Untilted

Trying to do a tarot reading but the guy across the table is running mono blue and keeps countering my major arcana.

"Hmm, so, the Nine of Swords--" "Nine of Plowshares" "Hm" "You gain nine life though."

i buried a sword my f*ther made in my back yard YEARS ago and i live on a large plot of land and i can’t for the fucking life of me remember where, is anyone out here psychic enough to point me in the right direction, i’m getting exhausted and can only dig so many fucking holes in a day. yes i’m being serious, i want the fucking sword back

i was going to take a break bc it’s hot and i’ve been playing manual-labour-battleship for going on 3 hours now, but someone just told me “there’s better lies to make up for notes xoxo” so now i ha—i Have to find this sword to deliver it personally up their ass

[you kill me but I clip through the floor so you can't loot my corpse as my final act of revenge]

Love that in a lot of classic literature people just “randomly” fall ill but bro their homes were stacked to the roof with arsenic and asbestos and lead and radium of course they were sick all the time.

And then they’re like “we took my ill wife to the seaside and her condition improved remarkably” and it’s like Edward your house has seven time bombs in it please just leave your wife at the seaside and she’ll do very well not getting mesothelioma.

Edward your wife may be entitled to financial compensation

Hello again, young man. Enjoying that lovely advertisement? A single minute of time wasted on you lollygagging is a minute without my Bambi. Stay focused on your quest, idiot, and if I see you taking another break, expect me to break something else of yours. Now go to the nearest Gamestop and ask the bastard w

“You can say greed” shut UP SHUT UP!! YES ITS ABOUT GREED!