since waking up from the pod.
As he took a step back, ready to head back to the farm, certain that this was nothing but a mistake, he heard the door creak open, and he stopped. Slowly, his mismatched hues fell upon the former princess, and he gulped. Just at the sight of her face, all his problems from before seemed to vanish. Gone was the anger and hurt, and all that was left was stark relief and warmth just to see her again.Ā āIt is.. good to see you as well.ā He said and meant it.Ā āVery well, if you are not against the idea of me entering your abode, I will do so.āĀ
He was surprised that the blonde actually did seem happy to see him. He couldnāt help but notice that she looked about as well as he did, not well at all. It appeared that she hadnāt slept or eaten much either, and despite the honey and tea on her breathe, the unmistakable tang of whiskey was present as well. The breeder had never thought that she would drink her worries away, but it was probably about as healthy as throwing himself into his work without rest had been, and he couldnāt judge her for it. Although, it worried him nonetheless.
Part of him wondered if the reason she was in such a sorry state was really over their fight. It couldnāt have hit her that hard, surely? There was no way she had such deep feelings for him, as he harbored for her. Perhaps, sheād heard some news from her kingdom or something else. He couldnāt believe that sheād be this torn up over their exchange.
He hesitantly made his way past her, into her cabin. It looked like she had been in the middle of working on a laptop.Ā āIf it is a bad time, I can come back.ā He quickly said, hovering in the living room awkwardly, unsure of where to go. It was the first time heād been inside of her cabin, even though sheād already been in his.Ā āI just...Ā ā He began hesitantly.Ā āI just wanted to say that I am sorry. I should not have reacted so harshly when it is instinct to protect one self. I should not have pushed you past your comfort zone either. Fenrir was not ready, and neither were you.ā He still just stood by the entrance, as if he might need to escape at any moment.Ā āThat is all.. and please, take care of yourself.ā Like he was one to talk.