KAIROS~

Naomi Shihab Nye, 1952

Before you know what kindness really is

you must lose things,

feel the future dissolve in a moment

like salt in a weakened broth.

What you held in your hand,

what you counted and carefully saved,

all this must go so you know

how desolate the landscape can be

between the regions of kindness.

How you ride and ride

thinking the bus will never stop,

the passengers eating maize and chicken

will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness

you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho

lies dead by the side of the road.

You must see how this could be you,

how he too was someone

who journeyed through the night with plans

and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,

you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.

You must wake up with sorrow.

You must speak to it till your voice

catches the thread of all sorrows

and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,

only kindness that ties your shoes

and sends you out into the day to gaze at bread,

only kindness that raises its head

from the crowd of the world to say

It is I you have been looking for,

and then goes with you everywhere

These are the days that remind me of the sadness I felt when you were transferred to Jollibee. Siguro I got used to seeing you everday, and looking forward pumasok kasi magkikita tayo. Unconsciously, I felt the deep longingness of your presence. I see you minsan in your area when I know in fact na nalipat kana ng office. I would send you 'kumusta" messages seldomly just to keep in touch whenever I miss you. There is a pang of pain whenever pumapasok sa isip ko na di na tayo sabay uuwi o bihira na lang magkikita sa isang linggo or buwan..

Siguro, I still haven't adjusted on how we are now compared on how we were back in Aimstaff and when I was in Avida. Ngayon you would spend all your day at work, usually going home 8pm onwards. Me doing my usual M-Fridays. Kwentuhan ng mga bagay pero siguro hindi lahat, nagkaka update nalang sa ibang paraan. Wala ding totoong weekends, and uncertain pa kung pwedeng magkita or not. Or kung may schedule na tapos biglang oops, change of plans and sudden last minute change of plans na sobrang sakit sa puso. I'm still not used to it, or maybe I don't want to. Like what I've always been telling you, ayokong mabuhay sa takot na baka hindi na naman matuloy or 'mabagyo' na naman ng tadhana. I choose to trust and remain positive, beyond everything, I'm still thankful. Salamat sa mga pagkakataon. Grateful ako kasi I know you are trying.. Kaya minsan kapag magkikita tayo hangga't maaari ayoko malate, o kaya sana maaga nalang tayo magkita. I want to spend more time with you kasi siguro at the back of my head, hindi rin ako sigurado kung kailan ulit yung "next time".

I'm happy na nakakapag travel ka, and you get to see places na gustong gusto ko din sanang mapuntahan. You deserve lahat ng yan kasi you worked hard for it. You are not a nobody, do not live in the shadows of someone else's. You proved yourself already, and I will aleays be proud sa lahat ng mga na achieve mo.

Sorry besu kung minsan may hindi pagkakaintindihan. Pero the last thing I want is to know that you are sad, lalo na because of me. Thank you for sticking up with all my kaweirduhans (di talaga kita pinagbabawalan sa mga trip mo sa buhay ha 😂) and listening to all my explanations. Thanks for staying..

Things may be different now, but you are, and will always be my only besu. I miss you dearly, holding tightly onto the thought of our "next timesxz". Someday, I really wish to hold you before the dark creeps in, and see you first thing when I open my eyes each day.

I love you Ja~ deeply, truly, foreverly.

Mityu hmp, akaps kiss everything,