*eggplant emoji*

Send one of the following and I will write a starter where:

this is another that has probably been done to death , but i wanted to join in on the fun too. change as you see fit. some nsfw.

[ mssg ]: i dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body…

[ mssg ]: for some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.

[ mssg ]: i should be in a better mood, i just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.

[ mssg ]: i’m pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.

[ mssg ]: he pulled out a plan b pill and handed it to me as i left like it was a party favor. god bless america.

[ mssg ]: i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

[ mssg ]: sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

[ mssg ]: my girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber…I’m buying the engagement ring tomorrow

[ mssg ]: i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled “5 second rule” and kept fucking me. i think im in love.

[ mssg ]: i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

[ mssg ]: i’m at the airport and there’s a guy wearing all camouflage to go hunting .. should i bump into him and say woahh sorry didn’t see you there?

[ mssg ]: i just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. today is going to be epic.

[ mssg ]: going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home.

[ mssg ]: i’m eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

[ mssg ]: it was good sex. she was screaming so much i didn’t know whether or not my name was _____ or god.

[ mssg ]: i don’t remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall.

[ mssg ]: thanks for bringing me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort you built around me is also appreciated.

[ mssg ]: he bought me flowers. the card with it said: sorry i cant get you off. i will try harder.

[ mssg ]: i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

     Making starters are hard, especially first interaction starters. Below is a list of various ideas ripped off from all sorts of cliche, and less cliche, first interaction starter ideas. These are free to use, so go wild ; add some of your own if you want to. Some may be a bit flirty, sorry.

Grocery store: Oh holy shit what that’s my cart right th— oh wait noo how awkward, haha, that’s your cart and now I’m arguing over content that’s not even mine; I’m sorry but could you maybe point in the direction of what I need?

Grocery store: I just caught you stealing something and now I’m not sure if I could yank you to the cashier or let it go because idk man fuck the system, but are you sure that’s what you want to do?

Grocery store: Wow this line is long, let’s complain together!

Grocery store: That’s MY bread, I got up early just to get that bread and now you’re trying to take it away from me

Grocery store: I can’t reach that thing, I need help!

Clothing store: I’m awkwardly stuck in something and you’re the only person around to help me, please help me out here

Clothing store: Good god my color coordination is horrible and I have no idea what to wear for that event, would you be so kind to help me out? I know that we don’t know each other, but you seem to know what you’re doing

Clothing store: That’s ! My ! Sale ! No ! You can’t have it ! 

Clothing store: Sorry for staring but wow, I’m here with friends but I have to say that you look great

College: we’re in class together and I don’t really know you’re name but now we’re stuck on a group project together and no one seems to take this seriously except for us so hey, how about those long study sessions am I right

College: we’re going on a field trip you/i don’t own a car so we need to figure something out! maybe we can co-drive?

College: I signed up for this course but I don’t know anybody so is it okay if I sit here with you?

College: I’m new here and I have no idea to get around and holy fuck I’m lost can you help me? — Wait, you also take that class?

College: You awkwardly ran into me the other day and knocked me over, but it turns out that we’re living in the same dorm so hey, since we’re sharing a kitchen how about we chat a bit?

College: You’re my new dorm mate and please don’t be the kind of person who won’t take responsibility

Cinema: Looks like we ended up in the seats next to each other and holy fuck that’s a scary movie I’m so sorry for grabbing your hand but MY GOD

Cinema: I just witnessed you getting set up by your date so I’m quietly making my way over to check if everything is alright and oh god it looks like you’re crying?? uhm?? hey how about i get us some tickets to a comedy and we try to take your mind off it maybe??

Park: I accidentally managed to knock you over while jogging/roller skating and i am so sorry please don’t tell me you’re hurt?? can i do something to make up for it??

Park: aw man !! there goes my dog !! and i am so sorry but they get so easily excited around new people and they just want to say hello —

send one for my muse's reaction!

feel free 2 change pronouns & such

[text:]   you  will  machete  through  this!!  **make it

[text:]  wait you like me ?? for my personality ???

[text:]  i have to kill him. idk how to hit on him so he has to die.

[text:]  make sure no one has fun w/o me & make sure they all know it’s cause i’m not there.

[text:]  hey just wondering but are u fucking kidding me

[text:]  am i dramatic yes is it justified also yes

[text:]  words can’t describe how cute you are. numbers can tho. 3/10

[text:]  that’s a terrible idea.

[text:]  you’re a terrible idea.

[text:]  what, pray tell, the fuck

[text:]  sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

[text:]  do you have anything else to tell me? bc well your horoscope said that you’re keeping secrets so like idk i don’t wanna call you a liar but the stars don’t lie idk

[text:]  the only fetish i’m into is attention❜

[text:]  dogs are better than boys & that’s just a fact idc what u think❜

[text:]  we’re talking about me now. so can you please not. thanks. anyway back to me.❜

[text:]  hmm, good point, but have you ever considered: eat my ass????❜

[text:]  i need a gf who will go ufo hunting with me❜

[text:]  when donkey asks shrek what his name is, shrek pauses before he says shrek, & i’m convinced he came up with it on the spot.❜

[text:]  are you going to be a bitch your whole life?❜

[text:]  we had sex but it wasn’t that great bc i had banana bread in my car & i couldn’t stop thinking about it lmao. he was tryna be sexy & asked ‘so what do you want’ & i was like my fuckin banana bread lmao

[text:]  wym ‘fucker’ isn’t a term of endearment

[text:] i swear if i see your typing bubble before i finish i’m gonna have a fit

[text:] fuck you i do wtf i want

[text:] i know i’m a horrible roommate/part of why u can’t trust men but it’s 5 am so shut the fuck up

Change as you see fit.

“And then everybody on the bus clapped.”

“Clearly, you’re not from America.”

“Crime’s illegal, fucko.”

“Damn, girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re annoying and won’t shut the fuck up.”

“Ding dong, your opinion is wrong.”

“Don’t ever text me again or I’ll call the cops.”

“Freeze, bitch. I’m gonna steal your heart.”

“Friends are like snowflakes: when you pee on them, they disappear.”

“Fuck, I’m spooky.”

“God has abandoned us.”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“I’m a fucking goddess.”

“I’m being gay with you. Homo intended, dammit.”

“I’m here to fuck your day up.”

“I’m not worried about your side chicks. I know I’m better.”

“I am fire. I am death. I am fabulous.”

“I am God’s mistake.”

“I am so tired. I am so tired all the time.”

“I can answer that for money.”

“I don’t give a fuck that I drink too much booze.”

“I don’t want a solution, I want to be mad.”

“I have 6+ people on read, but that’s not gonna stop me from complaining about how lonely I am and how nobody ever texts me.”

“I have a belt and I’m not afraid to hang myself.”

“I have an unhealthy internet obsession and I hide behind multiple layers of ironic humor to mask the fact that I have crippling depression.”

“I miss you even when I’m not horny.”

“I saw four guys beating up a kid, so I went over there to help. He had no chance against the five of us.”

“It’s called fashion, look it up.”

“It’s time for school. Get the fuck up.”

“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”

“Life is like a box of chocolate: it won’t last long because I’m fat.”

“Maybe if you went to bed earlier you wouldn’t be so tired.”

“My niece is currently asleep on her head. Do I call the parents or the exorcist?”

“My only side chicks are your multiple personalities.”

“Please clean up the wreckage of your presence." 

"Poetry was not meant to be used like this.”

“Should we get a drink at home or in public tonight?”

“The fact that I’m legally an adult is hysterical.”

“There’s nothing stronger than love, except a M32 rotary grenade launcher. Because fuck you and everyone near you.”

“This is the first time in my life I’ve been above average at anything.”

“Wait until God hears about this.”

“Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.”

“What the fuck am I seeing?”

“Why am I so stressed when nothing is wrong?”

“Why would you stab a person when you can have toast?”

“Y'all motherfuckers need Satan.”

“You better start loving yourself right now and realize what an amazing human being you are.”

“You can’t cute your way out of this, you little shit.”

“You can look at my homework, but don’t copy it word for word.”

“You dress how you wanna when nobody can kick your ass.”

[Text]: Where the fuck are you?

[Text]: What was it that you needed again?

[Text]: ½ off martinis for tonight only. 

[Text]: If your cat leaves one more dead fucking thing on my front porch I am going to leave your corpse on yours.

[Text]: Hey this is __. I had a great time last night. I hope to see you soon!

[Text]: Look at these ducking fucks.

[Text]: Pls pk me up lol drnk as fuck

[Text]: Please pick me up this guy won’t leave me alone.

[Text]: LOOK AT THIS SHIRT

[Text]: Cops just blocked off the entire street. Better take 4th instead.

[Text]: im scared

[Text]: if i had a nickle for every time someone fuckin cUT M OFF I’D BE RICH DAMMIT

[Text]: This better not be a fake number.

[Text]: This is __ right? 

[Text]: you left your blasted socks and i found them in the couch. take them.

[Text]: I think this date’s a bust.

[Text]: 3am chicken nugget run?

[Text]: Pick up milk. 

[Text]: YO WHERE U AT?

[Text]: number was spray painted inside a storm drain lol i hope ur not a serial killer or a clown.

[Text]: this isnt funny answer your phone!!

[Text]: Who blew up the microwave????

❛ A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge. ❜

❛ Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. ❜

❛ Fear cuts deeper than swords. ❜

❛ Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word. ❜

❛ If you would take a man’s life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die. ❜

❛ Most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it. ❜

❛ The things we love destroy us every time. Remember that. ❜

❛ Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities. ❜

❛ Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you. ❜

❛ If I look back I am lost. ❜

❛ Nothing burns like the cold. ❜

❛ Laughter is poison to fear. ❜

❛ Every flight begins with a fall. ❜

❛ Give me honorable enemies rather than ambitious ones, and I’ll sleep more easily by night. ❜

❛ The things I do for love. ❜

❛ A bruise is a lesson… and each lesson makes us better. ❜

❛ That is our great glory, and our great tragedy. ❜

❛ The man who fears losing has already lost. ❜

❛ You wear your honor like a suit of armor… You think it keeps you safe, but all it does is weigh you down and make it hard for you to move. ❜

❛ A lion doesn’t concern itself with the opinion of sheep. ❜

❛ A true man does what he will, not what he must. ❜

❛ Even in dreams, you could not fall forever. ❜

❛ You are an honest and honorable man…Ofttimes I forget that. ❜

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠.

❛ Race you to the bridge? ❜

❛ What do you think? ❜

❛ Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid? ❜

❛ Do you understand why I did it? ❜

❛ The question was not why the man had to die, but why I must do it. ❜

❛ We hold to the belief that the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword ❜

❛ If you would take a man’s life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. ❜

❛ Easy to say, and harder to do. ❜

❛ Up here it was different. ❜

❛ Every noble house had its words. ❜

❛ And it will only grow worse. ❜

❛ I know how little you like this place. ❜

❛ Is it really mine? ❜

❛ What does he want from us? ❜

❛ The fire is in our blood. ❜

❛ I want to go home. ❜

❛ I don’t know. ❜

❛ You have not changed at all. ❜

❛ In those days, the smell of leather and blood had clung to him like perfume. ❜

❛ She deserved more than darkness. ❜

❛ This is her place. ❜

❛ I was with her when she died. ❜

❛ Promise me. ❜

❛ They had found him still holding her body, silent with grief. ❜

❛ I bring her flowers when I can. ❜

❛ In my dreams, I kill him every night. ❜

❛ A thousand deaths will still be less than he deserves. ❜

❛ Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word. ❜

❛ You are still too serious. ❜

❛ I believe I was younger than you the first time I got truly and sincerely drunk. ❜

❛ You don’t miss much, do you? ❜

❛ I forget nothing. ❜

❛ Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. ❜

❛ Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you. ❜

❛ What is it? You’re shaking. ❜

❛ I’m afraid. ❜

❛ That cut deep. ❜

❛ Just where do you think you are going? ❜

❛ You’ll shame us all! ❜

❛ It isn’t fair. ❜

❛ I did not make the rules. ❜

❛ _______ is truly a little shit. ❜

❛ You’ll be sorry! ❜

❛ Let me do it. I can beat him. ❜

❛ Nothing is fair. ❜

❛ It was almost like being invisible. ❜

❛ Don’t you see the danger this puts us in? ❜

❛ Don’t play the fool. ❜

❛ Come back here. ❜

❛ I tell you, he loves me not. ❜

❛ What are you doing? ❜

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠.

❛ And for twenty-five years, nothing. Not a whisper, not a clue. ❜

❛ Look at her – I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way – what bliss. ❜

❛ Unhappy, darling? ❜

❛ Cara mia! ❜

❛ Last night, you were… unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again. ❜

❛ Sorry about the window! ❜

❛ They grow up so fast, don’t they? ❜

❛ Don’t torture yourself. That’s my job. ❜

❛ Don’t tease. ❜

❛ Let me go! ❜

❛ Gimme that! Stop it! I’m warning you! It’s not a good day! ❜

❛ Can’t you keep up? ❜

❛ I wish you’d drop by more often. ❜

❛ The seance - tonight. Won’t you come? ❜

❛ Wait a minute, hold on! You have to listen to me! ❜

❛ Please… Just hear me out… ❜

❛ What a miserable evening. ❜

❛ Did you hear that?! ❜

❛ But don’t you think that’s absurd? ❜

❛ Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard? ❜

❛ Darling, how does this work again? ❜

❛ Don’t be shy. ❜

❛ Can you ever forgive me? ❜

❛ You were so dashing, you could have any woman you wanted, dead or alive. ❜

❛ Water under the bridge. Forgiven. Forgotten. ❜

❛ You forgot our secret password? ❜

❛ Can I have ice cream? ❜

❛ You spoil me… mon amour. ❜

❛ Isn’t it too enchanting? ❜

❛ There’s a trick to it. Of course. ❜

❛ Oh, no. ❜

❛ What is truth? What is fiction? ❜

❛ But let’s get to bed. ❜

❛ Spirits above me - give me a sign! Shall I be joyous? Or shall I be damned? ❜

❛ Sleepless night? ❜

❛ I don’t think so. ❜

❛ Here it is - suspicion and anxiety. ❜

❛ Haven’t you ever slaughtered anyone? ❜

❛ I’ve been around. I pick things up. ❜

❛ It’s going to be fun! ❜

❛ Darling, I’m sorry! ❜

❛ I said I was busy! ❜

❛ I changed my mind! ❜

❛ It’s a promise. ❜

❛ You were terrific. ❜

❛ What a sublime evening. A theatrical triumph… ❜

❛ A Shakespearean delight! ❜

❛ You were so beautiful - pale, and mysterious. ❜

❛ You bewitched me. I proposed that very night. ❜

❛ You were so right! What an evening! ❜

❛ How long has it been since we’ve waltzed? ❜

❛ Sometimes people have had terrible childhoods. And sometimes they just haven’t found their special place in life. And sometimes they’re dogs from hell and must be destroyed. ❜

❛ Despite everything, I don’t hate you. ❜

❛ Darling, take care! ❜

❛ To live without you - only that would be torture. ❜

❛ A day alone - only that would be death. ❜

❛ You never really loved me! ❜

❛ Come, my love - to safety! ❜

❛ You understand why I did it? ❜

❛ Why have I not seen you? Where the hell have you been? ❜

❛ Did I offend you? Sorry. ❜

❛ I heard you the first time. ❜

❛ Where’s your sense of wonder? ❜

❛ My dear brother, at times you make me wonder whose side you’re on. ❜

❛ You know how much I love my family. ❜

❛ Do you understand? ❜

❛ None of us knew if we were gonna go back home again. ❜

❛ You’re too hard on yourself. You always have been. ❜

❛ Trust me, that’s not the worst thing. ❜

❛ Tell me we’re not speaking of this. ❜

❛ Why do you read so much? ❜

❛ Look at me and tell me what you see. ❜

❛ Does loyalty mean nothing to you? ❜

❛ Keep away from me! ❜

❛ Are you afraid? ❜

❛ What are you doing here? ❜

❛ I’ve done nothing. ❜

❛ I tried to stop it. ❜

❛ I don’t like threats. ❜

❛ I understand the way this game is played. ❜

❛ Get out! ❜

❛ Power is a curious thing. ❜

❛ You may survive us yet. ❜

❛ Can that truly be you? ❜

❛ I thought we were friends. ❜

❛ Yes. I heard how happy you were. ❜

❛ Why does everyone assume I want something? ❜

❛ You’re an honorable man, a just man. ❜

❛ Tell us the truth. No harm will come to you. ❜

❛ Please don’t make me say anymore. ❜

❛ We would never betray your confidence, I swear it. ❜

❛ Ah. That’s a pity. ❜

❛ I have no doubt you will prove equal to this challenge. ❜

❛ You have two days to decide. ❜

❛ What if I never want you to? ❜

❛ Does that amuse you? ❜

❛ You know nothing. ❜

❛ You know I didn’t have a choice. ❜

❛ You always knew who I was, what I am. ❜

❛ I have to go home now. ❜

❛ I know you won’t hurt me. ❜

❛ I do know some things. ❜