Ain't gotta be this way!

At the Blackbird Café, on Lincolnway in Valparaiso, Indiana.  It may have been many years since I lived here, but that just sort of rolls off the tongue; I’ve said it so much.  I like it here. Compared to Lockport, IL, where my parents live now, this place is vibrant with people and culture.  As I sat down on to write this and sip my coffee, I sat next to a diligent college student and to the left of a  couple of friends to my right sitting at a table and talking philosophy–the way I used to do with some of mine in Huntington Beach, CA. 

I asked about the local open-mic scene, as this café used to have one, and was given the lowdown on what happens where.  Valparaiso is still a city that loves music and art… Yay!!! I’m so glad that Main Street, USA has not abandoned culture for dollars… At least, in this city that has dollars.  People here can afford to support the arts–that is to say, buy a cup of coffee and a pastry to keep the business open that hosts creative outlets such as open-mics.  I daresay that Valparaiso is affluent enough to fit the category of , “Well…I’ve achieved financial security, family, and comfort…now I need something more.  I need art to decorate my life!”  Art for entertainment, I supposed, is just as valid an appreciation as art for social expression.  I tend to think that the art coming from people who need to express it, in order to bare their souls of something that just has to be said is more important in the whole scheme of things, but then beauty really is in the eye of the beholder…and if someone appreciates it from the perspective of someone searching for something more, who am I to argue? 

Now that doesn’t mean that art that is created for the sole purpose of entertainment is good.  Sure, it’s fun to sing along with Lady Gaga on a dance floor, but that doesn’t mean the music adds anything significant to the body of music that is out there.  Nor does a painting which overly emulates (or simply copies) the style of an already successful painter do anything for the world of visual arts.  But affluent doesn’t mean devoid of problems, issues, and/or pain.  Money cannot buy happiness, as many people have noted in the past.  As a matter of fact, being raised with money brings its own set of serious worries and problems, so I suppose this place may actually be home to…may even foster…art of the type that is “important.”  Truly expressive, soulful communication that cannot be conveyed any other way.  Now I’m going to have to keep my eye out here!

As I read more and more about different “occupy movements” in various cities across the country, I am filled with a desire to help these mostly well-meaning, but disorganized folk.  Not that I feel I am above them in any way…but as with any “movement”, a decisive step must be taken in order to gain a solid foothold in any direction.  It doesn’t seem any of them know which direction to take. 

Matters are complicated by the appearance of, and alignment with, the Anarchists.  Bandana-wearing, identity-hiding, authority-hating provocateurs for whom disorder is the goal, and not simply a means to an end.  When something doesn’t work, it sometimes must be dismantled before it is reassembled.  While most people who desire change have, at least, some sort of plan or idea to achieve their goal of change after dismantling, the anarchy movement does not.  Their wish is for a permanent state of disorder in which everyone fends for themselves.  This does not make it any easier for the majority of others in the peaceful assembly–who have goals to instill change in a new order, legally and peacefully– to be taken seriously by the establishment.  Standing side by side with anarchist creates an even more volatile situation, facing police who are lined up in riot gear and ready at a moment’s notice to initiate a conflict, as they did in Oakland, CA last week.  I’m not sure why police chiefs around the country continue to think that a “preemptive show of force” is a good idea and will simply dissuade people from protesting or assembling peacefully.  Showing up in riot gear is, and has always been, an inflammatory affront to folks, whoever they are; whatever their goal.  The police in Oakland went too far by intentionally throwing an exploding tear gas canister right at an already-injured victim, whom others were gathered around trying to help.  There should be at least one cop in jail right now.

So there are two major problems with the movement right now: 1) It is extremely unorganized, very nearly directionless, and thusly…goalless.  2) Authorities are not permitting people’s right to peaceful assembly.  Well, this second issue can be addressed right away, as it has a clear direction and answer:  People must keep assembling.  For whatever issue that We, the People, deem fit–we need to assemble. And there are many issues that warrant assembly in this time of failing “leadership”, failing economy, and enormous greed. Otherwise we, the People, may lose our right to assemble–another usurped power by a government that continues to step toward authoritarianism…and possible tyranny.  I never thought I would actually use the word “tyranny” to describe mainstream actions by mainstream authorities in the United States, but authorities seem to be taking more and more, year by year.  People have the right to peaceful assembly in this country, and are free to do so.  We should be free to do so without being physically endangered by authorities, as was the case not only in Oakland recently, but in New York City where it started, and other cities as well. 

The first problem of being goalless, however, is a big one.  It is not insurmountable, but someone either needs to step up as a leader, or the group needs to create and agree on an agenda as a set of realistic demands.  For example, one of the most commonly heard issues among the protesters is inequity of wealth.  They could start by passing around a petition which limits the compensation of CEOs and other high-level executives to say…50 times that of the average worker they oversee (the current average CEO in the U.S. takes home 475 times that of their average worker).  This would provide more incentive to pay the average worker more, as well as address the issue of: How much money does a CEO deserve to make?  (If the average worker in a company is making $30,000 per year, does the CEO really need to take $14.25 million?)  How about petitioning for the eradication of all tax-breaks for companies and industries which need absolutely no financial aid… such as oil, pharmaceuticals, or any of the financial giants or insurance companies.  This was proposed in Obama’s “Job’s Bill” but must have really scared off not just Republicans, but all members of Congress whose campaigns are funded by enormous contributions from these companies/industries.  Which leads to an important, or possibly the most powerful and promising change that this country could enact…one that could actually put our country back on track in 10-20 years: a complete separation between private interests and campaign contributions–a “separation of corporation and state” as I have seen already suggested on an occupy-movement sign. 

Could we imagine a United States without corporations throwing big money into both “lobby movements” (what the corporations do when they organize for change), or throwing money directly into a senator’s pocket as a “campaign contribution”?  Can we imagine our representatives in Washington, and around the country actually reading up on the news and deciding for themselves, in their hearts, what might be the best course of action for a particular issue, or set of issues?  We might actually get politicians in office who have hearts again!  Indeed, it is hard to imagine a corporation sending a strongly-worded letter, just as you and I would do to voice our concern to a politician, without having control over our lawmakers, like puppets.   The job might begin to attract people who wish to serve their community, their country, and their constituents for the first time in a long time–instead of attracting people who wish to serve themselves and their cronies, and to be at the center of a “bidding war” of big-money private interests that serve only a few.

Another suggestion might be to petition for our “bailout” money to be returned to us, the taxpayers…and to be used in the form of jobs creation, or enhancement of small-business loans, or other true economic stimulus (the bank bailout did not stimulate anything, as the banks failed to loan anything after their giant receipt).  Perhaps they could petition for the downsizing of our enormous federal government, starting with the biggest cash cow of all–the Pentagon.  $460 BILLION…for what??  To make the decision to get into war in IRAQ and spend an additional $1.2 TRILLION??  Another suggestion: Get rid of “Homeland Security”, which has become such a giant elephant of bureaucracy, that law enforcement all over the U.S. has even gone on record to say is “useless”–delivering “intelligence” so slowly and so late, that those dangers have already been made public. 

Another not-so-far-fetched idea… Start your own political party, and get on the ballots.  There is nothing in the constitution which stipulates an only two-party system.  It has created gridlock in the past, and is doing so now.  A three-or-more party system would help move things along immeasurably, as one of three parties would always lean one way or the other.  Some true debate, and real progress would be possible in mitigating two nearly always-opposing sides.  Get some signatures and elect someone into office in the next election.  If you can’t beat the system, join ‘em, right?

Thank GOD for Wall Street protesters.  It is time to right the insane inequity of wealth in this country…or at least, to begin down that path.  It will not be initiated in the House or the Senate.  It will not be begun in the White House, where there is no time for the common man or woman in America—only for big money, private interests.  It will only begin with those who have been stepped on too long and too often…the people who are expected to serve their owners, even as they watch them reap enormous bonuses, while watching their coworkers get the axe. 

So this could be the last day I spend in Seattle as a “Seattle-ite.” The last afternoon I may get to enjoy sitting so nicely and peacefully at one of my writing spots. I love it here. I love the place–the geography, the topography, the trees, the hills, the abundance of water…the way that every corner you turn, there seems to be another hill curving into and around another body of water. I love the laid-back attitude toward life. Say what you will about how people are “passive-aggressive” here, but even if they are–it’s still “passive” and no big deal. You can let it brush through or past you much easier than an “active-aggressive” person, whom I suppose you would have to dodge blows from, by definition.

I love the music here (still…even if “grunge” has gone underground), I love the nightlife, the abundance of choices of places and venues to go to have fun, the diversity of music and other activity, the art culture, and at least, the attempt at social responsibility by local government and people–in Ballard, or Fremont, or the Wallingford neighborhoods (not the only ones, but the little sub-divisions that seem to lead the way in an almost hippie-ish sort of way). I love the outlandishness energy of Capitol Hill.

I love that, within a one and a half hour drive, you can be skiing in a place that could easily be mistaken for a major Colorado resort. I love the absolutely incredible beauty and subtle nature (quietude) of the Puget Sound itself, with all the islands that rise up slowly and softly in the misty skies of grey. One can take an hour’s journey from Seattle, on a ferry, and another hour back to see nature’s supple majesty…even an orca pod, if you’re lucky…all for the unsirly sum of $6.70.

I love the Space Needle, and will miss looking at it from so many spots in Seattle. I found a new one only two nights ago–from inside the Lo-Fi nightclub, while watching a psychedelic band play to end the unique two-day festival, just after midnight. It’s much like seeing the Eiffel Tower in Pairs–a constant reminder that I am someplace truly special. I even enjoy taking the elevator ride up from time to time–to take in the view from the observation deck–whether full of tourists or not. It is a place for locals and tourists alike to enjoy.

I love the friends that I have made here, and more… Seattle-ites can be very “real” and friendly, unlike their reputation, and I have forged some very strong friendships here that will last a lifetime. I will miss these people, and indeed, all of the things I love listed above. So why leave?

I could say that it’s the rain… The constant rain will make a person bug-eyed with depression, or frustration at times. It has much more of an effect on people than a lot will care to admit. Folks who grew up here seem to have learned better psychological tools in their childhood “training” to deal with it…their “highs” when it’s sunny, and “lows” when it’s been raining and grey every day for two straight weeks…but those of us who transplanted here have to learn on our own, as adults, how to deal with the robbery of color by the thick grey overcast clouds, and the continual “heaviness” of every object, piece of land, building, car, or person being wet for days. It’ll get to even the strongest of souls… In fact, some days, I prayed for it to be just a little colder…so it would snow instead. At least the snow is light, fluffy, dry, and quiet…it actually lifts the spirit when compared to a blanket of (cold) wetness.

But I don’t think it’s even the rain or constant “wet” that drives me to get out of Dodge. I think that I failed to do what I set out to do here. Start a band. I had a great opportunity to do so, in a great town, full of great musicians. But I slacked, and didn’t do it. And now I have officially stagnated. Deflated. I must regain some of my former fire and motivation to work at what I enjoy doing…writing stuff, and composing music. I still write, but I am so consumed by my “condition” here, that I spend far too much time writing about…my “condition”! I write to figure things out and express and share that which is on my mind, and I have been way too consumed with the rain and not being happy here, that I continue to write about it–in circles now… It is not productive any longer.

I need to get out of this space, this geographic area, this wonderful city for a while…because it is (temporarily?) a source of repression, rather than expression. This is not workable for someone who wishes to create. It’s time for me to go someplace sunny for a while… Or, at least, somewhere that I am happy so I am motivated to write, and otherwise create! Write about anything but the weather, and my (or anyone else’s) relation to it. Write about the human condition, social issues, skiing, art, philosophy, whatever!

Time is a companion who is always with us–on our life’s journey.  We can choose to befriend it, and thusly enjoy it, by demonstrating mutual respect –making space for it in our plans, including it in our actions, and keeping awareness that it is there.  Or we can choose to make in our enemy–attempt to command it, force it to conform to our standards, or worse, ignore ­it–only to find it relentless, and always win in the end.  We all have a limited stretch to walk the earth and act out our deeds or misdeeds, and this makes time as tied-to and inextricable from our human existence as our hearts, our blood, and our veins.  We may not have asked for this companion, but neither did we ask for our brains to contemplate it… They are both there, nonetheless. 

Some say that time is elusive, and illusive.  But really it just is–as truth, or space.  As such, it cannot be changed, and so anyone who experiences it for anything else…brings their own illusion to color, distort, or otherwise alter its appearance.  Anyone who can’t find it is looking in the wrong place–it is always close to us.  “Where has all the time gone?” some may ask, looking back at a busy past couple of years, or a lifetime.  But there is no elusive trash can for time.  As there is no obscure delivery man for future time.  It goes exactly where it came from.  Full circle.  If we wonder where time has gone, then we have not given enough respect to our companion.  To appreciate time, one has to turn around and look it in the face every now and then.  Too long between looks, and what we see can be scary…making it harder to look again.  Too little, and time seems to answer, “Why don’t you look someplace else already?”  

Time is supremely fair and objective, and doles out the same amount, in the same period, to everyone–perfectly accurate, in every moment, minute, and year.  But it does not decide how much of itself to give…other forces determine that.  It serves us however long or short the laws of the universe tell it to.  We, as part of that universe, have it within our scope to refuse its gift, to ourselves or even other people.  That is why we must be good to each other–we are all connected.

Other time thoughts:

Time is the fire in which we burn.  – Delmore Schwartz

Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death.  – Pink Floyd

Time is a river, flowing into nowhere.  – Steve Winwood

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.   – Henry David Thoreau

The separation between past, present, and future is only an illusion, although a convincing one. ­– Albert Einstein

Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them.  – Dion Boucicault

A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.  ­– John B. Priestly

Who forces time is pushed back by time; who yields to time finds time on his side.  – The Talmud

Time is like the wind, it lifts the light and leaves the heavy.  – Doménico Cieri Estrada

Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.  – Faith Baldwin

Time is the coin of your life.  It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent.  Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.  – Carl Sandburg

What then is time?  If no one asks me, I know what it is.  If I wish to explain it to him who asks, I do not know.  – Saint Augustine

For centuries, man believed that the sun revolves around the earth.  Centuries later, he still thinks that time moves clockwise.  – Robert Brault

You can't save time to spend it on another day.  Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving.  No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow.  – Denis Waitely

One must learn a different... sense of time, one that depends more on small amounts than big ones.  – Sister Mary Paul

Yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have – so spend it wisely. – Kay Lyons

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. –Henry Van Dyke

To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time. ­ – Leonard Bernstein

Sitting again at one of my favorite writing spots in Seattle­…Fuel, on Montlake.  I apparently have a knack for arriving here in the late afternoon, just in time to experience the long rays of sunlight that I so much enjoy, and actually wrote about my first time here.  It is mid-summer now…and the sun isn’t long down the street like when I first observed it during the winter.  Then, it hung low and was much farther south, allowing it to shine down length of the street like a well-lit corridor.

 Today the sun is directly in front of me.  Still high, but low enough to produce the bright vibrant light of late afternoon…light that I love.  Leaves receive a lambasting of energy on one side that brings out every bit of color they were born to offer to the world.  The shadows on their flip side offer a contrast that is unmatched most nearly all of the day.  Earlier in the day, when the sun is directly above, the light is reflected straight upwards, providing a uniform color and contrast with little shadow to anyone who may happen to be viewing from an airplane.  Kind of boring.  We need those shadows to make life interesting.  And as a bonus to make things even more interesting in the late afternoon sun, many of the leaves–unblocked by anything that would otherwise cast a shadow onto them, actually glow with luminescence as the leaves themselves are thin enough to allow sunlight to shine right through.  With this dance of different colors and contrast, each tree becomes its own brilliant montage of life in primal form.  As it is now, and was a hundred million years ago–before human beings were even a sparkle in the eye of Mother Earth. (Dinosaurs were here, but they’re not very closely related to us!)

7:30 in the evening but the daylight outside looks like 4:30…looks like dinner time.  It is peaceful here and now.  Most people are probably eating right about now, and as America tends to eat indoors except on holidays and sunny weekends, life outside and traffic seem pretty serene this time of day.  I sit at the Café Vios in the Ravenna neighborhood of Seattle, which tends to be a bit on the quiet side anyway, as are most of the neighborhoods in north Seattle.  This café furthers the quiet (a.k.a. peace) as it is also a bookstore whose customers tend to be older, educated, and perhaps even a bit on the liberal side (= respectful).  (Or, at least…people who respect and appreciate peace.)

Little did I know that the clouds were moving by that fast...

Today is the day after Seattle's proscecutor Dan Sattleberg's announcement fof his decision not to prosecute former Seattle Police Department officer Ian Birk for manslaughter (he resigned yesterday).  This is the officer who pumped four rounds into the side of woodcarver John Williams' body after an only four-second encounter with the homeless, and harmless man, in which Birk didn't even identify himself as a police officer, and advanced to a distance that he later claimed was unsafe.

There was a brief protest yesterday that went on into the early evening, and a statement by Mayor Mike McGinn that he would "do everything in his power" to bridge the growing rift between the Seattle Police Dept and the community...which has grown very despondent recently, this being one in a string of incidents by the Seattle PD that have involved excessive force.

Sattleberg stated that state law stipulates exactly what to do, in Washington.  Police are protected from being prosecuted from murder, when it comes to shooting or using otherwise deadly force.  "Malice" or "evil intent" needs to be provable, in order to prosecute...and so says Sattleberg, that "there is no evidence" of that.  Mr. Sattleberg has conveniently washed his hands clean of responsibility, and the issue at large (the issue is still very much at large). Good for you, Mr. Sattleberg...it's the leglislature's fault, right?  Well, maybe it is, and maybe it's yours also for interpreting Birk's actions as free from malice or evil intent.  How about the facts?  Does the fact that he killed a man in just four seconds, who posed little to no threat, not raise the question that evil intent wasn't at least a possibility?  A man fell dead on the street at Birk's hands, without any provocation or wrongdoing... Does that not at least open the question of whether or not there was negative intent by the officer?  How do we know, when an officer is hired by a police department, that they are not bringing their pride and prejudice into the job; into the affairs of the community; into the very fabric of public safety?  How do we know that a given officer doesn't bring malice into the job and his work, ready to act on based on his or her own personal views, rather than the law or the community's?

It is definitely possible that officer Ian Birk brought malice with him into his job, and that it manifested itself on that day...  It is further possible that "evil intent" could have been just waiting for the right opportunity to manifest itself from Birk, and did the day that he advanced on John T. Williams and shot prematurely, multiple times, and with deadly accuracy (one bullet entered one cheek, and exited the other...)  It IS POSSIBLE, Mr. Sattleberg that both "malice" and "evil intent" were present that day, in Ian Birk's mind.  For you to make the assertion that "no jury could possibly find" Ian Birk guilty of manslaughter is incredibly presumptive and irresponsible.  The reason that a jury is made up of multiple members is to prevent the travesty of justice that you have just taken an active, and leading role in.  Your hands are NOT clean, Mr. Sattleberg.  You should have allowed a jury decide Ian Birk's fate.  In addition, we really need to examine how potential new police recruits are screened, and how we test their psychological health.  The job of police officer inherently invites those interested in power and control.  We must be very careful who we allow to exercise such power and control.  Such desire cannot be “trained away”, and once someone has entered the ranks of the specially-protected, it is very difficult to remove them, as this case is glaringly revealing.  In my opinion, one can easily see the pride and enjoyment of control in the swagger of Ian Birk, as he crossed in front of his squad car’s video camera, seconds before shooting Williams.

Do Johnny, our Jewish convert, or even our busy or apathetic believers above really believe what they have concluded?  Or are they suppressing the truth as they know it in favor of not upsetting their respective belief sets?  Huge branches of their trees that they do not want to have to discard and re-grow?  Providing whatever spoiled sustenance their old branches need to continue unchanged and unbroken… Could truths as we know them be buried beneath the surface of our subconscious spheres…only to come out at the right moment or opportunity?  Can we actually believe “untruths”? 

It may just be semantics, but I wish to call things what they are.  If a deeper, subconscious conviction is not in agreement with a conscious thought, then that person’s conscious conclusion is not a belief.  It is a choice–to suppress, or otherwise align with lower-level needs.  Many people equate their conscious choices to beliefs.  They believe that their conscious conclusions are their beliefs.  I do not agree.  A belief is deeper–and is decided, tried, and convicted in the subconscious–it is the deepest conviction of the mind and is not party to, or subject to: bodily, emotional, or other needs.  All contradictions to these deep truths are untruths. 

Unless we can remove the pressure of being a human being–that happens to live in an imperfect world that is often unstable, competing for scarce resources and affections, etc…we must look into ourselves to know if our beliefs are true.  Maybe somewhere a guru or two has done this to satisfaction, and really has all his own answers, (and knows enough to keep to himself!) but that won’t help us here.  We could always examine our dreams?  Dreams afford us a glimpse into our subconscious selves: What we’re “thinking” deep-down.  But these seem to be more like little sun-flare eruptions–coming out of the ether only when one particular issue is under fire, stress, or scrutiny.  It’s not really practical to access that ebbing and flowing sphere of our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and whatever else is stored down there–because we can’t access what we want, when we want it, or the way we want it.  The subconscious seems to have (or be) a “mind of it’s own”, in fact…regarding what information it’s going to release, and when.  Instead, we seem to only have to keep watch of ourselves, as unbiasedly as possible, to examine our thoughts and actions–to see whether they are in agreement, or more importantly, in contradiction. 

  A contradictory thought is important because it is very telling–it serves to disprove either itself (or the original thought) and point to a “system error” of sorts–an “untruth.”  They are hard to catch, as we are rarely thinking about one thing while remembering another simultaneously.  We have to search our memories after-the-thought, to see if it matches our thinking from a while ago.  An expressed statement might be easier to catch, as long as someone who remembers the original contradictory statement is there to hear it (whether one minute, one year ago, or more…)  We have all known someone to remember “something we said” a year and a half ago, right?  (Usually to our detriment!)  A contradictory action, the strongest proof, ought to simply be a red flag to us.  Someone who says one thing, only to do another, is quite aptly termed: a hypocrite.  This is someone who really has a strong need to believe something that just isn’t (believe that he or she is something that he or she isn’t).  Just to be clear, these contradictions are within ourselves…not the statement that you gave your spouse yesterday about staying late for work that doesn’t match the action of drinking three beers with your buddies, making you late for dinner.  That is an outright lie.  Spouses, incidentally, are great sounding boards for spotting contradictions…as they have a vested interest in your well-being without the inherent bias of being one’s own observer. 

  Once a contradiction, or untruth within one’s self, has been exposed–people seem to differ in what they do about it.  Some may recognize the contradiction, but go on “believing” both ideas anyway, as too many branches are dependent on both, and upsetting one would mean having to do some real work rethinking a whole set of beliefs.  Others might decide to do some research to rectify the incongruous thoughts; some to a higher level, others less so.  I, personally, have come to realize that I am a little unusual in the respect that I cannot accept an idea or notion as truth unless it matches every facet of me that it touches or filters through.  If there is any little nagging possibility of untruth, it perturbs me so much that I need to search for the reason and appease that little voice until it is satiated and quelled.  Most people probably fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.  Some people, however, are quite the opposite…

  I once knew a woman who, after getting to know her and her whole family, staying on her small Nebraska farm a number of times on my roadtrips across the U.S.…asked me one dark night, after much built-up tension, what I believed “about God.”  She said it was very important to her to know “where I stood”, and what my beliefs were…as I had to that point, typically evaded the topic, knowing that she was fairly hard-core about being Christian, and that she might not like my eclectic, open view of spirituality and disapproval of organized religion (for myself–a “recovering Catholic”–but fine for whomever else). At the time, I was unsure if I wasn’t just simply agnostic.  I can still remember, 15 years after-the-fact, her dark form sitting across the un-lit living room late at night, after everyone else had gone to bed…  After telling her that I had deconstructed my “Catholicism” during college, and that I hadn’t formed any hard-and-fast ideas about spirituality yet…I had a tendency to take the best qualities (beliefs) from each religion (that I had researched thus far) to form a “conglomerate view”, and that I still reserved judgment about the whole spiritual “thing” (which technically made me an agnostic).  Her voice quieted as she answered, as if she not only wanted to ensure that her family upstairs didn’t hear, but God himself, either… “I want  to believe like you.  I’m just too comfortable with my beliefs right now.”  Weak…

  Most people are fine with things just as long as they make decent common sense.  At least they make a concerted effort to learn truth, as opposed to my ex-woman-friend above… Oh would my life be easier if I just didn’t ask so many questions!  Not have to make sure that every belief fit all my belief sets.  Let’s consider that for a moment… Let’s say I was someone who just didn’t want to put forth the time and effort into researching a given question…or that I was just too busy with work and family, etc.  Let’s say I knew that there was more out there to learn before coming to a conclusion about whatever, but I chose not to, in favor of doing life’s activities…whether they involve need, or luxury.  My belief in that one thing would then be subject to insufficient information–and could in fact change, or even oppose my current belief, if I took time to consider it more.  Being a “busy believer”, I would not really be intentionally subverting my belief, but not really dedicating myself to truth either.  Not caring enough to learn might be a bit worse–being an “apathetic” or even “lazy believer” may produce even shoddier truths.

  There’s another grey area that tends to lend itself to untruth.  Let’s say Chuck is on the fence about concluding something, one way or the other.  He’s thought about it for months, and done lots of research.  He’s really 50/50...stuck in the middle of not knowing which way to believe, and a stiff breeze might blow him to one side or the other.  Being confused is not a happy state–and certainly not to remain in, as all of us have probably felt at one time or another.  It is so emotionally disconcerting to be confused, in fact…to be in that state of “unknowing”, that maybe we eventually feel we must choose, even arbitrarily…just to end the pain of confusion.  Chuck becomes so sick of thinking, he starts to become physically ill at just the thought of his question, and simply has to choose, for right or wrong.  But maybe that flip-of-the-coin decision lands on the side of truth, and maybe it doesn’t.  Being a “confused believer” isn’t really dedicating one’s self to an accurate picture, either.  An untruth, technically, but still not really lying to one’s self. 

  Ok, let’s consider a more definitive one, finally.  Let’s say that Jules falls in love with a beautiful woman–who has a bright mind, an incredible personality, and a radiant spirit.  With all his heart, he has really come to need her for his own happiness, and cannot imagine life without her.  One day, after months of thought, she says she simply cannot make it work because Jules is Catholic and she is Jewish.  Spiritual beliefs are of prime importance to her, and she needs someone whose beliefs are similar to hers to be happy.  Now Jules has always thought of different religions as just “different viewing angles of the same thing”; that central intelligence (or creator) of the universe that some call “God”, some call “Buddha”, others call “Mohamed”, etc.  So Jules does his research, seeks out a Rabbi, and after talking to him at length, finds that Judaism makes sense and seems good, and so “Mazultoff!”  He takes the Jewish plunge in order to save his relationship, and his heart, from being ripped to pieces.  I know what you’re thinking…many of you would just lie about being Jewish while continuing to be a “closet Catholic.”  She would never know the difference, right?  Ok, fine.  Let’s keep descending Maslow’s pyramid... 

Belief is the truth as we know it.  The truth as an individual knows it–as all beliefs, though many appear similar, are very unique and individual.  Like a snowflake, each is formed differently due to minute and continuously changing variables in its surrounding environment (subject to microscopic air particles, movements, and temperature differences, etc.).  Each belief is subject to the countless variables in a person’s life–his or her past interactions, experiences, needs, intellect, perceptions, other beliefs, etc…as well as the immediate circumstance that surround the exact moment and spot in time of a belief’s formation.  Each belief is then unique because it is formed in a particular person’s way, with his or her knowledge base, and with all of his or her associations. 

  It is a truth that lasts as a conviction–one that may be dependent on others convictions, and in turn may grow other dependencies–like the branches of a tree.  It requires memory to last, and continued sustenance for strength in order to weather the storms of changing variables or other external factors that would attack its integrity.  A weak, ill-founded belief may break off when tested by winds of life’s trials…and all the accompanying beliefs that spur off that branch would then be lost, as well.  Lack of memory (or lack of use) may cause a belief to simply wither away and die, only to have to be re-grown on another branch–relearned, and reconcluded.  The truth as someone knows it grows a protective coating with time, like the bark of a tree.  That way, little tests of weather (or other) can simply breeze by, unaffecting it.   We can’t be tested every time we turn around, right?  We’d never get anywhere.

  That’s where it begins, anyway…as a truth–to help us get along, and move along in life-ready to defend ourselves, master our worlds, and make our purposes in life.  We need beliefs.  At the lowest level, to know how to react to our senses and interact with the world.  At the highest, to interact with others, to seek knowledge, and/or engage a “higher purpose” (whether or not one exists is not the issue; that many people interact with one is).  If we didn’t believe, facts would always be in question and we would be in a continual state of learning…an immense waste of effort and an inefficient (if not impossible) method of building knowledge.  Not in the design of life.  We would not be able to master anything.  We might, in fact, still be multi-segmented bugs at the bottom of the ocean (assuming evolution exists), were this to be true.  In order to continue learning, we must at some point, stop learning about one thing and know it–accept the conclusion we reach so that we can move on to the next higher task–even if we are not 100% sure.  Indeed, maybe we accept our conclusions if we are only 51% sure…as long as the other alternative is less “believable.”  Maybe some need to be 70% sure; maybe your Physics professor, 99.9%.  Everyone seems to have their own requirement for what level of confidence they need to possess to accept and believe something as truth.  But how about believing something that you are 49% confident, or less… Is it possible to believe an “untruth”?  Can we make ourselves believe something that on a bigger branch, on a deeper level inside us, we know to be untrue?  I believe that not only is it possible, but that people can and do all the time! 

  Believing the untrue seems to be a matter of need–and if the shoe fits, wearing it.  Psychologists generally agree on the rather famous “hierarchy of needs” (constructed by Maslow[i]), in which we must first meet base-level physical needs like food, water, and sex, survival and safety needs above that, social bonds and interactions still above, and self-actualization at the top.  If our safety and even very life were to be in danger, for example…say, tortured at the hands of an enemy in order that we believe their religion or in their god…people have been known to subvert what they have always believed in favor of…life.  Survival and being free from pain has proven to have a very strong influence on beliefs.  On a higher level, once someone has achieved and enjoys all the physical and social needs he can fulfill, and begins to search for more…he is open to consider other possibilities–new or previously put-down ideas and notions, ways of thinking, and information…free from pressure, need, or incentive to think one way or another.  It is then, and only then that one can begin to see that their convictions–their conscious conclusions–actually match their beliefs; their deepest subconscious truths.  But until that point, and only until after removal of prejudiced or even coerced conclusions, or other need-filled persuasions; until previous beliefs have been deconstructed and reconsidered, and new beliefs have been formed, we are resigned to succumb to the middle…stuck where all the pressure lies.  How can we be certain, then, that what we believe is truth…or if we are, in fact, simply swayed by our greedy little needs?