Adorable Space Cupcakes

I received such a gorgeous gift recently. The exceptionally talented @wildestdrreams-blog1 binds books, and I was lucky enough that they wanted to bring 'Powerless' in the physical world!

Look at the stars! Such a lovely attention to detail.

This part made me cry good tears. They gathered together each of the little notes I wrote to Mr. Downing to make a dedication section (six and a half pages). It was such an unexpected and incredibly thoughtful inclusion.

i’m a new reader of your works, i have just finished powerless and im now reading thwarted. your style of writing appealed to me in so many ways in which others have not. every time i start a new chapter, i always tell my partner about mr.downing, and how i hope we have a relationship such as yours. there was a tumblr post you linked in one of your post-notes, so i clicked it and it was then i learned of mr downings passing. i wanted to share my deepest condolences. in honor of him, my question is, what was mr downings favorite food? (and was it something you cooked or something bought)

with my greatest love and regards,

ava

Hello Ava!

Thank you so much for your kind and generous words. It means a great deal to me that people are still finding my writing. And knowing you read my notes to Mr. Downing and found some meaning in them is such a balm. In a way, it feels like he's still here, that his echos will always be with me. Thank you.

That man adored raw oysters. He could slurp down a dozen while ordering a dozen more. It was one of his favorite things about living in New Orleans. Thank you so much for asking.

Love, love, love,

Oh, kind Anon, I'm very sorry for the quiet. I seem to have periods where I hide away. I hope they become less frequent and shorter.

I've been substitute teaching here and there since October. I'll go back to that when school starts up again. I've also been helping a neighbor who is wheelchair dependent.

Long term, I will be applying to grad school in the fall in hopes of becoming a therapist. My whole adult life people have been telling me, "You should be a therapist!" and I've always said, "Oh, hell no." But, as is often the case for me, when I reject or judge something, the universe tends to take that as a challenge.

As to writing, sometimes. A few months ago, my therapist told me she wants me to write my personal story because she wants to give it to other clients. So, I've been working on it, though, it's an ungodly mess of vignettes with no cohesion as of yet. But, when your therapist says something like that, you kinda have to listen. I'm better when I write (she knew exactly what she was doing by appealing to my ego).

Thank you so much for checking on me. That people keep reaching out has been such a lifeline.

Love and Rainbows,

Thank you, lovely soul. I must apologize for how very long it has taken me to respond. I keep blinking and weeks (sometimes months) have passed. However, every note from our community always brightens me. The way that everyone has helped carry me through the last three years (and before, of course) is written in how I view people, now. When you've received such selfless love and generosity, it changes you.

I'm doing well--I am finally rebuilding a life in an active way, beginning to set down roots. I've been living with my aunt since September, 2022, and have been unwilling to personalize her guest room in any way until recently, never referring to it as 'my' room, always the guest room. She's been encouraging me to make it my own for a while now. Well, I bought a new duvet and changed one of the pictures. It was small, but significant, an acknowledgement that this IS my life.

All my love,

Thank you, lovely soul. I don't know if the '76' means you are also a 1976 baby, but I'm gonna declare us twinsies, just in case.

After Mr. Downing passed, a bunch of folks descended on New Orleans to pack me up and get me back to California because they all wanted someone to be able to keep an eye on me. Most of my beloveds live on the West Coast, so it was solid logic. Four reylos were in their number, which I think says quite a bit about how people show up for each other. Trust, man.

All of that to say, I'm not living in Louisiana any longer, but oh my goodness, how wild is that snow?!

Thank you so very much for checking on me--that feels pretty amazing. I miss you, dearly, too. I hope I'll be able to finish my stories, but I just can't know.

Again, thank you.

Love, love, love,

Hello, my dear ones--

It's been too long since I've posted (thank you for the gentle reminders). I am beyond blessed that there are whole human beings who I have never met face-to-face who are able to see me, anyway.

July 28, 2024 was the second anniversary of Mr. Downing's passing and I felt a strong pull to spread his ashes on that day, but I also felt like I was being disloyal, in a way. As if accepting he was never, ever coming back was selfish, a failing. I know that's not really true, but I think I did let it make me hide for a bit there.

I've been substitute teaching for the last two months, and there's something about working again--acknowledging in a real way that I have to build a new life, all on my own--that has been too real to write about. But writing is, I fear, who I am. So, I best stand tall.

The picture above was taken after I let my beloved's earthly remains swirl in the ocean. His best friend was with me, and he took that picture. He was really worried I'd be upset that he did, but I'm incredibly grateful. Having that moment captured is so precious, and it never could have happened if I'd known he was photographing me. Being able to see myself against the mighty Pacific, looking alone and connected, is a gift beyond measure. Thank you, A.

I'll try to write more in the next few days, but I'd like this to stand on its own, just like me.

I love you all, I miss you so.

Long time without an update. I hope you are doing well. Please keep us posted.

Sending you love and hugs

Hello lovely soul. I have been overly quiet, haven't I? I've been navigating a pretty heavy stage of this whole journey--I spread Mr. Downing's ashes and am trying to focus on a future without him. I haven't quite known how to talk about it here, but maybe I should. Thank you for thinking about me and for reaching out. I needed a nudge.

Truly, thank you, beautiful Anon.

Love, rainbows, and glitter,

Awe, shucks. Thank you. I'm sorry for the delay in responding. 💜

There is a significant chance I will be moving to Portland, OR in the next year. It's time to put down roots again and that's where the majority of my family of origin lives. I'll keep you posted!

Take care, marvelous gem of a human!

My good friend and marvelous human, Mike, is trying to ease his brother's last months with his family. If you are able to help, that would be lovely--reblogging would be fantastic as well. Thank you for reading, friends.

Love to my tremendous Reylo family,

Perry

i’ve only just stumbled upon “Unbidden” and have been consuming it rapidly. reynolds’s is a ship i feel so passionately about and i love their love, and wish they got better from those who wrote them officially—your fics restore that piece in my heart that yearns for a happy ending for them.

reading your authors notes about mr. downing are always such highlights of reading your chapters. i always end a chapter thinking, “wow. what an incredible love they have. he loves her so, so much.” while reading about your move and shift to writing full-time, i got curious about you as a person and scoped out your profile on AO3 and found out about your deeply tragic loss. i am so, so sorry. i know it’s been almost 2 years, and perhaps you’re tired of hearing “i’m so sorry” from strangers online, but my heart broke at the news of his death.

after doing a deep dive on your tumblr, i saw that your faith is in humanity. i am a devoted Christian, and i want you to know that i will be praying for your heart daily. not that it would be healed, just that it would have peace. happy memories, sweet connections with friends and family, and the motivation to keep on living and trying and being even when you feel alone or lost.

i am 22 and have been with the love of my life for almost 5 years. each chapter of your fics that i finish, each story about mr. downing that follows, has left me thinking “i am so grateful to have a love like theirs.” on the complicated journey that i know you are now on as you figure out what life looks like, i hope you know that your love is continuing to inspire thousands on thousands. i hope you never stop receiving messages like mine: wishing you well, sharing our celebration that you were loved so deeply for so long, our grief that you were not given more time to be loved by him. i hope your online family and support network never stops growing, and i am always happy to join the lower ranks of that family. you are a deeply wonderful writer, wife, and human.

I think it's genuinely amazing that you took the time to tell me this, such an act of generosity and sincerity. It made me cry, in the best of ways.

That there are so many people who know of Mr. Downing, who value what he gave to me, is a source of great comfort to me. I re-read those little notes and I'm so lucky that he embraced my writing and being my Mr. Downing. He always puffed up when anyone would remark about him in the comments and I know he would be full of gratitude and awe for how this community continues to look after me.

I am just so happy you have found your person, that you know what it is to be truly loved. There's nothing else like it in the cosmos.

Thank you for folding me into your prayers, that means a great deal to me. While, as you noted, my faith is in humanity, I do pray, in my own way, and I believe there is great value in focusing our hopes in that way. Thank you.

Right now my heart feels so big, like it just keeps growing to make space for all that has been given to me. You aren't in the lower ranks of that family because you've allowed me to see you, too. There is always a place for you at my table and I used to be a pastry chef, so you know dessert will be good. 💜🌈💜

All my love and gratitude,

Wow, I've been a huge fan of Reylo since like the 8th movie. And if I tell you I was DEVASTATED over TROS I wouldn't be lying. Your "Powerless" fanfic was an endless light in that darkness. It's my favourite Reylo fanfic EVER. My friend, who's like a sister to me, got introduced to Star Wars by me and was mesmerized by Kylo Ren/Ben Solo in an instant. I couldn't blame her. I told her "Listen, don't care a bit about the toxic fans, if you love the sequels, love them" As for me, I love all the movies, but Rey and Ben have a special place in my heart. I won't lie, I hated Kylo in the 7th movie, but then I grew to love him so much, that I cried at the cinema when I saw his death.

I showed my friend that fanfic and she loves it the same. Please, accept my greatest gratitude for the Powerless fanfic, because it healed something inside of me which was broken to pieces by TROS. I like to imagine what kind of adventures Tara may have gotten herself into with Jesen and Kitra.

Also, I'm so sorry about Mr. Downing, I hope you and your family are doing okay.

Have a great day/night, and May the Force Be With You❤️

Oh, thank you, kind soul. I think fan fic is such an amazing art form because it allows us to take the beauty amidst flaws and craft something new and, as you say, healing. I was also devastated by TRoS as well as incandescently angry. But, the reylo fandom refused to let them take the beauty from us.

Thank you so much for your incredibly generous words about 'Powerless'. It's probably my favorite of my fics. Thank your friend, as well. It's great you get to share fandom with her.

I and my family are doing well. It's been a transformative experience and I'm full of so much gratitude for all the support I have received walking this new and alien path. Thank you for your hope for me.

Take good care of yourself, new friend.

Love,